Punishment for Teasing Other Boy

Make him put himself in the other boy's shoes and then write a couple of paragraphs about how it feels to be teased. That will cause him to HAVE to think about his behavior and how it made the other boy feel.

Empathy!

I have an 8 year old boy and a 6 year old girl. If I ever hear of either one teasing anyone else including eachother I sit them down have a talk with them. I explain how teasing is not right and makes a person feel bad. How disappointed I feel when I hear them teasing and how bad I feel for the other child. I also have them put themselves in that person's shoes to see what they would feel. They NEED to apologize. Granted my kids tend to not tease eachother but I have heard them call eachother names, which is my book is still teasing.

One of my boys did this when he was little, only to a girl. I made him write an apology note to her. Of course we talked to him about how teasing makes others feel and how it is not right.

I would suggest that you have a conversation with him about what teasing "is". Just because he thinks it's funny or someone else laughs, does not mean that what he has said isn't hurtful. Let him know that teasing is hurtful and ask how he would feel if someone made fun of him.

My guess is that his response will be "not good" or "sad". OK. Bottom line is that he's probably never been the "victim" of teasing, so he doesn't really know what that feels like. The better words are "uncomfortable" and "embarassed". Give him those words and explain what they mean. Tell him about a time when you were really uncomfortable and embarassed and have him share a time with you.

As for punishments, I would have him write an apology to the two children involved. I would also let him know that you will be talking with the bus driver and the principal about where he will be sitting on the bus for the next week... right up front. This is a sort of "backhanded" way of applying a consequence and letting him experience a mild level of embarassment. He's going to have to explain "why" he's not allowed to sit with his friends.

Definitely strengthen the consequence at home. If he's getting away with it at home (which he is b/c the behavior is continuing and is now expanding into two locations), then you can expect him to "try" it elsewhere.

I would implement a new consequence. Sounds like the current ones are not curbing his behavior. Time to find some new ones. Also, I would look at this as a chance to begin an ongoing dialogue with him about the social aspect of his experience. Encourage him to talk about why he did it and what he thinks the difference between joking and teasing is. To me it seems significant that he teased along with another boy. I would try and find out if he is trying to impress this other boy. Maybe he is feeling insecure so he teases to make people laugh.

I would have the "how would you feel" discussion with him and if you are not able to be present when he apologizes, I would have him write out his apology to give to him.

You don't mention how old your son is, but the earlier we teach kindness and empathy the better! Your son may have thought he wasn't doing anything all that bad, that's why it is important to talk about how the other child felt.

Thanks for being a Mom that cares enough to do something!!

M

You are right to require a consequence for this. The teasing is relatively harmless now. But if it's allowed to continue, it won't be silly anymore when it escalates.

Requiring him to sit at the very front of the bus away from all of his friends for a week will make a big difference in his future behavior. This is what the school did to the kid who was trying to pick fights with my son. It's not enough of a consequence to drive him to school. He needs to have to ride the bus and be punished in front of his friends. The school should be requiring it of his friends too (but not them sitting together.)

Start by curbing the teasing at home, if he thinks it is okay to bully his little brother then doing it to a stranger would seem like it would be okay too. Also, talk to him about bullying, what it is, how it feels. If you have access have him watch the movie "bully" with you. It has some bad language but the message is incredible. As far as for this specific instant, taking away something he enjoys may help cement in his mind how wrong he was. If he loves video games or some special activity ground him from it for a couple of days.

I am trying to come up with something logical and since the teasing was about boy playing with girl, I'd invite a lot of girls to play with him and make him appreciate that girls can be friends. I'm mean like that.

I'm not sure what else would get the message across except showing how it hurts to be teased, and to do that you may have to spend a day being mean and teasing him.

What consequences have already been given? You say he "got in trouble."

I would explain to him, how disappointed you are that he is acting like a BULLY. Yes, teasing is considered bullying in schools.

It is sad enough he teases his brother who loves him so much, but to then do this to a classmate.. is mean.

How would he feel if someone made fun of you, mom?

Were you ever teased in school? Let him know how it hurt and embarrassed you. And look, you are now a mom and you still remember how that person made you feel. Then I would ask him, what is wrong with a boy and a girl sitting next to each other? and why does it seem to bother him?

Then ask him how can he apologize?

I do recall a teacher telling us a story about her mother blindfolding her because she and other kids were making fun of a blind girl. She remembered that feeling and I think her point was her empathy she felt for the blind girl.

I think anything that will help develop his empathy would be good.

What was the teasing about? That might help you target the discipline.

And if you aren't already, maybe go heavier on the discipline for teasing at home. He just needs to not be teasing, regardless of home or family. If he feels like it's "ok" at home, he'll do it at school more easily. He may not think it's OK at home, but if he feels like he can get away with it without too much trouble, it makes it easier to do.

I would probably crack up laughing. They are a hoot at that age and the bus just presents itself with so many opportunities for kids to get in trouble. Part of growing up. That being said, I would sit him down and talk to him about being kind to others. It is just so normal at this age. I know, it doesn't make it right.

I would pick an instance where YOU were teased, M.. Tell him how old you were, the particulars, but especially how that made you FEEL. Your palms sweating, your face getting red. How horrible you felt. How trapped. And how you didn't know how to respond. Did you stand up for yourself? Did you freeze? Did you cry? Tell him everything. It was an experience you don't want your son to go through - or anyone else!

Then ask him how he wants to make the situation better.

I like the other poster's idea about sitting away from his friends for a week.

How old is your son? Different age groups usually require different types of punishments or discipline techniques.