Preschool - Should I or Shouldn't I?

I think it depends on the child. My oldest was so ready to go to preschool - she NEEDED that social interaction with kids her own age - and sadly, without me. She craved it, and was sad on days she couldn't go. Also gave her a chance to get away from "the baby" - so that when they WERE together, she had missed her and wanted to play with her. My youngest would rather have stayed home, but since I had to work, it wasn't really an option. She greatly benefited from it, she was extremely shy and needed to learn how to interact - but did that have to get forced on her at 3 years old? - only because I had to work. So - depends - you'll have to decide. You can always try it and if it doesn't seem to make any big difference, then withdraw her. But most kids do enjoy it, and are way ahead when it comes time for kindergarten (but not to worry, they all catch up to each other).

Hi J.,

I kept my children home, I have one 5 yo and a 16 mo. I saw no reason to hire someone else to raise my children which is what I felt was doing for the money you dish out. Plus I'm homeschooling my daughter so I saw no reason to introduce that environment to her.

But for the most part, it sounds like you are pretty active with her. She doesn't NEED preschool, no child does unless their parents can't stay at home with them...

Just my two cents worth,

E. P.

Hi! I kept my 3 year old home this year. We regularly go to Sunday School, story time at the library, and playgroup. I also have other times where he can play one on one with his friends. I feel good about my decision. They year is going well. I suggest doing crafts at home and read read read read books! Stories, fact books, rhyming books, etc. There are tons of ideas on the internet for both of these things. He loves it and my 17 month daughter is learning alongside him. It does sound nice to have one child off you hands 2 mornings a week, but you could always find another mom and trade play dates/babysitting so she's not with you all the time.

hi.
we sent out son (age 2 1/2 at the time)to a montessori toddler program beginning this fall.
i always have our days filled with fun, kid filled activities but thought i would try this out - it has been wonderful.
it has been exposure to other adults and children. they teach and play all mixed together - it is definitely a social experience (amybe experiment) but i feel my son has really thrived and is getting things at school that are different than what i alone can offer him - new approaches to games, new ways to solve problems, socializing without "mommy's rules"...i think it is great - he attends 2 days a week.
good luck with your decision - either way i think it sounds like she (and you) are doing great.

I am a kindergarten teacher and have taught preschool in the past.
She is just turning 3 this summer....keep her home! Enjoy her! She is still a little one! Next year when she is turning 4 would be a wonderful time to enroll her part time in a preschool program to prepare her for entering kindergarten.
The 3 yr and 4 yr old programs generally can have up to 12 children per adult.
Yes, at 3 they will teach her to wait her turn, sit at circle and sing some cute songs....but you can also do these things with her. You can bring her to your local library for story time (usually free and they do a craft) as well as set up some one on one playdates with other children her age. Enroll her in a swim class at the local y, go on walks together and explore nature, visit local businesses and talk about what she sees, colors shapes etc... at the grocery store, visit the local fire dept., go to a local farm. I see soooo many 3 yr olds who miss Mommmy even for a 2.5 hr stretch...I believe that if you DON"T HAVE to have her in childcare/preschool because you work then you benefit your child MORE by being with them at this early stage...all to soon she will be in school full time...enjoy the early years with her now.

Hi,
I would suggest you visit preschools to observe what is available. Don't just talk to the director, but still in on a class for 1/2 hour.
Waiting is positive because you save money, have lots of opportunities to make play groups, and this time with your own children is always wonderful.
Starting two years before kindergarten is positive because the children form relationships with different children in slightly larger groups. And there is no such thing as "only social". Learning to attend in school is very different than at home or in the community. And of course there would be the private time with your son.
As stated in the previous letter, quality is the key.
Best of luck.

Hello! I've struggled with decision myself for the same exact reasons you did. In the end, I decided to not send them to preschool.

From what I understood from the schools & teachers I interviewed, the majority of the focus is on socialization at that age (however there was also letter, color and shape recognition). My two children are close in age (16 mo apart) so they always have a playmate at home to practice their sharing skills, cooperation and taking turns. We also do playgroups, library groups, visits with friends and Sunday school so the expense didn't seem worth it.

