Question About Donating Money to "Friends" on Facebook

"The last I heard, she was trying" does not mean they are moving, and I wouldn't blame a person for wanting to be by family when they are likely dying.

My personal policy for giving money is that I either give or don't, then it is the receiver's business what they do with the money, and not my place to judge.

I would donate what you feel comfortable with...maybe $30.00-$100.00. Just think of how sad the situation is and don't think of the details of their spending habits. In the grand scheme of things you won't regret giving, but you might regret not.

I would have a very difficult time giving money to someone who is quitting a job and giving up health coverage during a medical crisis. I would try to find some other way to offer assistance. Watching kids during doctor appointments or cooking meals, something more tangible and less spendable.

But that's me.

You knowwhat? My sister thinks I don't spend my money well either. She thinks I blow it on stuff I don't need and that I should do certain things instead.

She and I don't agree on some of those things. She's a Jehovah's Witness, she does not pay tithes. If I mention paying tithes she says I should pay my bills and everything before I pay them. I don't feel that way.

She is one to put every penny in savings so she can feel secure. I want to have enough groceries and electricity and never have anything left over to put anything in savings.

She will not buy something she really wants because she needs to have money in savings. I will buy something I really need if it's something I need.

So, if you asked my sister this question about me she'd likely tell you the same thing.

This stepson's wife is dying? Then it doesn't matter. If they used every penny of this money to go to Galveston for a week instead of paying bills it doesn't matter. She is going to be gone.

He may need the help to take care of her as she declines. He may need the support of this family so he will not die inside when she's gone. She may be terrified and want her mom or her dad or her aunt or her cousin. She needs to be able to see her family to reminisce and to say goodbye to them.

If I had any money I'd give it to them and hope they did something totally fun and enjoyable with it instead of paying a bill. She won't be here much longer but the bills still will be.

Cash money? No. I think I would be okay with donating a giftcard, though. Probably a grocery store.

If you want to help, give them a gift card to a supermarket. Food is a necessity and this way you'll know they aren't using the cash you give to buy new shoes.

I'm sure they will appreciate any assistance at this time and I think helping them not worry about whether they can eat will be a huge help. Otherwise, see if there is a way to put money into a healthcare account on their behalf, or offer to pay a certain amount towards an actual hospital bill (as in, you send the check to the hospital, not to the family)

You just have to be careful about how you donate. You could give a grocery card or cards to food places like subway because treatments mean time spent on the road. You could do a card for a massage. Just keep it to something you feel good about.

Honestly I probably would just give cash because it's what they need and it's easiest for me. If you don't feel comfortable giving cash, then I would get a gas card or if they have to pay for parking at her doctor's office(s), find out if you can get a gift card to the parking lot/garage and give them that. I have known several people whose family members have been in treatment in Boston and the parking for the hospitals can be $20-$30 or more a day. When a friend's dad was hospitalized for a month she spent almost $200 a week on parking, gas and dinners to see him after work every day.

I agree, don't send cash. Gift cards to grocery stores, restaurants, or gas stations (if they have to drive to appointments) are a great idea. You could also do the Visa gift cards or gift cards to discount stores but they are more open to "frivolous" spending. If she is getting treatments at a hospital where they have to pay for parking you might see if they sell parking passes. (Mayo Clinic has punch cards that you can buy for cheaper than paying for one day at a time.)

I don't donate money to campaigns that appear on Facebook unless I know the people really well and can investigate the campaign more thoroughly through a website (or via e-mail).

I agree with the gift card idea, if you want to help these people. If you send a grocery gift card, chances are they're going to use it for (mostly) groceries. And it would help their budget, however shaky it is.

Absolutely not, I would contact their electric company and make a portion of a payment on their bill or buy a gift card to a grocery store. Why give them more to spend if they are most likely going to toss it to the side poor choices anyways.

Best of luck to you.

You've got some great advice from previous posts.

