Question Specifically for Moms of 2 or More ADHD Kids

I can totally relate to your problem! My son had such temper tantrums he could scream for hours. Sometimes, he would end up falling asleep, and when he woke up, he would keep screaming about the same thing. In the supermarket, there was nothing I could do to shut him up, and I remember old ladies telling me "that child is out of control." Really? Well, why don't you try to shut him up then? Go ahead, I willing to learn how...
Anyway, he is basically Indigo through and through. He is here, not because he wants to be, but because he has some kind of work to do. He has most definitely ADD, even though he has never been diagnosed, he jumps like a kangaroo and gets incredibly distracted, so everything takes longer to accomplish. And, he is unbelievably psychic, both telepathic and able to see auras.
I had a whole shelf full of parenting books, and I also went to parenting classes, which by the way were nothing but a waste of time and money. None of those methods worked with him. Take away his priveleges - he doesn't care. Send him to his room in time out - he doesn't care. Don't give him any food until he finishes the food from his last meal - he doesn't care. How do you punish and mold someone who doesn't care? It doesn't work, it is as simple as that.
What did work, was to give him options, and full control. I made up a big container in the fridge with foods that he liked, and he just helped himself whenever he was hungry. When he got older, I also taught him how to make toast and omelet, which was very empowering. If he didn't want to go to bed, I told him that was ok, as long as I didn't have to see him or hear him, and he stayed in his room, and he was able to get up in the morning without my help. As I learned to work with him, instead of against him, his tantrums got much less. Punishment just don't work with these kids, so don't listen to anyone who haven't had one of these. They just don't know...
Now, he has become a teenager. He is very caring and likes to share, and he has become very independent and responsible. He is incredibly good with money and already has his own bank account, ebay account and paypal account, so he can buy whatever he wants on ebay if he has enough money in his bank account. And, he is also very good with computers.
All in all, he was unbelievably challenging for years and years. I felt like a total failure as a mom, and some days, I didn't even like him. But he has actually turned out greater than I ever imagined. So, just know, you have given birth to two strong little children who know what they want. These are good qualities to have in an ever changing world. They are probably here to bring in new times and change whatever doesn't work in the world, and their inner strength will help them do this. Just, don't compare them with anyone else, and whatever you do, don't dope them with medicines to make them fit in - that would destroy something that shouldn't be destroyed...

Its actually inappropriate to label a child with ADHD prior to age 4 or 5 - and most of us in the field of diagnostics would tell you that 5 really is the time that its appropriate to use that label. I am actually shocked that your first, at 4.5, has been diagnosed by anyone other than a pediatrician.

As for your younger child, it does run in families, but a lot of that can be learned behavior as well. I have known that my older son has a mild form of ADHD since he was about three. We use behavioral modifications for him since that time and it has worked really well, much better than I was even expecting.

Best of luck to you!

ok..first of all you should not be worried about ADHD i know in this country is normal hear about ADHD ...i have to tell you that pills and sit back waiting for the kids become normal is not the best way to keep this kids under control. I have 3 kids (not mine, my sister-in-law kids) age : 9 , 4, 5. the older one has ADHD but the littles ones behave the same way as the older one. maybe your younger girl is copying what the older one does....thats perfectly normal between sisters and brothers. if you want to fix your kid #2 you have to start with Kid #1. You have to know differentiate between ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER and OUT OF CONTROL without discipline kid. ADHD means that they have truoble concentrating and doing work right...but having trantrums, crying, making shows ang getting they way its just inaseptable.

walking away and ignore them its no a way to get your children to behave. You have to put order in your house, i know its hard to stick to being straight with the kids you love the most but thats the only way and maybe you find out like my sister in law did that none of her children never had ADHD, they were just KIDS TRYING TO GET THEIR WAY WITH EVERYTHING. its hard and it going to cost you a lot of patient and crying ...here some tips:

-Follow a routine.
It is important to set a time and a place for everything to help the child with ADD/ADHD understand and meet expectations. Establish simple and predictable rituals for meals, homework, play, and bed. Have your child lay out clothes for the next morning before going to bed, and make sure whatever he or she needs to take to school is in a special place, ready to grab.
-Use clocks and timers.
Consider placing clocks throughout the house, with a big one in your child’s bedroom. Allow enough time for what your child needs to do, such as homework or getting ready in the morning. Use a timer for homework or transitional times, such between finishing up play and getting ready for bed.
Simplify your child’s schedule. It is good to avoid idle time, but a child with ADHD may become more distracted and “wound up” if there are many after-school activities. You may need to make adjustments to the child’s after-school commitments based on the individual child’s abilities and the demands of particular activities.
-Create a quiet place.
Make sure your child has a quiet, private space of his or her own. A porch or bedroom can work well too, as long as it’s not the same place as the child goes for a time-out.
-Do your best to be neat and organized.
Set up your home in an organized way. Make sure your child knows that everything has its place. Role model neatness and organization as much as possible.
-Set clear expectations and rules.
Children with ADHD need consistent rules that they can understand and follow. Make the rules of behavior for the family simple and clear. Write down the rules and hang them up in a place where your child can easily read them.Children with ADD/ADHD respond particularly well to organized systems of rewards and consequences. It's important to explain what will happen when the rules are obeyed and when they are broken. Finally, stick to your system: follow through each and every time with a reward or a consequence.

