Roving Toddler

I would let her know "I will know when you are done when you decide to get up from the table." Then when she gets up, just calmly take her food to the sink. She will be able to eat at the next meal, and soon (very soon) she will get it. She might put up a fight. In the long run, if you stay calm and let her know what you will do when she gets up, she will soon get it and you won't have to deal with the frustration.
Good luck,
N.

I am a mother of tough love. I would explain the rules, tell her she has to stay in her chair at meal time. If she gets up, it must mean she is done. If she does get up put her plate in the sink and tell her she is done. After a day or 2 she will learn to stay sitting if she wants to eat.

Stick to you guns and Make her stay at the table. Make it a rule that No one gets up unless excused. I know that is harsh but it works. My girls sit and eat, then they ask to be excused. They take care of their own plates and everything.

Out rule at the table is "You get up from the table, you're done." I take their plate and the meal is over. After a few times and many tears, our twin two-year olds learned not to get up until they're done. Good luck!

Z.,

I find it interesting that I can only agree with Dawn's answer. It's also interesting that when taking your daughter's side, Dawn calls it the "devil's advocate". Why are most mom's so 'hell bent' on making sure that they have control over their children? I believe it is time to stop looking at parent's role as taking control and really take the time to look what works for both you and your children.

Is your child's behavior really that disruptive to the family's way of being? Is there something "wrong" with a child that has so much energy that sitting still to eat? Yes, there gets to be guidelines so that food doesn't get all over the house and Yes, this arrangment gets to work for you.

What I am asking you to look at -- What are your real concerns? Are you coming from a space of love or from a space of fear: "What will everyone thing?"

I am just beginning to understand how the last three principles of Transition Life Coaching work -- 5) The children being born on the earth today are here to prepare the world for a wonderful transformation that is taking place 6) It is the responsibility of every parent to accept, nurture and embrace these special children for the gifts they are and 7) As we let these children lead us by example and teachings we will be transformed ourselves.

Perhaps it is time to stop doing things the way they have always been done and we "let the child lead us".

With my whole heart,
C. TLC
Loving Connections LLC

What is Loving Connection?
Caring enough to share your whole heart.

My kids stay at the table if I sit between them.

Grandma keeps all the food on a serving tray, and only gives the kids 1/8th of a sandwich at a time.

I also say, "Oh, J must be done eating. Can I eat the rest of your XXXXX. I'm REALLY hungry!"..then I start reaching for it. If they're hungry, they run back pretty fast.

i had the same problem with my oldest, she wouldn't eat at all and would just sit there.So to destress meal time for our family we would let her eat while watching a movie or cartoons. We got her a small table and chairs and she would eat every crumb of food while the movie kept her attention. It may sound wierd, but it worked the phase only lasted for a couple of months and now we all eat together again at the table.

Hi Z. (good name!)
I've a 2.25 yr old also, it seems they just CAN NOT sit still!
Anyway, I always make sure she doesn't snack w/in 1 hr. of a meal to ensure that she's actually hungry, then she sits fairly well through the meal until she's full. When she stands up my phrase is 'sit down or get down'. If she's moving around too much, I'll just say, "it looks like you're finished" and go to take her plate, she'll either say she's done, or she'll protest such that I can then say "well we sit at the table to eat, if you are still eating, you need to SIT"
We did the nibble-trip trick for a little while before we moved, it didn't last long though I just didn't want to create a pattern conducive to tantrums later on.

Keep up the good mommin'!
A.

I don't have much to add, except that you must model eating... everyone sitting down together (at every meal.. at least one parent/caregiver) and eating. Model smelling, tasting, being full, etc. Set the rules as others have said -- if they are talking introduce manners "may I be excused" before leaving the table. This allows you to ask if they are still hungry or if they are done. Make sure you remove all distractions (no TV -- although that has merits at time.. I've struggles for years to get my son to eat enough and have been to Children's Feeding Clinic -- he has/had a medical condition). I don't force my child to finish all the food but if he's full then he may be excused and get down. He's recently gotten into dessert (which may just be a homeade popsicle.. yogurt and pureed fruit) so if we wants dessert he needs to stay and finish (whever I deem "enough"). If he's truly full, he'll decline.

Best of luck -- the best advice I can give is model behavior, make rules with consequences and play food games.. like restaurant, etc.

