Points of View Please Mama's

Well, I guess there is nothing wrong with a boy/girl sleepover party but it is truly unusual and what is unusual makes us feel uncomfortable.

It would be a lovely world if boy/girl didn't matter and all of us was acted in a gender-neutral way...But this is the real world and until we achieve this sort of androgynous utopia (tho in my mind I like being girlie and would HATE having boys at Girls Nite Out), I think you should feel just fine about saying "No" to boy/girl sleepovers.

Is 7 too young for sleepovers in general? No. My son went to his first at 6 and loved it but he has a couple very good friends who are just now (4th grade) able to feel comfortable sleeping over.

I think a boy/girl sleepover is not right @ this age (or any age actually). And especially when they are not family or even GOOD friends. My daughter is 8 and she's not allowed to spend the night @ anyones house that I am not personally friends with. My daughter has stayed @ my moms house and at ONE of my friends house that I've known for 15 years (she has a daughter the same age as my daughter) -

If you don't know these people, then you SHOULD be protective. You don't know if they drink or if they leave their alcohol out or if they have guns in their home out in the open, etc.

No, you're not crazy. You're just a good mom. :)

Too weird. Mixed parties? Of course! Mixed sleepovers? Nah.

I just had my daughter's sleep over party. There were 6 girls invited. Last year she had 6 girls over. She just turned 9 this year. I think 8 was ok for the sleep over. I don't know, maybe 7 would have been ok. But I'm not comfortable with co-ed parties at any age. I'm sure it's innocent but I don't take chances. It's weird for me to even hear it but I know it's probably common. I think sending her to the party is fine and picking her up early is ok too. I would do the same thing.

Actually age 8 is the OLDEST I have seen parents willing to do mixed sleepovers, rather than the opposite, that they're too young.

I certainly don't think you're wrong for not letting your daughter sleep over, that's an individual parenting choice we all make as we see best.

My POV is that a coed sleepover is not OK. I actually think it's kind of creepy.

My gut reaction is that the whole co-ed sleepover thing is a bad idea. And if you don't really know the family, you're doing the right thing. I wouldn't have let my daughter do it, either. Trust your instincts.

I think 7 is a great age for sleepovers, but I think it's totally crazy to have a mixed sleepover. Uh, they're 7...I taught third grade for 8 years and let me tell you what, no way they would be sleeping over together in my house or by my permission. 7 year olds are not clueless and I would not be comfortable with it. So, on that front, I agree with you, but if it were a girl-only sleepover I'd say it's the perfect age!

I am glad you are not letting her sleep over. I dont think co-ed sleep over at ANY age are appropriate. I also feel that her suggestion to make her think she is sleeping over is deceitful to your daughter. I have always believed honesty is better. You have made the right decision for your daughter regardless of anything else. I would NEVER leave my children in a strangers house never the less over night. GOOD JOB MOM!

A mixed sleepover??

A daytime party for seven-year-olds where there are both girls and boys - fine. But a mixed sleepover?

Nuh-uh, I don't think so!

And your daughter doesn't have to sleep over at any friend's house if she doesn't want to. Being at someone else's house at night can seem pretty scary. However, the time will come when she'll want to. She'll grow out of this.

If that is the way you feel, then do NOT allow your girl to sleep over.
You do NOT know the family well.
I would do the same.
AND, I would NOT have my daughter sleepover at a sleepover that was mixed gender.

Tell them, you will pick up your daughter at a certain time and she will not be sleeping over. And she is just staying for the party portion of it.
That is FINE. THAT is what I would do.
A parent should understand.

For me, my daughter is 7. This past summer, I had 2 sleepovers for her, at our home. She invited 3 of her best friends. They came. BUT... these are girls/families that I know WELL. That is the difference. And, I would allow my girl to go to their homes, as well. BECAUSE I know their families VERY well. We are all good friends, and these girls are my daughter's best friends from school. I have known them for a long time.

all the best,
Susan

Your totally right! I would never let my 7 year old daughter stay at a strangers house. You do not know the dad or the 16 year old daughter. My daughter never liked staying over anyone's house, she wanted her own bed. I would let her go to the party, I might even stay for the party also. I was never a drop off kind of mom.

For starters, I think 7 is too young for a sleepover party. Secondly, a BOY/GIRL sleepover?! NO WAY! I'm sure no randy bahavior would be occuring at 7, but I think it's inappropriate for the mom to even consider a sleepover party with boys and girls. With kids, if there's going to be a sleep over party, it should be all same-sex, I don't care what age the kids are. The boy girl parties will inevitably happen when they are away at college and then we mothers will be lucky enough to not know about it! =)

I don't think that you're wrong in letting her go to the party, that's what I would do. Actually, I'd probably want to stick around - don't know if that's an option.

