Postpartum Woes Due to Adoption***coping Suggestions***

One thing I had to learn was that it is ok to ask for help. You obviously have a doctor, and I would talk to her/him. Mild exercise can help get you feeling better ( I know that is hard after birth, but it does help) but getting on a good antidepressant helped me relearn what feeling good felt like. You said you had a complicated situation, so your depression may be more than postpartum hormones or may be compounded by hormones. Sometimes it just helps to talk to a good friend, and a good friend wont care how many times you cry over the same issues. I really hope things get better for you!

I think giving yourself some time will help...also, I have found quite a bit of peace and strength from doing yoga. It's very meditative and introspective, and after doing it you end up feeling re-energized and better able to face the world, as well as more at peace with yourself. It is a wonderful coping tool, and it's easy enough to do at home with a minimum of physical exertion. Better yet, find a way to take a class once or twice a week, and you will be amazed at how much better you feel about everything. Also, take the time to grieve this loss--even though you are lucky enough to adopt within family, this is still a loss you need to process. Enjoy your other children, and find ways to stay in touch with this youngest child so you can feel a part of their life forever. That will also bring you some much-needed peace and resolution.

This is a tuff situation and it is normal to be depressed and unhappy. YOU DID WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!That is a great sacrifice to put your child above yourself. Find a support group others go or are going through the same thing. Make sure your other son know that they are loved and help them realize what you did for their brother has nothing to do with them. They need you and are confused about giving their brother away.

peace be with you
C. B

Dear Tosha,

You are a strong Brave woman who has put her child before her own self. You need to talk with someone. Another organization that may be a place to talk confidentially about your feelings is the Pregnancy Resource Center. Your feelings are your feelings and they are natural. I have been told by my aunt who adopted out her first child tht you will never forget but you have to find the strength to move past or the other children you have been given will suffer from your depression and lack of contentment with your decission.
Ogden

Pregnancy Care Center
Business: ###-###-####
E-mail: ____@____.com
37701 S. Harrison Blvd. Ogden, UT 84403

Salt Lake City

Pregnancy Resource Center
Business: ###-###-####
E-mail: ____@____.com
805 East 900 South Salt Lake City, UT 84105

Hi Tosha, I don't really have any great advice to give other than take it one day at a time and PLEASE talk with someone if you feel you do not have the support you need. Churches are wonderful places to go just to be around people who will not judge you and will let you cry without any explanation. Keep your head up.

Hi Tosha, I'm an adoptive mom, in an open adoption, so while I don't know from experience what you are going through, I understand the situation somewhat. Because of our open adoption we witnessed some of our son's birth mother's grief as she mourned, after he was born. What you are feeling is totally normal, and expected, and as you said, still very fresh. I don't think that with things like this you ever truly "get over it" but the grief will run it's course, and you will hopefully be able to come to peace. I don't know the details about your situation, but I hope that you can take comfort in knowing you did the right thing for your little one, and greatly blessed the lives of his/her adoptive parents/family.

I also really encourage you to get in touch with LDS Family Services (www.itsaboutlove.org) They offer free confidential counseling to all who are touched by adoption, and could be a great resource for you as you work through this. And I want to personally thank you, as an adoptive mother, for choosing to give your child life, and a family.

After a pregnancy a woman's progesterone levels drop dramatically and it is that drop that contributes to the "baby blues". It is similar to the drop in progesterone that a woman experiences just before she gets her period and goes through PMS, but after a pregnancy the drop is more dramatic and hence the reason the baby blues are much more pronounced than PMS. I do not mean to discredit your experience in giving up your baby (I, too, think your decision wise and unselfish), but from a medical standpoint, you may want to talk to your OB about progesterone pills or getting a progesterone shot (do the pills if you can because they are easier than the shot). I second the advice of others to get help through support groups or organizations but perhaps a progesterone shot will help you be better helped by those organizations by taking the edge off those dark moments. Then you will be better able to focus on your two dear ones at home and healing yourself.