Z.,
I think that with a 2 1/2 year old it is important to pick your battles. I like the suggestions you have gotten from other moms about offering smaller meals more frequently during the day. Maybe for right now, since she is a bit young and kids this age are prone to "nibbling", you could not fight about it during the day and just focus on getting her to sit down to eat dinner. I would use the approach where you take her plate of food when she gets up from the table. While you are having dinner, try to involve her in the conversation, and explain that dinner time is family time, not play time. Once you get her behaving the way you would like at one meal it may be easier to transfer that to lunch and breakfast. I should also get easier as she gets a bit older. Good luck!!

play with her, make eating entertaining. make sure everyone sits down for dinner too. monkey see monkey do

There has to be a consequence. She has to know what kind of behavior is and is not acceptable at the table. Maybe take the food away, or give a time out.

I tell my kids that if they dont want to eat they dont have to but the need to stay at the table since it is family meal time and if he gets down he can go sit in time out until the rest of us are done. He is antsy but he stays in his chair and gets a few more nibbles in or finishes his milk.

Hi Z.,
Don't be afraid of your daughter getting mad. She is just testing the limits and you are the one who shows her where those limits are. She has learned that it is okay to walk around at dinner. If this situation is bothering you then you need to be firm with your expectations. The family sits at the table until they are excused. She will resist this at first because it will be a change to what she is used to, but children only learn when limits are consistent. Tell her that from now on everyone sits together until the adults say dinner is over. You could give her a choice about where to sit etc. but tell her that leaving the table is not a choice. While she is getting used to this new rule you may even want to back off of the expectation to eat. She will most likely be so upset by having to stay at the table that she won't be thinking much about eating. Once she is used to sitting for the duration of the meal time then she will most likely eat more as well. If she wants to get up, remind her that when dinner is over you can all play again. Be prepared for her anger for the first little while. Stay strong and calm and try to ignore any outbursts. When she gets up just calmly go get her and return her to the table saying, "Oh, it's still dinner time. We all sit at the table until dinner is over." You will be in for a week or so of struggle but then you will be glad you put the work in to have peaceful dinnertime from then on.
Good luck to you. Take care,
B.

I know I am echoing but at 2 1/2 she understands what boundaries are, right now she is setting them and you are letting her. Just tell her If you get up from your seat I know you are done and when she gets up say, oh you're done? okay and take her plate. The first time she may balk and you say well then sit in your seat so I know that you are still eating and if she gets up again just take the food away. If she cries, she cries. And don't give in and give her a snack later either. She won't starve. She can make it to the next meal and it won't take long for her to adjust to the new boundaries and you will all be happier including your daughter. mine is 2 1/2 right now and we just went through this with sitting at the counter to color, if she doesn't keep her bum flat she is done. It took 3 days. She keeps her bum flat on the stool now. They take as much as we give in on.

We have a rule--if you get up from the table before the meal is over, your food disappears. It sounds harsh, but it worked really well for my daughter when she was little. It was sad the first couple times to watch her cry when she came back to the table to find her plate gone, but we knew she wouldn't starve before the next meal. We only had to do it about 3 times before she got the idea. She is 4 years old now, and doesn't budge from her seat until everyone is finished. My son, who is 2, is still strapped into his seat at meal times, so he doesn't go anywhere either. :)

Hi Z.-

It sounds like we all have the same issue as you! :) This has worked REALLY WEll or us. I take some small treat that comes in bite sizes (skittles, dots, M&M's, etc) and each kid starts the meal with a certain number that they will get at the end of the meal as dessert/or part of dessert. I started my kids at 5. Each time they get up from the table, I get to eat one. So they watch me eat their dessert because they chose to get up from the table. It took my 2.5 year old once to learn that sitting meant treats at the end. Now, we are down to 3, and I very rarely get to eat any (bummer for me!!!, but good for the weight lose plan!! lol). Good luck, but this incentive worked for my bright, but active little girl.

Belinda

You could try the "oh you must be finished" and put dinner away approach. I know it sounds mean, but it won't take her long to figure out that if she wants to eat, she needs to sit down.

You could try explaining to her that she needs to sit until she's done, and that when she leaves the table her meal is over- and stick to it! She will probably be very upset to come back and find her food is no longer there, but she will catch on quickly that if she's hungry she better stay seated! She will not starve to death if you take it away a few times, and kids do learn quickly. Good luck!

It's frustrating, but I would just let her continue this way until she is older. I know you would like to have a nice family dinner, but it's not uncommon for kids at this age to be grazers. Just make sure you leave out healthy things for her to nibble on, and keep sitting her down at the table when the rest of your family sits down to eat, but don't force her to sit there. But the time she is 3 and 4 you can require her to sit at the table until she is done eating, but at this stage she doesn't really grasp that idea. As long as you and your husband stay sitting and eating, she will see what mealtime is supposed to be and eventually stay sitting with you thru the whole meal.