I think that for some children, preschool is a wonderful and/or necessary option. They get a lot out of it and the parents love the free time. I'm sure that my kids would've had fun but being a SAHM I couldn't justify the expense. (Not to mention that I have just such a short time left with them all to myself before it changes forever.)

If you decide to keep them home, just make sure that you work on the same type of activities that they learn in preschool. There is so much free material available on the web from other homeschooling parents and from the library. I've followed these programs and found that my kids LOVE and excel at being challenged and we all enjoy doing these activities together (they're now doing very advanced material). I like that if you do something like this, you can really tailor it to suit your child and not a whole group. It also helps me learn more about them - from likes/dislikes, learning styles, true natural talents, etc - and we have bonded from the interaction. I'm more than confident that they'll be more than ready for kindergarden. You know best if your child would really benefit from a program like this so don't be afraid to trust your instincts - either way.

Hello my grandson was 3 when he started preschool and it went very good for him.They taught him alot.Hr got to meet new friends there his age.He starts regular school next year.And my granddaughter starts headstart next year.I think ist is good for the kids.

Hi J.,

I am a preschool teacher and I believe all children benefit from a QUALITY preschool. Children gain social skills in a different setting (school setting) at preschool. They also learn things to get ready for school. The routine with a bunch of children, giving others space, being considerate to others etc. is different then at home. I think you would see that your money would be well spent if you chose to send your child to a QUALITY preschool. After awhile if you feel preschool is doing no good for your child and it's a waste of money you can always take her out. Good luck!

I kept my son home until Kindergarten because I also felt is was a large sum of money to pay. We did lots of other activities & he had plenty of social time. We did different classes which ist seems you're doing too. We also did preschool workbooks, etc. Just so you know, he had absolutely no problem entering Kindergarten & has surpassed many of his peers academically. He also has made many friends. Preschool is not a necessity, your daughter won't lack anything if you choose to keep her home. Also, my son is in 1/2 day kindergatren & although it's easier to run errands with one child, it's really not enough time to do anything grand. Good luck!

preschool is not a requirement.. it is mostly about social but it does set them up to be ready for kindergarten schedules.. the more they know before kindergarten the better.. also, if they are going to have a problem leaving you then preschool is where you want to solve that problem, not kindergarten. if you choose not to sent them to preschool, try to have them able to at least write their own names and know the basic shapes and alphabet. You can call your school district and ask about scholarships too if money is a hardship.. they don't advertise it, but they do have funds for people who can't afford it.

i am glad you posted this question, because i have had this guilt that i didn't send my daughter this year. she was three over the summer. i chose not to for two reasons. one being expense, but most important really was because she had been in daycare a couple days of week for me to go to work(i now don't day shift) and she was really stressed out and i realized that i was doing too much with her. i was running a playgroup at my house, i babysit a little boy 2 days a week, dance class on sat., and i do playdates all the time with her. so i scaled back and decided to keep her out of daycare and see what i could do at home with her this year. i am a very involved mom. i do crafts everyday, again playdates, and frequent the library and local parks. my daughter does not lack socialization time or skills. i teach her to wait her turn, share and simple things like washing her hands before and after lunch and cleaning up one thing before taking out another. all things i think she would be getting this year if she were in that classroom setting.

so reading peoples responses made me feel not so guilty and justified what i was doing with her. so like other mothers said, if you are a "follow through mom" and don't just plant her in front of the T.V. all day then i think the choice to keep her with you one more year is great. don't let it guilt you like it has me for so long. until i read your postings at least. good luck. and again thank you for posting this question

HI J....
My son wab born 7/06 and I find he needs more stimulus than I can muster. So I have put him into a wee preschool 2 mornings a week from 8:30-1:30. The woman is fantastic.... Jed's Place in Belmont, MA.... he is not only learning social skills in a supportive environment but he is learning to interact with adults in a "school" type environment. He is learning about the accepted protocol for being with a group of children and adults away from Mom and Mom's influence. It's like a "going it alone" trial in the most relaxed and forgiving yet nurturing place. A safe place for them to make mistakes and learn.

As a teacher it's so important to me that my son has this experience early on. It's very obvious those who have not had that integration once they hit the more formal classroom. I'm not saying BOOT camp every day but even those 2 days....I can be a better Mom to him because I've had my time to myself too.... and now I'm filling it with a job for myself.

So good luck... just remember it's far more than social interaction.

