So i posted a question a few days ago about divorcing my husband and moving back in with my mom until i could get back on my feet...
i took the advice given to me and went to talk to a lawyer... here is what i was told ((it makes NO sense at all))
I can move back to my moms house, no problem, but i cannot take my daughter. If i do my husband will be awarded full custody right away since this is my daughters state of residence (weve lived here for 7 months)
How is that fair? I've been her primary parent since the day she was born, my husband is a truck driver so he was gone for the first 10 weeks and then only home some weekends after that. recently he switched to working on the yard (moving trailers at a distribution center) working 3rd shift, he works from 4pm-2am sometimes he has to stay later and of course then he sleeps until around 1pm, so is a daycare supposed to raise my daughter? Hes a great dad, maybe he doesnt do as much with her as i would like but he def loves his little girl, but i dont see how raising her by himself would work with his schedule... why would this even be a possibility to them?
so basically im stuck in this house because i REFUSE to give up my baby girl. as ive said a million and one times that girl is my EVERYTHING... i couldnt live without her. and im sure most of you know exactly how i feel about her.
so i guess it was more of a rant then a question...
Ive been getting responses about having my own bank account and money so i can get an apartment, at the moment, he's supporting me. I havent had an income in about a year since he and i agreed that the first year of our daughters life, i would stay home with her. Ive been applying for jobs everywhere i can think of for the past 3 months and still nothing. I thought about it a lot and since my only real option for the time being is to stay right where im at, thats what im going to do, once i get a job and save up, ill get a place in columbia & fight for custody. neither of us have done it yet and he wont since he doesnt want me to leave in the first place. He isnt abusive, i mean yes he is kind of mean but only towards me, just never physically.
The reason for laws like this is because in some situations one of the parents run off and disappear and never tell the other parent where the child is.
Sorry but it makes since to me. It's to protect the parent that's left behind.
Think of it this way; If either parent could just get up and leave whenever they wanted with the child, there would be children being taken across state lines all the time & make it extremely difficult for the other parent to see their child. I am sure if the shoe was on the other foot you would feel the same way about fairness.
Unless your husband will sign papers saying he is ok with you taking your daughter you are 'stuck'.
Well, that's the law for if you packed up right now and left -nevermind how he feels or what he wants. The law was designed to prevent that from happening so that parents don't wake up one day and realize that their child has been moved across country or beyond. I completely understand you wanting to move back to your mother's, so you need to get an attorney and sue for custody where the dad would have visitation, but you would get to move back to your mom's out of state. Be prepared though -often judges just don't want this type of thing happening. They will allow it IF you pay all travel expenses for your daughter AND her father -that type of thing. If you feel like you have no other recourse but to move back to your mom's, then you're going to have to get an attorney to fight for custody and the right to leave the state.
Get some counseling.
Stay where you are but live separately from your husband.
Tell him to come to counseling with you if he wants to stay married.
Keep his father out of the picture.
.
Your husband probably feels that he couldn't live without her as well-thats why he doesn't want you to move away with her. You guys should both get into counseling to come to an agreement that is best for first and foremost your little girl.
Can't blame you for needing to rant, that must have been very difficult to hear. It sounds like you really could use a support system being alone with your daughter so much, being in a different state than your mom and your husband working long hours on a night shift. No wonder things can become difficult between the two of you. It probably would be a good idea for you to talk to someone and help you sort out your feelings. I hope you'll be okay and I hope your husband wises up and makes a better effort to support you emotionally
Well now that I think about it I understand the law....imagine if you married someone that had ties to a different country and one day you woke up and your child was gone.....halfway across the country! I would imagine that is exactly why they have the law into place. Okay so now you are armed with some knowledge here.....what are you going to do about it? Your choices at this point is to either stay right where you are and go through the proceedings of divorce and wait until its finalized then move forward with your plans. On the other hand you are not bound to stay there in that home with him. Start making plans and hopefully you are ahead of the game to where you already have your own account and your own money. Find an apartment that you can rent until everything is finalized. You have many options its a matter of you acting upon them and you might have to bite the bullet and stay where you are for a few months until you can do so. That being said another option is did you ask the lawyer if you "seperated" what would happen? Could that be an option? Also if it were me I would get more than 1 opinion. I'm quite sure the lawyer knows what he is talking about but perhaps he missed something?
