Pre-k Problems

Kids have to grow up way too fast. Send him to a different preschool, one that is more about play and less academic work. He's not ready, and that's totally normal. Young children learn through play, and every child has his own best learning style as well. Give him another chance to be a little kid and next year Kindergarden will hopefully be more successful.

P. ( mom with three boys ages 7,5, & 3)

Can you switch teachers? It dosent sound like he is doing any thing wrong. He is a kid just like all other kids that would rather do anything else except for his work. Ask some other moms in his class and see if they are getting the same notes. If so the teacher might be the problem here. Best of luck.

He shouldn't be doing sit down work in Pre-K! It is not age appropriate to expect him to sit down and do worksheets. My suggestion is to get him out of that program! They do not follow Developmentally Appropriate Practices. You may think you are preparing him for Kindergarten but I think you are making it worse. He is going to have negative feelings about school and not want to go!
S.

I considered montessori for my daughter's daycare. I asked a friend who has worked in childcare for 20+ years... She said this: 'Montessori offers a wonderful education. However the instruction is geared for the child to complete it at their pace and along their timeline... I believe this creates difficulty when they have to transition to (public school) kindergarden because they are not used to completing tasks according to the teacher's expectations.'

I'm totally expecting to get slammed by everyone who loves Montessori. Sorry, I don't mean to offend... Just sharing what she expressed. Now is the time to train him for kindergarten. You really don't want him to be having these difficulties next year or during elementary school.

First off, I'd say that what you're experiencing is pretty normal...especially for a boy. My son was also in a Montessori-type program until kinder...and about half way through kinder he went through a period where he had the same problems finishing his work...and then again in first grade...and then again this year in second grade (we're just coming out if it now...thank God!!!).

In every case, I worried and wracked my brain trying to figure out what to do...and so did his teachers. ...and now that we're on our third round of this "game", I'm convinced that none of the things we tried are what actually caused him to start doing his work again...that these episodes were nothing more and nothing less than his attempt to control his environment. ...and once he collected enough evidence to know that his behavior wasn't leading to desirable outcomes, he tried another strategy. Specifically, such episodes are almost always followed by a period when he goes out of his way to impress others (me, his teachers) with his ability to do the work...and when he gets rewarded for doing so, the behavior continues until the next bid for independence!!!

That's really how his teacher and I pulled him out of his most recent troubles finishing his work...this one lasted for nearly six weeks, but once we started specifically giving him rewards (attention, stickers, special privileges, etc...) when he DID complete his work (while simultaneously deemphasizing his failures rather than making a big issue of them), it took less than a week for him to start finishing ALL his work on time so he could earn more of those rewards!

See if you can get his teachers to cooperate with you in temporarily exaggerating the positive attention/rewards he gets when he does finish his work on time...even if it is only one assignment out of half a dozen or more on a given day, make a HUGE deal out of the positive and try to minimize the negative until he starts finishing more than half of his work on time. Only then can you go back to using negative reinforcement (e.g., isolation) to motivate him to do all of it. Just make sure that he is always getting more positive than negative reinforcement! If you don't, he's much more likely to start believing that he's just "a bad kid" who "can't" (rather than won't) do his work. My son was at that point this year before we figured out what was happening...the increasing amount of negative reinforcement he was getting had nearly convinced him that he wasn't capable of behaving and doing the work...but once we (his teacher and I) realized what was happening and started actively seeking opportunities to praise and reward him for doing what he was perfectly capable of doing, his confidence increased. ...and last week, he brought home straight As on ALL of his school work for the week!

