Ok I am so stressed out about this now, I really need you helpful mamas advice on this one.
My sister and I are both pregnant, I'm 7 mnths she is almost 6, both of us having girls. Throughout our pregnancies we've gone back and forth with name suggestions, neither one of us liking the other ones name choices enough to want to use it, just giving each other ideas.
Let me add, my sister is almost obsessed with the whole baby name thing, I'm much more layed back and don't think about it every day like she does, I just figured it will eventually come to me like all of my other names have....she literally seems to think of it night and day, and it comes up in every phone conversation we have, enough to where it's gotten annoying to even talk to her. LOL
She's also unemployed, single and has nothing better to do then think of baby names all day.
So here's where my questions comes in. I have been considering using the name Abby or Brooklynn throughout the pregnancy but honestly wasn't "crazy" about either one. I just kept thinking something better would come along that would jump out at me and I would know that's the name. Well tonight, I'm watching TLC and a little girl on there has the name MaKenzie. I instantly fell in love with the name and thought that's it!! That's what I want to name her, she's also very active in my tummy and I felt this name already fits her better then my other choices and goes good with my other kids names too.
So I started texting my sister giving her some name choices that I thought of for her baby (not revealing at the time that I liked the name MaKenzie thinking she would want to use it) and she texted me back saying she was thinking of doing Jayda Makenzie!
I knew right away she would think I stole the name from her and when I texted her back saying I heard that name on TV tonight and really like it too, she was so mad saying "no you can't use it" and "You didn't like it until you heard me say it" which I tried to clearly make her understand it was just a crazy coincidence that I happened to hear it and love it the same day she tells me she wants to use it as a middle name.
So I suggested to her that we could BOTH use it since she only wants it for a middle name and tried to make her understand that the girls won't care and it will most likely NEVER even be brought up or an issue so what would be the big deal for me to use it as a first and her as a middle?? She still just refuses acting very immature and has this big attitude saying now "no, it's whatever, i'll just come up with something else".
I am the kind of person that holds on to guilt for a LONG time and am afraid this is going to bother me so bad that I have upset her that I'll eventually change my name choice even though I LOVE the name and know it would be a great fit for my daughter. I just don't get why she can't use it too for a middle name, it just doesn't seem like a big deal to me, I can't remember ever caring what my cousins middle names were, we don't even do much together but she just says no way no how and I know she'll make everyone in my family think that I stole her baby name!!
I don't know what to do here. What would you ladies do "in my shoes"?? I don't want to upset her but I want to use a name I really love and if she's just using it for a middle name, what's the big deal of sharing it or her picking a new middle name?? She's also been extremely hormonal during her pregnancy and always moody so I feel that once she's not pregnant she'll look back and laugh but then again when I think about how obsessed she is with baby names, I'm afraid she'll never get over it and who want's to feel "guilty" when naming their baby??
P.S. I forgot to mention, she changes her baby name choices every time we talk. I've had the same 2 choices all along and just added the third tonight after hearing it on TV. But every time we talk she has completely different name choices and has never once mentioned liking the name Makenzie until tonight.........I just don't want her to think I "took" the name from her saying she liked it but I don't know how to make her see otherwise.
Thanks to all who took the time to read all of this, and thanks for your advice!!
One more thing to add about my sister, she had the same trouble coming up with a name for her first born child, this will be her second. She changed her mind hundreds of times, named her daughter at the hospital, only to leave the hospital and change it AGAIN after bringing the baby home. I don't know what it is with her that she stresses so much about the name but she does which makes me think she'll never get over me wanting to use the same name she liked, even if she's only using it for a middle. With as much as she changes her mind, she may not even still like the name by the time she has her baby.....but for now, she's definitely upset with me. So anyhow,thanks again!
Update: Well I just wanted to thank you all for your wonderful helpful advice, and it makes me feel a lot better to know I'm not alone in my feelings, I just wish somehow my sister could see how normal it would be if we used the same name in a different way.
I think it's a great idea to no longer discuss any baby names with sis. I was just caught so off guard that on the same day I finally hear the name my husband and I both agree on (which is another challenge itself) that she liked it too. I never thought it would be a problem to share the name but for some reason she is being stubborn and wants it all for herself. I do feel bad for her in the situation she's in, (single, jobless, etc.) but honestly she's pretty much always been this way so I can't feel let it bother me when she puts herself in those shoes right?
