Question Regarding Preemie Baby Care

Pam,

I read your post and nearly cried. I really feel badly for all of you, especially the dad. I cannot imagine how a guy cares for his newborn, let alone a preemie. That is so hard. I wish you all strength and wear-with-all dealing with this hardship and loss.

I delivered both of my girls late but the first thought that comes to my mind is a motion sensor monitor for the baby. Because he will want to be more alert at night to make sure the baby doesn't have sleep apnea (very common with preemies) a detector will beep if the baby stops breathing or moving and he can deal with it immediately. In regard to the peace of mind one gets with such a heightened risk I think it's worth the investment. They are around $100, I believe.

Does he have preemie size items? Clothes, sleepers, onesies? When they are preemies they are so small that nothing seems to fit them and in the winter its even harder cause he will not want to drag him or her out very much since he/she will be weaker than the average newborn.

Is there any way he can get a doula or a professional to help him out the 1st few days? It would really help. Also, visiting nurses can be very costly but monumentally helpful. Another thing I ***highly*** recommend is getting in touch with a breastmilk bank and giving the baby breastmilk initially. It will DEFINITELY build up the baby's immune system and help him or her grow quicker. It also will significantly lower the risk for respiratory complications. Please consider it highly, no matter what the cost is. It is essential.

Whatever you do and whatever you get for him and the baby just be strong and be blessed. May the child grow up and be happy and healthy and may you all be well to care and help raise him or her into adulthood.

Be well,

N.

Pam,
I am so sorry for your loss. I dont' have any recommendations. I just wanted to give you, your family your brother in law and the baby my condolences. Hugs to you and your family.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I cannot imagine. If she is already 5.5 pds she won't need to many preemie outfits. I had my twins at 34 weeks. Wal-mart actually has a great selection of preemie clothing at reasonable prices. M advice, sleep in the same room as the baby for a while. We did for a few months. Especially since my pediatrician had me waking them up every 2 hours to feed - as they needed to gain weight and sometimes preemies don't always know they are "hungry" yet. We used a wedge for the kids to sleep in (we used top shelf of pack n' play) because that's what they were in the NICU. We also swaddled them most of the time - it really helped them be comforted. Always kept them on their back. We also had them in the papsan chair a lot and many times they slept in that as well as being propped up is good for the tiny ones. Also ask the pediatrician about formula - we were told that we needed to buy the pre-mix formula for a while because it's more pure than the dry mix. As for bathing, we only bathed them every couple of days. Just give her a lot of love and comfort. If you have any other questions, please just let me know.

Hi--
I am so sorry for yuor loss.

I recently had a preemie at 35 weeks as well. She was similar in size weighing 4lbs. 11oz. One thing that he may need is Newborn sized sleepers. The baby is already over 5 pounds so I would not waste money on Preemie sizes, but I used the newborn sleepers for a while and they spit up so much that it really helped. Walmart has a Carter's line that carries a lot of Newborn and premie sized things at a reasonable cost. Also the baby will most likely be on a special premie formula which can sometimes be harder to find. Since they live out of state you may consider buying it from a website and having some sent so that he does not have to worry about searching it out. We use EnfaCare Lipil which can be purchased by the case online.

They told me there is a slightly higher risk of SIDS, but our pediatrician didn't seemed too concerned since we do not smoke. We have found out that there is more of a chance of Reflux--which my daughter developed. It is the WORST and has really made her a fussy baby with all the pain. I pray that the baby soes not developp that. Otherwise my premie has grown fast and is doing great!! I wish the same for your family!

L.

OMG! How sorry I am to hear about your sister-in-law! My condolences to you and your family! As a Neonatal nurse I have lots of experiences in taking care of preemies. But the underlying thing no matter how old they are is to WASH YOUR HANDS! Especially all the kids that are around the babies b/c kids are the peach tree dishes for bacteria, viruses, etc! ALWAYS put the babies on their backs to sleep to help eliminate SIDS. If people are sick - ask them to stay away. I know that sounds harsh but b/c they are preemies they are susceptible to a lot of things.

