Possible ADD?

Hi L.,

Before you try to convince your family care-provider to diagnose your dd with a medical condition, please read the book 'Reviving Ophelia' by Mary Pipher http://www.amazon.com/Reviving-Ophelia-Adolescent-Ballant...

{At adolescence, says Mary Pipher, "girls become 'female impersonators' who fit their whole selves into small, crowded spaces." Many lose spark, interest, and even IQ points as a "girl-poisoning" society forces a choice between being shunned for staying true to oneself and struggling to stay within a narrow definition of female...She offers some prescriptions for changing society and helping girls resist.}

I read this when my dd was about 11 and i completely changed the way that my dh and i deal with her, speak to her, think about her and what we expect from her...we do not allow magazines with models in the house, we do not, under any circumstances watch TV anymore (and that's $$ you can use each month to spend with your kids). Daily, we invite her to critically analyze ads and billboards and messages that she does see...we no longer allow her to passively absorb negative messages from this twisted society and she is BLOOMING! She just won first place in a science expo, she started a drama group, she seeks out opportunities to assist in causes she believes in. Of course, she still whines and boo-hoos about homework and cleaning her room. She loses school papers all the time (funny that she doesn't lose a new phone # from a friend or her favorite pair of earrings! hahah) Sounds like typical teen stuff to me!

And why do you want your daughter to take NO for an answer? At 17 she deserves to have a voice and to feel like her experiences, her view points and her opinions really matter...at least invite her to help make family decisions and honestly consider them...you don't have to follow them, but telling a 17 year old flat out NO is not going to work. Imagine your boss (although i see you are SAHM--Good for you!)simply said NO when you asked for a raise, promotion, hours off work, a change of schedule. Wouldn't you feel entitled to an explanation? Wouldn't you feel as if you had not been heard and demand to be treated fairly? Treating our children like they don't matter leads them to believe that they don't matter and that their actions, dreams, desires, and ambitions are of no interests either.

Her desire to go to college is probably more of a desire to have a sanctioned place to "get out of the house" and start exploring who her authentic self is without the influence of family and life-long friends who already "know" her. College is often a time to recreate oneself...and the fact that it is school usually means very little!

I would read the book by Mary Pipher, read it with your dd's (both of them) and then follow up with Ophelia Speaks http://www.amazon.com/Ophelia-Speaks-Adolescent-Girls-Sea...
and other related books. Open up discussion and if a professional therapists is necessary, then do that as well. Most behavioral issues are about communication, consistency and feelings, not chemical disorders. And once those other issues have been addressed,if it still appears that she has a medical condition, then at least you can feel secure in knowing that you are not medicating her unnecessarily.

Good luck and hang in there! Teens are a hard part of parenting! (I have two teens right now, 19 & 13, plus a 4 year old and a baby on the way! My life is insane, but i love it anyway! hahah)

hi L.-

My husband has ADD and was not diagnosed until he was 19 years old, so it is not always the case that a child will exhibit it early on. ADD and ADHD are not the same diagnosis, and they will present differently. ADD/ADHD are both more prevalent in boys, but that is not to say that girls don't get either disease.

You say that your daughter has a desire to go to college, which makes me think she is aware of the problem? Does she have difficult on timed projects (ie,, tests in school?) That would be a good indicator.

The best thing you can do for your child is set her up with an appointment with a psychiatrist who can evaluate her and determine whether she is indeed ADD. If not, perhaps there is another underlying issue that needs to come to the surface.

Good luck to you!

Hi L. -

My son has ADHD and I can tell you, it was very noticable at a young age. If she never showed any symptoms at an early age and just now started at 14, its probably not ADD.

My daughter is 11 and I can tell you she did a COMPLETE personality change over the summer! She always came home sat down, did homework, housework, you name it. Now, its pulling teeth! But she loses, computer priviliges, parties, TV etc so things have improved but its still a struggle at times.

Please dont medicate your child due to ADD, there are a lot of other issues that could be causing these problems, such as hormones (right age), possible chemicals in foods and products overloading her system. (we went "Green" and its helped my sons focus - we dont medicate, we use all natural)

Talk with the school councilor and teachers, it may just be happening at home. If you would like more info on how we helped my son with the natural alternative let me know. (even use a natural emotional balancer on my daughters cranky hormones) I would be happy to give you more info.

Best of luck.

Someone I am very close had this happened. She didn't realize she had ADD until she was 40 years old! She is currently on medication - adderal perhaps, for it and it has changed her life significantly.

Some of her symptoms/life experiences that now in retrospect makes sense were: Could never ever ever, regardless of the consequences, keep her bedroom clean, highly intelligent but grades did not reflect that, dropped out of college-too much for her, felt disorganized constantly.

Go see her doctor. S/he will be able to make the proper diagnosis. Good luck.

A.

This sounds like a typical teenager to me. I don't know about ADD but I think most teens become disinterested in school at some point or another.

L.,
My 16 yr old daughter is ADD and my 14 yr old son is now being evaluated for ADHD.

If you have your suspicions, a simple questionaire can be filled out by yourself and her teachers regarding her behavior and work 'ethics' during school.

You can obtain this questionaire from your daughter's doctor and give the school's portion to them to be filled out by each teacher she has a class with.

Once this is filled out, you can take the findings from the school along with your part and bring it back to the doctor for discussion.

There are neurologists out there that specialize with ADD/ADHD issues - perhaps you should take the questionaire to him/her instead.

Just to let you know, there are other alternatives out there instead of prescription medications. You can control her diet, and also go the 'herbal' route - which is what I'm chosing to do for my son. My daughter takes prescription medications right now - but she has other mental health issues that require medication - so she also takes medication to help her with her ADD.

If you'd like to know more on the diet or herbal route, feel free to contact me directly.

Good luck :)
M. R.

Is she a senior... if she is going to college .. keep her moving in the right direction.. Puberty brings so many distractions all by itself... just stay focused on college if she is going next fall...

Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) is different from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) as it does not contain the Hyper component. There are coping mechanisms that can be done before resorting to medication. Try diet change, and memory skills. Encourage her to keep a calendar and use lists to keep organized. Keep in contact with her teachers too. Parent involvment is always welcome even at the higher levels. Good Luck!