Revisitting Presentless Birthday Party

In the past my daughter has talked about doing something like this but what we did was have the children make a craft that could be donated to an organization of my daughter's choice. Another thing in the past is had a teddy bear tea party where we asked everyone to bring an NEW extra bear (size and cost did not matter - we had a TON of inexpensive small bears) so that they could be donated to local law enforcement to give to children victims of crime and a local children's hospital. These were HER CHOICES!! We still had the "Regular" party and we just added in the charity.

*We also added a little note in the invite stating why we were asking for the extra teddy bear*

I just can't understand the idea of asking for cash donations for a child's party.

I feel so bad for kids who have to do this. Someone planted the idea in their mind, what kids doesn't want to feel special and get gifts on their special day....

I hate parties where donating is suggested instead of giving a gift.
It's presumptuous.
A celebration should not be a fund raiser no mater how noble the cause.
If the purpose of the gathering is specifically to raise funds, then call it what it is - a fund raiser.
Otherwise why not just throw a picnic or barbeque (no one will think of bringing gifts if you don't mention anything about a birthday) and have cake as dessert?

I wouldn't participate in this at all, which means we wouldn't attend the party, either.
I don't like "public" pressure to give money to a cause that may or may not be one I would support. So I am not a fan of this trend at all. I find it presumptious.... and it does the exact opposite thing of what they are trying to do.

I'm bitter, today, though and the world is frustrating me and I'm choosing *not to participate* rather than *fight it*.
I think when I was younger I would have been all gung ho! and tried to give more than everyone else. But now I'm old and tired and frustrated.... :-)

Nope it's not you. It's tacky. Charity by peer pressure.

My grand daughter's 1st birthday is coming up and my daughter is throwing a big picnic inviting everyone. What 1 yr old needs presents from 50 people? So instead she's collecting food for the food bank. People can bring what they want and just have a good time. No pressure to give more than you can and no judgment on what people choose to give.

Yuck, I don't like donation parties. For one, I doubt most kids want a donation to a charity in lieu of a gift unless the charity REALLY means something to them.

Second, I don't support all charities. I'm sorry, I don't. I also don't support all causes.

Third, asking for money is tacky no matter how you phrase it. Sometimes when I go to a party I don't have a lot of money so I shop for a bargain gift of high value for a low price.

If it's a fundraiser, then call it a fundraiser.

You can donate anonymously but your gift will register on the thermometer.
It's a fun thing to watch the gifts pile up. The kid isn't getting presents, but he does get the joy of seeing his total grow.

I don't think a tone really cares how much you give. I think that's the issue - nobody wants to be seen as cheap. Donate $10 and move on!

Really!!!! Wow that's a new one for me, I've heard of bringing in pet food for a shelter or something but straight cash donations and your name is linked to it? you are sure other people can see your name and donation??

pass I think I would be busy for that party

I personally think giving to charity is wonderful. These parents' motivations clearly come from the best of all possible places -- to the point where I'd like to give the parents the benefit of the doubt and just assume that they didn't think through the implications of the public thermometer thing. If it were me, I'd just call the mom up and say I'd love to give a donation, but I'm not comfortable having the amount be public. You could probably write them (the parents) a check and have them add it to the total. Otherwise, can you register with a username that doesn't reflect your actual name? So you can still participate but have some anonymity too?

Ick.
Just don't donate.
It seems like forced, donations.
I mean, its keeping up with the Jones' type thing and they want to look good. It is so, selfish, in a sense.

My daughter was invited to a party once, in which they asked for donations instead of birthday gifts for their child.
It was pathetic.
I mean, the Birthday child.... had NO say in it. The parents decided it. She seemed sad. And everyone who brought donations thought they were being such a knight in shining armor. It was a bit disgusting. A couple of people did bring a birthday present for the child, despite. But the parents put it aside. And the parents seemed so proud of themselves... having a "donation" party.
Fundraising is more like it and making themselves look good.
It wasn't even a "birthday" party for the child.
It was more like, a party for the parents in which they used their child's Birthday party as a venue for their, donation party hobby.