Of course, my daughters are 4 and 5, so maybe 7 is old enough for a sleepover and I'm just not there yet, but I stand by my statement above that boy/girl sleepovers are inappropriate no matter what age of child.

I just read your update and - WOW! That mom seems completely clueless and I now stand behind you and your decision just to go, give a present and stay with your daughter, then leave. How can that mom not see how inappropriate it is?! Weird!

I personally don't like the idea of a mixed sleep over at 7 years old or even 9, 10, 11, 12 oh well I guess at any age at this point. LOL. The good thing is that you know your daughter and you are right not let her sleep over at someone's house that you don't know yet you are also letting her participate in the fun. I agree with that. Two years ago, there was a sleep over down the street from our house (all boys and they were around 9/10) but the parents left them all alone in the family room and went to bed. Guess what these kids did when the parents weren't around? Snuck out and they toilet papered the street! Sounds funny, but the neighbors didn't think so. They were all made to clean it up after someone in their group fessed up.

In general I don't think a boy/girl sleepover at any age is appropriate. However, there are exceptions and there also needs to be a well thought out plan with adult supervision (that's not the case here). I would do the same as you, let her go to the party for the afternoon.

As far as 7 year olds and sleepovers under "normal" conditions. Yes, she is old enough. I know kids who have sleepovers at age 4. Of course this depends on the individual child, as well as how comfortable the parent is with leaving the child at another persons house.

Mixed parties is fine but sleep over this young in age & having them mixed HELL NO..Not even when they are older not in my house or any other house.Now if we did sleepovers at my house it would be for my sons friends my 2 girls over the nite with a family member or vice versa me on the couch & hubby upstairs in our bedroom.My chin would of hit the ground as words coming flying out.Why would someone have a mixed sleep over this young that's just crazy & others allowing their children to join the "FUN" i'm too protective of my kids we have to be we are their protectors...

No way would I ever let my kids do sleepovers except with relatives, and then only the relatives that I know and trust. It's just not necessary. Kids can have fun at the party and then sleep at home.
I did sleepovers as a kid but only with other little girls, so I think your friends homes are okay if they are the same gender and you know the family well enough.
If my husband is home and I am not, he refuses to have any kids over for safety reasons even in broad daylight.

In my opinion, there is no age where you should have a boy/girl slumber party. I personally would not le tmy kids go to one and am also a little leary of sleep overs to begin with. Good choice though. My jaw would have hit the ground as well :)

Never a mixed; however, I feel it is safest to have things over my house. I don't ever plan on having my child alone at other people's houses. I would have to know them for years and feel really comfortable. The way the world is with electronics we need to be extra careful.

It is not appropriate for boys and girls to have have a sleep over like this. What is this mother thinking?

There should never be a mixed sleep over of friends cousins yes friends no way. Call me a prude if you will and yes depending on the child seven is to young for a sleepover. I have a daughter whose best friend is a boy and has been since she was 7 and no they do not have sleep overs. Good Luck!
J.

First off, I think it is crazy to have a co-ed sleep over. I wont go into my own opinions about that as I am sure I will offend someone along the line. But I will say this.....What are we teaching our boys and girls (at age 7 no less) by allowing this? Hello!!! It is NOT okay to have a girl friend or girlfriend stay the night. I have neighbors that are now learning their lesson about this as their almost 17 year old daughter is pregnant! Anyway - I have said my piece about that and sorry if I offend anyone.

As for sleeping over in general. At age 7 (which my oldest son is age 7) I am still very skeptical myself! We have had close friends sons stay the night with us that are the same age, but that just started about a year ago when they were 6. Big difference though - they know me, my husband, my children, my animals, my house, everything. The flipside to this is that I am still not comfortable with him sleeping over at someone elses house - even my very close friends. I am probably being over protective, but this is the way I feel (like you) and this is the way it will be until I am ready.

Now, I am also one of those moms that would rather have the entire neighborhood at my house rather than have my children running around where I cannot see them. Most people in my neighborhood let their 7 year old children run around without a parent watching them or even keeping an eye out. My kids.....well, lets just say they better never be out in the front of the house without me out there with them. And they know it.

Anyway - sorry to go on and on, but I agree with you. And, I wouldn't worry too much about what other people think or what your daughter thinks! This is the time we can be the most protective of our children and I am sorry to say, but too many parents don't utilize this right to be over protective at this age!!!!

