Pulling My Hair Out!!

Hi A.,

You should look for a mom's group to get involved in...your 3 yr old probably is missing being around other kids & a mom's group can provide a playgroup for him & new friends for you too. My MOMS Club chapter dues are only $25 per year, so it's very affordable. Check out www.momsclub.org to see if there's a chapter near you. There are also groups called Mothers and More, MOPS, and groups on www.meetup.com

Good luck!

I HIGHLY recommend the book "To Train Up a Child." Their website is nogreaterjoy.org. The book is under $5. If you want a run-down of the book, email me! Other than that, get out and play and go to a mom's group/ playgroup. Many churches have great mom's group programs! Teach your child to obey the first time and you'll both have much more peace, joy, and cheerfulness!

I am a SAHM with a 3 yr old, while my 1st grader attends school. I DREAD the summertime with my kids bickering the way they do! I know it is frustrating, but I would work on your youngest ones behavior, before school lets out. A good book is James Dobsons, Strong Willed Child. After this, I would recommend reading a book called 'Relational Parenting'. I think, over the long run, a bit of both techniques combined is healthful for children.
Sidewalk chalk, water paints, Color Wonders, library books, computer games like fisherprice (online) and Webkinz (with your help), find a moms group to meet up with...I've heard of something you could check out online called something like...meetupgroups...meetup...something like that, that can get you in touch with other moms with the same age of children. Wishing you well!!!

Hi stressed out Mommie, I understand just how you feel. My husband was transferred 9 times in 10 years right after having twins, then 14 months later another girl. Take some deep breaths first. Make yourself a list of the things that you want to change about their behavior for the day. Start small and come up with a thing you want to try. The first day be consistent all day and see if it works. At the end of the day look at the list and see what worked and didn't. The 3 year old you can make him think he has school work by writing letters and shapes and reading for a certain time each day. Reward him with great stickers during his school time. I hope this may help. I am a grandma now of 5 and watch two of them 60 hours a week. My 5 year old grandson loves his school time with me during the 1 year olds nap time. He loves earning stickers because each one has a value. Some get special play time with grandma or puzzle time or painting or building cars or objects that he likes. I want a grandson to be able to build with his hands and be creative. Good luck, if nothing else works and you are stressed and he is bored take a walk and see the beauty in your area. R.

My daughter is also three, and here are some things she enjoys doing at home:
A package of construction paper, a glue stick, and a pair of scissors will keep her entertained for quite a while. I was a little nervous about the scissors at first, but I sat with her and reiterated (every few minutes) that we ONLY cut the paper. I keep her cutting/pasting supplies in a large-ish plastic bowl with a lid, so we can keep the scraps that she hasn't used for next time. She knows that all the paper needs to go back into the bowl when she’s done.

You can usually get scrapbook supplies cheaply at dollar stores. We made birthday cards for her cousin last month. We spelled his name with some punch-out letters and glued them onto card stock and added some stickers, shapes from her cutting projects, and she drew some pictures.

Sticking stickers onto a sheet of paper is always fun for her. You can get whole books of stickers at dollar stores.

Puzzles also keep her busy for a while. I just got several 24-piece jigsaw puzzles at Target for a few dollars each. Hers are Disney princesses and girly stuff, but I think they also had Transformers and Spongebob if your son is into that.

She loves to trace letters and "write". She has lots of paper, markers, pencils, crayons, etc. at her disposal, in addition to several wipe-off books that she can draw on, erase, and start all over.

She pulls her step stool up to the kitchen sink, and I run some water and put in some detergent and some plastic dishes that she can wash.

I can usually step away from the table for a bit while she's working, usually long enough to load or unload the dishwasher, dryer, etc. Sometimes I can get some computer work done while sitting at the table with her, too. Oh, this is fun for her as well -- I open a blank Word document, enlarge the font and make it her favorite color, and let her type. She knows the whole keyboard now, and has learned to spell her name, "Mommy", "Daddy", and is working on her phone number and the dog's name. I had to watch her closely at first and remind her to be careful with the keys, not to poke at the screen, etc., and sometimes I have to re-adjust the screen settings, but she's gotten the hang of it now, and I can trust her to sit on the sofa alone with my laptop for a few minutes. We sometimes send e-mails that she's written to family and friends.

