Potty Training Twins - Tulsa,OK

Wow!! You were right! You may never receive this but yes you need to relax. Yes, there are zillions of parenting books and it would be helpful if you had been in a larger family. Potty traininng is not a problem. The cryer (the one who cries) is just resisting change. She is resisting change because she would be responsible for her own body. P.S. I am 64 and had 4 children. Three children lived. Yes, I had all my children when I was 21 thru to 30. Pull out the potty and say "this is it. " And don't give up until it is done. One of mine took a month, The boys born close together took much longer. Again that was their personalities. Anyway, just do it and have faith that you will have success.

Get the book Toilet Training in Less Than a Day by Azrin and Foxx. Read it & prepare. Then have someone keep one twin for the entire day while you train the other. Then do the opposite. You might not be able to do 2 days in a row, but try to do them both within a few days of each other.

A.,

I have 3 year old twin girls. Potty training them was definitely a difficult task but don't worry, it will happen. I also tried the training pants & big girl underwear for a long time. They just were not interested. One night I was getting them ready for bed. One of my girls didn't have her clothes on yet. I was getting the other one dressed & she went to the potty all by herself. So from that moment on I let them run around bare bottom for a few weeks. They went to the potty every single time. Then I let them pick out "pretty" panties from the store & they did great with pulling their pants down going to the potty. I also made a potty chart on poster board. Every time they used the potty they got to choose a sticker & put it on the chart. I also got incentive gifts from the Dollar Store to give them when they used the potty in the beginning. That got expensive so we started only using the stickers. They even get up during the night to use the potty now. Just stick with it & they will get it.

Good Luck!

A.

i have potty trained twin boys. the dynamics are a little different but its generally the same, ( i have a 6 yearold daughter, and 3 1/2 yearold boys). don't worry about the one that isn't ready yet. focus on the one that is ready. no one ever said that you had to potty train them at the same time. once she sees that her sis is getting rediculus amounts of praise just for going on the potty she'll eventually join in. don't expect nights at all right now. they are in the process of training thier bladders so to speak. (my boys still have accidents when they get side tracked) find a way to make it fun. we live out in the country so the boys get to go outside but given that you have girls that may not go over as well. if they like to sing have a special song to sing or some thing silly that peaks their interest. make it a huge deal when they go. focus on the potty and work in the poo later. whenever my boys would poo i dumped it in the toilet so that they could see and tell them that it belongs in the potty now and not in their underwear (or panties). some thing that also might help is to get some plain white panties and get some fabric paint. let them decorate thier own panties and tthey might care a little more about whether or not they get messy. non of my kids would sit on thier own little potty. they wanted to sit on the same pot as mommy. so i just got the padded seats that go over the regular toilet. it is easier to clean and they get the satisfaction of flushing after they have done thier business. don't let them flush unless they have gone. i hope that this helps and i know that it is sparatic, but maybe something will help.

you sound so overwhelmed. i have never potty trained twins, having a daycare, though, i have potty trained several children at once. i say 'potty trained' loosely, i do not force children into using the toilet. most kids are not ready until they near the age of 3, even the most developmentally strong. when they start showing interest, then off goes the diaper and on goes the panties or underwear. yes, they are usually 'princess' or 'spiderman' and i tell them if they pee in them then their underwear has to go in the trash, then i actually throw them in the trash. it's not harsh, it works. don't fret so much, i get sick of the so called 'experts' telling us when our kids should be doing what and that they are sooooo far behind because they can't recite the gettysburg address at 14 months :-) my philosophy is this: let them be little. for the rest of their lives they will have pressures and stress. i want my kids to be carefree with ENCOURAGEMENT to progress and mature, not forcefullness. i am no pushover, btw, i'm just a mom of 3, who eats, breathes, and sleeps (sometimes :-) my children. i also have a home daycare in which i instill the same ideas in these children too. you wouldn't believe how happy and lighthearted it is around here. they know what i expect, then they do it. I know it's hard, but for heaven's sake, DO NOT try to put them on the potty every 15 minutes, you will fall over dead or drive off a cliff. hang in there. i would love to offer you support, my heart really goes out to you, i have been around kids my entire life and if my kids haven't experienced it, then someone i know has. my email if ____@____.com. would love to hear from you, God Bless.....