At the beginning of our pregnancies we were disussing middle names and we both liked the same name (actually she liked the names after I mentioned them) I never made a big deal about it, I told her I think it would be great if they had the same middle name and she just said no, I'll think of another one if you use the same on I like. So I knew she's have a BIG problem with me using a name choice she liked for a first, and of course she did. Well, I hope she gets over it soon, talking about the name with my husband again this morning we both really love it and feel it will fit our daughter perfectly. And who knows, like some of you mentioned, we might completely change our mind once she's born too but for now, I don't think we will and hopefully sis will feel better about all of this soon. I won't bring up names to her anymore, in fact, I don't think we'll be talking anytime soon so I'm sure when we do, she'll have a new one by then.
She has been very difficult during her pregnancy, just major mood swings, this is not our first issue and recently she got upset with me when I went to the waterpark with my husband and kids and didn't invite her daughter! She sent an immature comment through text saying how her daughter would have loved to go to the park so thanks for not inviting, trying to make me feel guilty when I had my hands completely full with my 3 kids and didn't want the added responsibility of another child that day. But she would never understand since she's not in my shoes!
Thanks again to all of you who took the time to help and read all of this. : ) Hope you all have a great day!!
I don't see what the big deal is! She wants to have it as a middle name - you as a first name. Why is she so upset? Like someone else said - I'm super close with my sisters and it might be a little weird if they both had the same FIRST names. But ... middle names? Not a big deal. It's kinda nice.
just don't mention the name again and after a while she'll move onto another name. if you keep bringing it up or if she draws you into a conversation about it you'll just both get upset. Avoid it completely. Once she changes her mind and after a safe time has passed mention that you have picked a name and are done with the baby naming process. If she gets upset about it remind her that she is thinking about so and so name and had decided long ago that she wasn't going to use that name after all. Good luck. I love the name by the way.
I like the name Brooklyn better. Makenzie is a real popular name. What a silly thing for you both to get so upset with.
Wow! I’m so sorry you and your sister are at odds about this and I wish I had some words of wisdom. If I were you I would write a letter or buy a very sentimental card expressing how much you love her but that you feel it’s silly to be fighting over this name. Tell her it’s so obvious you two are sisters given that you both fell in love with the same name on the same day!! Really drive home how awesome it will be for the cousins to share that bond and laugh about how you two fell in love with that name on the same day!
Naming a baby should leave wonderful memories, not a terrible one. My husband and I still laugh about how we went back and forth on names and we even kept the little pieces of paper that we each put our choices on.
Let her know that you never want to look back to when you were both pregnant at THE SAME TIME and have sad memories.
By the way how amazing is it that you and your sister are pregnant at the same time. Sorry I think it’s great, but I know right now it’s stressful =-)
Let it go. Name your baby what you want and she will name hers what she wants. It is not worth fighting over.
I have a sister and completely understand! Mine would be the same way as yours, and in fact mine stole my wedding song when she got married first! (and now she's divorcing, so ha!) I think it would be fun for cousins to share a name as one with it first and the other middle! Hopefully she will get over it or like you said change her mind again next week. And neither of you can be certain anyway until you meet your baby, so maybe you will change your mind too. Good luck, sister relationships are a unique challenge. Keep in mind and be sensitive to the fact that she may be jealous that you're having a child under better circumstances than she is too.
My daughter and her best friend from 1st grade had girls. My daughter used Monet for a first name and her friend used Monet for a second name. Her friend's baby was born first and she used the name without telling my daughter about it until it was done. My daughter was angry, saying she'd talked about using Monet as a name since junior high. I know that to be true.
The girls are now 10 and 11 and are pleased to have the same name, 1st and middle. My daughter and her friend continued as friends even tho my daughter was unhappy about it and still expresses dismay from time to time. The name fiasco did not change their relationship.
I suggest that you not mention the name again. Just wait and let it play out. It is OK for you to use the name if you still want to once she's born. And your sister can also use it as a middle name. As I told my daughter and her friend, what difference does it really make? For them, it seems that they are in competition with each other. The friend was pregnant first. My daughter was pregnant second. The friend was pregnant the second time first and my daughter after that. My daughter thinks she's pregnant now with her third and she suggested that Rosie will be pregnant soon.
As T.J. suggested your sister may be jealous of you and the jealousy is expressing its self thru name issue. I suggest that you be the mature one and name your baby whatever you want as long as you know that you are not reacting out of your own negative feelings. Sister relationships can be very complicated. Arguing back and forth will not help. You do not need to convince your sister of anything. Be confident enough in who you are and in your choice that you can be calm and do what you want without worrying about your sister's reaction. Your sister is responsible for her feelings. You are responsible for your feelings. Both of you should use the name that you want. If she doesn't use it after you do because she's angry that is her problem. Also, it is not your responsibility to make your sister happy. You live your life and she lives hers making decisions that are best for yourselves.