...and one final thing to remember...something my son's kinder teacher pointed out when he first started having problems in her class...that Montessori students often have problems adapting to the structure (timetable, rules, etc...) of a regular classroom compared to the students that came out of a more traditional preschool experience...HOWEVER, the Montessori students often caught and surpassed the kids from the traditional classes by the end of the year because they had far superior critical thinking skills! The school he attended had a Montessori AND a regular pre-k program so she had been observing this phenomenon for more than 20 years...and she was right about my son. It took him until the middle of the year to adapt to the structure...but once he did, he quickly caught up and entered first grade testing at the second grade or higher level in everything except reading (and he jumped nearly three grade levels in reading during first grade...again, after he adapted to the structure of yet another new learning environment!).

Meet with the teacher before you freak out. Ask if you could observe the classroom one day or ask the Principal if he/she could sit in and observe. Be sure to ask the teacher if any other children are having this same problem, if not you may need to consider he is just not ready for this type of environment.

Montessori is very different than traditional preschool. They allow children to go at their own pace or to put off the work till the child is ready to tackle the work. In a traditional pre -k, the expectation is that the children work at a certain pace. This could be too big of a change in expectations for your child.

Pre-k is to prepare your child for kindergarten.
Remember to be prepared for kinder the child must be able to sit for an entire story. Must be able to follow multi task instructions. Must be able to go to the potty with no assistance. Should be able to write their name (not perfect). Be able to say their ABC's and be able to keep their hands to themselves.

As a former Kindergarten teacher, I have to say that this private school's expectations are not very age appropriate. Kids this age love to learn and please and doing worksheets is just awful and totally unacceptable. Your child is not at fault - he is normal, the school is in the wrong, or the teacher.

Hi T.! I have been going through some of the same problems with my five year old son, who turned five in September this year. I'm going to see if this works and paste a link of everyone's replies to mine, b/c everyone gave such great advice and it made me feel good to not feel alone! http://www.mamasource.com/request/12552320462614429697
If that doesn't work, let me know.
My son has been improving in the past two weeks, though he has still acted out every once in awhile. One thing we have started doing, his teacher and I, is have a good note/bad note system. It just consists of a post it note with a happy face saying good or great day if he's had a good day, and then if he did something past the first warning, he gets a sad face and the note tells me what he did. I think it has really made a difference. We are taping them up on our pantry wall and he gets upset when he doesn't have one to put up there. I also am having him call my mom every night to tell her whether he got a happy or sad face. He has a really good, strong relationship with my mom, so I think it makes a huge difference in doing that, and he's a little embarassed or doesn't want to talk much when he gets a sad face b/c he doesn't want to disappoint her.
On the attention span in class in doing work, my mom bought a bunch of workbooks and we have been working on them at home, writing ones, and other little activities, plus a cutting workbook b/c cutting is a struggle for him. I even asked for a second copy of one of his projects that he did in school that he did a really fast job of b/c either he didn't want to do it or he got frustrated, and had him redo it at home with my guiding him a little more than he got guided in school. Check out that link though- everyone has some great advice.
C.

I had a similar situation last year with my son in a private Kindergarten. Between the spring registration and the beginning of the school year, the curriculum had changed to ABeka, which is very "paper and pencil, sit in your desk." This was not what I thought I had signed my son up for. After 6 weeks and 5 pages of homework each day!, we withdrew him from that school and put him in our local public school where he has thrived. The morning tears and evenings of crying through the homework all stopped. He is happy, making friends, and has maintained honor roll status throughout Kindergarten and now 1st grade. --go with your gut, this is not a good fit for your son

He is just used to a different kind of teaching style, Montessori schools are wonderful! They are very hands on and his new school might be a little too boring and structional for a four year old. Remember boys mature slower than girls. There is probably nothing wrong with him at all, he is not used to a more instructional style of teaching. He was very lucky to have experienced a Montessori school, but everything else is going to seem pretty boring in comparison. :) Good luck, it will get better as he ages!