I took my kids food away when they got up. It sounds cruel but it isn't. I gave it back to them as soon as they sat down. She may not be hungry anymore when she gets up. I would just reinforce the idea that we sit for mealtimes and that means no getting up. With a little consistancy, it should stop the behavior right away. Mine both stopped at less than a week. Good luck!!!

Hi Z.,

I would just tell her, that if she wants to eat, she will have to sit down like a big girl. If she doesn't she isn't really hungry. Don't give her anything until she obeys you.

My 2 1/2 year old understands what I mean, and it just takes consistency to teach them what is right and what is wrong.

Hope that helps.

I've had the same problem with my 20 month old. Except she couldn't get out since she is in a booster she would just scream. We have started having picnics in the backyard a couple of times a week to change it up a little. So far it has worked, I don't know what we are going to do once it starts getting too cold to eat outside. Good luck.

I would tell your daughter that once she leaves the table, the meal is over. tell her several times before and durring the meal that if she gets up to play, her food will be gone. Remind her again when she first gets up, then follow through. Take away the remainder of the meal. Grazing is an unhealthy habit and its important to set boundries. Tell her that when its time to eat, its not time to play. Start healthy habits now so grazing isn't a part of her future. Children will not allow them selves to starve when there is food set infront of them. It maybe hard the first several meals but in the long run, she will realize that she needs to stay and eat, and play later.
Good luck

I like the ideas you've already been given. We also don't allow any other food after dinner if a child didn't eat his dinner. And we warn them during dinner, too. If they aren't eating, I remind them that they won't get anything else to eat until morning if they don't eat their dinner. And if I can, I save it for later so if they come back hungry, that's what they get, not something new, and definitely not a treat. Or I give them the leftovers if their plate has been dumped out already.
I sometimes remind them of what's for dessert if we're for sure having one, and remind them that they don't get any if they don't eat dinner. But I really don't want to turn dessert into a reward, and we've had problems with the 4 year old expecting dessert every single night. I don't really want to get into that habit, either. But it's hard to ignore the dessert when they helped Daddy make ice cream and it's grinding away outside the kitchen door....

HI Z.,
I have 5 children and the oldest 4 have all gone through this. Basically from about 2yrs(give or take) to about 4yrs they just don't sit and eat. They "snack" all day. Its a phase they go through and will eventually get through. When I feed my children in this stage, I have one in it and one coming out of it, I offer light meals and lots of healthy snacks through out the day. The only time I require them at the table is at dinner time. I make sure they do not snack within an hour of dinner so that they are hungry and will sit and eat. But I know they won't eat much or for very long so usually they eat about half of whats on their plate and then I let them get down and go play. Usually about an hour later they're asking for another snack and for bedtime I give them bananas because my son gets leg cramps and the bananas help with that. It really is a losing battle to try and force your child to sit at the table and force feeding will be even worse. A general rule of thumb is after 20 mins a toddler is done eating, so if its been about 20 mins and your child isn't eating and wants to get down chances are she's done and there's no point in fighting with her. Leave her plate and let her come back and nibble if that's what you want or offer a healthy snack later. My 2 1/2 yr old daughter's daily menu looks alot like this:

Breakfast-handful of cereal and milk
snack- 8oz of yogurt
snack2- 1/2 banana
lunch- 1/2 PB&J sandwhich
snack- yogurt with 1/2 graham cracker
then no more snacks
Dinner- regular meal
snack- 1/2 banana

she will drink milk all day long too and sometimes she'll have apples or carrots, you know change things up, its not the same thing everyday. But like i said this is just a stage and at about 4yrs old they'll get out of it. My oldest 3 who are 8, 6, and 4 all eat really well throughout the day and sit and eat all of their dinner so this phase doesn't last forever. Enjoy the quiet time with you and your husband at the table because once the kids get older they do all the talking trust me!

C.

I personally like the love and logic approach. You serve meals at a certain time, same with snacks. They can eat or not, but no wandering, nibbling. Then when they tell you they are hungry, you tell them that you're sorry they are hungry and that they decided not to eat at breakfast, lunch, dinner, whatever, and that the next meal will be at (?) and you hope that they remember we eat at mealtime at the table, etc....make sure you fix a healthy meal that they will eat at the next mealtime to help encourage them. You will have to make sure you are able to devote a few days to this new routine because they will be hungry and grumpy and truly test you, but we had to do it with ours and it worked. YAY!! Be sure you are gentle about all of it and help them find other things to do until the next mealtime so they don't make it all negative. I find teaching my children rules and routines generally requires waaay more work and patience on my part than theirs--UGH! Parenting is great--good thing it is rewarding, right?