This is a good argument for not sharing your baby name choice until your baby is born. I was pregnant the same time as my SIL. Neither one of us was sharing our thoughts on names with anyone but our husbands. Let me tell you my in-laws were super irritated about that, but that was too bad. We just didn't want anyone sharing their negative opinions if we came up with a name we liked and they didn't. My baby was born in January, and we named her Isabel. We then found out that SIL and BIL were sad because they planned to name their baby Isabella. However, neither of us was aware we were both considering the name, so it wasn't like she could be mad at us, and she wasn't, just disappointed. And they got over it quickly enough. 2 months later, their baby was born and they picked a totally different name. I say, just don't bring up the subject again. Use whatever name you wish, and don't worry about your sister making such as big fuss over it.
How about you choose another name and don't tell anyone until the baby is born. There are so many beautiful names out there, it's just not worth it. I think from your post it really isn't about the name, it is more about some underlying sister thing. So my question is, is it really worth the fight?
How about
Madison Rose
Mckenna Rose
McKayla Rose
How about you go with McKinley still a super sweet name but much less common yet a similar style. Anyhow just a suggestion. Unfortunately the damage has been done you two should have never talked together about names being due so close together. My sister was due 5 months before me and I never talked to her about names, I didn't want to know her ideas nor did I want her to know mine, I couldn't imagine giving up a name idea only to have her use it or the other way around and having to live with that name being used for life...lol I guess that is just me. She ended up picking a name I would have never thought of and I picked one she would have not thought of. Either way it is your child and your choice, name her whatever you want to name her and STOP talking to your sister about it. Big mistake.
Sorry, but I only skimmed over the last few paragraphs so I am sorry if I miss something, but this is exactly the reason why, when I was pregnant with my 2nd, that we never told anyone the names we were thinking. With my 1st, everyone had an opinion and it was extremely irritating. The bottom line is, it is YOUR CHILD, no one else's, so it doesn't matter what they think. If you love a name, use it. I don't mean to sound rude and disrespectful because I am only hearing your side and I don't know your sister, but she's sounds like she's being very immature, especially since she doesn't even want it as a first name! I could never understand why people get upset over using the same names; it's your child! My husbands cousin, who lives in TX and we see once a year if that, had a daughter and they named her Audrey. We found out later, that they loved the name Aubrey, but didn't use it because that is my daughters name. I couldn't believe it! We wouldn't have cared at all if they used our name. I would stop discussing names with your sister or at the very least, don't even mention MaKenzie anymore. Chances are, she'll find a new name and then in a couple months when your daughter is born, use the name and don't worry about upsetting ANYONE! BTW, you are pregnant too, and I am sure at times you are hormonal too, so worry about yourself not your sister.
This isn't answer to your question, per se, but based on the type of names you you liked I thought I'd throw out the name PAISLEY. I am in love with that name and hope to have another girl one day to use it. :)
If your sister keeps changing her mind and has done so in the past, why worry? Just stop talking about names with her and when your child is born name her what you want. When your sister's child is born she'll name her whatever she wants. Who cares if they share a name, middle or first? It sounds like your sister is into drama, make sure you're not buying into it and feeding her need for it. Let it go and choose the name you want. To give up a name that you love is nonsense.
My sister doesn't have any children yet, but if she chose to name her kids a name I liked, oh well. I'd name my kids the same name if I really wanted to and wouldn't really care. She might, but my kids are not hers and hers are not mine. It's a personal choice between you and the father, NOT a family choice. Might sound harsh, but I hate the whole name "stealing" issue.
Why can't you use MaKenzie as your first name's choice and let your sister keep the name she's chosen. After all, you are further along than she is and whoever has the baby first gets first dibs. My sister & I went through the same issue when I was pregnant w/ the twins--I'd mentioned wanting to name one of them after our great-grandma and she begged me not to use that name...ANYTHING but THAT name, she'd begged. So I didn't. When the time came around that my niece was born, my sister ended up not even using the name she'd begged me not to. Instead, she named her Keilei (Kee Lee) after I'd already had a 2 yr old named Kaelee o.O Go with your gut. If you want the name, take the name. God bless and congratulations!
