Pregnant and Depressed

I felt the same way when I was pregnant and as a young single mother I sometimes feel that way even now. However, I made the mistake when I was pregnant of not talking about it, which made me feel even more isolated. The best advice I can give is to not only talk about it but to also spend time with other people who understand how you are feeling. You aren't alone and its important to remember that. Finding a support group for mothers may help.

Like you, I am pregnant with my second due in April and have a 2 year old boy. I have a history of depression and so does my mom. Through my insurance I found a wonderful counselor who will do phone sessions with me since finding childcare is difficult. So I can put a DVD on for him and we can have 45 minute therapy session. I sit in my room with the door open so I can hear him but have a little privacy. She does even does some of the phone sessions on weekends and evenings if that works better.

Also I found a great local support group for pregnant moms with depression (meets in the evenings for working moms) through the Holy Spirit Health System. Contact your local hospital or lactation consultant and they maybe able to help you find one near you.

A helpful book I recommend is "The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood" by Kathleen Kendall-Tackett.

I agree with the posting about Omega 3 fatty acids. Dr. Oz talked about how important this is recently on Oprah. I believe this has been one of the easiest things I could do that helped me. Also studies show that moms who take the fish oil during pregnancy have babies with more mature brains so they sleep better. To learn about how much you should be taking for it to have a helpful effect check out http://www.breastfeedingmadesimple.com/bms%20new%20home%2...

I also found doing prenatal yoga helps. I attend a class on Sunday evenings. You could probably find a video or DVD at your library or used on ebay. For me it just helps me focus on breathing and relaxation, connect more with this baby.

Hope some if this helps. Contact me anytime you want to chat. You are not alone,
S.
www.HarrisburgBreastfeeding.com

When i was pregnant, (2007) i became very depressed. i was having a hard time with my husband for reasons i couldn't fully understand. It of course wasn't "divorce" type hard times but it was tough. I harbored resentment toward him for certain simple things he did or didn't do (and said or didn't say) during my pregnancy. I'd blame him entirely for the way i felt. that wouldn't fix anything i'd just get deeper and deeper resentment. My mom would tell me to journal, and i would say... i don't have time for that. well on my 29th birthday (this year) i decided that i don't want to go into the next decade of my life in this horrible state so i took my mom's advice and i started a journal which i've put maybe 6 entries in 8 weeks but those 6 entries have helped me so much that i'm actually happy again. nothing really changed but me. it basically helped me set some simple goals in my life... i've gotten back to going to church on sundays, i've been taking care of myself, and i've let myself forgive a few people for some pretty rotten things they did to me. I'm realizing that forgiving someone for something major is something you have to do over and over everyday. it's hard to do if your not in a good frame of mind but once you decide to do it everyday, it does gets easier.

Anyway, my point is figure out whats causing the depression and change it or change the way you're dealing with it. see how that works for you. I'm probably not who you're looking to talk to since i'm not in that same state of mind anymore but just thought i share my experiences.

I work full time too and i'm fortunate too that my grandma babysits my 17 month old. i've been married for almost 3 years. i think we all fall into these ruts sometimes and if i can pull myself out of it so can you :-)

good luck to you!! Take care.

Jenn,

I'm not pregnant, and my youngest is now 13, my oldest is 28, so I'm more menopausal than anything else. But I hear you. I think that sometimes motherhood is a "trap". We give our lives to our children and our families, and there just doesn't seem to be any "me" time. We grow and we change, and we lose sight of the person we used to be. Husbands and Dads don't seem to fall into that trap, but women do. We tend to build our lives around our men first, then our kids, and only in retrospect realize we may have lost something vital to us in the process.

I am more than willing to listen, so you can talk this out. Maybe the voice of experience can help ? Maybe not. Sometimes just getting it out is helpful. I have also been depressed a time or two, so I know what a heavy weight that is in your life.

However, I would caution you -- when you are depressed, talking to people who are depressed is not likely to be much help. If you want to make a child smile, for instance, you take them to see clowns, and funny things. You don't take them to a sad place. If you want to burrow deeper into depression, sure, talk with depressed people -- but if you truly want to climb out of the ditch, you need to have people in your life who will hear your perspective, but perhaps will have the tools to help you get out of the ditch, rather than climb down in and be stuck there with you.

Does that make sense ? I think we hit times in our lives when we are evaluating our lives, and sometimes we don't think they are what we had hoped they would be. That is depressing. It is also very normal. And it isn't a forever kind of thing. Also, pregnancy is a time of stress on your body, and bodily stress can make us lethargic and depressed, too. That's not "baby blues", that's just regular life under stress.

Write to me. I'll listen. I'll talk with you. I'm probably your mom's age (54), or maybe older (?), but I'm not your mom, and I get lonely too at times.

Barb

J.... being a mom is SO hard, and being pregnant is so tough on your body. I had horrible PPD after my son came, though I think in some ways it really started while I was pregnant. Fortunately for me, I had a pediatrician who recognized the signs and got me on medication and in therapy. Both were immensely helpful. The truth is that working full time, being a mom, and being pregnant is probably the hardest combination you can come up with.

