So today I went to the YMCA. Walking up the stairs to where the aerobic room is, I saw a woman on an elliptical with her baby ("older" infant - maybe 6 mo?) strapped to her back in a Baby Bjorn type carrier. Initially, I thought it was cute and a great idea! But the higher up the stairs I got, I saw how much the baby was bouncing around and that started to worry me. I stood above for a while, contemplating saying something, but finally decided to mind my own business and continued on to my class. Now that the moment is done and gone, I can't shake the thought of how much that baby was bouncing around and I can't stop thinking about it/worrying about it!! I am an Early Childhood Educator and I educate people (future day care professionals) regarding Shaken Baby Syndrome all the time. I should have known better and approached the woman and said something!
Trust me, if I happen to see her again, I definitely will say something!!! I don't plan on being derogatory or scolding at all, but I simply would tell her my name, and my position as an EC educator. I would simply let her know that when she is going that fast on an elliptical, Baby's head is bouncing quite a bit. I would reiterate that it is not my business, but if baby is strapped to her back, she can't see how much he is bouncing, so I decided to take it upon myself to make her aware of it and use my position as an EC educator to share my knowledge of how fragile babies brains are. I wouldn't shake my finger or tell her to stop at once, and if she told me to mind my own business, I would. But as a parent, if I were making a silly choice like that that could put my child in danger, I might want to know about it! But, I can't help but wonder...at what point should one mind their own business? It is like one of those "What Would You Do?" shows that is on ABC all the time...
Was I right to mind my own business even though I can't shake thinking about it?? Or is it my job (not only as a mother, but as an EC educator) to say something????
Please don't yell at me for NOT saying anything...I am beating myself up about it already!
Thank you all for your input!! After reading your responses, I agree that it would be a better idea to talk to a staff member than approach her myself. I am NOT confrontational as it is - which is probably why I didn't say anything the first time!! I was concerned because yes, the baby was bouncing, but its head was kinda flopping around more than I was comfortable with. That was my primary concern, but many of you are right, aside from SBS - what was that mother thinking?!? What if SHE lost her balance and fell?!?! How awful would that be!!!! :-( Again, thank you for all of your input! :-)
I think it would mention it to management. They would probably nix it right away given their liability should anything happen to the baby.
If the baby was on her back and she couldn't see, she might not have been aware. I'd talk to her next time you see her. You can also mention it to management so they can look out for anybody.
I'm less concerned with the bouncing baby than I am with mom's ability to balance. In general this seems really unsafe, but probably not TBI-inducing. I would not have said anything to her directly, but probably would have mentioned it to the facility manager. If it's okay with them and okay with her... it's her child.
If a stranger criticized my parenting in a public place it would not go over well. A person lecturing me as an "expert"... definitely not going to end well. A person who is in charge of the facility letting me know that "the facility" isn't comfortable with my choice... different story.
I am a child psychologist and it's not "my job" to come up to people in public places and inform them of the poor behavioral decisions they are making. Really, it's not. I see bad parenting all the time, even stuff that looks innocent (like buying a treat every time you go out) has long-term implications. Unless someone asks my opinion, when I'm "off the clock", I keep it to myself.
Seriously! I used to mow the lawn with my kids strapped to me. I have heard that back in the day people worked fields with kids strapped to their backs.
My god when did we become such a paranoid culture. They are stronger than you think. That and those carriers support their head and neck.
I think your background goes a long way on your reaction to this situation. It probably bothers you more than the average person, which is a good thing! I would recommend that the next time you head to the gym, talking with the YMCA manager and stating exactly what you wrote above. It could only benefit all parties.
Frankly, I'm shocked they even let her do it. My gym won't even let the kids use the bathroom in the adult area!
I would definitely mention it to the staff. Let the staff approach her. Not only is it not safe - shaken baby; she could fall, etc. - its a safety issue from the gym perspective. I am surprised that they didn't notice themselves.
I would NOT have approached her. I know full well she would have just thought you insane, rude, pushy, know it all, busy body.... everything you can think of. I can't think of a single person I know who would have taken what you said in a good way even though you are right in my little opinion. Moms get very defensive if they are being told they don't know best. Surely even you do. Heck they will fight tooth and nail about bottle vs cup, formula vs breast, being worn all the time vs being held, cry it out vs going to their every noise, disposable vs cloth, co-sleeping vs baby in it's crib only. Surely you've seen this stuff. Alot of moms think their way is the ONLY right way. She more than likely would have been no exception.
I am SURE however that it is against policy at the gym. I would have alerted staff. I'm sure they would have went and talked to her and told her that was very much against the rules. She could fall or faint and that baby get hurt!