Hi T.,

Please check out the book by Leonard Sax, Boys Adrift: five factors of unmotivated boys. It is an excellent book on the different factors that can effect boys in becoming unmotivated as they grow older in both elementary and in middle school. It also explains some factors for young boys who start school early on. It gives the background on the differences between boys and girls and how the girls seem to do better than the boys early on in school. My son also went to a private school for Pre-K. He was very smart and showed great potential early on and I felt he would benefit greatly from formal teaching before he went on to Kinder and so forth. Sorta like a head start for him. It was a bitter shock to me to hear how he was so unfocused and getting him to do his work was so hard. Little things like having him trace his name took so long and as his mother, I would get so frustrated, which was not good. I was young and didn't know any better, I just knew I had to help him through this. Today, he is in the 6th grade and is an A student. However, his focus is still an issue. He is very routine cause that was the best way to have him get done what needed to get done. It takes him approx 3-4 hours a night to complete homework, but that is also partially due to his necessity to be neat and his work to be very detailed. So, we have other factors that are associated. Another one is his age. He is a July baby, so he is typically one of the younger kids in the class, so naturally his behavior was never top notch in school. Since his grades always spoke for themselves, it was a trade off I was willing to take, but unfortunate for his teachers. We always gave them a very nice Xmas gift though:)

My point is this. Leonard Sax explains that some boys should hold off for school for even a year because that year builds maturity and focus in what they are doing while in school. When I look back, I truly believe that my son may have potentially benefited from that extra year off before getting the responsibility of school. Not only did he start Kinder when he should have, I placed him in Pre-K, so technically he was in school a full two years before hand. In the end, whether a child is held back or not, they learn everyting they need to in order to achieve. Every parent just has to make that decision.

Good luck!
M.

i can tell you that my brother got kicked out of 3 kindergarten classes when he started school... it wasn't until he had an incident where a kid poked him in the eye with a stick that we took him to the eye doc and found out his vision was HORRIBLE! all along he couldn't even see the chalk board... once we got him in glasses his behavior improved dramatically
may not be your situation, but i thought it was worth mentioning
good luck

I agree with other Moms - preschool should not be so strict on "work". They have a lifetime of deadlines and timelines. Let them be kids. He will adjust just fine when he gets to Kinder and if it's difficult address it then. He will be more mature in a year.

Well Mr i dont want to listen and or do my work. Theres ways you can reward him when he does do his work. See we dont give our kids enough credit. And are you allowed to vist with him? Maybe hes acting out because of change. He was proablly well adjusted in his old school old ways.Now hes uprooted to a newer inviroment.Did you have orientation for this school. And what did he think of it when you did? If you didnt why not? And because hes being a little more cautious with this school, then check out the school. And how the Teacher is laying out the plans.When he comes home go over what he did let him tell you be more involved inside his little mind. Show him you care. Try to eat lunch with him at least once a week so that hes comfortable.

Talk with your child's teacher face-to-face. This will let the teacher know you are interested in your child's welfare. While you are there, watch and see what's going on with him, and you'll have a better idea of the situation. I wish you all the best.

Sounds like he is bored. I had the same problem with both my boys.....still have it and they are in Kindergarten and 4th grade. Some teachers have difficulty with kids (especially boys), who don't follow the line like robots. I have found if you talk to the teacher and try and find ways to inspire your son, it can go a long way! Both my boys attended Montesorri school from 19months - Kindergarden and had a hard time with the transition to a regular public school. Never be afraid to go in and be an advocate for your kids. Also speak with other parents in the class........I would guess you are not the only parent feeling this way. Sometimes I feel like my boys must be the only child getting these "Notes" and then I find out most of the class is.......brings things into perspective! Hang in there!

That is a lot of stress for a 4 - 5 year old kid. Pre-K is not the time for super structured timelines on getting stuff done. Yes, the work needs to be done. However, we don't want to have a child that is afraid of school before they ever even get to kindergarten.
Not all Pre-K programs are like this. I agree that a meeting with the teacher is in order. If that doesn't resolve the issue, find another program for you son.
Good luck.