I have no idea when I will be comfortable letting my son sleep over anywhere, even if I know both parents and all their children well. He will never be allowed to sleep over at a mixed boy/girl sleepover. He will just have to miss out on that one. I don't think you are being overprotective at all. I think you are being MORAL!!

I am not sure I would be ok with a mixed sleep over, and most would consider me a very liberal parent.

I think I may be the only one who doesn't see the big deal? They are 7. I would be more worried if they were 17. Could it be that the birthday boy has closer girl friends then boy friends? I totally understand that you daughter is uncomfortable with sleepovers in general many kids her age still are. In my opinion I don't think it's weird because my son has some very good friends that are girls and he is just now realizing the whole boy girl thing. I have had my friends kids stay over and they are brother and sister. It never occurred to me that the sister should sleep in an other room. She camped out on the floor with my son and her brother and they were all happy as can be. My niece who is also the same age has slept over and camped out on the floor in my son's room as well. I never even thought twice about it. They are little kids.

I think that mom is nuts. Of course not sleep over, I think you are correct.
best, Kia

My kids slept at next door neighbor's house at 7, that's about it. I am going to be bold and say: NO mixed boys/ girls sleep-overs!!!
I don't care what age!
My kids never stayed over at a person's home I was not 100% comfortable with. If they went to a bday party and I didn't know parents well, I stayed and helped out. Set-up food table, cleaned up dishes, etc.....
And I would be wary of my child in the presence of someone who thinks this is OK!
You are not crazy and overprotective.

I think 7 is fine for sleepovers if you know the family really well. I dont leave my kids ANYWHERE because I just want to be there always. But if they are friends and I know the parents and am comfortable with them, its a different story. But no - a co-ed sleepover is generally not a good idea. And who in their right mind would invite a whole class for a sleepover??

I don't understand the people who are saying they wouldn't allow a co-ed sleepover at this age.I think the older they are, the worse the idea is. I have a son and a daughter two years apart--daughter is older. Thay have had friends spend the night on the same night, but they want nothing to do with each other. They are 8 & 10 so I know this will have to end in the next year or so, but right now the girls sleep in her bedroom and the boys sleep in the family room in a fort with me on the computer in the family room until they fall asleep, then I sleep on the couch. No problems. The parents are aware of course and I have had no complaints.

Just when you think you've heard it all...Who is this lunatic who invites boys and girls for a sleep over? You're daughters instincts are right on.

I think that the age you let your daughter go to a sleep over is totally dependent on your child and you. I would not think twice about my kids going at age 7 if they wanted to, and I was OK with the family. My oldest has always had male friends, she just seems to enjoy the same things that boys like, video games, and yu-gi-oh. She has one close friend, and he lives 45 minutes to an hour from our home, they attend a charter school that is kind of in the middle. We have gotten to know the family well, and sometimes, she will stay the night at thier home, if we are going somewhere she does not want to go, or we can't get out that far to get her, she is 18 now, and this has gone on since they were 15. I would think twice about it if it were a party. When she was little, 3-4 years, her best friend was also a boy, and he spent the night at our house, and she at theirs, but again, we knew the family well, and his Mom was one of my closest friends. Obvioulsy, she never had any trouble spending the night away from home.

I am not sure how I feel about a bunch of 7 year old boys and girls spending the night together, I am not sure it is so wrong, as much as it is like someone else said, "creepy." I can see boys and girls enjoying a party at this age, but when I think about the differences in what they would like to do at a sleepover, it just does not make much sense, and might invite some odd conversations and situations at school. Isn't this like 2nd grade? My kids had coed parties at that age, we had a Halloween party at our home for 2nd graders that was a blast, but I would not feel like they would have enough in common to have them together for that long, in a slumber party. Maybe camping in two different tents, but not all sleeping on the floor in sleeping bags. It just seems kind of weird to me.

M.

Ok, I am totally late, but let me just tell you I am soooooooooooo with you on this!! I have boys and I would not have let them stay at seven years old with a mom who was just an aquaintance, HELLO!!! I mean as nice as people seem you don't know them and no way in you know where would I say "oh, ok my child can just sleep in a room with a 16 year old who is a complete stranger!" OMG, does anyone watch the news??!! Ok, I had my rant:D I think you were so right, and oh yeah I also don't need other people to inform me of what and what not to tell my child. I give you a high five for being a great mom, not over protective at all!!! I would have done the same except I might not have gone at all in the end, bc I really get my back up when people try to tell me what is OK for my kid. Good job!:D

I have let my kids sleepover at friend's homes as early as 5 years old. Close friends of the family with kids the same age. And both my kids stayed over at the same time (one boy, one girl). The other family had all girls. My daughter is very mature for her age, always has been, and is very independent. She has never had any issues with sleepovers.

