Question About Notifying Stepdaughter

She should know as soon as possible. You and your husband should tell her together. If you don't get along with her that well, Dad could tell her by himself over some icream or somthing. But the worst thing you could do is wait too long. Of course if you're wanting to wait to tell everyone till you're further along it would be okay to wait till then to tell her.

I was 40 when I got pregnant with my daughter and I was afraid since I was "older" there may be complications, so I did not tell anyone, until I heard the babies heart beat, therefore you are past your 1st trimester (most important one) the baby was healthy and at three months along you can still hide the fact that you are pregnant. Then let her know I am sure she will be very excited to find out she is getting a baby brother or sister, and will not be heart broken if you told her and something horrible happened. Good luck with your pregnancy, I am sure you are very excited!

Hi
I have a step daughter,she was 10 at the time I was carrying our son.I asked her if she ever felt a baby kicking inside.She said no,so we watched until the baby started moving and I had her lay her hand on my belly to feel the kicking.That is how I introduced her to my unborn child.You would be surprised with the reaction,its so exciting.

I am also a stepmom. Ashley was two when her Mom and Dad divorced. We had are first child when she was five. When to tell her of course you and your husband will have to decide. I wouldn't keep it from her to long. It might seem to her like you where trying to hide it. The best advise I could say is to have her involved as much as possible. Let her feel that here role in the new baby life is very important. Ashley did have a hard time at first cause she wasn't going to have her Dad all to her self. However her dad just told her several times that this baby could never take her place and how he needed her and how the new baby would need her too. Once she thought we couldn't do it with out her being a Big Sister wasn't so bad. Kids are amazing how they adjust. Congrats. Hope everything works out.

I'd wait, like you said "anything could happen". Wait until you start to "show" but I would tell her before she comes for the summer. I'd definately check out some good books from the library for suggestions on "how too" with a low impact on her...you can involve her and make it fun for her too. Keep her involved is the "key"....! You might want to make a "diary" for her so she'll feel involved from the beginning...a scrapbook type with pictures (ultrasound) or from a book would be great. When the baby starts to kick you could note..."oh, I kicked mom today...was so cool cause she jumped...", etc. Be "open" but age approperate with her & honesty is always the best policy...good luck!

I think you should wait until closer to the time she will visit in the summer to tell her. You won't be really showing a lot yet in March. And it would be nice for all of you to know for sure that things are going to happen as expected before you tell her.

Congradulations, and I am sure you will do fine. I would go ahead and tell her when you see her in March. Just stress to her that you will still love her as much when the baby comes as you do now. From the way you wrote, I feel she will know that.

Good Luck and May God Bless Your Family and you new baby to be.

My response is not to criticize but so that others can learn from your experience.

First off, since you have such concern for your step-daughter, you should have told her, before you got pregnant, that you had decided to try to have a baby. Then this would have been much avoided and she would already be used to the idea that you might become pregnant.

Seeing how the deed is already done, however, I can only give the following advice....

It would be best if your husband was with you when you told her. Reassure her that this will not change anything. After the baby is born, include her in ideas and events in the baby's life. Don't just tell her of events, but ask her for advice. Yes she's young, but she still has ideas with merit.

My parents were divorced and remarried late in my life (I was in my 20's). I was told beforehand about them trying to have a child, and then was included in shopping trips for the baby before she was born. I really loved being involved and being able to pick out and buy things for the baby.

Hope this helps.

I would wait until you're through your first trimester to tell her. You won't be showing then, and it will still be pretty early, but most spontaneous miscarriages seem to happen in the first trimester. That way if something (God forbid) were to happen, she wouldn't be going through the grief of losing a sibling she thought she was going to have. After you make it through that though, I would definitely be honest with her and tell her you want her to be a big part of the baby's life. You might even ask her to be one of your labor coaches, and give her the option of being in the delivery room with you. As far as her mother being there when you tell her, that really depends on the kind of relationship you have with her mother. If it's a cordial relationship, absolutely have her there to help her through it. That would show support from her and help her feel a kind of family unity, even though her family is mixed. Regardless, I would prepare her mother for what you're going to tell her; don't spring it on both of them at the same time. I wish you the best of luck with your new baby!

i think its best to be honest with her she may handle it better than you expect after all this isn't a child she will live with year round so she may feel less threatened

K. i think u should tell ur step daughter that u r pragrant and things. she will come to love the baby when it gets here sweetie never hide anything from a child at all. that is what i always told my daughter about her children and things never hide anything it is always better to tell them and things. if u feel better that ur husband to be there when u tell her well wait until he is there with u or talk to him on a speaker phone and u both can tell her that she is going to have a brother or a sister.