Something that you could do is to take pictures of the nursery - the littlest details in there where you know your sister-in-law prided herself in. The closet full of things awaiting the babies arrival, the crib, the changing table. And put it in an album for the baby. When he gets older, he'll be able to see and appreciate the thought and effort that his mom put into preparing things for him.

As for a gift, I know this may not be something you want to do, but write your local newspaper about this sad story. Hear me out before you get mad please. My friend also died after having had her twins. When her story was published, people came out of the woodworks with donations, food, etc. It was awesome how the community came together! So much in fact that her husband had someone to clean their house, cook for them, and help out with the twins for a couple of months! Not to mention, the amount of monetary donations they received. Enough so that they were able to start a college fund for them! You could also talk to someone in the hospital where they delivered. I know that when my friend passed away, they donated diapers for the twins for a year! How awesome is that? The Dad was so well taken care of that I think it made things a wee bit easier for them all.

I will say a prayer for you and your loved ones. Best of luck - and keep us posted on the babies progress!

Pam, I'm very sorry about your sister in law. What a tragic thing to have happended. My triplets were born at 32 weeks and spent 4-6 weeks in NICU before they came home. The best thing you can do for your brother in law and his child is be there for him. Two things that come to mind are:

1) Protect the immune system. Preemie are higher risk for lots of things and most dangerously, RSV. My trio's first winter was spent indoors and we limited their visitors to just immediate family. And we ALWAYS washed our hands after just about everything and we required that any visitors do the same. I was zero tolerance on this - anyone who couldn't comply needed to leave or not touch my children.

2) Every parent worries about SIDS - I still worry and my trio are 19 months olds. I used sleep positioners when they were little and I always made sure to swaddle them very snuggly. And, we slept in the room with them for their first year - DH & I both felt we just needed to be there and we loved it.

It's late so my brain is fried, but if he or you have any questions, please feel free to contact me directly (just send me a Mamasource message)

As for gifts for Dad, I think being there for him is the greatest gift you can give but if you want something more tangible, maybe there's something of need that didn't get purchased yet? Like the next stage car seat when she outgrows the infant carrier seat? Or a picture package/membership/gift certificate? Or diapers and wipes (you can never have enough) Or formula? Any of the every day things that you go through/run out of are always appreciated.

I read your post the day it posted on Mamasource, and I keep thinking about it almost every day. My thoughts and best wishes are with you and your family.
My little peanut was born 3 1/2 weeks early and weighed 4 lbs 9 ozs. We were lucky enough to take her home 3 days after she was born. A couple of things that made it a little easier for us:
1 - the phone number for the NICU where the baby is... our baby was born in Woodstock and I can't say enough how wonderful the nurses were while we were in the hospital and after we were home...we must have called almost every other day with questions and they were always more than helpful with answers and suggestions...a truly awesome resource

2 - I know several people said that because the baby was over 5 lbs that she wouldn't need preemie clothes...check with your brother to see if that is still the case...our little girl was in preemie clothes until she was about 6 weeks old and only outgrew them lengthwise...in fact, she is now 2 months and still in newborn clothes

3 - I agree with a previous poster that newborn diapers will be a must...from our experience, Huggies fit a little bigger than Pampers (we haven't tried other brands)...our little girl outgrew newborn Pampers but is still in newborn Huggies

4 - find out what bottles / nipples / pacifiers were used in the NICU and ask the nurses where they can be bought (or even ask them for supplies...once again, our nurses gave us supplies when we asked for them)...we quickly found out that our baby really took a liking to those items when in the hospital and didn't want to use any other brands until she was older

5 - handwashing is a must as well, but I can say my husband's and my hands were raw after the first week from handwashing...we got several germ-x pumps in the mosturizing kind and it was a life saver...we have one in the kitchen, the baby's room, and by the pack-n-play...it's also very handy when guests are around to keep them germ-free as well

6 - I know the loss of your sister-in-law is difficult, but your brother has a beautiful little girl that will bring him years of joy...tell him to love and enjoy his new daughter because she will grow up quickly right before his very eyes...I can't believe where 2 months have gone already

That's what I can think of right now. If more ideas come up, I'll be sure to pass them along. I'm hoping this helps you and your family in your time of loss...

