Here's the situation -
There are 3 girls that are classmates at school and they are 7 years old. We'll call them Betty, Claire and Zoey.
During the school year, Betty started a game with Claire and Zoey that she calls doctor. The game is done in secret in the bathroom at school. The doctor game consists of Claire being in a bathroom stall alone where she pulls her pants/underwear down, then she has Betty the doctor come into the bathroom stall. Betty looks at and touches/massages Claires front private area and also touches Claires back private area (buttocks). Betty has taught Claire and Zoey that their front private area is called weinie or peanut (even though they are girls). She doesn't seem to know the appropriate name for a females front private area. She also teaches Claire and Zoey the word 'b**bs' for their breasts. Now that Betty has introduced this game, the 3 girls rotate their roles in this game - secretly in the bathroom.
Betty is wise enough to know that this should be kept a secret.
The girls have become so interested in this that they are constantly asking their teacher to be dismissed to use the bathroom and the 3 girls usually try to be dismissed together during class time. They spend sometimes up to 30 minutes gone from the classroom.
The teacher will check on them occasionally and insist they get done and come back to class or the teacher will have another student tell them to come back to class. The teacher assumes normal bathroom behavior and never realizes this went on.
After googling this - I see that it is common for this age group to start looking and sometimes touching their peers. But I'm wondering to what extent is this normal.
In your opinion - does this behavior described above still fall within normal or is this abnormal? Is it possible that Betty could be getting inappropriately touched by someone else -maybe a family member, friend, etc? Would a 7 year old girl know all on her own to create a doctor game that involves touching someone else's private part and make sure to keep it a secret?
How would you feel about the teacher not realizing this went on? Do you feel the teacher should have noticed this and addressed it?
My husband is an officer and unfortunately this isn't the first I have heard of this kind of behavior at a school in the bathroom. I wouldn't say it was normal though. When I taught, I would have never dreamed that the girls were doing such a thing in the bathroom. I would assume they were up to no good. I know my husband would demand that such a thing be reported to the police.
NONE of this is normal. Holy hell, it is NOT normal. Kids should be taught that keeping secrets like this is bad, going behind closed doors to do things is bad. Not to let ANYONE besides a Dr for a medical screening should be able to touch or see your private areas. This whole story makes me extremely uncomfortable, and it makes me question anyone who would claim this is appropriate behavior just to chalk up to curiosity.
I don't even allow my kids to play Dr with their clothes on. I've seen random kids try at the playground try touch my kids privates and I have to stop them.
I would definitely tell the teacher AND the schools guidance counselor, the principal as well. They need to know what is going on and these girls should have supervised visits to the bathroom. And while I don't think the teacher should automatically know what these girls are doing, he/she should know the kids are in there for that long and should know these girls are in the very least ditching class to goof off. And teachers don't usually allow kids to go to the bathroom together, that is just so wrong. What an idiot of a teacher. Yes, it sounds like one of these children has been molested and it definitely needs to be reported.. if it were my daughter, I would likely have her put into a separate class. The thing is, this kind of behavior spreads like wildfire. Eventually Zoey and Chloe and Betty are all going to go and get new victims and introducing it to lots of other girls, it needs to be professional addressed immediately and nipped in the bud.
No, not normal. Something must be done about this. They are being secretive, but how do you know about it? I'm just curious as to your role, because I find it odd (and scary) it's been going on so long...
I am VERY alarmed the teacher would not notice children hidden away for so long doing this. That's awful. Something needs to be said. This is all kinds of wrong.
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At 7 years old-a year I remember pretty clearly-I would have absolutely known that kind of behavior was wrong.
At 3-4, I used to go to the side of my house and play "show me yours" w/ my male neighbor friend.
I think the time of innocent exploration is long past at 7...
I completely agree w/ what J.L., Bug and Sam said.
Their curiosity and behavior IS normal for this age, BUT...
First of all, are you getting this information from a child? If yes, it may not be the whole story. If this is, in fact, going on, then...
WTH is going on with the teacher?!
Why is she letting more than one child go to the bathroom at a time, and for up to 30 minutes!?
If the child doesn't come back within 5 minutes then why isn't the classroom aide (or another child, if no aide is available) going to check on her?
I worked in two first grade classrooms for 3 years and something about this story just doesn't sound right. Teachers are liable for their students, this just doesn't sound like normal teacher behavior.
Discuss this with the teacher first, find out what the school policy is re time in the bathroom. Schools usually have very strict rules about how many kids are allowed at a time and for how long.
If you are not satisfied then talk to the principal.