-Using Rewards and Consequences
REWARDS
Reward your child with privileges, praise, or activities, rather than with food or toys.
Change rewards frequently. Kids with ADD/ADHD get bored if the reward is always the same.
Make a chart with points or stars awarded for good behavior, so your child has a visual reminder of his or her successes
Immediate rewards work better than the promise of a future reward, but small rewards leading to a big one can also work.
Always follow through with a reward.

CONSEQUENCES

Consequences should be spelled out in advance and occur immediately after your child has misbehaved.
Try time-outs and the removal of privileges as consequences for misbehavior.
Remove your child from situations and environments that trigger inappropriate behavior.
When your child misbehaves, ask what he or she could have done instead. Then have your child demonstrate it.
Always follow through with a consequence.

-Get rid of the junk foods in your home.
-Put fatty and sugary foods off-limits when eating out.
-Turn off television shows riddled with junk-food ads.
-Give your child a daily vitamin-and-mineral supplement.
-Have a zero tolerance policy for hitting, pushing and yelling in your house or yard.

YOU CAN SEARCH FOR MORE WAYS TO KEEP YOUR LIFE EASIER WHIT KIDS WITH ADHD AND HOW TO KEEP THINGS IN HOUSE MORE PEACEFULL

HOPE TO HELP & HEAR SOON ABOUT THE CHANGES IN YOUR 2 GIRLS BEHAVIOR

GOOD LUCK!!

I pretty much had her pegged righ away in toddlerhood. She acted exactly like her bigger brother. They are now 16 and 8. Highly intelligent, sociable kids who are VERY impulsive. Their blessings outweigh their setbacks, but we definately have struggles.
Kudos to you and your hubby for taking classes. I did too and there is no shame in it. I learned alot. Also one of my best friends is a child psychologist who had one of his own high maintenence kids. It helps alot to have a good support network!
God Bless you and your family. Things can work out!

Before you panic, could child number 2 be taking cues from child #1? I know my youngest son tried to do everything his older brother did. It's a sibling thing I guess. I'm an only child, so I don't know.
So if your two year old is doing this, them maybe she assumes it's ok cause her sister does it.
I would suggest you get the youngest evaluated quickly and see if this is real or just acting like her sister. The sooner you know, the better.

Then I would suggest counseling for you all. For you to keep you sane through all of this, and them to help calm them down.
You hang in there. Get help and don't be afraid to ask for help. Everyone needs help sometimes!

In answer to what I believe is the question (Is it possible to evaluate this child accurately at age 2 for ADHD?) I will personally say: yes, sometimes. Most kids you want to wait to 4-5 for an official diagnosis to be sure. But I have done a lot of child care over the years, and I can tell you that I have met 2 year olds that I was sure about, and have never been wrong in the long haul, if I was that certain.

It depends a lot on how much you know about the subject, the symptoms, and whether you feel you can eliminate all other sources of cause for the problems, such as emulating a big sister like someone suggested.

I would guess that your gut is right, though, and you're going to have to handle two of them with ADHD, and you should do everything you can to buff up your arsenal of coping techniques and handling techniques.

I only have 1 child with ADHD, but ...
Usually I say it's very difficult to diagnose a child who is barely 2. A lot of the behavior is consistant with the "terrible twos". And after skimming the other responses, I have to agree with Denise that she could be taking cues from her sister (assuming this is still the behavior her sister is doing now, not just when she was 2). Still, given that her behavior patterns are following what you saw with her sister, who is diagnosed, I would advise talking to the doctor the next time you take her in (I don't think that a special appointment would be necessary). In the mean time, many of the behavior modifications you've been doing with your older daughter might be beneficial for the younger (in other words, treat her behavior as if she does have ADHD - more patience, and more awareness to how to help her). But at 2 it's very hard for her to understand some of the ideas about consequences and such. It sounds as if you have been given a lot of ideas on how to deal with this, so I won't give any more here (but if you ever need more ideas on how to deal with the tantrums or anything - because I know how walking away and ignoring them doesn't work! - feel free to send me a message)

We have decided, for now, not to medicate our son (who is 9). We prefer to help him learn to manage his challenges without medication. Now, the decision about medication is between the parents and the doctor, and I understand that some kids may need the help of medication to make it possible for them to learn to manage behavior, so this is just my opinion. But I would suggest avoid medication at this point.