Make everything he's doing sound very important. Cutting and pasting is a "project" for us, and when she's drawing or writing letters, it's "her work". If she's helping with things around the house, these are our "chores". I’m from west Texas (I now live in the D/FW area), so I know there is not a lot to do without driving a considerable distance, so I hope you guys can find lots of fun things to do at home. I would just work alongside him at first, until he “gets it” and sees that this is fun, then you can gradually begin leaving him to do his projects on his own so you can do a couple of things at a time. Good luck!

A.,

I know you just moved here 3 months ago and it takes time to make friends, but have you made any friends (who have children) yet? If so, arrange babysitting swaps, so you will have free babysitting when you go on job interviews. If you haven't made friends yet, what about your next door neighbors, or other nearby neighbors? Do they have young kids who you could do a babysitting swap with? Ask anyone you trust to do babysitting swaps (church is also a great resource to meet people).

One more suggestion - do another post here on mamasource. Say where you live, and ask moms who live close to you if they are interested in doing babysitting swaps. Meet a couple of times first, of course, to see if you feel comfortable w/ each other and trust each other. Arrange a couple playdates for the kids to see if everyone gets along before your babysitting swaps begin.

The sooner you make friends with people who have small children, the sooner you will have free sitting. I have 3 kids, and I too want to pull my hair out. I know how you feel. Good luck!

Hi A.,
Sounds like you are a little stressed, understandably. My son is also the type of kid who needs to stay busy. I agree with the last poster...having him help you may help the problem a bit. She's right, it will slow things down and you may have to redo some, but it beats a tantrum any day. My son has caught on to the paper towel trick, so now I give him baby wipes, so he thinks he is using a Chlorox wipe like Mommy (I have to be sneaky and act like it's coming from the same container). I spent a few bucks on a small broom, mop and dust pan so he can "help" with that too. I also bought a vacuum for $2 at goodwill. So he can vacuum with me. He also has a few chores to help with evenings. He has to put his plate by the sink, wipe down his area of the table and feed the dog. I am amazed at how many dishes can get washed while he is doing this.

We also HAVE to get out of the house for at least a little while each day - keeps him busy, and often wears him out so he'll take a little nap. And most of our excursions are free. Sometimes it's as simple as taking a walk with his baby sister around the neighborhood. If he doesn't want to walk, he'll bring his scooter or tricycle.

Playing in the yard, he loves his sandbox.

There are lots of parks around. I get online and try to go to all of the local parks.

The Botanical Gardens, Ft Worth Modern Museum of Art (on Wednesdays), Ridgmar Mall (they have a GREAT play area), the US Treasury off 287,Cabelas or Bass Pro (to look at the aquariums) are all free trips.

Glenview Baptist church opens their indoor playground to the public on certain days of the week. Get there early, they fill up quick and may have to turn you away. http://www.glenviewchurch.org/apps/articles/default.asp?a...

First Baptist Grapevine also an indoor playground that is open to the public on Thursdays and Fridays from 9 to 11 a.m. for 1.00 a person. http://www.fbcgrapevine.com/templates/System/details.asp?..

The Ft Worth Zoo is half priced on Wednesdays.

Play Dough has saved my life! We make our own, it's much cheaper (and I usually have the supplies on hand). And it's another activity. I put down newspaper over our work station...helps with the clean up! Then he'll spend forever playing with it. As long as it's kept off the carpet, it's no problem.

Magnets. I bought some at the dollar store. Someone on this site suggested that I let him play with it on a cookie sheet to make it portable...it's been big fun for him and I can watch him no matter where I am working.

I save boxes. On days I don't mind the mess or a little noise, I let him "build" things. He often colors his creations, but he is not allowed to cut anything (occasionally he'll ask me to cut a door or something).

We do story time at the library.

I often get art supplies at the dollar store - paint, crayons, stickers, coloring books etc. I bought a plastic table and chair for him at a yard sale for $3. I keep it on the back porch and bring it in for anything potentially messy to keep those projects off my table.

And it can be a little messy but my son loves glue! So sometimes I will put items in an empty egg carton...buttons, pasta, cotton balls, beans, etc, Hand him some glue and construction paper and he is happy as can be. This used to take A LOT of supervision, but now he knows what's expected and I don't worry too much.

Hope this helps!