I don't have any advise on twins, but I do have advice on developmental delay and on girls. My stepson was a premie and was later diagnosed as autistic. When he came to live with us he was 3 1/2 and still in diapers. We switched over to pull ups and told him they were big boy underwear and that he had a choice to have a diaper or a pull up. We got the ones with the wetness liners so he could feel them. We would take him to the bathroom on a 45 minute to an hour schedule to let him potty unless he asked to go. He was pretty regular with poop, so it was easy to get him going on the potty. We also had him in a special ed preschool to help him with speech and motor skills since he wasn't saying more than 20 words when he came to us. The preschool teachers helped with the potty training too by keeping him on a regular schedule. He was about 4 1/2 when we were finally completely out of pull ups day and night unless he was sick and he's 6 1/2 now. Every school district should offer free special ed preschool services if your children have developmental delays. It might be worth your time to investigate this not for help in potty training, but so that they get an even start when kindergarten time comes.

As to girls, I'm still working on my 2 1/2 year old. Sometimes she stays dry all day and sometimes she doesn't. It all depends on how busy we are and what else is happening. She's developmentally on track so the structure we used for her brother isn't working for her. We're going with bribes for now. I found some organic lollipops that she loves and I give them to her when she goes on the potty. My stepson is sensitive to artificial dyes, so he can have them too. I'm not too stressed about my daughter right now since she still wakes up wet. Once she starts waking up dry on a regular basis then I'll worry about it. I've even tried cloth diapers and trainers, but the pull ups seem to work better for her. Also, if your girls are not having firm poops then it may be a while before they are able to feel it well enough to control it. You might try nutrient and calorie dense foods like avocado, banana, and cheese. Soy milk is not very high in calories and doesn't have the fats needed for their brain development. Also a liquid diet leads to liquid stools.

Hang in there. It does get easier over time.

Children are easier than puppies any day! I am not so sure we really 'train' children like we train puppies. I think we encourage children to grow up and learn socially acceptable, and expected sanitary bathroom practices. That said, I will use the term potty training, anyway.

I did not know my first child was ready, and was not in a big hurry to potty train him. I'd heard all of the theories of avoiding the power struggle by letting them do it in their own time, and how rigid potty training is the cause of psychological problems, etc. After my children were grown, I read a newspaper article written by a doctor who says the way to avoid the power struggle is to train them younger. I am thankful my son had a part-time sitter who just decided, without asking me about it, that she was going to take off his diapers and encourage him to go in the potty at her house - mostly because she did not want to change his diapers any more. Then it did not make sense for me to put him in diapers if he could do it at her house. He was just 2 and it had never occurred to me to try so young.

If your daughters are dry at night, they are ready! Put them each on their own potty first thing in the morning and turn on the faucet and/ or play some music or sing a song. Give them the sippy cup whenever they want, let them drink as much as they want. They should need to go first thing in the morning after a dry night or not. I do not like the idea of making them sit on the potty for long periods of time unless you know they have to go. They do have to go first thing in the morning. The other thing you can do is leave them undressed on the bottom, keeping them near a potty chair or a potty chair near them. Watch them to catch them and carry them to the chair while they are going. Once they have a success going in the potty, they will know what you are asking them to do. If they are dry at night, get the diapers out of the house. Tell them "there are no more diapers in this house. Everyone in this house is able to (or old enough to) learn to use the potty, now." If they are not dry at night, you can use nite-time-only diapers until they are dry at night. Of course they may have accidents for a while, but you may be really surprised at how easy this is! As for the resistance to try, some children need more encouragement to grow up than others. Sometimes children pick up a mother's resistance or fears. If they know you are determined, they will be able to try to do it. Encouraging them to grow up is your job as a mother throughout their childhood. You can either help them to grow up or forever hold them back. As for having 2 at the same time, what difference does this make? My daughter teaches pre-school and has 'trained' classrooms full of toddlers and 2-yr olds at the same time. They tend to help each other.

Good luck.

