Post Adoption Support

www.forums.adoption.com

You'll find the topics you are looking for and so much more. Good luck!

As an almost birth mom I can tell you that the fear of hardly seeing that miracle terrified me. My mom that I had chosen agreed with me that it was enitrley up to the child. The child should know where it came from as to not be hiding any secrets where he came from. BUT if he couldn't handle the knowledge and seeing me and his adopted mom, then I would back out gracefully.
Her other child that she adopted knew from the get go that she was adopted (not that you could hide her obvious Latina vs their see through skin) and she is doing fine. She knows that she was loved both places and that he other mommy loved her so much that she gave her a better life. I also have other adopted friends (I tried to find out as much as I could to see how the baby would feel when older) that knew that they were adopted and was completely fine with it. They've had chances to try and find their adopted mom and they took every advantage of it because they felt something was missing out of their lives. Well they found out what is was.
So listen to the cues of your baby and follow them.

Please, please, please, go to beyond consequences logic and control website. You will find a ton of information on how to help your child with attatchment issues and why it may be okay or not depending on the situation to let him see his birth mom.

http://www.beyondconsequences.com/

You may not have these issues now, but be prepared. Join the forum and ask away! Good luck

As an adult adoptee and someone who has worked with a non pofit adoption agency, I would say you need to set some boundaries. You are the mother, she is someone who gave birth. I would establish how many times per year and where they meet and for how long and then you need to evaluate how that affects your child because that is what matters not the birth mom's feelings. You will know instinctively as your child gets older what to do. I wish you much joy.

We adopted both our sons and have a very open relationship with the second son's bio mom. It's working out great. You can email me if you'd like to chat about it.