Good luck.

MC

My daughter is almost 4 (Jan), and I enrolled her in the 3 year old program this year. She LOVES it. She does projects, has school friends, and has been learning quite a bit. She already knew more than most 3 year olds going into preschool, like all her shapes, colors, numbers and can even write her name, but what she has learned are things like the pledge of allegiance, the country she lives in. The main reason why I wanted her to go to preschool for me was structure. She needs to be prepared for Kindergarten and for the structured school day of having to do what you are told when you are told to. I work outside the home so my daughter has been used to having someone else watch her...but for you, I would suggest sending her 2 days a week so that she gets used to life without mom. Sure you are doing many social activities, but my guess is that you are by her side during them all. When I started sending my daughter to preschool you could tell who the stay at home moms are by their kids that were crying when they were dropped off. I think its inevitable for most kids to experience the separation anxiety, but I think by sending her to preschool she will learn it more gradually then waiting for Kindergarten when it will be everday and depending on your school system, all day!!

My advice would be yes and no. I have two children, my son is 8, and my daughter is 6. I made the mistake of not putting them in preschool. I say I made a mistake because I didn't follow through on developing their skills at home. When they got into public Kindergarten they had some catching up to do socially and academically as most of the kids were preschooled.
I think it would be fine for your children to stay home as long as they have regular playdates and you are a follow through kind of mom. You might even want to find out from the Kindergarten what skills they would like the children to have mastered before they enter.

I have a four year old in preschool and a two year old at home right now. My four year old did the threes class last year and now she's in the fours class and will attend K next year in public school. I think you'll be fine with whatever you decide. You love your children and teach them many things in your daily interactions. I would definitely do the fours class, though after next year, whatever you decide this year, primarily to get some exposure to school routines and a consistent large group without Mommy.

Some things to consider are separation. How does your child do with separation? Would it be helpful for her to have some time away from you? My daughter came to really trust her teacher and liked her a lot, even though she was clingy with me at first. She had more chances for practicing sharing, listening, fine motor skills (they cut every day at her school), writing, taking turns, paying attention, speaking in complete sentences, rhyming, sharing personal stories about his or her interests, counting, patterns, same/different, letters and sounds, sticking with an activity thru completion, etc. These are all things we can and do try at home, but sometimes she takes it on better from someone else besides Mommy. I might try to do counting with her in some fun home thing, but she's not interested. Then she'll come home from school another day and say 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0...all proud that she can count backwards. So then I can do that with her too. I'm a former teacher (grades 5/6) so I'm really not super familiar with all the things that preschool has to offer, but I believe in the power of a quality program taught by a quality teacher.

I would consider the "cooperative" preschool in your area. It allows you to be involved and you seem like the type that would want to be. In most preschools, you "work" at the school on a rotation with the parents to provide another pair of adult hands (along with the teachers). I am actually going in today in my daughter's class and had one day in October (there are 13 in her class...so it's about once every 7 weeks). It's a great way to see firsthand what it's like. You realize new things you can do at home.

Good luck with your decision. Honestly, you and your daughter will be fine either way.

Hi J.,
If I had it to do over again....I would wait a year and start preschool at age 4. I think if you are doing classes already that helps a lot. Also, the library usually has free storytimes, and that helps with school readiness. The 2 mornings you have "free" are really a short time, and it's hard to get much done. Also, during the bad weather, you feel like you have to go because you are paying for it, and you might rather stay home. When it's time for school--kindergarten and first grade...... They have to go every day except when they are sick. So, my advice is, don't send for that year and wait and start at age 4 if you really want her to go.

I think you can go either way. She's obviously getting a lot of stimulation and socializing. The only additional advantage of preschool is that it teaches them to deal with another adult and a structure that involves other kids - it's time to do this, it's time to do that, it's time to clean up. They learn to take direction, and they learn that the activities are not just about what THEY want to do this moment. That's a valuable skill BUT it doesn't have to happen at 3. You could certainly wait a year and do it at 4.

One thing I would say is NOT to listen to any pressure to put your kid in any kind of academic program to teach them their letters & numbers, etc., as if they will be behind when they get to kindergarten. It's nonsense. Kids are pushed pushed pushed these days, and there's no time for creativity and independent thought. Read what the experts say about the problems they have with kids later on, kids who've been overscheduled, excessively structured, who can only be entertained by electronics, who get no exercise except for their thumbs on video game controls, etc.

