I have a 5.5 year old who is ADHD and will be starting kindergarten this fall. Her behavior at home can be atrocious though she does better at school--she still has problems with focusing, being still and impulse control but her attitude and moodiness is better. I feel like I am about to pull my hair trying to parent her. I put her in room today for misbehaving and just screamed and screamed and screamed. She cannot calm down by herself when she gets this way. When she is having a temper tantrum about being punished for misbehaving and needs help calming down, I have a hard time helping her calm down because **I** am so frustrated. I feel like it is going to be a LONG summer. Are there any meds that can help this type of impulsive, hyper, mood-swingy type of behavior? I am not worried about her focusing on anything...just mellowing out! I am desperate!
And because I know some of you will suggest food allergies--we have already tried that thank you. She does not have any food allergies that are causing this.
My son was on Adderall XR for years and it just didn't seem to fully help him out. Now he is on Vyvanse and it is great, I take it as well - I have issues with focusing and such and it works great. It lasts longer than the other ADHD meds. It is good to research the different medications out there and it is even better to have a good discussion with a pediatrician. Good Luck!!
I am an energy healer. I deal with people that have trapped emotions. I would see if she has any trapped emotions first because they are easy to remove. There is no drug involved, just love. Let me know if I can help. I don't have to be right there with you. This can be done in different states, cities, etc..
Be very, very careful where you get your information about ADHD. I would look to ADDitude magazine and CHADD to ensure you're getting the facts. The general public and people who haven't dealt with ADHD first-hand are not reliable.
ADHD medication helps the vast majority of people with ADHD. It completely transformed our son's life. He went from being kicked out of preschool to excelling in elementary school. It connects the dots in the brain in ways that no diet, supplement or other strategy can. He seems like a normal child when the medication is active. When it's not active, life is hell.
If you try medication, keep in mind you'll still benefit from behavioral therapy. A great therapist can give you tips on managing her bad behavior, especially when the medication isn't active (it takes an hour to kick in and will konk out in the afternoon on extended release). A key thing is not losing it as a parent. I know first-hand how hard that is when you're dealing with ADHD symptoms that are nails on chalkboard horrendous. People who haven't seen ADHD truly have no clue how much of a nightmare it is. But you have to stay calm as best you can.
ADHD medication will help with ALL of the symptoms. Our son at 7 am is running across the furniture, throwing things, trying to climb the walls, refusing to eat breakfast, saying offensive words and pretty much destroying the house. Doesn't matter what we do to try to control him. When the medication kicks in at 8, he's calm, polite, focused, normal. Still full of the same personality and not even remotely lethargic, just normal.
Where are you in the medical process? If you haven't already, get her in with a specialist like a child psychiatrist who can develop a treatment plan and talk about the various medications. It can take trial and error to get the medication right, but it's worth the leap of faith.
Good luck!
As a parent of a 6.5 year old with ADHD I can tell you that it is hard listening to others suggest that there are foods to try and natural remedies to try. I can also tell you that while a lot of people object to the use of stimulant drugs they help considerably and are considered very safe. Work with your pediatrician to get the right medication and dose. I remember a few months before we finally got medication for my son I was at my wits end. I went from loving every day with my kids to wanting a divorce from my hubby just to have someone else take care of the boy part of the week. The hour between when I would pick him up after school and his dad would get home was the second most miserable hour of my day. Second only to the hour after his dad left for the day and I got him to school. I know some mom's will read this in horror like there is something wrong with me but I love my kids and don't want to go back to living like that again. It also helps to have a schedule that is predictable and keep the child busy and active but some kids are not helped by behavior modification alone. My son is on Adderall and does well with a low dose of it. I can tell you that ADD runs in my husbands family and many people self medicate with caffeine and nicotene for years (both my husband and his mother did). I think the nicotene is far worse than the Adderall. I can also tell you that kids who are not well regulated can have a much harder time with school and can unfortunately be written off by teachers who cannot deal with the kids behaviors. This is not a matter of diet or exercise, this does need extra help to be managed in many so don't feel bad and don't let others bully you into not using medication as directed by a doctor. I have my loving son back and he is much better for it
Oh wow, I can't believe how many people can not be supportive of using medication along with therapies for help. For a true ADHD no amount of love, food switching or herbs will help, I have tried. Its a chemical imbalance. It makes me so mad that some people think I medicate my child because I haven't tried every possible way to help her or that I am just lazy and want to control her by making her a zombie. These moms didn't watch me cry and beat myself up the first week we tried medicine. My sister in law with ADHD said the right medicine helps flip a switch that helps makes everything clear. It will not change your child, just give them the tool to feel that everything is working right. As with anything talk to your pediatrician and work with them to do what is best for your kido. This includes any "natural" herb. Topical oils may not be as bad ( some can cause rashes so be careful) but please talk to your doctor about anything that goes into her mouth. I have seen natural remedies, that could have worse side effects. Ok enough of that rant. I feel for you it is so hard to stay calm with your child running on over the top emotions. Have you started with a child phycologist? As one mom mentioned the best way to go is with medication and therapy. There are medications out there that will help, but it may take some trial and error. I found that with my daughter I need to always try to be one step ahead of her meltdowns. I have to be able to catch her at the first sign of frustration and derail her with humor or quiet time. Dont be afraid of putting her into her room safe and then walk outside for a few minutes of mommy quiet time so that you can walk back in and help your daughter calm down. Other times all you can do is let her cry it out. Also I am finding that a loose schedule is good for us. We write down how the day is going to flow, including chores. It helps my daughter know what to expect and see what is expected of her. Hang in there, its hard, but just remember everyday is a new day and start fresh. Plan trips to parks and fun little things to keep the summer busy. Best of wishes.