My Daughter 17 y/o, name is Angelica, my niece who is 15, name is Angelina. So when naming my 2nd child we choose Madison Jordan (MJ like spiderman, cause my husband’s nickname is spider) and only told my mother who to my utter dismay called 3 days before our daughter’s birth to tell me my sister just found out she was having a girl too, and was naming her Madyson Raye. Annoyed we scrambled for a new name but in the end LaReina Joy is 2 y/o and doesn’t seem much like a “son of the mighty warrior” and is quit “the queen”
The suggestion of McKayla sounds so sweet! I actually like this name but whatever you choose remember that you are the only one who has to be satisfied. We named our 8 month old in the hospital
don't bring it up again.. hopefully she will change her name. If not.. like you said... she wants it for the second name... even if you both used it for the first name.. so what... if you both like it.. then go for it.. I love names like that... Mackenzie is beautiful.... i also love Reagan and Corrie-ann.... they are different.. like Paige..... they sound really pretty.. go with the name you and your hubby love... dont' tell anyone the name until you name the baby.. because everyone will be like well... i don't like it.. or i love it.. or why?? everyone always has something to say.... so just do what you and hubby want.. and go for it...
Wow after reading all the other posts I am feeling very blessed to have such great relationships with all my sisters!
I think that it would be fun for your daughters to share a name! I wouldve loved that if I had shared a name with one of my cousins! It sounds like your sister is the one who has an issue with it though and not you so I probably don't need to convince you.
Could you tell her that you think the girls would like growing up sharing a name with their cousin?
My daughter Kya Nicole was baptised with her cousin Nicola and they had the same patron saint... St. Nicholas. It was really neat!
use the name. it's difficult enough thinking of a baby name you really like. so she may get mad but she was going to use the name as a middle name. if she changes her mind about names all the time then in the end it's not going to matter to her. just use the name she will come up with another middle name she absolutely loves. it'll work out. if that is the name you really love then use it
lol! deja vu... kinda of. id say you picked it first, and your having your baby first. theres nothing she can do about it lol. your right, whats wrong with using it as a middle name for her? you want it for your childs first name... like you said, if anything it would be a funny story in the longrun. i had this problem too.. but with my 2 best friends. i didnt know boy or girl until mine was born. and my 2 bf's were also pregnant. i was last in line to have mine... but i told them both that i had a boy name and a girl name picked out and i told it to them so they wouldnt take it. girl- chloie marissa and boy-brayden anthony. well my first friend had a girl and named her kloie marie and my second friend had a boy and named him ayden anthony. OMG i was soooooooo mad for the longest time. now we laugh about it and we're like ohh, our chloie's are having so much fun together. so definatly in the longrun i think your sister will have a big laugh out of it. i also think that it is so cool that you and her are pregnant at the same time!! its gotta be nice to have someone as close as a sister feeling just how you are feeling at that time. best of luck!!!!
Well...lol...
If she really is wishy washy on the baby name thing...and you are committed to the name MaKenzie, and you are probably going to have your baby first, I'd go with what ever I wanted to name my baby. First come, first served.
I mean look, my son's name is Jeremi Ray, my cousin named his kid Jeremy Dean...and they are only a year apart...do you think for one minute I gave a rats behind that we have to say both their names at family functions to get the right one's attention...NOPE.
Name your kid what you want. If you want to keep the peace, don't mention it again and hope she forgets.
Congrats on the new wee one.
mccaleigh instead of mckenzie and don't mention this name to her unless you want her to take it so you can use mckenzie. don't take mckenzie off your list incase she is being hormonal and changes her mind then you can use it. dont argue she is probably hormonal and will change her mind again so you can use it don't sweat the small stuff and pick your battles wisely. if you argue about the name she will be more determined to use it if you let it go she will probably change her hormonal mind. :)
I say use it. She will find a different name, in fact probably has a new one right now. In case, find another name you like, and dont tell her about it. You are having your baby first, so you will be able to use it first. She might be mad but guess what? How crappy will it be when you dont use the name you really wanted and then a month later she names the baby something completely different? Just brush her off, sounds like hormones to me.
She is competitive, immature and insecure. Suggest more names, ooohhing and ahhing over each as if you like them far better than MaKenzie. She will move on to others, leaving you free to use your original name and say, "OH, I thought you decided against it."
And by the way, suggesting the name to her without disclosing you intended to use it yourself was a little passive-aggressive.
Ok, so I know that I am late to this, but I think that that is a really cool thing for the cousins to "share" part of their names. My cousins and I all ironically had initials that matched up on either sides. Let me explain...
My name/siblings names:
M. Alysse
Erica Lynn
Kurt Ryan
My cousins:
Katherine Laura
Emily Ann
Molly Rebecca
Here is how the match:
M.-Molly
Katherine-Kurt
Erica-Emily
Alysse-Ann
Ryan-Rebecca
Lynn-Laura
We always thought it was SO cool (and to this day I still think it is pretty neat) that our initials match up! Our parents didn't plan it, but what a cool thing to have happen! Almost no one believes it wasn't done on purpose!
Anyways...we LOVED having that connection with our cousin, so if your sister finally stops being a baby and uses Makenzie as well, I'm sure they would love it too!