T.,
The transition from a Montessori school to a traditional one can be difficult. Not that it was wrong to put him in Montessori or wrong to change, they are just different, and it might take a while for your son to adjust. But he will adjust, and will be just fine. He probably learned wonderful things about himself at Montessori and will do the same in his new school. Just be patient, and know that this is probably not a problem with your child or the school, just a natural adjustment from less to more structure.

You sound like a great mommy!

The style of the teacher or the school may be just wrong for him. I think there is too much pressure on kids these days at such a young aga. I dont know exactly how to find that out but my advice would be to approach the issue as though the problem is with the school/teacher as opposed to your son since this is a new issue and the school is the new factor here. You want to be careful to not let this become a long term school problem.

Talk to the teacher about how you all might make it easier for your son and find ways to make him feel successful. Success breeds success!

T., I feel for you. I'm a frustrated mother of a 6 year old in kindergarten. You have to ask yourself why you son did fine in the Montessori school and now, suddenly appears to have problems. Montessori is a learning style where one is able to learn in an active/interactive way. We struggled all last year with our son in Kindergarten with a teacher who was not able to understand the limitations on a young childs abilities to sit and be still. Actually most of us learn better while not sitting or being still. I'm sure you already sense this. My husband who is a trainer in his business and studied many learning applications has a hard time keeping grownups alert and attentive. We have had our other child in 3 other states and find the Texas school style of learning to not be particularly effective. However, a good teacher can do wonders. My 6 year old likes school again and has built up his confidence once more. He gave up last year after being told that almost all his actions were incorrect. Lot's of notes home and complaints as your your son's case. Trust in your instincts. You are your childs advocate and God will guide you.

It sounds like he is not ready for this class, the teacher is pushing harder then he has had before. You might check into a class at a different school where is would be more at ease Do not make school hard for him, let him have something that he will enjoy now and also latter in life for learning. Good luck.

This child is 4 years old and is on a teacher's "time line"? As long as he is not disruptive or having a real conduct problem, I wouldn't worry about it. You say he's been in a Montessori program for two years, that means he started to school at age two? He needs some "Mommie time". He's got 12 to 16 years ahead of him to go to school. Why is it so impportant that he spend his entire life in school? Does he go to school five days a week? Pull him out to three days and let him be a free little boy for two. That'll give you time to go places with him and love on him before turning him over to the institutions. I'm a great-grandmother with four adult children and have spend my life working with little ones.

We had problems like this with our oldest. He ended up having to take pre-k again, and then in first grade, he almost got put back again, until someone suggested we have him tested with a behavioral specialist. We had him tested, and it turns out he is ADHD. The doctor prescribed meds,and now he is doing wonderfully in school. I am not saying this is your childs problem. It may just be ADD. I would have him tested though. And dont wait for a teacher or principle to tell you that is what it might be...it is against the law for them to even mention it to you now.

I have a problem with the fact that the preschool has the children doing "work" that needs to be completed AND that if the work isn't completed the child receives punishment. Utterly ridiculous!! I would find out if all of the teachers at this Pre-K require the children to complete "work" or just the one your child has. If not all of them do then move him to a different class. If they all do then move him to a different Pre-K. He needs to be enjoying "school", making friends, having fun! He should be feeling successful at pre-k so he is excited about kindergarten.

I think the problem comes from the transition from Montessori to regular school. I always thought that it must be very hard on the child to go from one type of education that follows the curiosity of the child to more structured education. You are saying "and has been isolated quite a few times as punishment and to allow him to finish his work. " that must be traumatizing for him , they never do that at Montessori....... I have a step daughter who is in Montessori now, next year she will be in first grade, now it's a real dilemma to wether to keep her there or transfer her to a regular school for the same reason you are stating. My opinion is once you start kids in Montessori just keep them there at least through elementary.

