Phone Calls

My son is 15 and I still feel it's early but my daughter is a 2nd grader and they do talk abt boys and I feel so threatened .

I think we need to put some discipline as no calls after 8pm.
If both parents agree, the child would follow the rules.I think you are absolutely fair in setting certain guidelines.

Hi, S.,

Whatever you do, please be aware that it's hard to squeeze toothpaste back into the tube. What you allow now in the innocence of the kids sets the standard for later on.

Hi S.,
Your son though 11 years old is too young to be receiving phone calls from any girls in the first place. Regardless what year it is or what era it is or people saying that it is just a phase he's going through, or even keeping up the the "Jones", your son is still too young for this. It is like you are approving that he starts a relationship with this young girl. And you know what that will bring to you. More problems. It is enough raising a child to do well in school so that he/she will graduate from high school with great grades, junior college with a AA degree and if you did your job well, he/she will graduate from a University with great grades that he/she will graduate with honors.

I am a mother blessed with 6 children, 3 boys and 3 girls. My youngest is 25 years old now. I am blessed with 5 grandchildren. When my children were growing up, I also had the same problem. Some girl would be calling my sons, which I felt it was wrong in the first place. I told my sons that they see that girl in school if not in class but at breaks, lunch. That is enough time to speak with her. Right now they need to get their education if they ever want to succeed in life. Though when they reached high school, at a decent age of 17, they were able to date like going to the movies, beach, etc. But I also suggested to them my sons and daughters that after they graduate from high school, then they can be serious with a one. The reason- relationships gets them off track in education. I approved in having many, many friends, females and males, but not just one very very special girl or boy.
I am so grateful that my children did listen. They did get their BA's and now three are married and all have very good jobs. Two of my sons have their own business. My oldest son is married and has one daughter and my youngest son is single still has a steady girlfriend for these past 3 years he has own business also. His girlfriend recently graduated with a Masters Degree and now is following her dream. I respect my son for that for not pressuring her in marriage, that he is letting her grow. He sees how his sisters have progressed. His business is growing these past 8 years and I know he wants to save to buy a home so when he does propose to her he can feel comfortable knowing that he will be able to support her.
So S., what I am saying here is that you need to follow what you believe in, your instints for your child/children. Do not worry about the other little girl. That is her parents problem. I can just see it in the future for her. I have seen as time goes by with my childrens' elememtary & junior high-schoolmates. Some also have succeeded. Others are still living with their parents along with their liv-in girlfriends and babies. You are, S., the foundation of your child's future.
Take care

Wow, I'm surprised at how liberal everyone is so far. I teach kids this age, and I'll tell you--I wouldn't be letting an elementary school boy be chatting with girls on the phone, period. They're too young. At the very least, I'd limit it to 1 10-minute call a day before 8pm.. And if the little girl keeps calling anyway, I'd pick up the phone myself and speak to her about "the rules."

These kind of limits would echo those set at my school. Children are frequently told that they are too young for the "boyfriend/girlfriend" stuff, and it is not allowed at school. Is it normal to have crushes at this age? Yes. Should kids be acting on it? Not really.

Dear S.,

Welcome to the club!

I have told my children the rules. If the lines are crossed, I restate them - telling them that they need to let their friends know. that if they can't, then I will. If the lines continue to be crossed, then I tell the friends. My rule was no phone calls after 10 p.m. My son and his girlfriend had a hard time sticking to this . . . I took them out to dinner [they didn't eat (= ] and talked to them about my rules, about respect, etc . . . I never had the problem again (that I knew of). With my daughter, the problem was her cell phone - mostly texting after the phone curfew. I gave her a couple opportunities to tell her friends, then I wrote down all the numbers that appeared on my bill after 10 p.m and called them all and told them that she had a 10 p.m phone curfew, including texting and that this number appeared on my bill after that time, and if it continued she would lose her phone . . . problem seems contained . . . I have one more I will be dealing with this issue - I'm sure soon - woo hoo! The kids also have a 10 p.m. computer curfew, and if I think they are not complying, then I take the keyboard with me when I leave for work (I work graveyard).

