Oh boy.
Sorry.
My ex and I divorced when our son was a baby. Although I had primary custody, we shared legal custody. We were not allowed to make religious or medical decisions, etc, without the other parent's consent.
When my son started school, although it seems juvenille, we filled out two sets of everything. I filled out my paperwork with contact and emergency information and he filled out his own, but we always listed each other as the immediate first contact. For instance, my neighbor was a teacher at my son's school and she and her husband were emergency contacts because we were friends and in such close proximity. My ex husband lived in a different city. I worked in a different city.
That is not to say that my ex wouldn't have been contacted right away, but I had people who were much closer and could take care of my son until one or both of us arrived. My ex husband was well aware of that.
The difference is that neither my ex husband or I have ever remarried so there's no reason to ever indicate someone else as a parent.
I don't know how things work in Michigan, but in California, you can request an appointment for mediation.
At the very least, it needs to be pointed out what "shared legal custody" means. You still have a say in what happens in your daughter's life whether she primarily lives with you or not.
It's a shame that parents don't communicate or get along and it's a big hassle for a school or church to have to include both biological parents when it comes to notifications, report cards, permission slips for things.
If your ex and his wife are leaving you out of the equation completely, the best thing you can do is exactly what you did.
Show the orders that prove you have a right to know what's going on with your kid.
I worked at a hospital and you would be surprised how many parents came in wanting medical records for ER visits for their kids they never knew about, but got billed for.
One guy had a kid who had been seen in the ER 4 times in one month and the mother never said a word. She never mentioned a father. She gave his address for the bills. He had to bring in his court papers proving he had a right to the medical records. He wasn't worried about the money....his little kid had been at the ER and the mother never said a single word.
That just isn't right.
Don't worry about what your ex and his wife fill out. As you learn about it, fill out your own paperwork and provide a copy of your court order.
That's one way to go about knowing what's going on.
If it blatantly continues, I would request mediation.
Hang in there!