Have you considered seeing a Naturopath Doctor?
Maybe that is another alternative. If you don't want meds.
I am sure she is just as frustrated.
I think you need to talk to her doctor about this. Good luck!
I completely agree with Kerry's answer except for one thing - I highly recommend seeing a child psychiatrist who is experienced working with kids with ADHD. Often they are much more informed about the meds and issues that could arise.
My daughter has been on Ritalin LA (long acting) for 7 1/2 years (she is 16 now) and it has been a lifesaver for her. She can concentrate, focus on schoolwork, and doesn't have the emotional swings - self-regulation is a huge issue for many of our kids.
I would look for therepies/activities to do instead of medications; my 4yr old son has ADHD and will be starting school this fall and the few meds we tried were just so not worth it we walked away from that route perm. Plus, if you look at the side effects not worth it in my opinion.
And yes, talk to a doctor, therepist etc about this and do not go into it lightly.
Hi--
As always, I have a little bit different perspective. Know that my background is working with ADHD kids (my degree is in developmental psychology) and both my kiddos are super sensitive, so I do have some knowledge on this topic.
A few things. First, if you haven't already, try taking chemicals out of her diet. Studies have proven over and over again that it is not sugar that makes kids hyper. However, when testing food dyes, preservatives, and MSG, all these things made kids more hyper.
Second, have you tried Rescue Remedy by Bach's Flower essences? You can get it at Whole Foods or Vitamin Cottage or Sprouts. It is kind of like a homeopathic, but it works on the emotions. You can get drops or pastilles (which my kids love). You could also try something called Calm Drops by Historical Remedies. They are homeopathics designed to calm you down. I take them when I get stressed, and they work great for children having tantrums. The only places I've found them are at Vitamin Cottage and the Vitamin Shoppe.
You could try herbs--Wish Garden and Herbs for Kids both make formulas designed to help children stay calm. You don't want to use valerian unless you want her to go to sleep. Again, you can find these at the above mentioned stores. (In fact, I'm pretty sure they are made in Boulder). You could also try magnesium supplementation. There is a magnesium powder, pretty sure it's called "Calm" that you just add to water--my youngest loves it. Be careful though--too much will give her diarrhea.
Check out Stress Free Kids on-line. They have meditation CD's for kids and I started my oldest on them when he was about four. This could help her calm down. You could also try yoga with her---there are DVD's out there especially designed for children and families.
When she gets into tantrum mode and can't calm herself down you could try literally putting her in a "hug" hold. Put her in your lap and cross her elbows one under the other and pull her hands towards her back. Let her struggle against you--as long as you are making sure your hold isn't too tight she'll be fine, but she'll tell you that you are hurting her. Let her take her "rage" out on you, telling her all the time that you love her and you will let her go as soon as she shows you that she can calm down. Hugging contact helps the nervous system calm down. Depending on how upset she is it could take a while for her to calm down. Just calmly rock her and give her love and tell her that you are keeping her safe. The calm drops and rescue remedy will also help you calm down so you can handle her when she gets into this mode.
Finally, try teaching her how to "ground" herself. Most kids respond to either being a flower or a tree and growing roots into the ground. Then teach her to put a bubble of light around her and this is her "safe" zone. No one can touch her when she is in her bubble. Or for my boys I used a clear bouncy ball--anything that came at them would just "bounce" right off. I would guess she is sensitive to the emotions of others around her and to stress of all kinds and her tantrums are her way of releasing that stress. By teaching her the "bubble" she can insulate herself from over-whelming emotions.
On the topics of meds---I would try the natural route first. Most kids have side effects from pharmaceuticals. She may be calmer but she may not be herself anymore either. I've seen kids lose all personality---almost zombie like--but they were calm. I think this would make you sad. Oh, and you could try inositol power. It's related to b-vitmains and helps the brain and nervous system calm down--it also helps with digestion.
