Relationships

hEY J.,
after 2 marriages ending in death for
them both,honesty,always be honest of
your feelings and talk it out,if he does
something you dont like,if you keep it in-\
side.it will drive you both apart..always keep
the kids in the conversation,they 2 can drive him away
if you dont inclued them in every decision you make,
i hope you understand what i'm telling ya...take care
and trust in the Lord to help you make the right decision.

It is a two way street, only two people can make a relationship work. Kindness, compassion and presence (being in the Now) All these things in your actions and words.

Speak from " I feel that..." not "You ____ ". Instead of blaming, express how things make you feel.

If the other person is unable to communicate in this way, you may need some mediation, such as a therapist or social worker.

Your best chances lie in understanding and acceptance of self.

The closer you both get to God, the closer you will grow together. good luck.

First, get the right person (and be the right person!) After that, just ALWAYS remember that you are on the same team... especially when you are arguing! You are not trying to win, but trying to make your relationship better for both of you. Fix the problem together, don't point fingers at the person. Every word you say or decision you make will either bring you closer together or farther apart as a couple. Choose wisely!

Good luck!

Do you mean with a significant other and involving this person with your children and work schedule? I too was a working single mom with no extra time for relationships. I needed to share my life with someone but didn't know how to incorporate it with my child and work. You know what people do when in crisis mode..they pray. That's exactly what I did, too bad that is when we most seek out help from our God. It worked Jen. I read the bible at night before sleep and had a tablet with other family names to check off after I read portions of the bible for them. I was young, I had a list of three things on the check list for myself. I got them all, he came right to my door, handsome, older and well established we feel in love almost instantly. We married 3 months after we met. That was over 30 years ago and shared our ready made families together. Good luck

Hi J.,
I loved reading your responses and wanted to add something that has been monumental for me. In order to find the right person, even if the one you are married to doesn't seem to fit, is to be the right person for yourself. That may sound confusing, but what I have found in my work is that many women are looking for fulfillment 'out there' and not honoring themselves by finding wholeness and fulfillment within. When we give our power away, we chase those that are balanced away from us and end up attracting those that are unbalanced (even it that is in the same person). I've experienced it personally and at Epona Ridge workshops, we think we are clear in our communication but in reality, we aren't. Interestingly, it has to do with setting clear boundaries that are healthy... both with our children and our other relationships as well. The problem seems to be in the definition of love... it doesn't mean giving ourselves away in the process or becoming someone that our loved one seems to want us to be. If we don't love and listen to our inner self we will have nothing left to give to those we love. The cool thing is that when we can reclaim ourselves, frequently those that we had fallen in love with, are free to adjust to a more healthy relationship as well... and if we are looking for someone, we are sending the right energy out there to attract a whole person that honors us.
We all deserve to be cherished...
Warmly,
B.

I think communication is the key to a good relationship--expressing your feelings, sharing your joys and concerns. When all else fails a good therapist can help.

Honesty, because if you tell the truth then everything else falls into place. Liking each other as much as you love them. People look at us funny when we say that but it's true. You can like a person and not love them and vice versa. And yeah, there will always be things you dont particularly like, (It drives me nuts that my husband just tosses his stuff in a pile and calls it clean. Or worse, when he's lost papers or something that should have been filed---GRRR!! lol) but seriously........We've been married 10 years and we've had our ups and downs but our love for each other was always bigger than our anger. I was also very independent when we met. There was nothing I needed that I couldnt get/do for myself. I just wanted him for who he was and not what he could do for me. And finally, I had to throw that fairy tale image of what relationships are "supposed" to be like out the window. You have to find out the little things.....mine doesnt bring me flowers but he makes me coffee every morning. And honestly, it wasnt until HE said that making me coffee is his way of showing me how much he loves did I truely enjoy it and not take it for granted. And it's a simple thing but it's something.

Hi J.,
Believe in yourself.
Good communication is important in any relationship. Truth, trust and respect. Be open and honest about your feelings.
Respect his feelings and the way he feels about things. Do things together without the kids, with the kids and each take time to do things they want to do alone.

When you disagree thats ok. Talk calmly and rationally about the things you disagree on. Try to see each others point of view. its ok to agree to disagree. Dont dwell on the past. Take it one day at a time.

Children play an important part in a relationship. Look at the way he treats your kids. They should be treated with respect and never put down. Their opinion and thoughts matter. Things should be discussed with them calmly.

Good luck.

Well you are off to a good start because putting it in God's hands is the only way to go. Jesus is with you, he knows where you are, he knows where you need to be and he will get you there. Keep the faith and God Bless.

easy, set rules and boundaries ( healthy ones) that are clearly understood by both! let's say you want roses for vanlentines day. he doesn't do it. you don't say anything but you do pout. you are in the wrong. he doesn't know what is expected or wanted by you. i know this sounds silly but write a list of what you want and expect! give it to him. ask him to do the same. i have a great relationship of 6 years with a 2 yr old. if in doubt we communicate with the other before doing something! communication ( not nagging or bi!!!!!. it's not hte cure all but it helps and it's healthy.

I'm a 59yr old mother of 3 and grandmother of 9 and the best advice I can give you is... start with a solid foundation! That means, truth and communication, without both your won't build anything that won't eventually crumble!!
Good Luck and May God Bless You and Yours!

J.,
If you want a marriage to work, you need to trust him with your heart, love him unconditionally, learn to compromise and support him in all that he wishes to accomplish for you and your family. My dad gave me one piece of advice on my wedding day: Always make him feel needed.

Best wishes,
N.
a newlywed of 12 years ;)