I think it's great that your current activities include music, free play, and something physical. One of my stepdaughters does all kinds of crafts, cooking, and outdoor stuff (play, collecting leaves & sticks, planting gardens) with her 2 kids. The other stepdaughter has 2 kids addicted to THINGS, mostly electronic ones. Guess which ones are the most pleasant to be around? I think you can find lots of books in the public library about activities - don't be afraid to go back to the "tried & true" games of the past generation. We've done birthday parties with simple themes (dinosaurs, insects) and used whatever we have around the house for decor, and done games like scavenger hunts, potato races, and so on. Kids LOVE them because they've never seen them. Not everyone has to spend a fortune to hire a magician, a pony, or the reptile expert! If you've got the energy and desire, go for it!

It's a tough one. You can do a lot at home with your daughter and she would probably enjoy going. As far as the possibilities of what you can do it home to be honest not a whole lot. Most programs are 2.5 hours so by the time you get home there really isn't a whole lot of time before you have to go pick up your daughter. My son was in a program for 2.5 hours and I'ld get home through a load of laundry in the wash, unload the dishwasher, clean up a little bit and then it was time to pick up. I will say he did enjoy school and I did enjoy not having to be the source of entertainment for a few hours.

Hi J., One thing to consider: if you do decide to keep your daughter out, be sure to pay a deposit and get a spot at pre-K for when she's four NOW! Spots for four-year-old programs are usually given first to currently enrolled three-year-olds, then to siblings, then open to the public. We moved when my youngest was three and were wait-listed for 7 months with three schools for their pre-K programs. We got in two weeks before school started because someone else moved away.
Don't wait for the four-year old pre-k!

Preschool is a personal choice and there are many children who do just fine in Kindergarten and beyond without being exposed to preschool. You know what is best for you and your child and this decision will not keep her out of the Ivy Leagues :)

The benefit is having a child who learns to take direction from a teacher, share with others, take turns, work through conflicts without having Mommy in the room. Academics can be learned at home or at preschool, especially if the parent is a SAH and can dedicate the time to it. However, social interaction in a classroom setting is very different from that at a play group. There are more rules, consequences, responsibilities and cooperation techniques in a classroom.

There are many children that can read by age 4, write their names and count to 100 and these are great skills to have to be ahead of the curve in Kindergarten -- however, by not being in a classroom setting many of these same children are unable to understand that you have to raise your hand when at circle time, that you can't interrupt teachers or classmates. Don't underestimate the benefit of a social classroom setting - it is not just another play group.

My mother is a preschool director and she receives compliments from the Kindergarten teachers every year for how well her student understand the rules and procedures of a classroom when they arrive at Kindergarten. These days Kinders are learning to read. The time that teachers used to have to teach social skills and rule following has been taken over by academic lessons.

If you aren't sure, there is no harm in trying it out and changing your mind later. Also, you can keep her out of preschool this year and send her to the 4 yo class next year which is when I feel it is more important as it is the year before entering Kindergarten. My sister-in-law is a Kindergarten teacher and we have had many conversations about the benefits of preschool as a preparation for Kindergarten. She often mentions how surprised she is that it isn't more popular and even mandatory.

All the best to you and your family.

If it's financially feasible, DO IT!!! :0) You won't regret it and will be amazed by what your little sponge will be able to do in such a short amount of time.

At the start of the school year I had a 3 year old (May birthday) and recent 10 month old. Sending my daughter to preschool has been one of the very best things I could do for her. We do Music Together, Little Gym, swim lessons, past ballet lessons, and even go to the regular gym daily(where she socializes in the daycare). While each were worth the investment and were wonderful family bonding time, I cannot tell you how valuable preschool has been for our family. My daughter has so much more self confidence and is really motivated to do things that I (a former teacher) could never get her interested in: writing her name, making shapes on paper, putting on her jacket by herself, using the potty by herself, etc. She has benefitted both academically and socially ~ and probably even emotionally, as she is such a little authority with her new self-confidence and circle of friends. Additionally, I get some of that very special and hard-to-come-by alone time with my little guy. We may no longer be looking at expensive programs like MT or LG since preschool is such a cost, but we do library lap groups and other free things where it's just me and him. I don't feel at all guilty that I have these special times with him as my daughter loves school so much she thinks *we* are missing out by not being with her!

