Hi moms! About three months ago I asked a question here about play wrestling with your son. To give you the cliff noted version of my first post, I'm a single mom with a ten year old son who just LOVES wrestling-especially WWE and has recently expressed interest in getting involved in team wrestling. He likes to play wrestle with me (I'm a rough house kind of mom). At the time of my first post he asked me to put him in some holds to see if he could get out of them . He showed me how to do them then I put him in the hold. There was one hold that he asked me to put him in ,the scissor hold (if you watch the WWE or any form of wrestling you know what I am talking about), that I later thought was questionable after looking at the internet browsing history(the websites were related to the hold, but sexual in nature). He was doing some research on different wrestling holds he has seen the wrestlers do on WWE and when he searched for websites about the scissor hold that is when he stumbled onto the inappropriate sites. I confronted him about what he had seen and he told me he was too embarrassed to say anything and that he thought the websites showed actual wrestling matches with wrestlers doing this hold, which led me to put internet filters in the computer. I then asked you whether or not is was ok for a mother to apply this hold on her son and nearly all of the responses I got said it was ok and that the problem here was the websites taking something innocent and turning it into something sexual in nature, and that there is nothing wrong at all with this particular hold.
I did take the advice of one reply to my question and took him to the local library so he could check out books about different wrestling moves, which to my surprise they had a few so he didn't have to look them up on the internet anymore. I was quite surprised by the amount of responses that I got, and I have to the advice of another reply have not only kept play wrestling with my son but have kept doing the scissor hold too.
I'm just curious to know, if YOU had or currently have a son like mine and you were in my situation what would you have done? Would you continue to play wrestle with him? Would you still use the scissor hold on him while wrestling?
I have two sons who love to wrestle and for the record as a little kid with two older brothers - we wrestled a lot and I am quite familiar with the scissor hold - LOL.
It is fine. Seriously - fine.
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I would also get him in actual wrestleing classes so he can learn the difference between the "stunts" on WWE and the actual moves on the mat. Yes, the men and women in WWE ARE athletes, yes they do actually do these moves and get injured, but they are also trained stunt men/women as well to reduce the injury levels and I think that is a valid lesson to learn. In addition I do not think the truth hurts the entertainment factor at all - for me it increases it because some of the things they do are SOOOO stupidly dangerous and they walk away!
If that's the only problem you have lady...you're doing pretty good. Don't let your mind wander...play however you want with your kid...you know what's appropiate and what's not.Now get on with your day!
Once my son was past 7 yrs old he was getting too strong and we had to cut back on the rough housing so no one would get hurt.
He's 13 and a 2nd Dan black belt in taekwondo now and when he kicks the practice dummies he's got to have someone hold them or they go right over.
Your son should get involved in a school wrestling team so he's properly coached, and he's got to wear all the safety equipment.
If other kids find out he wrestles his Mom, this is going to get very awkward for him very quickly - so it's time to back off on that.
I don't watch a lot of wrestling so I don't know how typical it is for male vs female wrestling - don't guys usually wrestle other guys?
I personally don't like wrestling, but if you both enjoy it I don't see anything wrong with it. It's really sad when people sexualize something so innocent :(
However, I WOULD suggest looking into a quality wrestling program for your son. My husband and his brothers were high school wrestlers and one of my nephews started wrestling when he was seven and he LOVES it! It's great exercise both physically and mentally, and real, competitive wrestling is much more disciplined than the showy, violent stuff they do on the WWE.
I'm not judging you at all. I think it's great you do it. But no, I would not want to do any wrestling holds with my son if he was 10. He's only 4, and I do wrestle with him a bit, bear hugs, carrying etc, but he's starting karate in January and my wrestling days are numbered with him. I also wouldn't want him practicing wrestling moves with girls.