I think if you're nervous, give a grocery/gas gift card or offer to pay one of their specific bills.

But me personally, I agree with the post that says if she is dying it might be okay for them to spend "frivolously". Like the Make a Wish foundation, worst case scenario, you'd be helping her to do/buy one last "fun" thing. You know what they say about money...can't take it with you.... (As long as they don't have children who need that money!)

She has metastatic cancer...she is going to be on this earth maybe 24 more months tops (unless there is a miracle or she gets in a drug trial that works).

So what would you do knowing you only had less than 2 years to live?

Would you love closer to family? Want to spend as much times as possible with your husband?

If they move hopefully they could pay for the COBRA coverage and keep their current insurance until he finds something else...with the affordable healthcare act they can't not take her due to pre-existing conditions.

You can send gift cards for groceries and help with utilities if that makes you feel better...or donate money that can help with a move or whatever...but her time is limited and think about how you would behave if it were you!!

No. I would donate to their cause for research though.

Common sense is: to stay where they are, the Husband has a good job with health benefits. THAT is what they need, now.
Her family can come and visit her.
Without the Husband's good job and health benefits, they will lose everything. AND they may not be able to get any medical insurance if one of them has no job. No job means, no benefits. No income. No money to use for anything. And no medical treatment, for her, either.
Because they will have no medical coverage.
Does the Wife, not see that?
I really hope, the Stepson is rational.
They need the Husband's job. They need medical/health benefits.
And... there is NO way to predict, if the Husband can get or will get, another job at all, if they move to somewhere else.
Lots of people, do not have jobs now.

It is up to you if you want to donate.

This issue has been in my life more than I can count. My husband's family has forever got money problems, needing food, etc. and they live out of the U.S.. they continue to have more children without jobs, marriage, etc. His mom is taking care of his dad who has been in a coma for a very long time, and she takes care of these people, too. He has a forty year old brother whose wife took off with their child a couple of years ago, and he lives off the mom, his sisters don't work, they stay at home and do all the things I would like to do, and when we went to their poor homes, they have television, internet, cel phones, nice clothes, and plenty of food. Yet, he is forever donating large amounts of money because they are so 'poor.' I work and really seriously would love to stay home if I could. I do not like it when he sends them money and they are paying for all of this garbage and I am buying clothes at second hand shops. (My choice-I Am trying to save for a business)> But here it is: the big issue. The guilt. He is far away. So he wants to take care of them. So I don't whine anymore AS much. And it isn't up to us whether someone is bad with money or not, if it is a gift it isn't our business how they spend it. I was thinking more that you were worried about making a donation over the internet. But if you can afford something, and it doesn't destroy your life, then you are helping the stepson who sounds like he needs some control over his own pain in guilt in life. And if she is as ill as she sounds, no matter what it is spent on it won't be used for very long anyway. So sad, so sorry for the family.
so I guess my answer is yes, but probably with a little resentment

NO, NO and NO You already know they have demonstrated poor financial responsibility.

What would I do? I would contribute to their home utilities or send food (steaks, ham, etc).

If you send cash, it will be blown just like it has in the past.

As far as the move... that would be crazy to lose benefits. I understand she might want to be closer to family and all but if they lose all benefits, then someone is looking at some huge financial responsibilities for medical bills which will far outlast her passing and possibly end up in bankruptcy.

Maybe suggest a financial planner as well to guide them through this difficult time. Big decisions do not need to be made based on emotions.

Best wishes.

I know that being with family is important. But the last thing I would wish on my husband is to ruin his life after I'm gone by getting him to quit his job and move so that I could be happy. I'd want family to come to me as they could. All the hospital bills are going to pile up and he will be responsible for them when she is gone. That won't go away for a long time. This woman is very selfish for wanting to push this on her husband. You need to tell him not to do this. He will have a life to live long after she is gone and doing this could cost him dear for such a long time, including him not being able to get another meaningful job.