My five year old loves quality time. I believe that is her "love language". She always wants to play one on one with me and is not satisfied and gets bored easily when she isnt. We play several times every day but I also have other things I must do. She recently communicated to me that she doesnt feel like I love her because I dont ever play with her. I understand that is what she is experiencing, but in reality, we play often. I dont know how to meet this need of hers and still take care of my two year old and adult responsibilities. I dont argue with her, of course, or tell her that her experience is wrong. I validate and try to encourage. Any advice? How can I help her understand how deeply I love her even when we arent having quality time?
It may help to 'fill her cup' with some amount of completely uninterrupted time. State that you will have 'x' minutes to play with her. Then you need to do y and z. You would like her help with y and z but if she prefers, she can play by herself during that time. You can also tell her stories about what you and she did together when she was 2, so she doesn't feel like she is getting short changed when you must care for the 2 year old.
Sounds like she needs to attend a part time Mother's Day Out so she can have some playtime with kids her own age. She is so dependent on you that she seems to be lacking in the ability to play by herself.
I know you love her but she does need to gain some independence. This will help her to stand on her own 2 feet and then when you do spend some time with her it will be more special.
Mom is busy. You really dont have to justify yourself to your 5 yr old.
Play time isnt the only way you show love. Dicipline is an expression of love. Providing a clean, loving home is another. It's not going to crush her to find out that you have other responsibilities and that work comes before play. Learning patience is a good thing. Learning she is not the center of the universe, also a good thing.
Tough, but you need to look at this objectively. When she says she feels that you don't love her because you never play with her tell her, "Oh, but I do love you" and remind her of the last few times you played together. Be consistent whenever she says this and don't allow her to manipulate you through guilt or confuse in her mind what is truly going on.
This may be more of a want than a need of hers, she has to accept the reality that she has to share you with her sibling and you have things you need to do. But if indeed this is her love language she will need to find a way to nurture it along on her own, by helping you when you need help, by doing things with you that you need to get done, or playing on her own contently by your side in order to be with you. Because realistically, who in her life is ever going to always be with her, every moment she wants them there, to do what she wants at that moment?
Show her your love with hugs and kisses, call her attention to the times you play together, "OK, let's play such and such!" remind her of the times you've played, and she will see it.