Hi A.! All children are different and there are so many ideas and words of advice on this subject. You just have to find which one you and your daughters can do. When my son was potty training, I bought him the plain training pants, then my parents took him to the store and let him pick out his own big boy underwear. My son picked out Winnie the Pooh and sat in the buggy through WalMart waving them around and yelling "My Pooh pants, my Pooh pants!!" which gave everyone in the store their laugh for the day and probably embarrassed that child's poor mother whoever she was! :-) I had heard from others and hoped that he wouldn't want to tee-tee in his big boy pants, which wasn't the case. If he did wet in them, then he had to wear the plain ones afterward which he didn't like as well. During this same time, my Mom had gotten my son a Muppets video called Countdown to Blastoff which was about rockets and outer-space and he loved it. SO, I began by always put him on the potty right after he woke up in the morning and after his nap and if he went, I set a timer for an hour later. If he didn't go, I set if for 30 minutes. When the buzzer would sound we would head to the bathroom. I would go and grab him up and carry him over my head airplane style and say Blast Off!! I reset the timer afterward for either an hour or thirty minutes depending on whether or not he went. The timer was more for me so I wouldn't forget to take him. I didn't stress about it if he didn't go, I just wanted him to have the consistency and get used to the idea. My sister's first child prodigy practically asked to be potty trained (the little fart!), she let the second one shoot cheerios in the potty, and the third one would get two skittles for using the potty...
If I were you, I would begin working with the daughter who is ready to start learning. I also think that your idea of enlising your stepdaughter's help is a good one. I was her age when my cousin was potty training and she really looked up to us and wanted to do everything we did so if she even thought we were going to the potty she was on our heels!! This is your opportunity to be really creative and find what will work for you and your girls. Let them pick out some big girl panties (whether they are intersted or not-maybe take their step sister with you so she can help make it a big deal.) Get goofy with them, make it fun and know that they WILL get it and one day you will have a funny story to tell other moms who are trying to potty train! (my son thought his potty training story was hilarious!) BEST OF LUCK!!

Definitely do not force them to sit on the potty!

Be aware that pre-potty-trained children can be afraid to sit on a toilet, even a little kiddie potty. They can be afraid that they will fall in and just keep falling. They don't see the logic that it's way too small for that to happen. It just takes a lot of love, support and patience. It helps for them to see you sit on your toilet and go, and talk them through it. Tell them what you're doing and why.

Be empathetic with them when they resist. It's a stressful thing for kids to have to make big changes. Tell them that you know that trying new things is scary, but we all do it and it ends up not being a big deal at all.

The fact that there are two of them might actually make this a lot easier for you. You can talk to them both together, and the one who's more ready for it can help lead the way. Don't set it up as a competition, of course, but let the more fearful one see the other one trying it out. That will give her more courage and motivation. Make it a team effort, and they might both really surprise you.

Probably the best thing to do is to just follow the techniques outlined in the books you've already been reading. Just take it one step at a time. There are also books to read to your children about using the potty. That can help them get used to the ideas involved.

Good luck!
L.

I have three daughters. Though they are all now potty trained, I didn't have to do it at the same time. The one thing I sense from reading your request is that you are letting this build anxiety in you. Even after potty training one child, I let the dread build up each time that I had to do it again. When it was over, it was never as bad as I had imagined it would be. My friends have had that same experience and usually end up saying "That was so much easier than I expected. I should have done it a long time ago." Though you have twins, it is likely to be a different, unique experience with each of them. I never used a training potty for two reasons. I think that it extends the training period because after you train on that one, you have to then train on the next one and you cannot always find one in public. Also, I'm grossed out by cleaning those things. I bought the seat that fits on top of your regular toilet, but my children weren't dependant on it to go. My first child was resistant to my attempts to train for a couple of months. She got up one morning before mother's day out and announced that she wanted to wear her princess panties. I told her that princesses don't like to be peed on. She started her training that day and had very few accidents. My second child had zero interest in potty training. Finally, I decided that she would be trained before our summer vacation. I put her on the potty during the day. If she didn't go, I'd take her back every 15 minutes until she did go. I would start over by waiting about 45 minutes. She would cry and kick and scream "no". Then, after I put her on the potty, she would smile and say "I tee teed on the potty." It got easier each day and after about 3 days, she was pretty much trained. My third child would not let me put her on the potty like I did the second child. Besides the fits, she would not go on the potty if forced to sit on it. We discussed going on the potty and being a big girl often. Finally, she decided (at a very inconvenient time) that she wanted to use the big girl potty. It was July 4 and two weeks before a big family vacation. Amazingly, she trained quickly, had no accidents in the airplane or airport. She only had one or two accidents that whole week. Those were my fault for not thinking about taking her for a long time. You may end up having to train your girls at separate times if they are not both ready at the same time. One thing to try is a sticker chart. Allow them to put one sticker on for peeing and two for pooping. After they fill up their own chart, they might get a special privilige or a toy. Even if you don't think that they are ready, put them on the potty before bath time. Something about taking off clothes often gives the urge to go. Also, put them on right after naps and first thing in the morning. Good luck discovering what works for your children. You will likely look back on this as a non event.

