Playdates Turn into Boys Versus Girl

Hi P.-

I agree with the other moms regarding trying to find some little girls for her to play with, but in the meantime if you want to continue getting together with this group of children I would suggest you and the other moms try to organize a few more planned activities for the kids rather than just allowing them to go off and play there own games. It's more work for you and the moms, but it might result in more cooperation and fun being had by all of the children. Once they see that they do have fun playing together it might cross over to when they are playing on their own.

Good Luck,
K.

If the boys tell her that, you should be open to what she is saying and take if from there. If the boys are pushing her out, the possibly find someone else to arrange a play date with or invite someone that has girls to play at your house.
Also, my friend and I have always scolded our children for tattling, and now at the age of 10, I'm having to change all of that for my daughter. She is being harrassed at school, but does not want to tell the teachers because she is tattling.
It's one thing if she is telling because one has more juice than her, but she is telling you that they are not allowing her to play. Would you rather she not tell and just sit over to the side and be miserable? Think about it. If you don't listen to your children now, they will not come to you when they are older and things are more serious.

I know what it is like trying to make play dates and enjoying the company of other moms as well. I would also suggest finding other play dates that your daughter would enjoy with other girls. Your daughter may be feeling left out. Are there any girls that you might ask to join this play group? I have 2 girls and they play differently than boys.

It isn't so much your problem as it is the Moms of the boys. They need to advise the boys, in no uncertain terms, that she is to be included in their games. Invest in some board games that all can play. Little boys usually like to play cars, army or just rough-house that little girls don't care about. How about video's. Get some movies that they all would enjoy watching.

I think its great that you would like your daughter to learn how to get along with these boys. I really suggest that you find her a different group or include another girl in the mix for her. This is the age where the kids only want to play with kids there own gender. Good luck.

Are there any girls around that can play with your daughter? Instead of trying to get other people's children to play nicely with your daughterl maybe it is time to venture out and find her more thoughtful friends male or female. They are at that age anyway where they want to play with their own gender. They will be interested in each other soon enough and you will wish you had these days back..lol.

Hey P.,
I know you probably didn't mean to sound this way, but it sounds like you're making her the problem (get her to stop tattling, teach her to play w/ boys). She feels left out! We have similar problems here at that age....but it's not as prevalent a problem, b/c there are girls to play with. I think at this age gender is HUGE, so you might want to seek girl friends for your daughter outside of your street (school). Good luck! I didn't want this to come off that I think you're causing a problem...just wanted you to be aware of what I felt as I was reading your request.

I've read some of these responses and just want to add a little "social-worker-ism" to the subject of tattling. It is always a slippery slope to ask children to stop "tattling". There are so many things that can happend to children that they need to share with mommy and daddy. At such a young age, how is she supposed to decided which are the really important things and which are things that annoy you. I always encourage my children to tell me anything they like. Whether it is petty or not. You can actually use those petty things, like playing well with others, as an opportunity to teach socialization.

I have taken my children over to my girlfriends houses, and there are always age differences, gender differences etc. If you want to continue to be a part of this group, may I suggest that you provide your daughter with something special to do while she is there. Crafts that she can do by herself, interactive DVDs with singing and dancing. Some small portable DVD players can be reasonable. You might even check at a pawn shop or on-line for a refurb one if the retail price is too much. I have even purchased short "books on tape" with a headset and kid friendly cd player. Even if the other children do not join in, she may see the visits are special because she will have special activities reserved for that play-date!

I don't have any real suggestions on how to make the boys play well with your daughter; my boys have always played with girls, but the girls were the same age as the boys, so that may be the difference. Maybe at the beginning of the playdate you could have the other mothers talk with the boys about including your daughter for at least a certain amount of time? However, about tattling. . . at our house, the definition of tattling is when you tell a grown-up what a child is doing to get that child in trouble, vs. telling to get someone out of trouble (someone could get hurt, etc.). Hope that helps!