I agree with the person who wrote that preschool is a personal choice: it is. However, with so many kids in daycare these days and a large portion of SAHM's sending their kids to preschool, the norm is more for it than against it. I took a Master's reading class to renew my teaching certificate and the crux of the class was about how preschool is the single best thing (research-proven) you can do to help your child succeed. From social skills to friendships to learning the "School game rules" early, there are so many benefits. I am more than thrilled with our experience as it's not only done wonders for my little girl, it's given me some really important bonding time with my little guy.

L.

Hi J.,

I think you'll be fine if you did your own pseudo program at home, if $ is an issue. I didn't do a "program" per-say, but I did make sure to teach her many things before it came time for pre-school. When pre-school time came, she was too advanced for it, and wasn't accepted (it was a small "free" program for kids who really need it), and now in kinder, she is actually ahead of most of her kinder peers. She is doing 1st grade stuff, and is already able to read at a slow pace.

We also had $ issues with regard to day care or pre-school, so we decided on teaching at home. Surprisingly, the main things I did, and still do, is constantly correct her on her pronunciation, her sentence structure, and expanding her vocabulary. As soon as she says something incorrectly, I stop her and let her know the correct way. Colors and shapes I incorporate into her foods on how I cut them and how I place them on her plate, so it's fun. Of course, coloring is important to get colors down, so there's coloring every day, even now. Numbers and alphabet started with just memorizing the ABC song, and learning 5 new numbers every week. Once she could count and recite all of her alphabet, I began showing her the letters and numbers.

It's all just been pretty great. The leap frog learning books are the best. I credit them with teaching her the basics, before I got to her. She played on those books for hours. I have a 2 yr old and a 13 month old at home too, and I do enjoy the time I have when I only have 2 for a few hours, so I do know what you mean when you say it's appealing to have 2 morning a week with only 1. For my family, my sanity had to be put second, while we decided that our monetary situation needed to come first, since we didn't want to have to budget in order to have necessities (diapers, milk, warm clothing, etc.)

Everyone's reasoning on yes or no to preschool is different. You already provide your child with the main benefits of preschool: socializing, group activities, music, etc.; all you really need to do is add some basic teaching. Get a leapfrog, and start with the basic books. Buy one at a time until she has the one book down and then move on.

I think you and your daughter will be fine.

Good luck!

Mari

Hi J.,
I too have a daughter and son close in age. We chose to send our daughter to preschool 2 mornings a week when she was 3 and it was such a positive experience all around. I think it helped her to learn to listen to some one else other than me, and be in a social environment without me. I found that with the baby at home, she really benefitted from having time doing something just for herself. It was great for the baby and I because I could focus on him for a few hours. Obviously the thought of taking just 1 child to the grocery store was heavenly! You seem like a very thoughtful person and I'm sure whatever you decide will be the right choice for your family! Goodluck,
L.

The biggest difference with preschool and all the other options you mentioned is that he is away from her mom. She needs this as much as you do. I know it costs money, but it is so worth the investment! I am so glad that I put my oldest in preschool at 2.9 for 2 mornings a week. He loved it (after his initial separation anxiety which I was very surprised by.) It is obviously a personal choice, but if you want my opinion it's worth it.

Good luck with your decision!

H. Z. (SAHM to 5, 4 and 17 month old boys)

If the cost is one of the issues you should contact your school district. I live in Dover NH and we have a preschool in the public school at no cost.

I'm not sending my daughter to preschool. It is a lot of money, and I think you can accomplish a similar effect by enrolling her in some classes and doing lots of activities with her at home. Neither I nor any of my 9 siblings went to preschool, and we all did really well in school, so I just don't feel like it's necessary. It can be fun, of course, if money is not an issue and you have a high-quality preschool as an option.

I would have been more inclined to send my daughter to preschool if I only had one child, but with a child at home anyway I thought they might as well have each other to entertain...

Of course, my daughter is barely old enough for preschool, and there's always the chance that my opinion will change over time but this is what I'm thinking at this point.

Good luck making your decision, I'd be curious to hear what you decide either way.