As always, let me know if I can help further. Good luck!! I hope your younger daughter is doing better now, too.
J.
Dear McK5,
My heart breaks to hear children being put on medication. Just the other day while sitting in the airport waiting for my plane the news brief on TV was about ADHD and the fact the most of these children did NOT need medication and that medication was quickly becoming a means of parental control.
We're not paying enought attention to nutrition. As parents, we have our work cut out for us. We live in a fast food society ... it's hard enough to get kids to eat healthy foods like fruits and vegetablese when their taste buds are hardwired to prefere donuts, french fries, and pizza and sugar.
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At a minimum please, please get your child(ren) moms off of sugar! Besides depressing immunity sugar sours behavior, attention and learning. Sugar promotes sugar highs.Studies have shown that some children with ADHD react to glucose-tolerance tests with a dip to low blood-sugar levels producing abnormal behavior. High adrenaline levels or low blood-sugar levels produce abnormal behavior.
I hope that you see this scientific data is the answer for your daughter. I am SO confident in the above that I can say to you it is my belief it will free you both and your summer can be joyful.
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C.
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I am hearing your feeling very clearly. Therefore, realize that when you react so does she and visa versa. Action is much more positive response than reaction-----she is old enough to know how to push your buttons.
What she may unconsciously be asking for is a bit more structure, and on task ventures, and lots of positive reinforcing to stay on task. As a former SPED teacher, I could go into lots of examples for use in the home, such as drawing for 15-20 minutes, dancing, practicing her numbers---anything hands on to stay on task.
ANd yes there are Meds, but she will nned to be examined by an ED and PSYCH/Behavioral specialist for diagnosis purposes.
Also to make your life easier---no soda, juicy drinks, snow cone with sugar syrups, no premixed yogurts go for plain and add your own fruit, and a little bit of honey, premixed contains excess sugar. Keep in mind sugary fixes induce sugar rushes that crash into crankiness--also dark chocolate such as semi sweet chips is better than milk chocolate---less sugar.
Whole wheat and whole grains help to maintain focus.
For more info see the Love More Feed Less cookbook and remember that nobody ever said it would be easy having kids, and they each have their own little cricks and crannies------but love, structure and hugs plus a bit of self discipline helps make life easier.
The Muffin Lady
You could have been describing my son the year before he started kindergarten.
We didn't have an official diagnosis (we're working on that now), but I have enough experience with ADHD that I was pretty sure that's what was going on. But the emotional part really baffled me. I guess it's more common that I realized with ADHD.
I never did meds (personal choice, doctor ok with it). But I realized I had to treat him like a much younger child. I scaled my discipline strategies to how I would normally deal with a 3 year old - held him till he stopped screaming and fighting, whispered comfortingly to him, etc. Basically giving his body the control he couldn't attain until he was able to stop the meltdown (I am always very gently when restraining him). It was no magic solution. He still had meltdowns, even in school. Most of his teachers have been great, and helped him grow out of it, but one was just unwilling to understand (we finally transferred him).
One thing I wish I had done was get an IEP earlier. That way the unbending teacher would have been required to make more accommodations for him. If you don't already have an IEP, you might want to look into one.
You are going to have to do test runs of meds to get the right one/combo. I worked great with Ritalin, while Adderall made me act Bipolar. If it did that to everyone it wouldn't be on the market, so it must work for SOMEONE. Time to get her in regularly and get her med checked. Demand that meds help her control herself and that the meds not make her a zombie. As her mom you actually KNOW what is normal and what is not for your child. A teacher is not allowed by law to suggest that you get med checked so don't expect them to do that for you.
PLEASE do not put your DD on meds for adha. I work as a pharmacy tech and am also a psychology student hoping to work with children like this.
First, give the girl an outlet, a physical one. My nephew is similiar and was never so well behaved and able to focus than when he was active in sports. no meds needed
second, those medications used for things like ADD/ADHA are potent and only tested on ADULTS. they also have side affects so most people take a cocktail of anti-anxiety, anti-depressant, muscle-relaxer, and sleep meds in addition to the ADD/ADHD meds. and not to scare you, but reports still come in every day about this kid or that dying from an overdose of these drugs, not sure if it's an acutal overdose in the true sense of the word or if the combination of these meds are just too much for kids to be taking.
I would also suggest therapy to help your daughter find better, more effective ways of communicating her wants, needs, frustrations,etc and they can help her with focus too. you should look into joining a support group as well.
lastly, childrens minds are develop at an insane pace til about mid-late teenage years. those meds that are used can prevent your daughters brain from developing correctly.
hope this helped, good luck
ps. i'm not saying children shouldn't be put on these meds, they can and have been helpful, I'm saying proceed cautiouslly, after every avenue has been explored.
