Potty Training vs the Crazy House

If you think she likes to squat, have you tried a stepstool that is "too tall" so she is in a similar position? I would go back to basics. Take her to the potty when you think she might reasonably need to go. Praise her when she does go. I wouldn't make her sit and sit and sit, but she should give it a few minutes. Would she listen to a story? Or look through a book? I wouldn't even make it about physical incentives. I'd make it about praise.

I think you have received a lot of good advice.

I'd like to just add that, from my experience, it is not helpful to ask children 'if' they need to use the toilet. I did that for a while when I first started working with kids and boy, we had a lot of accidents. Kids at this age love to say 'no', whether its because they want to keep playing or don't feel the urge.... it really doesn't matter. They say "no" because they CAN.

I now use simple, matter of fact language: "It's time to go to the potty". and then give them a few minutes to do just that.

One thing I have noticed is that when kids are playing, they are often afraid of a sibling or playmate taking their toys away, so do consider if this might factor into your problem. With my preschoolers/families I nannied for, I would place a scarf or a tea towel over what they were doing/playing with. This was our code for "this is being used right now and is not for you". Worked well.

If it were me, I'd also back away from the incentives. That only ups the ante for kids and makes it pretty clear to them how much WE want them to do something. For kids engaged in a power struggle, this tells them a lot.

Ultimately, the 'reward' for not wetting or messing one's pants is keeping dry and having more playtime, right? So make sure that when you are cleaning up a mess, that she is present as a little helper. She can hold the doors open for you, carry the fresh bedding, help as much as she can in cleaning herself up (she should be able to dress/undress herself if you are potty training, it's part of the readiness skills necessary) and such, so do not let her go and play while you are doing the dirty work, mom. Her helping should not be party time, but matter-of-fact work, but try to keep your voice neutral (even if you are furious because it's happened yet AGAIN!) and talk as little about it as possible. You don't want to go overboard and provide negative attention. A simple "Let's get to the potty on time next time" is all you need to say. Keep her in cloth training underpants, too. The pull-ups are often confusing and crutch for some kids.... allowing them to sit in their poop or pee is not as uncomfortable or inconvenient as really being WET.

Good luck!

My three were trained between 22 and 26 months.
I never asked them if they needed to go, we just went, every hour to start, and gradually stretched it out.
If they went, great, lots of praise, if they didn't, no biggie, we just came back later and tried again.
I was almost always able to catch them when they were about to poop by following their cues, they had a particular stance/face they would make, and they would often "hide" when they were about to go. I would scoop them up and plop them down on the potty!
It really is a matter of training, not asking, requesting or bribing (though I did have little potty stickers which they liked.) And I believe the younger the better. It gets harder as they get older because it becomes a control thing which you do NOT want.
Good luck, it is SO nice to be diaper free :)

She is still quite young. Perhaps you are giving her too much responsibility. I would go back to taking her to the potty periodically. Stop relying on her to make the decision to go to the potty.

I would go back to a more relaxed matter of fact way of dealing with this issue. It sounds to me that you've into a power struggle sort of situation. It's confusing I know but I think that boundaries are not clear for her. You're letting her decide when to use the potty while being upset if she doesn't use it when you want her to. i.e when she needs to go.

I'd start over. Take her every hour or so to the potty. Stop trying to get her poop trained. Tell her it's OK to poop in her diaper. When she poops in the closet, have her help you clean it up while you remain neutral in your attitude. Don't scold or punish.

Using the potty has become an emotional issue for both you. Get back to a more everyday sort of attitude. I'm not explaining myself very well. I'll have to do some more thinking.

You definitely have a power struggle going on. In a power struggle with a child, the adult has to call the truce. Change up how you are handling this. Do your best to take all your emotion out of this, and just state how things are going to be.

I agree with those who said, don't wait for her to tell you, put her on a schedule. My daughter was trained at 26 months, but she was at a daycare and they had a regular potty schedule. It can take months from the time they can stay dry until they can reliably tell you when they need to go.

I didn't use any incentives except a "good job!" when she successfully went.