I'm the lone ranger. again. *sigh*
I have boundary issues. I didn't look up your last post but my brother wrestled from Jr High through his frist year at College so I'm familiar with all the moves. Some of them are very intimate, you are correct. Add in that the wrestlers are usually wearing rayon/spandex singlets or some sort of speedo-based costume and there are times when I laugh out loud (and then think..... maybe we should try THAT move).
back to the question at hand. What would I do? I don't feel comfortable being in an intimate space with someone else.... (well, unless it's an actual intimate space...lol) so I was never a big "physical" player with kids. I had a daughter and she would have rather colored or played kitchen or polly pockets so I lucked out. I am ok with a certain level of physical affection, certainly, but I personally would not feel comfortable wrestling with a 10 year old. But I think that's my issue.
I do think it's a great idea to get him into a wrestling program, as other moms have suggested. even a gymnastics program will help him hone those skills and get the flexibility to do some of those moves.
I also think that you have to trust your gut. If you are not comfortable even though your son and a mamapedia board says you are ok to continue... well listen to your gut and don't continue. If you are comfortable, then go ahead. As long as you have clear healthy boundaries, then I think you have a margin of ability to be flexible.
one note..... I would chat with him that wresting is not everyone's cup of tea. I say that because I can see many of the 10 year old boys in my daughters class feeling like it would be ok to do these moves on kids at school or in a "hey, ms smith, let me show you this cool move I learned" and take an unsuspecting person by surprise with a neck hold. So, I think along with the "physical" talk about his body and boundaries you can add in the part about "consent" in the way a 10 year old would understand.
I am sorry, but I think Turk E is blowing this out of proportion.
Lets see...would I walk around with a bra on when my son has his friend's over? Nope. But, I don't think it's innapropriate to do in front of my son.
Is it sexual to see a mother in her bra? Not to my son! It's just life.
PUH-lease...I don't see anything wrong with it!! When your son is actually wrestling is it going to be sexual in nature? Of course not! It's wrestling!!
Don't let some people's mixed up ideas make you feel like you can't wrestle with your son. Besides, in the next year or two he is going to be bigger and stronger than you! You will be too easy. lol
Get him signed up in some wrestling classes.
L.
I would continue to play wrestle with my son. Oh, wait, we still do horse around and wrestle and play physically together. Mine is 15. Is he stunted and perverted because we play - heck no! He is a normal teen who is being raised by a single Mom.
Go have fun with your son.
If it was something I had been doing, I would continue. Just like another Mama said, don't ruin it with weirdness.
My husband wrestles with both of our kids (son, 12 & daughter, 10). Their ages haven't come into play so as long as they're up for it, he'll continue to horseplay with them.
I say enjoy the play wrestling and literal wrestling you do with your son. I see there being no issue with this because it is not meant in a sexual way by either of you.
Okay folks, let's shed some different light on the subject here. It seems Fireregirl here isn't sure if what she's doing is appropriate.
Well, let's see. Would any of you put your son's 10-year-old friends heads in what is basically a *crotch lock* for the sake of practice? Because if you think it inappropriate to do so with a child that isn't yours, most certainly you ought not be doing it with your own son for the same reasons.
What reasons you say? Well, for those who still think this type of play or practice isn't wrought with sexuality, would any of you hold a practice session like this in front of other kids and parents? A school official or someone from child family services? Probably not. Because, if you did this with your child publicly or to any other kid, whether it's for practice or not, you could very well wind up on charges...no and or ifs about it.
Second, if you think your kid isn't going to run to his buddies and tell them he wrestles with his momma on the floor like the guys on TV, you're crazy. What are going to do the next time he has buddies over and he starts up with the "practice" stuff and begs you to show his friends or demonstrate on them these moves?
He's going to do that and probably more...he'll probably bring the pack over to practice with you. What are you going to do then? What are you going to tell their parents or any other adult who finds out about your "wrestling" sessions and those people decide to ask you about it. What's your response going to be? We're just practicing WWE like on TV. I don't think you mentioned being an expert in the art of wrestling, so I have a feeling this reasoning will go over like a lead balloon.