Good luck,
Have fun (=
B.

My opinion is simple. As long as his homework and chores are done, what is wrong with him being on the phone? It is VERY healthy for him. I moved to a new town when my daughter was 11. The poor thing was so very lonely. I would have paid a million bucks for her to have a lot of phone calls.
Give the boy a break! Being social is a great thing.

If you don't already have one, download a free mp3 recorder, and encourage your son and his friend to use it. They can e-mail each other voice messages almost as fast as they can talk, and it promotes thinking about the responses. That way they aren't tying up your telephone. Romance will continue, with or without your approval, the best you can hope to do is direct it a little.

Hi S.!
My son is 10; he turns 11 in mid-Aug. I cannot imagine him talking to a girl on the phone for 20 minutes much less 3 times a day. As far as he's concerned all girls are stinky except his mama. If he were interested in girls right now, I certainly wouldn't allow him on the phone for more than a few minutes at a time, not more than a two times per day.

Stick to your guns!!! Tell the Dad that you have different rules and get the message across in an adult venue. Then follow up with the home rules. Be consistent, kids value that. Are you worried about sex? It is not too early to begin to talk about valuing himself and others. Better now than when the hormones rage. Treat him with respect and he will respond. That is my rule for all children. My boys and I talked a lot.

Hi S.!
Well I think you are doing a great job with your son. You are setting reasonable limits for his age.
Regarding his (girl)friend who calls 3 times a day...I would let him know that he could tell her himself about his phone priviledges, if not you would be more than happy to let her folks know about the calls and discuss it with them. This might prove to be embarassing beyond words!!!!!

SIGH!!!! I have a while to go before this starts with my girls, but I am already freaking out!

Good luck,
E.

Hi S.,

I think you're being perfectly reasonable to have your son tell the girl only one 20 min call per evening and not after 8. It is very important to set these boundaries and it will also give your son a lesson in how to set boundaries which will help him throughout his life.

V.

You may not be ready, but the kids are! If I may say, I think you're way off by limiting the phone so strongly. With the phone you know who's calling, how long they talk and if you're lucky, you get to overhear what they're talking about. If you limit so strongly they're just going to text, IM, or email their friends, and then you have no clue.

Re the girl. If you're close to her family you might kindly mention this change in her behavior to her parents. Something may be going on that they should be aware of. I think it's reasonable for your son to let her know that she shouldn't call after 8, but I don't think he can enforce it. That has to come from the other side.

It sounds like the time is coming when you need to have a heart to heart with your son about respecting women, etc. I know it seems early but it's never to early. Trust me, I have kids this age. The key thing is communication and having them feel that they can talk to you about anything.

Good luck.

It's possible that the girl does not have restrictions on her phone time but I definitely say yes to having your son tell her about only receiving one phone call a night. I also agree with the no phone calls past 8:00 p.m. rule. Enforce that and you will thank yourself later. LOL I have the same rule with my kids. My daughter is not allowed to receive calls after 9:00, and if the phone rings after 9:00, I let the person on the other end know that they can call back the next day, but that she can not have calls after 9:00. She gets mad at me, and embarrassed, but I don't really care. I feel that by enforcing the rules now, there will not be a problem in the future. I need my peace at night, and having peace does not include her being on the phone laughing and talking while I'm trying to get my homework done. :)