Pam - just recognized your name on the post and wanted to say I am so sorry about your loss - I can't imagine a more difficult or sad situation. Your family is in my prayers!!! I don't have any experience with a preemie, but I know that 3 1/2 years ago my sister-in-law had twins, a boy and a girl, and the girl passed away at 6 weeks old from a heart defect. My mom had gotten a cleaning service for a couple of months for my brother and sister-in-law so they could spend their time taking care of my nephew and making all of the arrangements for my niece without having to worry about that. I know it helped them out a lot, since they already had tons of baby stuff and that was one less thing they had to do. If I can think of anything else, I will let you know!
K.

First I would like to say how sorry I am for your loss.
My twin delivery at 36 weeks was a close call for myself as well. My first twin was 6.0, my second weighed in at 4.9. They were born last December. I can tell you that holding my smaller twin was terrifying-like a china doll. I was fortunate that he was able to come home with me with no known complications (at the time). Babies thses small are suseptible to everything. I was so worried about SIDS that I had them both sleep in a glider (by Fisher Price). There was no way they could turn to their side and perhaps breathe in their own CO2 (which could be one contributing cause of SIDS). You also need to be aware of RSV with preemies. Having food prepared might be helpful as the new dad might not find much time to make healthy meals. I really like the new Born Free bottle system as they are all BPA free (which they're discovering the standard bottles are made with a plastic that could affect your child's neuroligal system). My preemies both enjoyed being swaddled and rocked. You also need to make sure your baby isn't losing heat through their head-I kept the hospital hat on my boys for a couple of weeks. God bless your family and good luck with your new miracle.

Sorry to hear about your sister in law. I also had pre eclampsia and my baby was born at 33 weeks. He was in the NICU for 3 weeks and then came home. One of the main things that you have to watch out for with a preemie durning flu season is RSV. Most preemies are given a monthly shot during flu season, called Synegis. We were told by the NICU not to use any sleep positioner or bumpers in the crib. I had my son sleep in a bassinet next to my side of the bed until he was 5-6 months old. I guess being a parent to a preemie makes you a little more cautious. You also have to watch ohow many people are by the baby and to make sure no one is sick, and of course, wash your hands all the time. We were also told no kids could be around him since they carry so many germs from school and where ever else they go. I can't think of anything else right now as far as special precautions for durning the winter. I am sure that his NICU staff will help him. I have found that the peditricians don't really do much as far as explaining special preemies things. We also had to take our son to a NICU follow up clinic every so many months. Please let me know if you have any other questions. The March of Dimes is also a good place to look.

Hi Pam!
I want to extend my deepest condolences to you and your family. What a awful thing to happen.

You are such a kind and caring person (as you and I had a few "conversations" a while back about preschool stuff) and your thoughts of what to do for your brother and niece.

I agree with the previous posters about suggestions. I am also the mom of a preemie (29 weeker), and I cannot stress enough the importance of hand washing and keeping germs away.

I also have some connections with March of Dimes, so I might be able to offer some suggestions depending on where in Iowa your brother (in-law?) is. Let me know if you'd like me to look into that.

Sending hugs to you and your family.
B.

I'm sorry to hear about your family's loss. I don't have any recommendations since I myself don't have any experience with preemies. As for a gift for Dad, I would just continue to offer all support and love. Sounds like they have most of the necessities but there can never be enough support. My thoughts and prayers are with the baby and your family. Good luck. Sorry I don't have more to say in regards to answering your questions.