I don't have twins but my boys are 19 months apart. My older son was not interested for along time. We just had to put the potty in the kitchen in front of a video to actually get him to go. Later as he got more interested, we let him put a rock in a jar for each success. He liked touching the rocks and looking at the colors. Sticker did nothing for him. When his jar was full he got a hotwheels car or a train. He was a bit past 4 before he got the whole thing down. My younger son also has just recently starting going all the time. He just turned 4. With him we had to go straight to underwear and let him feel the wet before he would even try. Now even if he has a pullup on (long trips) he will want to go potty and has not reverted back. We bribed him. lol. He is a bit more stubborn and now we battle his not wanting to wash his hands. You will get this figured out. It is just not easy and anyone who says it was for them must have had some good medicine. lol

Yes, you can survive twins! I'm proof, our twin boys are 11.

First, you're looking at a discipline issue. It sounds harsh, but that's what it is. She has figured out that she has total control over where and when she "potties". You have to give her "incentive" to not potty in her pants anymore.

Check out child psychologist John Rosemond. He's wonderful and has some good ideas with kids who refuse to potty train. We had a really tough one, and it worked great, with much less stress on me. Here's basically his approach.

1. Unless your daughter has a developmental delay that PREVENTS her (or either one for that matter) from potty training, then it's a power struggle right now, and she's winning. Check with the pediatrician if you want to rule out developmental delay, especially considering their premature delivery.

2. Sit them down and tell them the doctor (Rosemond is a doctor) says it's time for them to potty ONLY on the potty because they're "big girls". Because you know it takes some time (not forever) to learn to do that, you're there to help them.

3. This is how the doctor says they'll do it...When they first wake up in the morning, they'll sit on the potty. After breakfast, they'll sit on the potty, UNTIL THEY POOP! This step is very important. They must stay on the potty, no matter how long it takes to poop. AFter breakfast, their body should be ready for it. Eventually, they will decide that their desire to "be free" to play is stronger than their desire to stay in diapers.

4. The rest of the day, they need to be in cloth pants, or even bottomless (poop and pee running down the legs bothers most kids). Expect accidents and do NOT make a big deal of it when it happens. Take them to the bathroom, remind them where they're supposed to potty, and help clean them up. If you determine they're doing it on purpose (choosing not to potty on the potty), make them do all the cleaning.

One other piece of advice based on my experience using this approach...our son has NEVER had a "regular" potty pattern. He would sit on the potty for 45 minutes to an hour after breakfast. Since other kids needed access to the potty, too, I altered it a bit. After 30 minutes on the potty, if he hadn't pooped, I made him sit in a chair by me while I did some work. I set a timer and made him go back to the potty every hour until he finally pooped. After he pottied successfully, he could get off the chair and play. When he asked why he couldn't play, I reminded him the doctor said he was big enough to not need diapers anymore and had to sit until he pottied. It took about 2 weeks. He was very stubborn, but accident free in underpants. About a month later he had a "relapse" and started pottying in his pants (very frustrating). We went back to staying on the potty and sitting in the chair. In about 2 DAYS he was accident free again.

It may sound harsh, but it was much less stress free than any other potty training method we'd tried. He didn't "like" it, but it was very matter-of-fact, without guilt, yelling, or punishment. He had a choice to make potty and play, or diapers and sitting.