I think that would be the proper way to handle that. A policy trumps everything and she'd have no choice but to stop doing that.
I agree wth the other posters about contacting management and making THEM aware of your expertise and role..offering literature, etc. I, too, am surprised they allow it for insurance and liability issues to start with.
I am a daycare provider. Unless it falls under "Mandated Reporter" status (grey areas at best when they are not in my care regularly and I am not close to the situation), I would put it to management. Often, even if they have no rule about it, if enought other patrons dislike it, they might change the policies anyways.
To me this is NOT standard fare for any health club I have worked at (in the child centers, along with a free membership), or been a member or guest at. Start there!
Good luck!
Wow that's surprising. Every gym I ever belonged to had strict policies about no one under 15 using the equipment (insurance reasons.)
I may not have said anything to her directly, but I would have mentioned it to someone who works there, just sounds like an accident/lawsuit waiting to happen :(
Although I can understand your concern I think you were wise to stay out of it. You never know how people are going to react. If you feel compelled to say something next time I would do it like this " oh that's a creative way to exercise with your baby!, You don't worry about his/her head bouncing around?" or something like that. Then it's more your just curious and if she hadn't thought about it before now she will, then keep moving. DS was really small so at 15months he was the size of a 9 month old, so her baby may have been older than he/she seemed. Also they way elliptical are and with the carrier the baby's movement was more than likely in a "safe zone"
I'm sorry...wearing your infant ON your back while on the elliptical is just so. very. wrong. Not to mention ridiculous.
It's not about being a paranoid society, it's about common sense. It's about people that can't seem to use the sense that the Good Lord gave them, not about helicoptering, lurking, hovering, etc.
Next time you go, I would specifically ask at the desk what is the policy on that situation.
Not your business unless that baby's head was flopping around dangerusly. You said "bouncing" and the last I was aware, bouncing a baby wasn't dangerous. Jerking and shaking a baby?Absolutely speak up.
But if it was simply as you described it... a baby in a baby carrier on its mother's back and bouncing... you were right to leave them alone and should leave them alone in the future. I wouldn't take kindly to a Mommier Than Thou drive-by such as this worded the way you intend, especially with the whole, "I'm an expert" spiel.
Even if it was against gym policy for the baby to be on her, it's not your job to enforce it.
Knowing what you know, I may have said something...maybe she didnt realize she could be putting her baby in harms way. I would feel better having her tell me to mind my own business. What if she said, ya know i never thought of that, thanks. Good luck! Not yelling at you at all!!! :)
So....not going to yell at you at all== :) But yes...Say something to her and the YMCA staff for sure. Its against the rules to have children in the workout room in our Y, and what she was doing was completely unsafe!!! Thats why they have the daycare available---- I would say something for sure. Whenever you get that feeling, act on it. Even if it makes someone mad/upset etc. It could save a child's life!
I think the baby will be fine. I really do.
:)
I have never seen someone get on an eliptical with a kid strapped to them. In fact, I believe it's written on the machines that you are NOT supposed to do that. Why? Not because of bouncing baby heads but because if she were to lose her balance her baby could be seriously injured. I don't think you should say a durn thing about your EC educator position because that would make you sound snobbish (at least to me it would) . I think that if you came at her as a concerned mama. "Hey! Did you know that your babies head is bouncing all around on your back? He's gonna get shaken baby syndrom!" and kind of do it in a non threatening way that you may get better results from her.
I would also say something to management. "You know, there is a woman on the eliptical with her baby strapped to her back. Your club would probably be liable if she fell or something happened to the baby"
L.
( I am NOT saying that you would be a snob at all...I just think coming at her as a concerned mother may be less threatening)
I would have said something AND alerted the staff as it's a huge insurance liability for them.
The lady has to be a bit crazy though... to have a 6mo strapped on your back on an elliptical machine.... that's just weird.
I would have said something to the staff. I can think of about a dozen reasons that it's a ridiculously stupid thing to do, not just shaken baby. I'm certain that's not allowed and I would have left it at that.
I'd probably be nervous about it myself. Especially given it was an infant. I would mention it to the staff at the gym.
I run into this problem every time I see a parent buckle their child into their car-seat while wearing a winter coat (something ALL car-seats warn against in the instructions!) Do I say something and interfere in their lives, or leave it knowing that in a car crash, they are putting their baby at risk? I don't actually have a right answer. I guess next time, I would mention it to the staff instead of dealing with it yourself, unless it looks like the baby is in pain or getting sick or something. I can understand why it bothers you, though.
Always trust your gut. They don't call it women's intuition for nothing.
