Potty Training....HELP!

Well, you've discovered the main drawback in linking desired behavior to a reward or bribe system, and a reason many parents will not use such systems. Your daughter's real reward will eventually be that she'll have greater control over her life, but there's very little you can tell her about that before she experiences it.

Nevertheless, your attitude toward your daughter's stubbornness and tantrums is almost certainly part of the problem. If you've worked on this for so many months that you are both frustrated about it, then your daughter will never experience the joy of self-control and gaining a new skill. When she complies, YOU will win, but SHE WILL LOSE. So what you have set up here is a power struggle. Imagine how unhappy that prospect must feel to your daughter.

Some children are not ready to train until 3 or even older. Your urgency about potty-training could be making it impossible for her to be emotionally ready. I hope you'll back off and give her some freedom to decide. If you search this site for other potty-training questions, you'll see many responses from moms who were surprised and delighted that their kids were suddenly ready to try the potty once they let up on all pressure.

The diapers are the PROBLEM, do not buy pull ups!!! they only prolong potty training. I switched to cloth diapers so my daughter could feel the wetness and she trained within a week. I used Bum Genius Organic All in Ones-you could buy 3 of them and you can use them at night while they are getting used to the idea of not wearing diapers during the day.
We had a few accidents here and there and she regressed for a week when her brother was born but other than that we have been diaper free for months now (including night time too).
I also agree with previous poster that you should take her to pick out her own big kid underwear and make a really big deal out of it. Lots of praise when she does go on the potty. We made our daughter show us the poo or pee in her potty before we would give her a prize.

When my son showed he understood what he was supposed to do, I took away his diapers. We went to the store and I let him pick out his new underwear, and made a big deal about becoming a big boy. The next day he went into undies and there was no turning back. That first day he had 13 accidents and was begging for his diaper, but I knew it was a control issue and told him no. The next day he had 2 accidents, and than one or two a week for a couple of weeks, and than none. Once I made it clear diapers where no longer an option, he started going in the potty.

Hi J.,

Wow, hats off to you for having 2 under the age of 4 and one more on the way.

I think you must remember to practice patience with her potty training, it will happen when she is ready.

Here are few suggestions which might help:
1- Keep a basket of books she likes to read/look at in the bathroom. Example-
"Once upon a potty", "Everyone Poops", "Everyone Farts"

2- Make up silly songs about Potty and bathroom time. This will help take the pressure off and make potty time FUN.

3- Use the reward system, expand it to art/ TV time/ Special trip etc, other than candy.

4- Use Potty time to review/introduce colors/ shapes/ alphabets/ numbers/ opposites/rhyming words etc

5- Please take mini breathing breaks for your own peace.

PS: Tantrums are common among young children. How we react to them as parents reinforces learning behaviors among children. If you keep your COOL while she is throwing a tantrum, eventually she will notice that you are not reacting to it. It is all cause and affect, please think about it ahead of time.

Think POSITIVE and enjoy your children and all that comes along with it.

DON'T give her a treat for doing nothing. Only give her a treat if she USES the potty successfully--deal with the tantrum by leaving her right where she is to have it. Many moms will talk about forming unhealthy relationships with food if you use treats (and I swore myself that I wouldn't go there), but there are plenty of ways to screw our kids up much worse.

We are a "few and far between" treats household...that is why I believed it worked so well for us. YOU have to have the discipline to not give her a treat if she doesn't do as agreed. Keep the treats in a child-proof container in full view. I had three--jelly beans, marshmallows, and M&Ms (these were only for a number 2). When she asks for some, remind her that those are for big girls who use the potty. I swear the kid could pee on demand just to get a jelly bean! She was completely accident free in just a few weeks--poop took longer than pee. Since then, I can count on one hand how many nighttime accidents she's had...and those were really associated with a change in schedule.

You may have started too early and now she has a lot of negative associations. Why not give it a rest for a month and then start fresh? Talk about it for a few days, buy some new panties together, and then once it starts put her in panties and get rid of her diapers. Set clear expectations about why the treats are there...she is old enough to understand.

During the day, juice her up with fluids and salty snacks to create the urge to pee. Keep her on a fiber rich diet to keep everything else moving. Limit fluids an hour or two before bed and use a waterproof pad on her bed.

I forgot to tell you, it was VERY easy to eliminate the treats. I only gave it to her when she asked and we only used them at home. For some reason, stickers worked fine at daycare but she wouldn't have nothing to do with it at home. Once they were gone, they were gone but the habit of using the toilet was fully ingrained at that point.

Have you tried letting her run around with just a shirt on? No underwear or anything below the waist? We did that with our son and he mastered that. The problem we ended up having was transitioning from half naked to underwear. I can proudly say that after almost 2months, he's got it! He wears a diaper (we cloth diapered) at naptime and a nighttime pullup to bed at night. But I'm with one of the previous posters, ditch the diapers during the day when she's awake. Yes, it's stressful, but have lots of patience and hopefully soon she will get it. Good luck!

I would back off completely, including saying nothing when she goes in her diaper about what she should be doing. You are in a tug of war and she is winning. Stop being frustrated and irritated. Instead show no emotion on the subject. Don't ask her if she wants to use the potty. After some time passes, she will probably do it on her own. If not, you can always tell her about it when she reaches high school age.