Read Love and Logic the Early Years. Also Suppernanny book pretty good for these type of things and easy to read.

Get tough. explain this prior to the meal and even practice it with her using dolls and tea time or something. If she gets up, say: "ah, Oh, you got up and you are choosing to not finish your dinner. Your next meal will be at..." It won't take long before she gets it. Though make sure to discuss this with all responsible adults she may eat with so when she is screaming at grandmas... the stick with your word in a sweet manner, don't bring it up and discuss it with her (sorry, that was your choice, not much I can do about it...I love you too much to argue with you.), wah the palte immediately wo it isn't tempting (so, sorry, it is gone now,I have no food to give you.), and don't give her snacks before your stated time..wit at least two hours. then reminder her before sitting down agian what you expect and consequences that happned at the last meal. It should take about a week.

We have gotten to the point that I notice mine about to get up and I pul the plate towards me and they are right on their bottoms.

Kids need loving, gentle discipline so that they can learn what is expected of them. We would give them a time- out by sitting them next to our guinea pig cage for 1-2 minutes. They would understand that they were being chastised, no angry words, & the piggies would distract the toddlers from their indignation at having a time- out.

The key is that the child needs to learn what the behavior guidelines are.

Let her get mad!!!!! She is a toddler don't ever worry about making her mad, you are the parent! Toddlers get mad because they want their way, they don't and shouldn't always get their way.
She will eat, if hungry enough. Like the other mom posted, if she gets up, take her food away, done. She will not starve and now is the perfect time to instill table manners.
My kids aren't even allowed to get up until everyone is done, then they are to take their plates to the sink, at four and seven it is just the norm for them.
My other rule is you don't have to eat everything on your plate but at least eat a substantial amount before it is deemed done. Also if my kids don't eat then they don't ask for anything later either or if they don't want to eat I save what they didn't eat and when they come complaining about being hungry I have them finish their dinner first.
Lay down the law now or you will regret it later!

I purchased a Cooshee Booster that was so soft and comfy the kids would sit still. They make them in different colors and it doesn't have any straps or anything. I purchased mine @ Babies R Us. But, you may able to find them other places now and also check online or craigslist.

Just because something makes your child really mad doesn't mean it's the wrong thing to do. She won't starve herself, even if she's really mad. Toddlers are typically snackers instead of meal eaters, but developing the ability to sit for longer periods of time is important, and meal time is a great opportunity for that. Make sure she hasn't had too much snack food too close to meal time so she is hungry and then strap her in and ignore the tantrum. A few meals later she'll get the picture and settle into the idea of longer meal times.

Good luck!

Okay I guess that I will play devils advocate and probably not be very popular but at the age of 2 1/2 all four of my older kids were still nibblers and I have a 1 1/2 right now that does the same. I have never taken their plate away just because they left the table. Little ones at that age are full of energy and are constantly on the move, therefore they need to eat pretty much all day long a little at a time. And by age four and five I had no problem with getting them to sit and finish a meal. I really don't think that it is that big of a deal to let them nibble and come and go. Has made for a very relaxing time at my house anyway and that is all I aim for is happy, relaxed children at home. Any way just my two cents, just follow your heart and head and I am sure that you will figure out what is best for you and yours. Good luck

I would put her in a high chair that has the belts for safety. I would explain to her that until she learns to sit still in her "big girl" chair she will not be able to sit in it. It does work. I hope this helps. Kay

As everyone else has mentioned, if you leave so does your food. Explain before sitting down that the rule is as long as shes at the table, so does her food. The minute she gets up her food will go in the trash (or get eaten by mommy like in our house). When she gets up, take her plate and take it to the sink.

I personally don't make my kids sit through my meal since I don't like to eat that fast anymore. But they do need to sit through their own meal.

Brace yourself, the next step is to make her buss her own dishes...my 2.5 yo can, so can yours.

this drives me crazy too! well a friend of mine has begun taking away the kids' plates when they leave the table. she explained the rule to the kids and that they needed to ask permission to leave the table when they were finished. of course the first offender was the 2 yr old. she was warned, but insisted on getting up for a toy. when she came back to the table her plate was gone. she cried and cried, but it only took the one time and now she stays at the table. now i am not as brave as to take the plate away permanently. (because i hate how cranky my kids are when they're hungry) but i will take the plate away for a time out. unfortunately this seems to be only a temporary fix as my kids will mess around again the next day. sometimes just the threat of taking the food works. good luck!