Donations, are either publicly viewed and tallied, or privately done.

I personally do not like, when birthday parties are fundraisers. ie: donation sites.

Per the party you mentioned... if the donations are being tracked online like that and so publicly... then WHY even have, a Birthday party, for their child anyway???
I mean, they are getting donations. And that is their, point.

Agreed.

When you make a donation online to American Red Cross, you can select to have your name appear as 'Annonymous', something else, 'Ben's friend' or in honor of Ben's 7th birthday, or not at all.

I think that's kind of tacky; Kind of like asking people to leave the price tags on the gifts!

Super lame and could keep some from donating anything at all.

I can understand why this is off-putting. I wouldn't be excited to see everyone else keeping track of my donation (or not). Rather insensitive. Is mom driving this train or does the child really like this? Some kids do, but frankly I prefer to give a 'donation made in the name of' in a card to the honoree instead of something as public as this.

If you go to the Red Cross website to make a donation, there is an option to be anonymous or to have the amount of your donation be anonymous. You can usually write a short message. "Happy Birthday"! I hope the child understands this process.

Wow, that is tacky.

I get where they are coming from... It is knda fun to see how much was donated, but really.

you can create a giver name or select anonymous on many of these charity trackers. also, feel free to pick an alternate charity when faced with this request. we give to our favorites when faced with wanting to thank or gift to a person who, by their own admission, has too much stuff and isn't interested in more, and doesn't have time or inclination for an event/ experience type of present.

some of my favorites are-
the heiffer fund
the smile train
unicef
the armenia tree project

I gift enough to get a corporate match, and have the org send a n acknowledgement card, saying that a gift has been made in your honor by F. B. and family.

Do you know for sure that individual donations will be listed? I highly doubt that. The "thermometer" approach usually just tracks total progress to a goal.

Use a pseudonym. And be creative. Something like - not-ur-biznes. Then bring a card to the party saying Happy birthday - we donated.

Maybe you won't be the only one to do something like that.

Don't let your son miss it and let the kid not have his friend there because his parents are idiots.

Ugh. This is the problem with these things - the host thinks it is such a great idea to marshall all the friends and relatives, and it becomes a contest of who can be the most nobel. In my view, it's not as if the child understands all of this, and it forces people to give to a charity they might not support otherwise. A lot of people, for example, love the Red Cross, and others feel that the chief exec makes way too much money and too much goes into overhead. At least until there's a disaster and the Red Cross is needed.

But you're right - it's no one's business!!! It's rude of the host family to put the guests in this position. I also feel there's a certain amount of unstated pressure to give even if you don't attend the party. That doesn't happen with regular birthday gifts.

If they TRULY want to support the Red Cross, they will be grateful for every contribution, whether it's on the thermometer or not. Send a check for a small amount, and staple a note to it that you want the gift acknowledged to the family but NOT the amount. If you say this is your final donation to them if they disclose the amount, they'll listen. My mother gives to charities and tells them this gift is what they are getting for the year, and if they inundate her with mailings or phone calls, she won't give again in the future. It works 95% of the time.

Either that, or stay home from the party.

I think, if the guest wants to support a cause, one way to do it is to purchase something from an organization that the child would like - a gift from a museum store, for example, or a magazine from an organization that's on a subject of interest to the child (wildlife magazine from the World Wildlife Fund, for example). But in that case it's the choice of the gift giver, not the family receiving it.

But that's just me. And I'm with you!!

I am all for the donation thing but I am NOT for some public posting of who donated what. That is a bit over the top for me. Who cares who donated $10 and who donated $100? The point is the donations right?

We've done food pantry where everyone brings some type of canned goods, non-perishables and them taken them to the local shelter.

We did the same with the Animal Shelter.... bring items and everything went to the animal shelter.

I think it is going a bit far to monitor how much everyone donates.

On top of that, I don't like cash donations for any type of event because you really don't know where the funds ended up.