Pusing at Daycare

Hi there,

I used to work as an Infant & Toddler Specialist prior to staying home with my daughter after she was born, and I went in to child care settings quite a bit. Take a look at the environment in your child's care setting - what does the caregiver do? Does he/she respond in a caring yet disciplining way or does he/she shame him? What was going on prior to the pushing episode? Does the caregiver sit back and observe the environment every so often? Does he/she take anecdotal observation notes, marking your child's developmental progress, situations when he's pushing, etc? What kind of curriculum does your caregiver have so your son doesn't get bored?

Just a few things to look for. Often pushing is a learned behavior that your son has figured out will get him his way in a certain situation/environment. Often for children zero to three, the environment in general is the biggest cause for misbehavior.

Hope this helps!

Smiles,

J. P

I told my day care provider, that he doesn't get a warning, and looked at my son telling him this was his warning, and if he pushed anyone he would have to take a 4 minute time out right away...then I asked him what hands and arms are for, and he said arms are for hugging...

we will see what has happened today when I pick him up...

First of all you need to get over that he is just being bad or acting out of something he has seen or how you have parented. Chances are that his pushing and being aggressive is the only way he has available right now to communicate his frustration and anxiety. My son was like your son and his personal space was and is very important to him. In a daycare setting he felt like he had no control over who was in his personal space. Even when he learned to speak, he couldn't communicate his need for space and even if he had, the other toddlers were certainly not going to understand how to respect it. He may also have some sensory processing issues (my son did) that make the chaos of a group daycare setting unbearable (we figured that out a year later). Unfortunately, we found that the only option for our son was to pull him out of that setting and find a quieter, calmer setting for him.

Other clues to look for: does he nap well at daycare or are his naps there a lot shorter than at home? Does he seemed stressed about going in the morning? How do the teachers react? Are they just putting him in time-outs (very ineffective at that age) or are they finding him space where he can be quiet and have help calming down? Is he getting enough positive affection from the teachers (my son needed lots of hugs during the day but I started to observe that at his daycare the toddler teachers tended to only hug the girls and not the boys)? He may be a sensory seeker (check the book "The Out-of-Sync Child").

The good news is that in the right environment it gets much better. My son is now 4.5 and in a preschool where they have really taught him how to communicate and advocate for the space he needs.

There is a great book "Hands are Not For Hitting". You could try reading that and other books about what he can do with his hands. I have heard that can help.

Good luck.
Jess

I would suggest that you speak one on one with the daycare provider to find out what kind of discipline they are using. I honestly believe that the quickest way to resolve the issue would be that every time he pushes another child he gets told at his face level that pushing is not acceptable because it hurts people or something like that and then he is brought to a time out spot for 1 minute for every year of his age. Then after his time the provider should reiterate that pushing is not acceptable then have him apologize to the child he pushed. Hope this helps. Make sure not to make a very big deal out of it because then he might start pushing other kids just for the attention.