That food is mainly to feed the adults and the older kids.
Here, if we go to Costco, their pizzas are cheap. Under $9.
For one pizza.
You don't need 3 pizzas.
Or, don't have a play-date at lunch time.
Then you only need to serve snacks.
Not a "meal." Hence, cutting your costs down.
Then, aside from the older kid/adult food, you'd need to have something for your 4 year old.
As you said, that is a wide age difference and the 8 and 11 year old is not coming to play with the 4 year old. Specifically. They'd have nothing in common. Nor per development.
Here in my city, there is a lot of pot-luck type mentalities. So the invited also brings food stuff. Just out of common courtesy. And of course the Host has things to eat. But it is not an over the top menu.
It is per budget.
Kids of all ages, eat chicken nuggets.
Again, Costco, has a big bag of it that is good and more cost effective.
Does your child go to Preschool or have "friends" that are his/her age??
Invite your child's, friends. That way it is more age appropriate and a "play date" for your child.
I have a friend that has a son that is like 14. I don't invite her or him over for a "play date" for my son, who is 6 years old.
Her son and mine would have nothing in common.
And her son wouldn't want to play with a 6 year old.
Just get some croissants from Costco, it is cheap.
Then, slice it in half, and make sandwiches with it.
With deli meat/lettuce. Simple and good.
That is what I do.
Or I make chicken nuggets.
Or whatever else is cheap and good and the kids will eat.
Or get a Roast Chicken from Costco, and slice it up and you can make lots of things with that.
Then, you said you want to invite your friends over. And they have older kids. So, if it is mainly for a social for you, with your friends...then it is not really a "play date" for the kids. Because the kids are a lot older, than your 4 year old child.
It is nearly impossible, to make food that EACH person will like. Kids are picky. So, just make what you make. And if the other women has a kid that is picky, then they can bring some food over too.
Tell them that. That is what all my friends do. They don't expect me to please the palate of EACH of their kids.
And the other bottom line is: you don't have to, have the play-date as a Lunch time thing, nor at lunch time. And I would think you'd need to time it per the timing of your 4 year old and when he/she naps.
When my kids were 4, I had play dates in the morning. Just a couple of hours at most. Then it was nap time. For my kids.
Or, play dates were in the later afternoon, after, my kids' naps.
Not at lunch time.
Since those other kids are older than your child, what will they do at your home? Per it being a sort-of-play-date? Do you have things, that older kids can do???? Since you have a 4 year old.
My daughter is 10. If I took her to a home with a 4 year old, well... she'd get bored. Sure she's good with younger kids, and she'd "play"/entertain the young child.... but she'd be bored. Its not a play-date. It would be more as a social for me... with that other Mom. And my daughter keeping the younger child, busy.