Poll to Pick Your Collective Brains....

Hi C.,
I'm married for 4 years and if ever my husband would do the same thing, I would do everything in power for him not to do such thing.

I have been married for 16 years. My husband was very unhappy when we first got married until I started an allowance account for him. They take so much money out of his check and deposit it to an account for him to spend how he wants. Suze Orman has a formula and chapters in her books dedicated to seperating finances.

First of all, I'd say no to him. Sounds like something that happened to someone I know who'd been married 23 years. In the end, it turned out he had been having an affair with an old girlfriend who had looked him up. He later filed for divorce.

10 years is a long time. Definitely say no! And start working on your plan just in case.

I'd find an attorney fast. At least they could give you advice on what it means to you. It sounds bad.

C., i totally agree with Heather. we're married for almost 14 years. we have never split our finances. Not when I was working and my husband studying, not when we both were working and not now he is working and I'm a SHAM. I think it's perfectly normal to split when you're going to live together and you talk it over. But when you have never done it and after 10 years he wants to split the finances... That's strange, and there's probably more going on. Please go talk to him and find out. Maybe it's not to late.

Take care of yourself,
I.

I had a friend in a similiar situation. She talked to him about to make sure he realized what his motives were, then she allowed the split. Within 3 months he was ready to combine them again, but now she didn't. They still have seperate finances. I don't know if you take responsibility over finances in your marriage, but I'm over paying bills and balancing the checkbook, and if my husband threatened to split finances purely for selfish reasons, I'd let him and see how long he lasted! I hope everything works out for you! Good Luck!
---S.

This is a tad late.
Editing my reply after seeing your statement.
Put the funds not to be used in an account credit card or
debit card can not touch.
Still think there is more than stress there...splitting
income would make it worse financial wise.

We have been married 8 years & always have shared everything. We have had all different types of salary earning arrangements too - both working FT, one FT w/ one PT, one FT w/one at home FT. We have developed a budget that works for both of us & talk openly about it. I agree that if you had decide to split things previously it wouldn't be a big deal (as I have several friends that do this for all types of varying reasons) but just out of the blue with no discussion is unacceptable. I would write down your thoughts & questions and set a time to discuss things with him rationally. If he is not open to that they suggest a counselor as an impartial 3rd party. Good luck!

C.

I have been married for 12 years - together for a total of 17. We have 2 kids - 4 and almost 2. If my husband were to announce something like that I would be very suspicious and alarmed. My first instinct is that he wants to do something with his money that he doesn't want you to know about. But, I would INSIST on getting some marriage counseling - either from a professional therapist or someone in your church. It seems that there are other issues and you need to deal with them before it gets to be too late. This seems like a final warning that he is very unhappy. The only other thing I would say is to be careful about who in your family you tell about this kind of thing. I have seen people get angry at their spouse, tell way too much to their friends and family, then reconcile with the spouse to have all of their family hate him/her. Encourage counseling; look at yourself closely and see if you are contributing in any way. Even if the blame is 90% him and 10% you, you should still try to correct your 10%. Sorry - I have lots of opinions on this type of thing. Good luck.

Not sure what you mean by splitting combined finances. Do you mean that he wants you to have a separate checking account or that he wants you to pay for your own stuff and he pays for his? Can you be more specific.

I've been married for 12 years and could never get my husband to combine our incomes into one checking account. He pretty much covers the mortgage and utilities and I pay for the insurance (home, car, health), groceries, kids clothes, etc.

C.,

I would have to discuss with him why? I would suspect that this is not a money issue but a marriage issue. Does he think that I am spending too much? Then let's get on a budget. Splitting our money is like splitting our marriage. We are married for better or worse, richer or poorer. We share everything!!

I have been married almost 12 years. I would be FREAKING out if this was me. Something more is going on!!

Take care and have a serious talk with him,
H.

I agree w/Heather. I was only married for a few months when my ex husband announced it but we had been living together for 2 yrs and just a few wks later he asked for a divorce.

Just watch your back and have a discussion w/him.
Take care of yourself.
M.

HHmmmmm.....I would find out his reasons, talk about it when you're both calm, then see if he'd go to marriage counsellor with you.
Sounds like some pretty big foundational problems in the relationship.
Been married 7 years. We share everything.

I would be more than angry! I don't know your life story but that doesn't matter. If you are married it should be everything collectively. I've been married for almost nine years and everything goes into one pot and we pay everything out of that. We have a dollar limit that if we are going to spend more than that we check with the other person. Our savings are also collective. Except for the fact that you don't have immediate access to the money...Texas is a community property state and you are entitled to half of everything. My husband makes considerabley more than me but I'm also raising our child.

Good luck!