Preparing #1 for #2! - Denver,CO

You can try a couple different things. You can try and get him a fish and he has to take care if it like his baby. Or you can just involve him in everything and anything you do. Have him pick out the baby's clothes, or get diapers etc. Just make sure you are making it fun and not a chore. Also, when your hubby does have a little time off (i know it's rare) take your son out somewhere special for an hour or so, just so you can bond.
As far as when you have the baby, make sure the grand parents keep him the center of attention, not the new baby...which I understand is very difficult. Also, I let my oldest pick out a couple of things for my youngest, as gifts when they were born. That way they felt part of it. I also then got my oldest a new toy or something when I had the baby, so they remembered, that I was still thinking of them.
As far as the nursing and care of the new born, just make your son as much as possible part of the routine. Read your son a book when you nurse. Or play a little board game when you nurse; something that is "alone" time for you and your son, but you are still able to nurse the newborn.
Good luck and Congrats!

Well, I wasn't in exactly your situation but my #1 was/is very attached to me as well. It is hard to leave her with anyone and if I'm home, no matter who else is here, it's all me. So, I do get it. I will tell you, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. My kids are 2 years and 1 week apart, fyi. Make sure your oldest is helping you get things ready for the baby. At the very least, go into the room and point out where the baby will sleep, it's diapers, how he can help you in there when the baby comes, etc.

Also, we had our daughter pick out a new toy for the baby to bring to the hopsital. It was just a little animal, but it can be whatever. She was very excited to do that and be big sister-ish. She did sort of freak when the baby wouldn't actually hold the item, but it all worked out! ;)

When I nursed or pumped I got out a bag of brand new books/toys for my daughter to play with while I tended to the baby. This bag only came out at those times and no others, that way the toys stayed special. The week before I delivered, we actually went to Michaels and she picked out a little bag and some puffy paints and decorated the bag herself. It was pretty cheap and really fun! She loved it!

I would also suggest that the out of town grandparents call be utilized to take your son on outings. Getting him out of the house will be way easier! Even if they just walk to a park or whatever! Most people are pretty cognisent of a big sibling and their feelings and will buy him presents too or at least try and include him in the conversations.

I think you will be surprised and pleased with how much your son will LOVE the baby and want to help you all the time, sometimes too much!

I am sure there are some good books on this subject buy I haven't found time to read any!lol;) I had my second four months ago and my first was 2 and 1/2. My dr told me that it takes about six months or so for the first to adjust. In my opinion you can't give everything to your eldest in the same way but I did see a positive in that it forced my firstborn to launch out in some things. He has gotten really good at putting on his clothes, shirts are still a challenge but he can pretty much do the rest. He loves to help with his brother, getting diapers, clothes, the nursing pillow,etc. For me the hardest part has been that he wants to touch and mess with his baby bro like he is a little doll or something and we have had to do much explaining and correcting in that area. It is a little crazy at first, but it gets better. Now that my little guy is growing up he is interacting with his older brother more. And I will say for all the little mishaps(eye pokes, finger pulls etc) my baby boy absolutely adores his older brother, just can't get enough of him--most of the time!:) We do little things like talk about my older son's feelings, tell him how much we love him, try to have some individual time with him here and there and include him in as much baby care as possible. But at the end of the day there are two of them now and there is plently of love, but they just have to take turns. I wish you all the best and congrats!!

Hi K.,
I am not sure this exactly answers your question, but when our second child arrived, she brought a gift to big brother. So, before baby came, we got our son (2 1/2 at the time) a really big and awesome concrete truck. When we came home with her, we told him that she brought this present for him. They were instant friends!! It's been six months now and anytime anyone new comes over to our house, he shows them his truck and says, "Baby sister got this HUMONGOUS concrete truck for me!!" It gave him something really special to play with while everyone was giving the baby attention. I also went to the thrift store and bought a bunch of matchbox cars (25 cents each) so when we had a visitor who came to see the baby, there was always a present for him too. Just keep a little gift bag handy and slip it to your visitor to give to your son.

Pump him up for how important it is to be a big brother. Get children's books on becoming a big brother from the library and start reading those now. When you arrive home with the baby (unless you are having a homebirth), greet your son first, without baby in your arms. Then go with him to bring the baby in. Involve him too with helping. Let him hold the baby, supervised, of course. Read books to him while you nurse baby, or let him play with a special toy when you nurse. Don't feel too guilty for letting baby cry (for a few minutes) if you need to give attention to your son so he's not feeling pushed aside and (eventually) resentful towards baby.