If she poops in her pants or in the bed, she needs to help you clean it all up. Again, no emotion and this isn't punishment, just the necessary steps that need to happen when poop happens anywhere but in the potty. Remind her that clean-up will be easier once she poops in the potty.

It's a control thing. Someday, she will tell you that she wants to go-until then, you just have to wait it out and be patient.

I'd put diapers back on her again. Getting poop all over the bed is SO awful - yuck!

I'd totally forget about potty training for at least 3 months.

So sorry!
Dawn

I can SO relate! You're where I was with my guy last year. Similar scenario, I asked his pediatrician at his 18 month checkup, and she said it would put pressure on him, to set out a potty. Soooooo, ignoring my previous experience training my older two, I listened to her. And from 19-22 months when he showed several readiness signs I didn't want to "pressure" him. Shortly after he turned 22 months I set out the froggy potty he chose and he wanted nothing to do with it :( We worked at it a couple of weeks, he peed a handful of times but never told me he needed to go and I backed off thinking he wasn't ready.

We restarted a few weeks later and did slightly better, but he only pooped in the potty once. Every other time he'd hold it and sneak away to do it or wait until naptime. Would never tell me he had to poop, rarely told me he had to pee, he'd just go. I set him at certain times each day on the potty to get a rythym of going, telling him, never asking him if he had to go, because the answer was always "no" if I asked. He still didn't seem to go with the program so we stopped again and restarted 3 or 4 weeks later. The last time he got the peeing down in a couple of days, and I realized he was holding his poop. I didn't want him developing encopresis so went searching online for help and found this site:
http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm

The site was extremely helpful in realizing his refusal was all about control. Kids basically only have control over eating, sleeping and pooping...so he was trying to be in control. He being smart like your daughter I realized I had to be smarter. He'd never responded to stickers and charts, M&M's, Dum Dum pops or $1 store toys, for him the reward was being trained. My job was to help him get there, and I used the "power incentive," something that I retained ownership of, and he could earn use of it for 30-60 minutes by pooping on the potty. It's whatever will motivate YOUR child to go, so you need to figure out what it is and have it bought and ready for her to use as soon as she complies. With my guy he was literally running to the potty to poop in just a little over 24 hours and was fully trained (nighttime, too, totally his doing) @ 26 months.

And BTW, he never got into telling me he has to go, other than when we are out and I need to find him a bathroom, he just goes and does his business. He doesn't announce it at preschool either, he just politely taps a teacher on the shoulder so she can escort him. So maybe your daughter will be the same way, a do-it-yourselfer, too.

Read the info on the site, there's a lot of good help for little ones like ours :)

If she likes to squat, find a way for her to do it that way.
How about using toilet paper to line a long rectangular ice-cream container. Children and adults who can’t leave floor level have managed successfully with this system.

In some places in the world, squatting platforms are becoming more popular so you can squat with a regular sit down toilet.

http://www.lillipad.co.nz/lillipad/lillipad-use.html

I have twin boys. One of them didn't want to poop in the potty but would pee. So we started with letting him poop in a diaper. He would tell us when he needed to poop, we'd put on a pull-up diaper, and give him 15 minutes. If he hadn't gone by then, we'd tell him to try again later. Once he got the hang of that, we switched to him having to hang out in the bathroom with the diaper on. It didn't matter if he was sitting, standing, or laying down on the rug. We also gave him book or a toy to play with while he tried to go. After that was going well, we intended to have him wear a diaper and sit on the potty to go, but we didn't need to do that step and transitioned him right to sitting on the potty. It was a bit of a long process but it worked for us.

The other one was a bit tougher because we couldn't tell when he had to poop and he didn't care so much about going in his pants. So we set a timer and took him periodically. If he was doing well, we increased the time between potty trips. Then we would stop the timer. If he fell back into having accidents, we'd start back with the timer.

If you cannot find a position that she likes to go in for pooping on the potty, you could try letting her poop in the diaper but in the bathroom in the position that she is comfortable. And then work toward migrating out of the diaper once she gets consistent. Some people don't like to do that because it's not a clean break, but it worked for one of my kids and I'd rather have him go in the diaper than have him go in his pants or keep holding it (which he was doing).