help please! My youngest son will be 4 in a couple months. Over summer he started having accidents pooping in his pants or on the floor once in a while. I was hoping that when school started and he got back in a routine that it would get better. Somehow this last week it has gotten worse. He has done it in his room three times and hidden it under dressers. After lots of begging he finally tells me where it is. I have him clean it up, talk with him, and give him a time-out each time. Afterward I ask him what he has learned & he always says that he has to poop in the potty. He does use the toilet about half of the time & the rest are his accidents, which I'm really beginning to believe are not accidents. I have no idea what is inside him that he is trying to tell us, but something is up. It's so frustrating. Every time he uses the toilet like he is supposed to I get so excited & give him lots of praise. I am tempted to call his pediatrician, but I thought I'd seek all of you fab moms out to see if anyone can relate & offer some advice. It seems like he is screaming out for attention, but I feel like I split my time and attention pretty equally between him and his brother who is 13 months older.
Thanks :)
That usually happens with emotional stress. It could be school starting, it could be some kids that he knows are scaring him, or whatever. You need to be sure that he feels safe and loved and help him to get rid of the fear/ emotional stress. Good luck!
Hi S., i can understand your frustration. It gets hard for us mothers when our kids suddenly start behaving very opposite. I also have a daughter who is 4 and 6 months ago she also had few accidents pooping in her panties. It was so frustrating knowing that my girl is potty trained and why this is happening to her. She was going to day care at that time. I was embarrassed when it happened in her school. I talked to her and asked her where we should go potty...in panties or toilet?..she said toilet. But when again this happened i reminded her and said that i am not happy with her. If you want to grow like a big girl then you have to learn good manners. One more thing i don't open her all b'day gifts. So i keep some for occasions like if she has done something good. One day she saw a gift lying on the top shelf and asked for it. I said no its for the big girls. You are a small girl who still poops in her panties. After going to potty every time she reminded me that am a big girl now...i go potty in the toilet. So i gave her what she was asking for as a reward. The accidents stopped. I am not saying it was a miracle. I think its a stage that passes with time like other stages. I personally don't think its related to any kind of stress. It depends on us how we address these issues with our kids. Just tell your son that its not good to poop in his pants. It makes you sad when he does not listen. You can take away some of his favorite toys and make him earn them by going to potty. You can give him example of his big brother when he uses toilet. Don't panic and doctors say the same thing its just a stage. Handle the issue with care. Good luck!
My son does the same thing. He pees great on the potty and will go when he needs to but can't get him to poop on the potty at all. And when I catch him pooping in his underwear the thing he says is "I ok" When I tell him that baby's poop in there diapers not big boys like him all I get is OK. I don't know what else to do. I tried rewards, putting him back in diapers, taking his favorite toys away and nothing. I am so lost.
my son is 4 1/2 he recently switched docotors well my son has pooping accidents alot because he is mostly constipated it hurts, so i took it up with his pediatrician they prescribed me some medicine to help him poop but still having issues with not pooping on the potty, talk with your pediatrician maybe that is why he cant go poop or tries to hide, my son gets really quiet thats when i know he pooped his pants already gl.
Well you can... get him a teddy bear and a little potty (for the teddy bear) and you can put it in the bathroom. When he's about to poop, take him to the toilet. Sit him on there and watch him poop, with the teddy. That's what I did to my child.
I have been a social worker in child protection for many years. My frist question is who is watching them at night and what goes on specifically? What goes on specifically at school. Does the teacher see these problems? Has there been any changes in the household? Is there specific one on one time with both boys? Anything that is even a small change can make a big difference. I agree he is screaming for attention and I think it is great that you are praising him for what he is doing right. I would also suggest that maybe he could communicate what is bothering him through play or drawing. Lets pretend we're at school and other places and see if you can get to the heart of what is bothering him. Good luck!! if it doesn't quit within 3-6 months I would suggest play therapy with a licensed professional.
Hi S.,
This is just a suggestion, but I personally think it's a little 'odd' that parents make a big deal out of their kids' poos when they are potty-training (I know, your boy is already potty trained). I never make a deal out of my boy's poos (2 yo potty training right now).
You 'could' be creating a monster by flipping out over a turd (lol). Think about it: is this normal behavior for adults? When's the last time you were in a public restroom and heard a woman holler, "WOO HOO, I POOOOOPED!"
Pooping in the potty is an 'expectation' for humans. Try treating it like one, and he'll (hopefully) quit freaking out about your bizarre celebrations - haha.
t
HI.
I was just reading Dr. Sear's book on discipline and he says that most kids will have an period of time after they are potty trained of pooping in their pants. He actually wrote a whole chapter on it. One thing he mentions and I would check with my doctor is to make sure he is not constipated - because like the the other post says - he could be blocked up and the stuff that is softer is able to get around and leak out and he really wouldn't have much control over that.
Hope you are able to figure it out.
There are several things that could be happening here.
One is constipation. I know that sounds weird but in little people constipation looks like accidents. When a child is really constipated the liquid and some of the matter squeezes around the mass and the child can't hold it and has an accident.
Another thing is that 4 is a power stage, a time when children are unconsciously trying things out to see how much power they have. Think about it, the only real power a child has is if and when he sleeps, if he eats, if he poops and pees and how fast he's willing to move his body, that's really all that he's in his total control of, but he doesn't know that. So when the development takes a leap at 4 and focuses on power some kids begin to withhold their poop.
Another thing that could be going on is fear of school. How does he feel about starting school, or is he starting school? Is there pressure to get this poop thing handled because he's starting school? If so is this may be his way of staying home with you?
And of course NO ONE wants to think of this, but you need to make sure that he has not been touched by an adult.
All these things can create what you're talking about. I would begin with the DR. to see if he's constipated and go from there.
Good luck.
S. from ProActive Parenting dot net where we're running a BOGO offer for the month of August to help parents get ready for school.