Hey there K. - I have been through a similar situation. My husband and I married when his daughter was 13, she's now 17 about to turn 18. We never planned to have any children of our own & had told his daughter this... however, we got a surprise & now have an incredibly beautiful daughter, 10 weeks old now. (She was not planned, but is incredibly well loved by us both.)

I should point out that the relationship my step-daughter & husband have isn't the best due to her mother's influence, so we were dreading telling her! We phoned my step-daughter after the 12th week & my husband was the one who told her as we live in a different country to her. Thankfully she was very receptive to the whole thing.

I'd suggest, though, that you both tell your step-daughter in person. If we'd been able to, we would've told her in person.

We included his daughter by actually using the first name she suggested should we have a girl. This made her feel included and she has seemed very keen on knowing about this baby of ours ever since.

We did also tell her that it was a surprise and we hadn't planned it.

I wish you all the best with the pregnancy and telling your step-daughter. She's been through this once before & while she was upset she has survived it. Include her as much as you can, share your excitement with her and she just might come around.

Edited to add: I like the fact that you had discussed with her over the last 2 summers the possibility & how she felt about a sibling. At least she knows there is a possibility that this might happen! And you and your husband had the opportunity to ask her how she felt at the time.

First off...always be honest with her. No matter what! I have an 11 year old stepdaughter also. We have a 2yr old together. My stepdaughter lives in another state with her mom. The difference with my case is that she has a brother and a sister there. In your case...it sounds like she was the only child and now has to share attention. She would have acted the same way even if her mom and dad were still together and had another child. Now she is sharing families and will have two other siblings. She will adjust.
I wouldn't have told her that it would be a long time before you guys have kids or if at all. Your just patronizing her to make her feel better if you knew that there was a possibility you and your husband would have a baby someday. Don't protect her feelings by telling her a different softer story. I would wait to tell her about this baby when your husband can be there face to face. He should be involved in that with you there. Ask her questions about how she feels about it and does she know that she will still be loved just the same. Bring it up like in a conversation while you're doing something. It doesn't have to be sitting down in your living room. Just get her to talk about it. Even if you ask her about her new baby sibling and she's not happy about it...tell her. Honesty is the best policy, right?
We asked my husbands daughter what she thought about babies. We asked her how she feels about being around them. We then told her we were going to have one. Her response was that she hoped it wasn't another brother because her brother at home was annoying. She was fine. She gets jealous but we always let her know that she's apart of our family too and very loved.
With your stepdaughter...be up front with her! She will be fine. She may get jealous but she's a kid...she will get over it as long as she feels she is loved too.
When you guys start getting things together for the baby and this daughter is there with you...get her involved. When the baby is here...let her help.
Good luck!!! And congratulations on your new baby! Kids are awesome!

I think I would tell her that next time I see her with your father. You might feel it is a little soon but I would feel the need to have her father present. So if she has any worries or problems her dad can resure her that he will love just the same when the baby comes. I also would not want to give her a shock in the summer when I am showing.

I think you should tell her as soon as you get the chance. I mean your going to have the child so you might as well not wait that way she will have time to adjust to the thought of you having a baby. She might take it hard at first but then I think she will be happy when the baby gets here. I hope it all works out for you.

I have two stepkids and am due with my first next month. We see the kids regularly and I have been surprised by how excited they are to watch my belly grow and talk about the baby. I too told them I wasn't going to have any kids, but they've accepted that I really just changed my mind and was being honest at the time. (I think it helped that their dad told them it's because I miss them terribly when they are not around, which is true.) Sounds like you've prepared her for a new brother or sister, but I would tell her alone in person next month and make sure your husband is accessible if she wants to talk to him too. I like to think that I'm giving the kids a little brother or sister that will be their biggest fan.