I'm not sure how long your pre-k child has been at this school. If he/she has been there less than a month, then it's probably just and adjustment period. I would speak to the teacher and find out exactly how long the children are given to work on their work then practice working (in the same alotted time) at home. Also, are you able to go and be a parent volunteer for a day?

If your child has been there since Aug/Sept, then I would think that this learning style is not how your child learns best and he/she may be struggling. Maybe put your child back in the Montessori school or speak to the Director and teacher to find out how you all can help your child be successful at the new school.

Hi T.,

I put my son in a private school that used the "Classical" approach when he was in Kindergarten. The amount of homework put on these grade school kids was insane! I could see these children coming out of school at 3:00pm dragging and just beat! Then the children and their parents could expect a long drawn out homework session with tired and cranky children. We could not participate in many extracurricular activities because it was just too much with all the homework.

Each year we were told that the school was going to listen to the parents and cut back on the homework but they never did, even though the administrators changed almost every year. Finally my husband agreed, with my requests and we pulled him out of there after third grade. He is in fifth grade now and I am still battling the effects of him having been in that situation. He sees homework as a battleground even though he really doesn't have much anymore.

He was a child who could not wait to get to school every day, he was very eager to do well and show everyone how much he knew. His preschool teachers were so pleased to learn that we were sending him to private school. He maintained an "A" average in the classical school, but was not happy. Now we have to use a punishment reward system just to get him to do his best. I think he feels cheated out of some of his childhood and I agree. He's too old to want to sit on the couch and cuddle with Mom while she reads him a book those days are gone, we spent them learning how to spell words like "Methuselah" which mean nothing to him now.

Make sure learning is a positive experience for your child they will be in school for many years! I have my son in a different private school now; trust me they are not all the same. By all means monitor the class and try to get an idea how the other parents feel about this class. I see you have gotten a lot of good advice.

Blessings,
M.

you have switched him from one type of school learning system to a completely different one. Montessori doesn't focus so much on deadlines as they do in procedures and following them. Also, montessori does not "discipline" like regular schools do. Is there a reason why you took him out of the montessori school?
My recommendation is to place him back in the montessori school if possible. Otherwise, you'll have a hard time with him trying to adjust.
Personally, I think 4 is too young for children to start having homework and being disciplined for not finishing it. I believe that homework shouldn't start until they are in the 1st grade. Also, teachers need to realize that every child learns/develops at their own pace and should never be punished for it. If I were a teacher, I would have class time as learning time w/ students having the option to complete their homework at school if the child wants to get a headstart or be completed after school at home w/ the parent's help (if necessary).

If I can find teacher(s) who think like I do, then I will allow my children to go to public school. Otherwise, I will most likely homeschool.

my daughter did this too. My 20/20 hindsight says take him out of that school and be with him, if you can. Send him to school for 2 days a week and ease him into the transition.

I know that isn't easy. I just wish I had because she really wasn't happy there.

Good luck.

T., I also have a child in Pre-K. At that age, it can be hard to follow a very structured schedule. Not every child can sit still, listen attentively, and then complete tasks in the same time as everyone else. He probably needs a little more one on one, and by punishing him, the situation could only get worse. His fear of not finishing in time could be a distraction in itself. He also may feel like the teacher is singling him out, or "doesn't like me". This teacher should know that every child is different, learns in different ways, and is way too young for huge expectations. If the problem continues, I would change teachers or schools and see if it makes a difference. Especially coming from Montessori, where every child is allowed to go at their own pace. It sounds like this was a big change for him.

I agree with Karen .
Both my kids did Montessori.
It worked great for my daughter. We kept her there through Kinder.
As my son got older and was nearing the harder "work" in MOntesori( the movable alphabet), he was struggling with it.
He needed more structure. He started public school in kinder and is very successful.
so, keep in mind even though montessori has a "go with the flow"environment, it doesn't work for all kids when the academic learning starts.
Your son is at the age to where the work is getting harder.
I also think his teacher needs to relax a little.too
He is JUST 4 and he will re-learn everything in Kinder.