I think how early they sleep over has more to do with how comfortable your kid is doing so, and how well you know the other family.

As far as co-ed... I think that the younger they are the LESS it matters. My son is now 12, and I would be leary about a "co-ed sleepover" with a Sunday School mate who is an only child. My 2 kids and the other child are the only ones in the class, and are all good friends. We know the other family well. But now that they are pre-pubescent... it seems unseemly, and we haven't done it and won't, though they have asked.

A co-ed sleepover with a BUNCH of kids would be a no-no in my opinion. If it is just one family and one family's kids that would be different. Too many kids and families is too much room for something bad to come out of it.

As far as kids not being interested in playing with their sibling's friends, that too is case by case. My kids both are friends with each other's friends for the most part, and they are 3 years apart. My son has no problems playing with my daughter's pals that they have all grown up with for years. And my daughter has no problems trying to keep up with my son's friends that have spent the night over on numerous occasions. They all 3 (whatever combination) have always gotten along great, no matter which friend of my son's it was... they all play DS's or swim or eat popcorn and watch movies, or run around the house with the dog, or whatever. She is rather a tom-boy, lol.

Bottom line: If you are not comfortable with it, then the answer has to be "no." And it doesn't matter what others are doing.

I don't think boys and girls sleeping over is a problem to be honest , not at this young age , also 7 doesn't seem to young either , it depends on the child and if they want to sleep over and also how well you know the family , my son has slept at his friends house but we know them really well and see them all on a regular basis.

I think 7 does seem a little young at someones house you don't know that well. If I knew the parent well, I would be ok with it, but if not I would probably not agree to it either. But yes, definitely, don't agree with the co-sleepover. I have never heard of that and think that is crazy. Is that a common thing now?

sheesh, we didnt have a boy/girl sleepover until some of my best friends and I had a joint sleepover/birthday party when we turned 18! and we were all goody-goodies so nothing untoward happened. Not that it would for 7 year olds either, but it still seems strange.

My daughter is 6 and in the 1st grade. She actually has a sleepover bday party to go to on Friday for a little girl in her class. The bday party is from 6-8pm at her home and then at 8pm, all the boys go home and the girls get to stay for a slumber party. All the kids were also in Kindergarten together, so we have met the parents at school functions and numerous other bday parties and playdates. We are ok with sleepovers when the kids and parents are familiar to us and our children. As for a co-ed sleepover at this age......I don't think that we would feel as comfortable with that.

To me it depends on the family. My parents NEVER EVER let me spend the night at a friend's house because they didn't ever get to know the dad well enough to feel comfortable. I felt left out.

My dd had been doing sleepovers with some classmates at the ages of 5 - 7, but she went to a co-op school where everyone knew each other and there were only 9 kids in the class. She's in a public school now and I'd have a hard time with it since I don't know everyone. Even among families we know, I don't let her spend the night in dirty houses or where people smoke or if adults will have beer around.

If she doesn't want to spend the night, then it's not time for her to consider it. I say that when she is, evaluate each situation on its own merits.

If she's not sleeping over, I don't really understand what the issue is. Hopefully at 7 they're all still innocent enough for this to just be a fun party with boys and girls! Unless my boys ask to only invite a few guy friends of theirs to future birthday parties, I plan to invite a mixed crowd. I always went to boys' parties when I was in elementary school, and I had boys at mine.

I don't think there is any reason kids this age can't mix and mingle at parties. Typically, the sleepover would be reserved for the guest of the same gender but if sleeping in separate rooms I see no problem with both boys and girls staying over. However I would not allow either my boys or girls to sleep over if 1) I was not totally familiar and comfortable with the whole family and 2) if my child was not comfortable.

Actually, I agree with Leah in that I don't think the boy/girl sleepover at the age of 7 is such a horrifyingly bad idea. The issue here should not be the details of the party, but the fact that:

a) You don't know these people, and,
b) Your daughter is uncomfortable sleeping over ANYWHERE

Also, I don't think the mom was necessarily trying to be awful by suggesting your daughter bring her sleeping bag and pillow, and you telling her to sleep over. One of my son's first sleepovers without his brother, we had to do that to get him to stay, and the boy had a BLAST.

Either way, you have to make the decision that's right for your daughter, not her son, and if your daughter's just not comfortable, or you're not comfortable with the situation, then she should not stay over.