One of the things that helps me is to remember that, while sometimes it seems like it is eternal, these years really do go by fast, and that the kids won't take this much time and energy forever. Try to cut yourself every break you can so you can have a little time to yourself... have someone come clean for you, send your laundry out, whatever you need to do to make your life easier. I would also suggest you speak to your OB and get a recommendation for some counseling. It never hurts to have an objective person to talk to, and there are people who see mostly pregnant and postpartum women who are very familiar with the challenges of those periods.

Please, please don't feel like you are alone, or that you did anything to feel this way. This is just a very hard time in your life, but you will get through it. Just take care of yourself!

J.,
I know you don't think you have depression, but I've had it my entire life... I really think you need to talk to both a psychologist for possible counsiling/therapy to help you figure out how to change things for the better, as well as a psychiatrist to see if you need meds (you may only need them temporarily). I was able to stay on most of my meds through pregnancy without any harm to the babies (I have twins).

I hope you will consider it - both of those things have helped to change my life entirely for the better.

Feel free to contact me any time if you have questions.

Good Luck to you!

J.,
go to a dr. asap .. do not stop to question this . good for you that you reconize depression . [ has it been following you a long time ?]
maybe you are now hitting the realities of another life added to your plate .
thank goodness for the grammys .
are you able to quit WORK ? take time off 'till 2 babies are school age ?
this is demanding on you .
do the math w/ your husband and poss. take a sabaticle [sp] from work . mommy has to be well ..
MOM MUST BE WELL TO TEND TO HER BABIES .
YOU ARE LUCKY . YOU HAVE A HUSBAND . YOU HAVE GRANDPARENTS, YOU HAVE 1 HEALTHY CHILD AND A JOB W/ PAY AND A BABY ON THE WAY ... henceforth ; if this feels wrong FIX IT .
be strong good luck
t

J.:
Please allow me to address another memeber's post:

DONNA, AGAIN?!?!!!
There are two possibilities, here, Donna..a) you were fortunate to be a stay-at-home Mom and had a rich hubby who pampered you or b) You yourself hardly saw your kids when they were little and you are attempting to asuage your guilt by beating up on others on this site (NOT helpful).
Obviously you learned nothing when chastised for your comment to Quanetta. I just read your profile, and now believe there is a third posibility seeing as you have great-grandchildren...you grew up in a VERY different time when women weren't expected or NEEDED to work outside of the home.
I am a SAHM yet will defend any Mom who needs to join the workforce for financial reasons. I know this absolutely devastates Moms who hate leaving their children, but in this economy there is no choice but to have a two-income household just even to make ends meet. Donna, please be sensitive to this particular generation that struggles with these financial imperatives. To berate someone for working when society gives them no other choice demeans not only the women you are speaking of but all women who have had limited choices thrust upon them during the noble pursuit of Motherhood. Please start respecting that.

Now, back to J..

If this is truly depression, I don't think one can pray themselves out of it (believe me, I've tried). Wellbutrin is prescribed to pregnant women and I can personally attest to its efficacy. A woman who is clinically depressed can have more harm to her fetus by going untreated ( low birth rate, for example) than taking medication deemed safe while pregnant.

J., I have been through this but am currently doing well. If you would like to talk, feel free to PM me.

Oh, and here is a ((hug)) sweetie. "This too shall pass..."

If you want to send me a message I'd be happy to chat with you. I've had periods in my adult life where I've been sad and lonely. Oddly enough my biggest wake-up call was when my son got cancer. It has been a hard journey (he is still going through treatments, but is doing well) but it has changed my perspective on a lot of things. I'm a bit more flexible, more accepting, more forgiving. I'm also better able to live in the moment and enjoy what is happening now. Most of the life I am living is not what I had planned, but I've found ways to accept it and make it good. I look for positive things in my life - even the small ones - and I take steps to improve what I am not content with. Talking has been therapeutic for me. Joining a church has also been therapeutic. I finally found a friendly, family oriented church that I actually enjoy attending without feeling a burdensome obligation to do so. Making time for me has also been therapeutic. If you'd like to chat, vent or ask questions send me a message.

J.,

I have been in your place. Just search on my name and you'll see that about a year ago, I was asking the same question of other moms. The point is, yes, what you are going through is common. Hello? Can you say hormones...they will really wreck you. I had some external factors I was dealing with as well, I was working and didn't want to, I was 2500 miles from my family. The doc wanted me to go on wellbutrin, and I ultimately decided not to, despite all the evidence that it was safe for the baby. This is the point in my life when I really started to rely on God, and put my trust in Him. He knows what you are going through, Just ask Him to see you though it. I hope you know you are not alone. I would love to chat with you, send me a message, ok?!

A.

Hi J.,

Depression is from anger turned inward.

What are you angry about in your deep recesses of your soul?

Maybe you need to be home with your 2 year old.

Just wanted you to know.

D.