Dr Rosemond has written many books and has a nationally syndicated newspaper column. You can also check out his website, although I forget the exact address. Good luck!

Hello A., sounds like you have your hands full. Even though you can't stand the smell of a dirty diaper, maybe you should let them go for a bit in a wet one so they will know how it feels and know they have to go to the potty to prevent that. My daughter is 3 and had her own potty for about a year before she was potty trained, which happened about 9 months ago. Before she was actually potty trained, she would go in the potty sometimes, but when we actually were in training, she had to go in the 'big' potty and that is how she did it. Also, if you are going to be around the house some this summer, maybe try letting them run around naked (that helped me too) since then they have no diaper or pull-up to go in. This leaves them with one option, the potty. Unfortunately, they may have an accident in the floor, but they probably won't like the feeling if it running down their leg. Best of Luck.

You could try the "big girl" potty. We have a pretty tiny bathroom, so the "tiny" potty went away in a hurry, and was replaced with the seat adapter (available at Walmart) and a little step stool (right next to the seat at the store). That way, they're "all grown up". Maybe even have them pick out which ones they want. (You'll probly need 2 if you have 2 potties in the home, my girls arent twins, but they're on the same schedule. And that way, each can select their own.) Give them something to occupy thier hands and minds while they're sitting there - a small toy, or even a magazine like dad. If you keep a sterile bathroom, then you could consider "private time" & a little independence too. Allow them to shut the door for a couple minutes (like mommy and daddy in the potty). Make potty time fun "Momma's goin to go potty now" or "see, Mommy goes potty too!" Dont stress, cuz they'll sense it, and good luck :}

I have not trained twins, but with both of my own kids and having to teach young students in my class to use the potty my advise is NO PULLUPS! They are like diapers and the child does not feel wet in them so why should they care. At night O.K. but all during the day UNDERWARE. Get a plastic mattress cover and don't give up I have yet to see a changing table for the grownup, used by the grownup. They will get it, it just takes time.

I know what I'm about to say seems cruel, but it is the only way I could get my sons potty trained. I told them in the morning that this was the only pair of training pants they would get for the day if they soiled them they would have to wear them. A day or two of this and they knew I meant business. They were potty trained and yes I still had to remind them to go potty but they knew they only had one chance a day to keep there bottoms clean and dry. I used pull ups. Just a note here, I'm not sure, I didn't raise twins but you want to make sure that you don't make one feel bad when you praise the other for using the potty. I think I would take them to another room and show them how special they are and how proud I was of them. So the other doesn't get "she is better than me". One might be ready and one might not be. Or you could just train the one that is ready and see if the other catches on. Like I said I'm not sure, I will know in a little while more about twins, My first grandchildren will be born in December. haha

Hi A.

I adopted a daughter when I was 48. She was a premie, also. I had her pottie trained at 24 months, completely. I did not even try until she woke up with a dry diaper for several mornings. She would have absolutely nothing to do with a potty chair or seat of any kind. I simply put on the toilet until she mastered it herself. I still am amazed at how she could lift herself on that seat because she was so small. I do not know why sitting on a potty is so scary to them, but it is. They will eventually overcome it. Is one of the girls better with sitting on the potty than the other? Maybe the other will eventually follow suit by watching and realize it is not so bad. Do not stress so. Just continue trying. Even try buying some really pretty girlie undies and work from there. You know, when you are little, like they are in size, a toilet can look as big as a monster. It can be very scary for them. Just continue trying each day, you'll will master it. Offer some type of reward system.

Good Luck
S. Miller

Let us know your progress

I don't know if this helps, but I really think it has to be their decision. You will drive yourself nuts trying to force them to do something they don't want to do. My 3 year-old just decided to do it on his birthday. We had been talking about it for probably a year, and he had been waking up dry in the morning a lot for a while, so I thought he was physically ready. He just had to decide to do it himself. Even the day before his birthday he told me he didn't want to go to the potty, he had one more day until he was 3! That was May 11 and he is completely potty trained without us having to struggle or fight with him at all. I have heard of people just letting their kids run naked for a week so they can recognize when they need to go. I'm sure this could work, if you're willing to not leave the house and clean up a lot of messes! My pediatrician assured me that you don't see kids going to kindergarten in diapers, it will happen when they're ready. Maybe you could start talking with them about doing it by a certain time, such as their 4th birthday, so they have a goal. I think that is what worked with my little boy. Good luck and try not to stress over it. As I'm sure you've learned by now, they are not always going to do things on your schedule, and this is one thing THEY have COMPLETE control over. I hope you get some good advice to help with this!