It will all work out. My son LOVES his baby sister, sometimes too much (squishes her)! Good luck and BIG congrats on the new baby!

There are a few things that may help.
1.Get him involved in the new baby activities. Ask what color the room should be. Or what decorations should go on the walls.
2.Make sure that he is informed about the birth day. Who will he be with. What he can bring. What he will eat. Where they will go. Maybe the grandparents can come visit before the baby is born.
3.Be honest about the change. Telling you child that nothing will change will only make him feel betrayed and angry later. Let him know that thing may change for a while but mommy and daddy love him just the same. Let him know that when he feels sad, mad, lonely.... that he can come to you and talk about it.

I wrote a whole article and teach a workshop on this topic. I would be happy to send you the article.

B. Davis

Child And Family Coaching
http://www.ChildAndFamilyCoaching.com
Because nothing is more important than family

One thing my son and I did together was get "his baby sister's" room ready. I always refereed to her as "his baby (her name)". What would she like? I tried to give him ownership of her that she was his too...not just mommy and daddy's baby.

She gave him a gift when he came to the hospital to meet her. And he from day one would tell visitors...don't get too close to my baby. I brought her to his day out program and he wanted all the kids to meet his new sister. But not too close, she is delicate. He would tell them.

He has always been such a good big brother to her and wanted to help me with her. I would tuck him in next to us while I nursed to read a book or watch tv, together the 3 of us. We were a team the three of us...my husband works really long hours at his firm, so we spent a lot of time just us, my son and I before my daughter came...now it is the three of us.

I really do think it was giving him some "ownership" in her...she belonged to all of us. They play so well together, about 85% of the time and then they go to their own rooms. He was 2.5 when she came...they are now 5 and 3.

Oh and my son wouldn't let anyone but me take care of him either...I sent him to a Mother's Day Out so i could have a few hours to myself and he would literally cry the whole time i was gone. He adjusted after the first few months...he was so attached to me.

good luck!!

I would see if your hospital that you delivering at as sibling classes. I took my oldest son to the class and it really helped a lot to know where mommy was going to deliver the new baby and they were taught how to help mommy with the baby. Plus, talking to them everyday how things are going to be when the baby is here. I won't lie to you it will be a tough adjustment but they somehow they get through it. My son loves his little brother so much and would do anything for him. Just make sure you son is very much apart of your newborn as possible. Good luck!

Mine are very close in age. I involved my son when I was pregnant. He would rub my tummy and ask all sorts of questions. I told him what his responsibilities would be when she came. I talked to him alot about how important a big brother is. When baby came I let him help. He got me the wipes and threw diapers away. He would have to feed himself so he could teach her how big kids do things. He really gained some independence out of necessecity. He loved being my helper and being the big kid. It really worked out well and now they call each other Best Buddy. Some of my favorite kid books ever are not related, but would still be great. "I love you forever" My kids feel special when I read and sing that book to them. Also Shel Silverstiens poems are silly and have a little bathroom humor. Boys respond well to him. You could read him the poems while breastfeeding.

If you haven't already, you'll want to get your son excited about this baby. Read books with him now about how great it is to be a big brother. Let him help with the home preparations. Has he met his grandparents? Whether he has or hasn't, he'll pick up your attitude about them, so be excited and happy about their coming to stay with him - it's SO much better than just a babysitter! Make the whole thing an exciting adventure (which, of course, it is).

Children need to know they're still loved and valued after the new baby arrives. Let him "help" with the baby, and read books to him while you're nursing. If you can't get down on the floor and play a game with him, invent new rules for the game so it can be played while you're holding little brother or sister. You're the grownup so you set the rules, but keep him in the loop physically and emotionally. Attitude and involvement are key here.

My husband isn't a doctor, but he had and still has a demanding career and wasn't available when my children were born either. We did just fine. If you have to let something go for a while, let it be the housework (or let a friend come in and help with that if one offers to do it!). The housework will wait for you. De-clutter and simplify as much as you can. Rock your baby and enjoy your big boy, and rest when they rest!

(I just read all the previous answers, and you have some great input! Hooray for Mamapedia!)