I think we all have been there at one time! Hang in there and start finding other moms that you can do things with. That will help get you out of the house and interaction with other adults will keep you more sane.

Check out www.burbmom.net which has all sorts of things to do in this area plus there is an online social network behind the scenes for moms in the DFW area. Just click on the "connect" button on the site. The fun thing is that you could pop in and out any time a day when you need a bit of encouragement!

First look at this time at home with your child as a blessing. I know it is difficult but will be gone all too soon. Next find a Moms and Tots group. He will enjoy playing with the other children and you need the interaction with adults. If you can not find a play group go to your local library for story time. I met one of my best friends at library story time. After moving to several places over the years we are still friends and our children are going to the same college which is far from home for both of them but they have been life long friends even though we have not lived near each other since they were 5. Some churches have Mom's Morning Out programs which are usually much less expensive than day care. Take a look at your situation, do you really need to work or do you what to work? He may sense that you are unhappy and is just reflecting what you are feeling.

I haven't read your other responses but as a mother to a 3 yr. old boy I have a few suggestions. Take him outside-it helps exert his energy and it truly will help you feel better. Go to the Library for story time and then check out some books just for him and you to read. Play board games(easy ones) that even though he may not play "right" but make up your own rules. When he throws tantrums-walk away and go do something that you need to get done. Leave him with his tantrum-of course check on him but tell him that you can't do anything until this behavior stops. My son likes to help me "cook" so I will find jobs for him to do around the kitchen as well as "wash" certain dishes-this is one of his all-time favs. He may get a little water on the floor but it's so worth the time it gives me to get something else done. Do art projects-we do stuff like make maracas(msp) out of toilet paper rolls, rice/beans, tape and tin foil. He is still playing with that one. Also, check Family Fun.Com-they have lots of great ideas. The thing I have noticed the most-if I will take the time and spend time doing "things" with him, he will usually start doing things on his own and then go off on his own and play. That is not necessarily my goal(although somedays...) but it is what I see happening. I am sure I don't need to say this but...they are only this little for a short while. HTH

My first thoughts were that instead of focusing on "getting things done" - take the time to enjoy your boys. I'm thinking what your 3 yr old is experiencing is stress and change of schedule. This is hard for kids to understand, especially when they are so young. I would suggest, helping get his room or play area fixed up and together first. And if possible make it as close to what was at his last home- to give him a sense of security. Then establish a routine... wake up time, dressing, breakfast, seeing brother off to school, play time, nap (while he is napping or resting- use that time to work in another part of the house), then have some fun time- go on a walk, go to a park, make some cookies together for your neighbors and then go deliver them and introduce yourself.

If your son likes to color, get him some paper and crayons and set him up a place where he can color and draw picturs. Help him plant some flowers in the yard or perhaps some veggies like green beans, he will love watching these grow.

Lastly, take time to relax- moving is stressful on everyone- if you are stressed, your children will feel it and will become stressed.

#1- establish a routine
#2- get his play area together first
#3- work on things while he is napping or sleeping
#4- take time to play together or go for a walk or park
#5- relax

Hope this helps.

I used to send my boys out into the yard with a shovel and told them to dig a hole. I tilled up a small spot, bought a bag of gravel and a bag of sand, some cheap $1 gardening shovels and a bucket.
They are older now, but occassionally dig in the "holes". They have been everything from mud hole, spy camp, foxhole, digging pit for the tonka trucks, digging for buried treasure, fort. You name it. We even got them some safe scrap lumber and let them make a lean to. We even let them keep some larger branches for a while to play with.
FYI, I sent them out in their bathing suits or something that you don't care about, because they will be dirty. Especially if they add some water. Kept them busy for hours, HOURS!!! I have 3 boys, now they are 14, 12 1/2 and 9. The hole got pretty big, I will warn you. Especially, when they got the idea to dig to China! LOL.
But it was well worth it.
Good luck,
L.

I have had 5 kids-now ages 32, 29,23, and 2 18 year olds. Let me assure you that your 3 year old is doing his job-being a 3 year old, but this too shall pass.

Cheap entertainment:
For the cost of a kiddie burger, take them to Burger King, Cheap lunch and let them wear themselves out on the play equipment. They take great naps later.