First of all keep an open line of good, positive comunication between you and his teachers. Most of all, pray upon what is your expectations of a four year old. Again I say, a four year old. I have two boys, one 13 and the other 8. Both have their own issues and challenges when it comes to learning. We held them both back for one year before starting their formal education which helped because of the maturity differences. They are both doing well (no not honor students) and I am proud of them.
I think we are expecting way too much from our young children today, trying to meet some kind of agenda to keep up with the masses. Where has "childhood" gone.
Using isolation to finish school work or homework is going to give the child a negative association to doing his work. That is kinda defeating your purpose isn't it. Work out ways of positive motivation. Examples: work tokens for completed works (collect about ten or so at a time) to be redeamed for a trip to the "treasure chest", "fill the marble jar" for good behaviors to be redeamed for a special activity when it is full. Be creative and make it fun. Get involved at the school to support your teachers. Goodness knows, they need all the help we can give them. It is hard to Keep up with the needs of that many students at one time.
Hope I have helped. Good luck and God bless. M. s.

I would meet with the teacher and find out what her guildlines and timelines are. Maybe your son is just not meeting up to HER expectations (of which could be set too high) If that is the case you can report her to the principal, or whoever does the teacher dicipline. If that's not that case maybe meeting with the teacher could give you better insight to what the problem is.

Your pre-schooler is reacting in a perfectly normal way to change. It sounds to me like you need to sit down with the teachers instead of your son and explain to them that this is new to him, he is in a strange environment and with new people. They need to have activities where the kids (and teachers too for that matter) can get to know each other and be comfortable around each other. He will settle into this new environment in time, but how much time depends on how willing the staff is to work with him to make the transition better. Good Luck!!

If he's been in school before and not had these problems, I'd wonder what the teachers timelines are. Are they putting unreasonable expectations on him? Have you asked your son what's going on? Maybe there's another kid there distracting him.

Have you spent the morning observing in the classroom? If you are in love with this program, I would check it out for yourself to see if he's acting out or if the teacher's a little too strict for his age/personality. In general, I cringe at the notion of schools isolating a child unless they are being dangerous or distracting to the other children. I suspect this program is a bit too strict for anyone under the age of 8. Meet with the director and observe a class if you think the program is right for your child. Although, I'm not in your shoes, chances are my temper would get the best of me and I'd scream at the director for cruelly punishing my child, put my child in a more loving and patient program, and report the school to the NAEYC for overzealously isolating your child (which is abusive, in my opinion). But like I said, I don't know all the details.

Good luck with your situation. Follow your heart and put your child's safety and happiness first in whatever your choose.

Montessouri schools are great for the creative type. Regular school is so much more structured and sadly too constrictive for my liking most of the time. I hold a Master's degree in early childhood and I agree more with the Montessori model of learning, especially for the young child. Most preschools do not function this way. They tend to be a smaller version of the older grades. Children learn best in play and joy, perhaps your child is in a power struggle between what he knew and what he is being asked to do now. And I am sure the teacher is not taking that into consideration. BUT if you ask for a conference with her and let her know your concerns and his past learning experiences, the two of you should be able to help him transition into the structured enviroment more getnly and agreeably. A good teacher will understand where you and your child are coming from and help......

This sounds like a passive/agressive way of saying he is unhappy with the change, not necessarily the class. Let him know how fun it can be in the structured enviroment and have the same message the teacher has and he will accept the change.

Good luck! Sounds like you are in tune with your little one and that is great for him, he is loved.

I have a 4.5 yr old boy, and he goes to school and if I was in your situation, I would find him a new school ASAP. He's only 4 yrs old, there shouldn't even be work yet, it should still be play-based learning. There are programs that will only expect age-appropriate behaviors from him, and won't isolate him or make him feel bad. You are his advocate, only you can make the right decisions for him while he is small.