Hey, Jennnifer,
Mmmm. Yes, I can relate. Where to begin. I don't know your age, but first and foremost, I'd be willing to bet a big part of the problem is hormones. Add to that your full and demanding plate of responsibilities: preganancy, a two-year old, a full-time job, a husband to tend to, and helpful but "always there" parents, and you have every reason to feel every feeling you are feeling. Your plate runneth over. I'm exhausted just typing it all. Many of us women are living these very full lives which take their toll on us in every way. Reaching out and seeking advice and support is a good first step. I am living a full life coupled with perimemopausal symptoms, two kids, 8 & 17, two businesses run along with my demanding but understanding husband, a judgmental mother who I couldn't live without and yes I sometimes just drive and scream Aerosmith at the top of my lungs, part of my own stress therapy. Without knowing more of the specifics in your life and without feeding you lines you've probably already heard about balance and finding time for yourself, I'll try to tell you what has worked for me as you find your own way of coping. Please try to take some time off after this pregnancy and rest whenever possible, get as much help as you can in your life for all those tasks that don't need you to do them, remember to ask for help, people are happy to help us if asked, especially husbands who need direction and specific guidance. Hiring a neighborhood girl as a mommy's helper for miscellaneous tasks around the house is inexpensive and good way to occupy and entertain your 2 year old when your energy is low. Of course, if after a time of postpartum and back to routine life, you are still feeling overwhelmed and sad, please get professional help. Really try hard to do the obvious of good nutrition, exercise (even if it's 5 minutes of stretching before you jump in the shower) and rest, rest, rest whenevre you can. Make time for girlfriends in your life even if it's texting a good friend once a day and getting together every other week for lunch, dinner, coffee, or any contact. What's most important to remember and this is a hard one is that this time will pass. Try to set small goals for yourself, a weekend away with husband or friends 6 months from now, anything to look forward to. I don't know what kind of work you do, but I found when my kids were little, I tried to stay very involved and active in my profession, but kept strict limits on special projects I knew would take me away from the family. My goal was family first. It was important for me to lighten my professional load to keep me from feeling guilty and burdened because of work. None of this phase of your life will be easy. Know that you are not alone. Try to focus on what is important in your life and be grateful for all the blessings you have that others less fortunate never will have. Again, none of this is easy. None of this happens overnight; it's on ongoing process. It is a process you will tweak and adjust as you go. Only you are responsible for your happiness. Your children will look to you for guidance and instruction in their lives. They will model what you do, not just what you say. Live well, live healthy, live strong, live love. They will be watching you every minute of every moment they are with you. Find a balance, a happiness in all you do. Remembre, they are watching. My 17 year old is a mirror of everything I've done right and everything I could have done better. It's ok. We are not perfect. I continually work on improving my attitude, adjusting my balance and consciously being happy. It's work, it's hard, it's life. No one ever promised me a rose garden either. Keep this line of communication going. I'll look for you. Stay strong, love gently. Love, K.

Hi J....

I'm not pregnant but I feel for you! I feel trapped most days. I've been on anti-depressants for over a year. It does seem to help but as a mother, you don't get a break and I need my break or my me time. That usually happens when my children go for their nap, but lately the oldest doesn't want to sleep and since they share a room she keeps my youngest up and then I flip out and become "mean mommy" as I call it. You are not alone with your feelings. It's perfectly normal. It is very overwhelming! Most days I don't enjoy my children. Parents are suppose to but my daughter pulls at my strings..she doesn't listen and refuses to clean up her messes.

Anyway, you are not alone. I often feel trapped and want to leave. Thank goodness for my husband who helps out more than most!!

I would say try finding a support group or talk with your doctor. I have family and friends that I can talk with and they know what I'm going through so it helps!! I hope things come around for you!!

God Bless!

J.,
PRAY
S.

Hi J., I am sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. I just wanted to say that I think the advice that you got from the last post from Shannon was wonderful. If you can get over the phone counseling, that would be great. No driving, no face-to-face meeting, you're in an environment that is comfortable to you and you can keep it private (no one needs to know where you're going and why - not even your husband). The hormones racing through your body now only magnifies your depression. Unfortunately it's hard to talk to family that would truly understand. Make sure you seek help now so when that little bundle of joy comes in April, you are getting yourself healthy so you can take care of the little one.
Good luck with everything.

It could be related to a deficiency in something. Maybe your doctor can run a blood test for you. I read a few articles about deficiencies in omegas (fish oil) and its link to depression during and after pregnancy.

Hi J.
I too experienced what you described when I was pregnant with my 2nd child in 2005. I had lost my job due after standng up to fight for my 1st son. He was born premature 6 weeks and I chose to stay with him instead of return to work. Corporate America let me go, and then I was unempolyed for 2 years. During that time I became prego while my oldest was merely 7 months old. Needles to say I became sad with being unemployed, and overhwhelmed. I was married but still felt "lonely" because he would not get a 2nd job to support our growing family and the bills were piling up.
I was generally an extroverted person but became so sad and introverted, and angry. I would cry every day at least 3-4 times and even on 1 of my check ups my dr. was going to give me an RX.
Luckily I had a good friend who I spoke with and he talked me out of meds, but gave me the encouragement I needed. He also gave me the advice to pray.
I'm not trying to push religion on you but it 's cheaper than meds and works!