I would start the day by putting them on potty chairs side by side immediately upon their waking up, since they wake up dry.
Give them something to hold. Turn on the faucet a little. The sound of water trickling helps. Sing to them. Read to them. Especially books about going potty. If one balks, work with the other. If you aren't successful one morning, start out the next day just the same. Eventually you will see some results. Switching to some sort of underwear that feels really soggy when wet will help give them a reason to want to use the potty.

WOW,A.! Sit down,hon. Take a deep breath! You've exhausted me with only reading about your anxiety. No just making a joke to give you a moment of laughter.

Truly it's not as difficult as it sounds. You are being blessed and unable to see it through the anxiety and dread you are currently feeling. Think about this. You've said you have ONE child showing signs of readiness. ONE instead of TWO at the same time...That's excellent for you! What one does the other will soon follow. Have no FEAR. They sense your fear, concerns, anxiousness and tension. Of course they want to take the easy road in diapers.

Here's my theory and it's worked well for me. If they are old enough to say they want clean diapers, If they are old enough to speak in forms that convey their desires, if they are old enough to walk, if they are old enough to be on sippy cups----Then they are old enough to be OUT OF DIAPERS!

The first step is to just do it. Tell them that they are now big girls who will help you to keep them clean and dry. Emphasize DRY. REmove the diapers. None at night either. Right from the start there should be no diapers at night. NO sippy cup within an hour to 2 hours before bed! Plastic sheet covers for protection of the mattress...Plastic pants over the big girl panties as added protection, but absolutely NO DIAPERS! They are plenty old enough, regardless of being premies, to comprehend the concept of remaining dry by making peepee in the potty like big girls. Don't allow them to fool you with those beautiful innocent puppy-dog eyes, gorgeous smiles, tilted heads that our baby girls are so eager to use when attempting to have their way with us. They seem to be born knowing how to use their charm in order to achieve what they want easily! It's up to US as adults not to buy into that. WE must be consistent, standing our ground.

Just sit them down and tell them today is the day you girls begin to help Mommy. Mommy is a little tired and needs your help. One will cry and rebel. That's OK as long as you change her diaper to panties. And in my opinion those PullUps are diapers made for easy removal by the toddler. Nothing more and nothing resembling "training panties." I never used them because they defeat the purpose.

It will be much much easier than you are currently feeling. I can promise you that. In fact, I wish I lived near to you so that I could come over and give you a hand with the beginning. I've been called the Potty-Training Queen for all of my successes in training not only my own (now grown) 3 children but children of my younger cousins as well. I've trained 3 girls and 2 boys with complete success within a couple of weeks maximum time! It is as easy as you make it on yourself. Persistence and Consistence are the keywords to live by when potty-training.

What one does the other will follow. Keep praising the one who is cooperating WITHOUT berating the one who is more stubborn. Just don't give the rewards (carrot sticks, raisins) to the one who is throwing tantrums and refusing to sit but instead making her peepee in her panties. She will learn very quickly and NO She wont' be traumatized.

I am your far-away support team if you want to vent. You and I share the same age! I am currently caring for my 3 yr old neice who is like an elderly woman in a baby girl body! Talk about a challenge and a delight wrapped into one beautifully sweet package...She gains my affection and she gains my discipline when necessary. For that I am rewarded tons of hugs, kisses, and I love yous from her all day long. I laugh alot, feel ten yrs younger when she is here, and am exhausted once she goes home with her mom! Feel free to write to me directly if you'd like to vent during the process.

Reach me at ____@____.com

take care and relax. when looking back on this event yrs from now, you will smile and say, "that really wasn't bad at all!"

sincerely,
Denise Maria