As one other has mentioned, this whole thing your into with your son isn't good socially in so many ways. It needs to be nipped now.
Sorry, but I don't understand the question coming up twice now. One might begin to wonder if there is a bit of trollism here. Last, but not least, the WWE stuff isn't the same as professional wrestling. It's theatrical in nature, it exploits women, is wrought with sexuality, and probably isn't the best form of entertainment for a kid who may want to be a serious athlete someday. If this isn't a fake post, maybe it's time to reevaluate activities and programming at home.
I would continue to play with him for as long as he wanted me to! Good job Mom for being involved!
~My (almost, on Christmas day) 16y/o nephew is a Varsity Wrestler at his HS and he is CONSTANTLY wanting (and just doing) to put us in holds and teach us and my sons all that he is learned!
Don't take something special and ruin it with weirdness....I think its fine!
Encourage him and sign him up for a team/league or whatever...good for him!
My son wrestled from age 4 up so I can honestly say yes. Yes, I would continue to wrestle and/or practice moves with him.
Now that he is 20 and both bigger AND stronger than me, we will still occassionally rough house (once in a VERY blue moon) but it is quick and he knows to take it easy on me (I have neck and back issues).
I'd get him some books with REAL wrestling in them ie Greco Roman type, not the American version of fake wrestling . The other GR is the type he would be doing if he was on a team. With books on real wrestling he can prepare for being on a team before he gets there and he won't learn the hard way that what they do in the WWE isn't what real wrestling is.
I probably would just start telling him that he is getting too old and too big to be play wrestling with Mom and start looking into an actual wrestling or mixed martial arts program. Even if he never saw anything on the internet, that's still where I stand - it's not that it's anything sexual (because I know it isn't), it just that it sounds like he has a lot of energy and needs to channel it appropriately.
I don't have sons, but yes, I think I would. My duaghter (almost 8) does mixed marital arts which uses grappling. A positive side effect of her doing it, in my opionion, is that she has very physical interactions with boys and her male coaches. I have to admit, some of my prudishness made me feel a bit wierd about this at first, but i have come to see it as a good thing. She will be very comfortable with her body and with men and very clearly know go touch from bad touch. Not to mention being able to be a woman who can defend herself. In MMA grappling, men and women get into all sort of crazy positions. I know the tables are turned a bit with your child being a boy, but I can imagine there are positive effects to knowing you can work with women on an even playing field. There was a news story about a year ago of a young teen or preteen boy who refused to wrestle a girl in a school match. He and his dad sat there talking about how it was wrong. I wanted to reach through the tv and put a sleeper choke hold on both of them :) So while I understand the creepiness factor of doing a hold on your son, I think it is an adult stigma and has no basis in reality or really inappropriate.
PS - I totally agree you should make sure he knows boundaries. I don't let my child watch UFC and she has only seen adult jui jitsu matches of her coaches. I don't want her to "play" at wrestling because you can REALLY hurt someone. She could technically do a choke on me that coudl know me out. The benefit of the program and structure is they teach safety. So yes, he needs to get in a program and learn when he is crossing a safety line. But that is just an added thought. I still think you aren't doing anything wrong by playing as long as he understands the seriousness of the moves.
Yes. What a sweetie you are. If you are not doing it in a sexual manner, you are not doing anything wrong.
However, if it makes you or him uncomfortable, don't do it. If it does make you uncomfortable now, and he asks you to do it, just tell him you don't like doing that one, or it doesn't make you comfortable, and tell him you will do a different hold. If he complains, tell him if he can't respect your wishes, you won't wrestle with him.
If it doesn't make you or him uncomfortable, continue to do it, and continue to enjoy playing with your son. If he doesn't view it as sexual and you don't (which it isn't, unless you make it your intention for it to be so), you are doing nothing wrong and in no way will damage your son. It is such a shame that our screwed up culture finds a way to sexualize everything and creates these issues. If you are not getting aroused by it and not doing it to get aroused, you are not doing anything wrong!!!