The library. Pick books they are interested in-either by actual subject or the pics. Daily story time just before naps is a relaxing and potentially educational opportunity.

Do you have a sandbox or swingset in the backyard or be able to acquire one?

Do you know of someone who would let you swim in their pool? Or you get a kiddie pool for the backyard.

It's either these sugestions-or wait for Mary Poppins.lol Later, V.

Hi A.,
You are going through a lot of changes right now (the move, the change in employment status, the lack of a "network" in your new area so I am sure that may have you a bit frazzled. So have a little patience with yourself. Plan some activities with your child when you really play with him or interact with him. and then plan some activities for him to play alone. Is there another child in the neighborhood that you could invite over to play?? Go for walks in your neighborhood, to a local park, or go to story time at the library. you will meet others which will give you and your child an outlet. Good luck!

Do you live where you have a yard with a fence that you can send them out to play?? That really helped me with mine. They should love to play with trucks and a sand box if you can let them go outside. A special trip to the park, and some places have story time at the library once a week. Show the 3 year old that when he whines he doesn't get what he wants and if he asks in a nice voice he does, and ignore the tantrums, so he won't think that gets him anywhere. put him in a high chair so colors won't get where they aren't supposed to and let him color for a bit, or play with play dough. There should be craft ideas on the internet, and they usually love to be read to for a bit each day. they grow up so fast, try to enjoy while you can, and hhopefully you can meet some other mothers and can visit back and forth (coffee time)and let the kids play for 30 min or and hour. fairly often, and it will be good to have adult company with someone with little kids like you and the kids will have fun.

I wish I had some good ideas for you. I have an almost 2 year old and a 6 year old that I stay home with (and work part-time from home) so I do feel your pain. My 6 year old is in school also, but my toddler is constantly into everything. I'm not sure if this is overly helpful but my best advice is to change the scenery often. We will spend a little time in one room, then go into another, even if we are still reading books, or rolling the ball around, or whatever. I also enlist her "help" when I'm trying to get things done around the house. It takes me about 3 times as long and often I have to re-do, but if she is "helping" she's not into other things. She will carry clothes for me, she loves to push the broom around, dust with the feather duster, help me unload the dishwasher, and if I give her a paper towel she will wipe down just about anything.

Good luck, I know you've had a huge change! I look forward to hearing ideas from others!

get involved at the school, make friends with women that have younger kids. Why do you think stay at home moms volunteer so much? Of course for their kids, but....It gives them a bit of self esteem. Playgroups, babysitting swap, etc... Ferret out women in your boat and support each other. When I quit to stay home I thought I would go mad! I just wanted some adult conversation. I was broke at that time. We found all the freebies. Library story time, the park, the mall for a walk, create your own playgroup. Find those moms to help you through!
also, if you are interested in starting a home business email me and I'll send you some info to look at.

Moving! Augh! It can be so stressful. Some kids seem to feel the strain more than others. Here are a few thoughts, maybe they can help.
Brothers fighting. siblings are going to fight sometimes. We've tried several things to help our kids learn to how to "fight" fair or how to just keep the peace. I don't allow my kids to argue in the house. I make them go to the front porch and work it out. The rules are that they must stay on the porch. No name-calling. No fists. They may come back in when they are both happy. Actually, I say "you can come in when your brother is happy". This has helped me to maintain some sense of calm in the house. It has also let my kids know that I trust them enough to work out their own differences.
Terrible threes. Your little guy may be going through a phase. He may be feeling the stress of two large changes. The move and the mom being home all the time. It sounds like he is trying to get more attention. Give him a little bit more of your undivided attention. Go outside. Find a park. Get out and meet your neighbors. Go to the library. Read together. www.familyfun.com has some great activity and craft ideas. Some you are going to need to do with him. Some he could do by himself. Get him involved with what you have to do. He's big enough to do some chores. He may not do them well, but that's OK. You will probably get less done for a while. He still will have to learn to entertain himself, but he might be more willing if he's already had Mom-time. It seems counterintuitive, but I find that when I'm most frustrated with my kids, more time with them helps. Don't know why it works that way.
Even so, everyone needs some "me" time. About once a month I tell my husband that I'm taking a day off. He is in charge of the kids, the house, the everything and I leave. Sometimes I meet a friend and we hang out. Sometimes I'm off by myself.