With your husband's schedule I am quite sure it is very difficult for this marriage-I understand! My husband works retail and sometimes his hours at work are half of our issues. However, it took me a very long time to understand and realize that it wasn't HIS fault. His job supports the family and when he is at work he is there trying to earn a living to support our family so how can I be bitter and resentful about that? I'm sure I could and in the past I have but the line of work he is in without a college degree he isn't able to find another job that could pay him what he is making now to compensate. Also I kind of like his retail job because he gets two days off during the week so if the kids get sick and it happens to be on his two days off then he can stay with the kids while I go to work. Its a win win situation for us but the schedule still stinks! It is what it is....have you tried counseling? Believe me I'm not one to rush off to one and I have had several not just one bad experience with counselors but there are some good ones out there and they can help. Just remember who is control of the situation and know in the end it will all work out but it is said that its never easy-and it never is. Good luck sweetie and yes we all understand about your daughter-I have twin daughters myself and I couldn't survive if they were not in my life day in and day out on a daily basis-they are my heart of hearts!
It's good that you are becoming educated about your predicament. Knowledge doesn't make it easier though but at least you know what will happen.
With that said, of course you refuse to give up your baby girl, I would refuse too! Stay strong and stay focused. If the goal is custody of your child, than do all to acheive that goal.
Good luck!
Sorry to hear about your situation. Sounds tough. :( At the same time, you have an opportunity now to give your daughter a balance of time between her dad and you. If you live close together, it's easier for you both to take on parenting duties, and to learn to communicate in a healthy and nurturing way for your child. You don't have to be a couple anymore, but you could learn a lot about yourself by making this work.
My baby's father lived hundreds of miles away, and he visited a few times a year. Now he moved to be closer to us, and it's been an adjustment so far to work out visits and co-parenting and such. But, admittedly, it is also good for our child, who misses his daddy so much when he is gone. He now gets to see him every weekend, and really enjoys time with both of us. We are not married, we are not a couple, but we are working on being friends. It's never easy, but it's worth it if you can do it for your kid. Good luck. xo.
I am so sorry to hear this. Is there no way he could move out, or that the two of you could stay with a friend in town? If you do not feel safe you could try a woman's shelter.
Sorry to hear this! Questions-Has he actually filed for divorce/custody. Have you? What can you do to get your own home established in the same state? Borrow from a friend/relative? Go to college and take out financial aid? Get a job? Or maybe borrow enough from someone for one month's preschool tuition so you can start working ASAP and get out of the situation. I am curious, how old is your husband? From what you said, it sounds like you were 16 when you got together. Is this a domestic violence situation? If so, state assistance has special grants that they will give you to get a safe place to live on your own. And honestly, I would at least get one other lawyer's opinion, so that you can be completely clear about your legal options. I specifically looked up SC laws for you and am under the impression that one can file for temporary custody until the divorce case comes through. Did you ask the lawyer about that option? I put the link up on your other post. I think it would be in your very best interest to find a social service agency that will assign you an advocate to help you navigate through this process.
same thing happened to a friend. she and her ex moved to another state. at the 5 1/2m mark, the ex moved back to the original state and filed for divorce. the son was given to the dad because the dad was still a resident of VA not the new state because he hadn't lived there for 6m.
What if he agrees to a seperation where you go and live in the other state for a period of time, then once you've been there 6m you proceed with whatever because then you and your child will be residents of the new state? Of course, run it by your lawyer first...
BTW, I believe that the time officially starts from when you have a change of address filed or get a new license.
