Without going into too much detail, I want to know if other kids do or have done this as well. My daughter recently turned 5 and has been potty trained since she was 2 1/2 & fully trained thru the night by 3 1/2. When she was 4 she went thru a stage where she would randomly poop in her pants, not fully but enough to get our attention which we eventually realized was the cause of the 'accidents'. It went on for months and was extremely frusterating but we got over it.....until yesterday. She almost full on crapped in her underwear and then sat in it for 3 hrs. How none of us noticed or smelled it is beyond me but it happened. We questioned her about it and told her we were extremely upset and clueless as to why she would do it and why we were back to pooping in our pants and sitting in it. To which she had no answer and really didnt care what we were saying. Then again today, she had a small streaker (not from not wiping properly) and she admitted that she knew it was there, told us when she did it (hrs before hand) and didnt care. Then we put her and her 3 yr old sister in a bath and she pooped a small amount, knew about it and waited til I found it and then looked at me like I was crazy for getting pissed. Grrrrr! Why would she be doing this? Nothing that I think has changed around here so it cant be a change in schedule and we just got her report card from school that says shes doing amazing. So what am I missing?
Thanks in advance
We havent been to her dr about this issue however I dont think this is the reason as she is quite regular (once a day) and its solid but not large and the poop in her underwear tends to be from a small streak to actual chunks of poop. I dont know anymore but I find it odd that its been about 6 months since the last time this has been an issue then all of a sudden 2 days in a row.
She's doing it for control and attention. Try not to pay too much attention to it - just clean it up and don't make a fuss about it. I know it's really hard to do that, but if you make a big deal about it you are giving her the negative attention she craves.
Then, give her some special one-on-one time.
Yes, this is sooooo normal. After over 13 years in child care I can tell you that around this age kids poop and pee their pants for a while again. They start learning something else and potty training sort of goes out the window for a short while.
I am not sure why...but I can tell you that your assumption that because she is 'regular', she is not constipated is not correct. I thought the same thing for months and months of my daughter getting UTIs. I kept saying, no, she's not constipated. Well, finally the GI tested her..she was extremely constipated.
I would take her to the dr to check it out.
hm. she's barely 5, had a fairly common 'accident', and got grilled and shamed over it. and you wonder why she doesn't want to tell you when it happens?
what sort of answer would you have actually accepted from her?
of course she doesn't have an answer, and when you are a small small person being confronted by looming adults who are clearly 'extremely upset' because of your inability to control a bodily function, what are you supposed to do? you are demanding adult logic and responses from very little girl.
of course she didn't come to you when it happened again. why would she?
i suggest you stop bullying this child and get her a medical evaluation, and then work on helping her, not shaming her.
khairete
S.
ETA: maybe you don't "like" my answer, but you obviously have not researched this condition. It's EXACTLY what you're describing.
Encopresis.
Just because she is regular does not mean she's not constipated. My son went every day, like clockwork. Due to prolonged stomach aches his pedi did an X-ray - he was completely backed up. He was pooping, but only enough to relieve pressure and not enough to fully evacuate his bowels. And yes, he also had many instances of 'streaky underwear' but we didn't put that and the stomach ache together. After the X-ray revealed severe constipation we put him on a daily laxative, took about a month but eventually the stomach ache and streaky undies went away.
I would def have her tested for encopresis,... have her checked.
I don't think looking at it like she is doing it "on purpose" is your best way of thinking about this situation.
Good Luck
If the toilet is any kind of power struggle, a strong-willed kid will do this. One of mine did it because his Dad would get so bent out of shape about it. Seriously - that was the reason. It was a power struggle with Dad and the kid was going to win!
We almost had the same thing with my youngest but I was able to reel Dad in before it got too bad.
So my advice is to relax, stop questioning, and to tell her something like "Hey, I've done everything I can think of to get you to stop pooping in your pants, and it seems like it just backfires. I don't know what else to do. I think it must be uncomfortable and I don't think it's a smart choice, but if you wants to poop in your pants, I guess that's your choice."
Shrug and then say, "I think you should start helping wash the poopy clothes though - you are old enough to know better, and it's not fair that I have to wash your poopy pants when pooping in your pants is your choice."
So - you've set an example about boundaries and given her the power back she seems to be craving. If your kid is anything like any of mine, 80% odd this will work.
GOOD LUCK! I feel for you!!!!
e
p.s. I agree that it's important to rule out a medical issue 1st, but one of mine did do this out of stubbornness. He also had accidents well into elementary school but they happened when he was super excited or scared, and he was mortified - totally different thing. He does have some medical "stuff" that may have caused that issue to take a little longer to resolve than it did in some other kids, but at 4, it was about beating Dad at the potty power struggle at least 90% of the time. It was pretty clear.
p.p.s. If she's having a problem, my approach should also open the possibility of her talking to you - "But Mom, it's NOT my choice! It just HAPPENS!" Then you know you have a different problem. Good luck!
