Please Help!! - Fort Washington, MD

I don't think the seperation anxiety is because of you. My son is 9 months old, and hasn't slept with us since he was 2-3 months old. It's something every child goes through to some extent, I was told by my doctor.

Something that worked for me (someone who can't stand to hear her children cry) & I had my children in bed with me in the beginning to. I got rid of the crib and passed a toddler bed. I simply childproofed my son's room, put a gait in the doorway & put a regular size mattress on his floor. I laid with him until he was asleep (he was still nursing) then I left his room & would go back in when he woke up. Sometimes I would fall asleep with him (& sleep well because of the regular size mattress) & sometimes I would return to my own bed. Slowly I weened myself out of his bed by putting him to bed & telling him I would be back in a few minutes (& then I would return & lie down with him) Sometimes he would fall asleep before I returned sometimes not. Then I began returning to his bedroom & sitting on the bed, instead of lying down with him, until he fell asleep. Anyway, that's how I weaned myself out of his room. It seemed easier then trying to get him out of my bed. Honestly there were no tears or fights about it. He's now 3 1/2 & he puts himself to bed. If he has a nightmare he asks one of us to go into his bed, he rarely asks to come into our bed. Good luck & feel free to get in touch with me.

Hi S.,
We also cosleep with our 11mo daughter. It is inconvenient at times, but I can honestly say has been one of the best decisions we've ever made. It was so much easier on all of us when she was waking frequently when she was younger. Contrary to what everyone who doesn't cosleep told me, she did outgrow that and now sleeps through the night most nights (which means we do too!). If she is sick I don't have to worry about her because she is right there with me. When she wakes from teething I can easily soothe her, etc. We both work full time and value the time we get to be close with her at night. She goes to sleep in her crib alone and joins us when we go to bed later at night. She also sleeps alone in her crib for naps.

If your daughter is used to sleeping with you, she will naturally reject sleeping in her bed and have separation anxiety when laying alone in her crib. Think of it this way... if you had a dog that you let sleep in the bed for 9mo's and then one day locked it in another room at night, it would cry at the door, right? If you really find her sleeping with you to be troublesome, you are probably going to have to prepare yourself for tears. Does she sleep on her own for naps? If not, that would be a good time to start putting her down on her own when you know she is really tired. At night time I would establish a pattern (take a bath, read some books, turn off light, turn on music, lay in bed). We have a Fisher Price toy attached to her crib that projects birds onto the ceiling that our daughter likes to fall asleep to. After a few nights or maybe weeks of a consistant routine and some tears, she'll get the hang of it. We prefer not to let our daughter cry for more than 5mins or so. If she cries longer than that, she is usually not ready to sleep and will easily go down after a little more play time. I know there is controversy on putting them to bed when they are ready or doing it a little earlier so they "learn to soothe themselves". We find it easiest to put her down when she's ready - as does she. Different things work for different families.

I do believe that some babies are more high needs than others, and your daughter may need that closeness more than other babies. Or maybe she'll transition easily... Good luck with whatever you decide. I am glad to support you in any way that I can with whatever you decide.

Hello,
Definately try reading to her at night....I also found a sound machine pretty helpful. They are sold in Bed Bath & Beyond. Just to have some background noise.
Does your daughter take naps in her own crib? If not, try starting with a nap.
Good luck.

Have you tried putting her in her bed after she falls asleep? We had to do that many times with both of our children. (sometimes many times in one night) After doing the after asleep move, for a few nights we started bringing them to their room just before they fell asleep-- when they were in that dazed & droopy phase. We would take turns staying in their room doing their favorite thing ( my daughter liked to have her back rubbed & my son liked to be sung to) until they fell asleep. After a few nights of that we would skip starting on my bed & we just did the bed time routine in their room.
If you think the dark is an issue you could get a cute night light for her room & maybe play with her (calm bed time play) in her room after dark with just her night light on.(so she gets used to it)
We also made the transition seem like a fun thing. We spent a lot of fun time in their bedroom during the day--making the room a special place to want to be. Before that our room was the best place. That was where I nursed most of the time. So we had to change the "comfort" room to their own bed room.
I also put my pillow in the crib with my son. Whenever I took it out he would not sleep through the night. I think he smelled mommy on the pillow & that was all he needed. It was also something soft in a relatively hard sleeping area. This I very reluctantly recommend to you because your child is still quite small to sleep with a pillow but maybe your daughter could use one of your shirts instead of a blanket or maybe you could come up with some other comfort object that would do the trick.
We also put a crib pad on my daughters crib (under the sheet) I think that made the crib a bit softer & it muffled the crinkling sound it made each time she moved.
Sorry this was so long but hopefully some of these ideas help. It wasn't that long ago I remember being at that point thinking I would give anything for a good night sleep. Good luck! Hopefully you will get to sleep well in your oum bed soon.

We had our daughter sleping with us till she was 6 months old and the thing that helped me was a wonderful book. You can find more information about this on www.sleeplady.com I swear by it. My daughter is now 8 months old and sleeping through the night in her own crib and the transition only took 3 days!! We still need to work on napping but hey atleast we have nights. She goes to bed at 8pm every night and sleps till 5:30 - 6:30, need to work on making that later but it works for all of us right now. A good nightly routine helps too, this gives her cues to let her know it is bedtime.

Good luck and if you any questions about it please contact me.

V.

You can try putting a lava lamp in her room. My son didnt leave my bed until he 5 1/2 years old, yah i know, wow! He had ADHD, plus we just moved into our house. I am a single mother. I know it was hard for me too to break the apron string. Sometimes it is us as parents who really dont want them out of our room subconsciously. Start thinking about whether it is your child or is it you or both. I read to my son in his room before they went to sleep too so that he can feel more comfortable knowing i was in there too and there is nothing to be afraid of. Maybe spend some time in there during the day with her maybe playing or reading to her so that she gets used to being in there.

hope this helps

T.

I suggest this:
You need to have her sleep in her bed EVERY night. Kids need consistancy.

The first night sit with her until she goes to sleep. The next night, sit away from her crib a few feet, so she knows you are there, until she goes to sleep. Each night, sit further, and further away until you are outside her door and she can't see you. When she cries speak to her gently the first few times, but after that say nothing, and do not make eye contact with her. I know it may sound cruel, but if you want your marital bed back, this is the way to go. She isn't going to want to sleep in her bed just when you decide you want her to. She needs to learn that everyone has a place to sleep, and her bed is where she should be. Hope this helps!

Okay, here are a few suggestions: Make a palette in her room and let her sleep in her bed with a shirt you just worn that day, make it a pillow or a security blanket. Once she falls asleep you get out of there, listen for her with the baby monitor. Why did your doctor diagnose with separation anxiety. All children especially if the child is use to sleeping with their mother. You have to ween her off of you soon as possible.

I am glad it worked. We had the same problem and right after Pammy's first birthday we let her cry it out. The first 2 nights were impossible but she does much better. She still wakes up and we just give her a hug with out picking her out and lay her back down and most nights it works. I hope it continues to go well. Also, my daughter goes to bed easier for my husband then she does for me.