Well, for one thing, what teacher in their right mind allows three girls in the bathroom at the same time for up to 30 minutes? Or three boys, for that matter.
You go to the bathroom, you wash your hands, you get back to class. You don't unroll all the toilet paper, you don't flood the sink with water, you don't goof off and you certainly don't pull your pants down and take turns touching other when you're supposed to be at your desk.
Some of it could be exaggerated. Some of it could be considered "normal" exploration (although frankly the time and the place is definitely inappropriate if there IS an appropriate place).
Is one of these girls your child?
If so, I would definitely be talking to her about the importance of protecting her body and keeping her pants up. And, I would talk to the teacher about kids going to the bathroom together. We were never allowed to go to the bathroom during class time with other students. Neither were my kids. More than one at a time is just asking for trouble even if it's innocent goofing off. Such as flushing the toilet 40 times because it's funny.
Pants being pulled down? Oh hell no.
I'd be preventing it from continuing immediately.
Just my opinion.
Not Normal!!! No touching by another person is Ok. I would be on the phone immediately to the school, teacher, parents.. and not allow my child near these others and would be having serious talks to.
Hope everything is ok... and Good luck!
Hell no, this is creepy. The teacher is out of it and someone needs to report and get help for Betty NOW.
I have to say -- curiosity and seeking out a game like this? probably within the normal range. The fact that it's gotten as intense and regular as it has? Definitely going wrong.
I remember being caught playing doctor with a group of friends in 1st or 2nd grade and all hell breaking loose. I also played secret games with one friend, although we were not touching each other, just playing games with sexual overtones. Neither of us had been touched inappropriately before.
Kids are curious, especially about things they get a sense of that are off limits -- people usually call them "privates", of course they will want to check it out. What's worrisome to me is NOT the desire the kids have to explore and discover, coming up with that game is not at all unusual. The extent that it's gotten to is more due to the fact that no one has noticed before now to say it's inappropriate and needs to stop. A teacher who lets kids disappear in a group for 30 minutes is totally checked out in my book. In my daughter's 1st grade class, only one kid went at a time, and they checked the clip board to see if someone was already out. 3 at a time raises a flag for me in so many ways -- that's also ripe territory for bullying. Don't like it at all.
I would probably want to talk to the teacher, and hear her plans on how to deal with it. Since it happened on her watch, she should probably talk to the principal as well and they may want to have each kid check in with a school counselor to make sure they are OK with what happened. These kids may not feel violated at all, and I don't think there's a reason to start making them think they were (unless they were).
I think if your child is participating in this you need to sit her down and talk o her about how unless mom or dad is at the real doctor with her no one is to see that area never mind touch it.
When I was little our version of playing doctor was a physical (pretend stethoscope, toy hammer for reflexes, giving pretend medicine for an illness, pretend shots,etc) never getting naked and touching. I think maybe someone needs to take a closer look at Betty and what is going on her life whether it's inappropriate shows shes watching, catching mom and dad in the bedroom,or worse.
I'm just wondering why the teacher is letting them all be gone from the classroom for so long? 5 minutes should be all that is needed for a trip to the bathroom, and why let several students go at the same time, unless they are all making a stop there? Is the teacher really this dense to not think something strange is going on?
Granted, I work in a middle school, and class time is so short we wouldn't dare let a student be gone from class that long, unless they had gone to the nurse or were called into the office.......
Okay, well I seem to be alone in this opinion so far, but I don't think it's that crazy. Is it "normal"...meh, maybe not, but it's not totally and completely abnormal. Touching those areas feels good, there's no questioning that. It just seems that these girls need a little more explanation on the fact that only they should be touching their own vaginas, AND it should be done in private, by themselves. It's possible that Betty is being abused, but I'm not convinced from just this account. I do find it really odd that she doesn't know the word vagina though.
I do agree with JL on some of the teacher points though. I am not sure as to why they are constantly being allowed to go to the bathroom together and then spend up to 30 minutes there...?? If this is happening frequently I would think the teacher would question their motives. I'm sure she wouldn't come up with this particular scenario, but it is odd she wouldn't think something was fishy. I was a teacher and I almost never let two kids out of the room to use the restroom at one time. They usually had to wait until the other came back, so I would have the parents of these kids check into the restroom policy as school.
Happened with my 6 year old. Both girls, playing doctor. Her cousin was curious so I caught them in my daughters room, the cousin trying to rub her thing on my daughter. Both their undies on the floor. I talked to the cousins mom and they never played again. My daughter is now 15 and is ok and doesnt remember it.