Haven't had this happen exactly, but I do have kids with lactose intolerance who've had a few leaks in their underpants from diarrhea type stools. You can have constipation mixed with diarrhea (other conditions have this as well as some moms have mentioned) so I wouldn't rule out a medical cause - just because they go regularly doesn't mean there can't be compacted stool. Worth asking your doctor. And they can be easily remedied in most cases.
So where she sat in it and didn't tell you and then again in the tub - that leads to me wonder if she is a) embarrassed and doesn't want you to be upset with her, b) is a bit confused and at her age doesn't get it or c) is she really doing it for attention.
My kids never did stuff like that for attention - so I can't comment on that. They did typical annoying stuff trust me, but not the poop.
My little one who sometimes has the leak (from her lactose intolerance) doesn't always tell me if she has a little mess in her underwear (stain). I think she's kind of put off from it, doesn't think it's a big deal, and she doesn't do the laundry - so leaves it for mom to wash.
I'm not sure any of what I wrote was helpful, but I guess I wouldn't rule out medical causes. Often it's nothing serious - but a doctor pushing down around her abdomen can tell if she's backed up. And then go from there ...
Talk to the pediatrician. My son has sensory issues and had encoperisis. He sometimes can't feel it. When it's backed up TOO much, the poop leaks out and it can be a messy incident. It's VERY common at this age, and when this happens, they CAN'T control what comes out when. And if you're going to yell at her, of COURSE she's going to deny/pretend. SHE'S FIVE.
She's not an adult. Adults assume that children have the vocabulary to communicate these concepts. Stop that. Stop punishing her and assuming she's doing it to piss you off. Call the pediatrician and take care of this. It takes at least 3 weeks to get them back to normal, and if they're not getting enough fiber, it can act up.
If she is doing it on purpose, I have no idea how to help, but DON'T ASSUME that this is the case. Eliminate the medical issue first.
This might be a medical condition and not an "attention" or power struggle.
Get her to the doctor and get her checked out. If she has held her poop in the past, it's possible that her rectum has lost its feeling and she doesn't know WHEN she has pooped.
It could also be a mental thing. Sorry - I know that might be tough to hear - but for her "not to care"? would bother me A LOT...
CALMLY talk to her. Get to the bottom of it. Get her to the doctor. Get her checked out.
My son was having a bowel moment once a day and was still so constipated that he was having leakage around it and soiling his pants. The pediatrician helped get him all cleaned out and the pant soiling stopped.
He really couldn't help it. It just slipped out around the blockage.
Check with the pediatrician!!
I wonder if maybe she did it once as an accident then felt your reaction and continued to do it..is she testing and pushing limits in other ways??? Is she not feeling well with a cold or something that is making her less aware? This is also a little weird but sometimes when kids get praised for something they act out in stupid ways to test if u really love them..with out them doing well in a report card...kind of thing....I really don't know it doesn't sound like a huge medical.prob in your case but more of a testing behavior thing....those really do crop up for no reason. Age 5 -7 was rough at my house.
Don't assume it's a control issue. First take her to the pediatrician & have
her seen/tested. Need to rule out any medical issue.
Next try to keep in mind she's only 5, not 15 so it's most likely do to something other than an attitude issue/response.
rule out the medical first then go from there. I'm sure you'll find a
resolution soon.
Just hang in there & be kind when dealing with this. Kids go through all
sorts of set backs & learning issues when they have a sibling.
Don't punish, teach. Help her develop.
Make her clean herself up complete with throwing the poop in the potty and washing out the undies. She'll get tired of it real quick and don't give her any attention over it. Gotta admit, unless it was a medical issue, I'd be peeved too.
Man, I would be PO'd too but I am wondering if she is just feeding off your reaction and the attention. Maybe it started as a simple fun blast from the past the first time, then she decided since she was getting so much attention it was fun to repeat it. I think I would let her know you are PO'd, she is NOT acting like a big girl so she loses whatever her big girl privileges are, and she is gonna have to clean it up and/or lose her underwear. Since you have a younger child, perhaps you can even let the 5 yr old know that right now she is acting at or under the younger child level - which means she goes to bed early like the younger one, loses her older toys/books, etc. - i.e. show her it is not fun to act like a baby. Whatever you decide to do, make sure to do it quietly and without attention because she is definitely feeding off the reaction.
I have 4 yr old DD who loves her Frozen and other princess underwear - she is having a hard time learning and remembering to wipe well. Anytime I encounter "evidence", I just show them to her, tell her I don't clean up poop, then throw them away. Now she is wearing underwear she doesn't like. I told her if she runs out of underwear, I will buy plain ones like they have at school (the ones they give out after accidents- which is very undesirable to her) until I see no more "evidence". Seems to be working so far. Good luck!
