Questions for Moms of Both Boys and Girls

I have one of each. They are as different as night and day. But share similarities as well. They get along. They fight. He has his interests she has hers. When one gets a slinky the other one wants one too!
Every child is different.

I have one of each, but I really don't understand your question. Raising a child has very little to do with what's between their legs. It's their personality and experiences that make the kid. My kids are extremely different from one another in many ways, none of which have anything to do with their sex. In other ways, they're so much alike, again not because of sex. If you want a third, have a third, but please, Dear God, don't have a third just to play the lottery for a girl. I hate when people do that and then are disappointed for a third boy... Sucks being that last kid that started life as a disappointment.

You got great advice when you asked a related question two weeks ago.

Give your therapy time to sink in as you bond with your new baby.

Put these thoughts aside until you have some time to settle down from your newest addition!

Are you the one that just asked a similar question?

Your youngest is just 4 months old. Maybe you're in some sort of post partem depression or maybe it's your off balanced hormones for the time being,

Give yourself time to enjoy the children you have, bond with your new baby.

We had 1 child by choice and it was a girl so I know nothing about girls vs boys in the household.

I do know that I appreciate the child I got and I would still be thankful for my healthy boy or girl.

Give yourself time and if this is something you can't process on your own, seek some counseling. Your children need you!!

My own experience has been that both of my daughters have been harder, a LOT more work than my son. I have been challenged in ways emotionally that I was never prepared for.
Of course I know some women that have struggled with boys.
Gender doesn't matter in the end, because of course they are individuals, and your "little girl" could end up being a completely different person than you imagined.

I have one of each.

Looking back, I guess it is different in the first few weeks. And that's just because it's fun for some new mothers to dress their baby girls up in all that fluffy pink stuff - the dresses, the little tights, the bonnets, the hair bows, the ribbons, etc. Newborn baby boys' stuff is pretty basic: little t shirts, onesies with the name of a sports team, etc.

But then, when the new mom is tired of trying to put miniscule ruffled tights on a wiggly pair of spaghetti-legs and a bottom that is going to need changing in about oh, 4 minutes, and when the little baby outgrows those miniature pink dresses that everyone gave as baby gifts, and the mom is tired of sticking hair bows and hats onto a practically bald little head while the baby cries...

That's when you realize that each child has his or her own personality and gifts. Your girl, if you had one, might be the toughest athlete in the family, covered in grass stains and dirt, while your boys prefer reading and studying the stars. One child might be always ill, one might never even get a sniffle. One might be careless and reckless, one might be careful and cautious. Gender doesn't really enter into that.

I never think anyone is "missing out" by not having a child of a particular gender, by not having a child of a particular temperament, by not having a third or fourth child.

The only thing a parent of any child or children can miss out on, in my opinion, is to not be the best parent he or she can be to the child or children that are placed in the home, whether it's by natural biology or with medical help or through foster care or adoption.

I don't know and can't imagine what it would be like to have extra embryos.

I guess my answer, to "should you have a daughter" would depend on your circumstances, your patience for another pregnancy and child, your finances, whether your house is large enough, and that's that. Girl or boy, if you want and can handle a third child, do it. If you're happy as is, then enjoy what is.

Every child is completely different. My daughter is much easier than my son, but she is also really dramatic about everything which is sometimes exhausting. My son, however, is kindf of unique...he was a very difficult, colicky baby, and a super stubborn young child who never wanted to "give in" and was highly sensitive about EVERYTHING. He's much easier now as a teenager. I only met one other little boy who was as hard as he was...all his friends seemed so easy going to me. It's just personality. Girl or boy can get any personality. You can never know what you are going to get when you have a child. Your baby is only 4 months old. I think you should put these feelings on hold for a year and just enjoy your boys. Then in a year you and your husband should think about what you want to do.

I think that we create problems by suggesting that there is something inherently different in boys vs. girls. I think that these are stereotypes that we, as a society, place on our kids. Even if we don't, others do, so parenting is more about deciding your values ahead of time and then being willing to let your kids be who they are. There are personality types that have been labeled as "masculine" or "feminine" over hundreds of years, and so you'll find people who encourage certain things in a girl that they don't encourage in a boy, and vice versa. The attitude that "boys will be boys," for example, permits behaviors in boys that are squelched in girls - and while it leads to a sense of adventure for boys, it also allows objectionable behaviors as if "they just can't help it." On the other hand, we compliment our girls for being "pretty" but not for being "brave" or "independent." If you look at the "Me too" movement or the huge gaps in gender pay inequity, you see what happens if this is carried to the extreme.

Whether or not you have a 3rd child, it's clear to me from this question and the last one that you aren't ready. Please get some counseling (for both you and your husband) before you make a decision, so that you can clarify what you want, and why.

as a mother of boys (and one who secretly harbored a longing for girls) i'm a little troubled by your post.

while i'd have loved a girl, i sure don't feel as if i missed out in any way. i was so blessed with two wonderful healthy amazing boys.

i have no doubt that yes, it's very very different raising girls. just raising two very different boys was....well, different.

the world is vast and no one can experience every single thing it has to offer. you don't seem to be wanting another child particularly, just worried that you might have some vague regrets in the future.

vague regrets are part of life. we all 'miss out' on something. by choosing to marry and have my boys, i 'missed out' on the joys of freedom and being carefree. i love solitude and silence, and i've never had enough of it it in my life. was it a worthwhile trade-off? you betcha. but a trade-off it was.

being an adult means considering carefully what is real and important, and what is an ephemeral wish.
khairete
S.

A co-worker of mine had a son first and a daughter second.
Her son was so easy going - her daughter was high strung.
She always said if her daughter had been first there wouldn't have been a second.
My mom had me and my sister.
I was much more calm and my sister was heck on wheels.

You can't really go by anyone else.
You just don't know what you're going to get till you get it.
You might get a girly girl who likes all frills and ribbons.
Or a tom boy who will keep her brothers on their toes.

There are so many variables involved in parenting that it cannot be broken down into the biological sex of a child.

For instance, the belief system of the parents, culture, maturity, mental and physical health of parents, financial state of the family, health of the children, employment, roles each parent plays, and how much childcare help the family has, etc. can influence the experience of raising children more then if they were born a boy or a girl.

Parents who have these issues well managed and well communicated are going to be happy with whatever gift they are given.

I understand. I wasn't able to carry any other children but my daughter and missed having a son.

I am raising grandchildren now and can tell you I loved having that girl! Boys are so different.

I am a girly girl. I wore dresses to college with panty hose and heels, full makeup and hair done. Every day. First day of classes I'd walk in and people would think I was the professor. I'd go find a seat and everyone would be so confused.

I loved fixing my girl's hair, helping her get dressed up for holidays, getting her ready for recitals, and all that girly mom stuff.

You have plenty of time to make a decision. If you want to try for the girl later on you can.

I think you're going through a lot of settling in stuff, your emotions are not set yet. Meaning that you're "thinking" "pondering" "wondering" about the what if's that come in life. You might not even know until later on too.

Two kids are good, three kids are good. There's not that much difference when it comes right down to it all.

One of my friends saw another of my friends that has 6 little bitty kids, the oldest one is maybe 10. She asked my how my friend was planning on paying for college for all those kids. I told her that kids who plan on a college path often apply for scholarships to college based on academics and sometimes even their activities like sports or dance. I don't know any kids in college, personally, that aren't getting all of their education paid for or are almost getting it paid for. They got great scholarships.