I'm sure you're aware that ADHD is just one aspect of a child's personality. In my experience (as a mother, sister, and daughter of people with ADD/ADHD and as a former teacher who's had kids with ADHD in class) most people who have ADHD are quite intelligent and highly creative. The trick (and its harder in younger kids) is to help them channel all that energy and intelligence and creativity in positive directions. Most people don't "grow out of" ADHD. But they can learn to manage it fairly well.

I would make appointments for both kids with a Developmental Pediatrician. You will find them at children's hospitals, and they are not your regular pediatrician. You will get a full evaluation and a treatment plan for each child. The earlier you start, the better off the will both be!

We knew very early that our kids had issues. I was astounded when we did the intake for our first child with the developmental pediatric nurse. She asked about our daughters ability to nursing first, so yes, you can get clues far before you even expected. This kind of professional is highly qualified to diagnose your daughters even as young as they are, and you may be surprised by what they say. We knew before age three with our third child that we had a problem, and this is a highly heritable condition, and your children's evaluation may even include a geneticist-the Developmental Pediatricain will include all the necessary profesionals to give you a full profile.

The best thing about this kind of evaluation is that you will have a comprensive plan to follow, and you will know that you have missed nothing. So worth it, I do not know how we would have made it without this kind of evaluation.

M.

Only one of my boys has ADHD (he is 7), unless you count my husband, who also has it. :-) The other is turning 3 next month and I am not worried about him at all. My oldest started showing signs around his second birthday. It's hard to explain how I knew, but now with my youngest I can just tell that he has "normal" little boy behavior compared to my oldest who had out of control, hard to console, couldn't follow simple directions, behavior. The Explosive Child also describes my oldest to a T. We waited until he was in 1st grade this year and started struggling with school work and friends before starting meds. It has made a world of difference in his behavior and brought peace to our house. Some days are still a struggle, but not near as much as it used to be.

Regarding discipline, don't walk away. Sit there and wait for her to be done pitching a fit. When my son calms down, I literally ask him, "Are you done?" If he is calm and says yes, I make him apologize and then tell him again to do what it was he was told to do. I don't let it slide just because he had a tantrum. If your daughter wants to be picked up and then claws at you, I'd put her directly in time out. She's not old enough to be shut in her room. She may not stay in time out right away if she's not used to it, but every time she gets up, just put her right back and tell her the time starts over. When my oldest was 2, he once had a time out that lasted 45 minutes because he kept running out trying to kick me. By 3, he was sitting nicely doing his time. Follow through is key! Everywhere, from the store, to the bathtub, if you say no, it means no. If you are in a store, you can still find a spot for a time out or if it escalates, walk out and take them home. Just remember that you are in control and discipline will not hurt her, it will help her. You can do it!!!

Yours was diagnosed young! I didn't realize anything was different until the kindergarten teacher pointed it out-he was my first & I thought boys were just high strung like that. We've been watching our youngest for 2 years now, since he was 4. Our 9 YO has some OCD I think & fits more than 1 "type" of ADHD. Our 6 YO has different symptoms but is classic textbook ADHD. I was hesitant to have him evaluated because he wasn't as bad as his brother, but now it's really starting to show. If your older daughter is diagnosed & the younger is exactly the same, I'd say she's got it too. I'm reading a very great book (30+ bookmarks in it already) called PARENTING CHILDREN WITH ADHD 10 lessons that medicine cannot teach by Vincent Monastra. It's got both sides of the great med debate, written in English not Doctorese & I wish I had found it a few years ago. As far as the tantrums, my older son is now able to calm himself down, but it was roufh until we started him in counseling. You said you & hubby are in counseling, but are the girls? We played a lot of board games... how to handle emotions, what to do in this situation, how does it make you feel when... it really did help. Best of luck to you!

First of all, my oldest is only 4.5 and hasn't been "diagnosed" with anything as of yet, I know in my heart that it is coming as I can already see the future issues he will face in a kindergarten setting. I can tell you that the first one has been a rollercoaster of a ride, the "terrible twos" were beyond terrible, the 3s were worse and it seems we are finally on the upside at 4.5. I think it is a combination of we are much better at seeing triggers for his behavior, understanding his individual needs and that he is growing and maturing and can better control himself. I can say that I have a COMPLETELY different two year old who has been a lifesaver when it comes to having self confidence as a parent. Others can be so quick to say things like, " He just needs clear consistent discipline" or "he must not have a strong disciplined environment" etc. when talking about my firstborn. I began to feel inadequate on so many levels. BUT now that I have a second who is much different it is much easier for me to see how other parents could feel that way. It is NIGHT and DAY the way that my second responds to time outs, and discipline. He is a MUCH easier child and has WAY MORE self control. He is less inclined to act on impluse and I can handle anything he comes up with, easily. So, I applaud you and your husband for being so courageous to sign up for parenting therapy and for getting help. I know it's not easy and is especially when other people are quick to tell you it's all your fault. Hang in there, and be strong.