Yea i know what you mean, they are growing up earlier, and quicker these days. One thing my husband always told our sons, is that every girl you know or go out with is some body's sister and daughter, and with them having a younger sister which whom they were very protective . My daughter wasn't calling any boys at age 11, that i don't get either, some parents just don't care, or think that it won't lead to something else. If his guy friends are calling I wouldn't be to concerned, and you don;t want to let his friends know abut all his limitations, caused you don't want him labled a mama's boy, kids can be cruel. ntil he does something to break your trust, give him a little rope, the pizza thing was good, my sons were christians at 13 so their hangingnout and things like that were with the Teen ministry and the teen ministry leaders, they are now 24 and 21, my 24 year old is married, and had a pure dsting relationship with is now wife before they were married, and my daughter in law went to the alter a virgin at 21. My husband didn't let our daughter date while in school, he wanted her to focus on her education, but she was envoled with the winter/color guard from 7th all the way through her senior year and guard and the band always did group things, movies, starbucks, party's, she was the captain of her wintwer/guard team her senior year,they went and competed in Vegas, we chaparoned, shes had a full life and at 19 on her dads 52 birthday she thanked him for his pertection and his heart to ant to spare her broken hearts and teen drama. she is in college living at home, working part time, and one of my best friends, we I have always been a stay at home mom, so i have always know what was going on in my kis lives they were very open and honest with us. my 21 year old son has been dating a girl since she was 15 and he was 19, her family adoes my son as we do her, they have had a pure dating relationship for almost 3 years now, it's how we raisw them S., there is something about trusting our kids, that makes them not want to let us down. Hope to talk to you again
soon J.

Does the girl have a mother? If so give her a call and let her know. If she doesn't then call her father. I agree with you, 11 is way too soon to start all this. Talk to her parents and tell them you dont want their daughter calling. They can talk at school, or have parent supervised age approprate play times occasionally. Perhaps she is unsupervised, and looking for attention, (in the wrong places). If her parents don't give her the care and attention she needs, it could lead to big trouble for this girl in the not too distant future.

At 11, what do these kids have so much to talk about? when my children(i have 4) started using phone in their teens I limited phone useage to 15 min.s and they were to use it as a tool for home work, no phone calls after 8 p.m. and if they did not inform their friends , I would and was not pleasant about my phone rules in my home. As adults my children, still informed their friends of the hosue phone rules which still apply when they visit. Keep your rules and inform the little girl and her father of your phone rules. Best of luck.

Hiya S.:
I don't think your being unreasonable at all,setting up a time in the evening for cutting off calls.I think maybe limiting him to one a day is a little strict.wether your son is an outgoing personality , or shy with A very few close friends,your basically limiting his ability to maintain his circle of friends by doing that. Lets say,that his best buddy calls him,and wants to talk about school or sports,and they are on for 15 min. Then the girl calls A little later and hes got 5 minutes left to spend talking on the phone. My son was so popular at school S. and my phone was ringin off the hook for 4 years!Had I put a time limit on each day,I would have had a house full of teenagers,that could have other wise just called!I might add,that I was one of seven children,raised by very strict parents, and our resolve was to sneak.The way all of us kids looked at it was if mom and dad,couldn't be reasonable,and refused to bend,to make our lives tolerable,then we would rather take the chance of getting ourselves in trouble with them then live in the (dark ages) I would simply keep tabs,and if he neglected chores or homework as a result,then I'd set more limits.I'd tell him,that as long as his other responsibilities were taken care of,I'd allow him a few calls a day,and only till 8pm.Even though you know the girl and her father,I think I'd stay away from commenting on her use of the phone.I'm sure he is aware of her using it,and since this recently started,it gives me the impression the girl is in need of A friend.It will get better. It sounds like your doing great.Your A kewl enough mom to understand their needs and help them through a rough time in their lives,and yet,you let them know that there are limits as well,and your there to give guidance. The best to you S. and your growing son.

It sounds pretty fair to me. Certainly no calls after 8pm; kids this age need to be getting themselves prepared for the next day and getting ready to go to bed after 8pm. I would have my son tell his friends and when they inevitably break the rule and call more than once I would tell them myself to reiterate the rule as a parent.

Hi S.,
If you want your son to be pure till he gets married then you need to set some boundaries. My mom had a 15 min. limit and she would walk by and just push the reciever if we were not paying attention to the clock. He shouldn't have a girl calling him everyday or many times a day. Talk to him about what you accept and expect of him and set strong rules. You will not be a grand mother before your son's wedding day and he will have more respect for other girls. I do not let my girls call or recieve calls from the opposite sex. If we go on an outing together I take boys and girls that are my 4 kids friends.Usually we will invite 1 or 2 friends to go along. I have 1 son and 3 daughters. If they are not old enough to get married,they don't even need to date, and go through all the heartaches over the years when they are still growing up. Pre-teens and teens are having so many changes in their body that the hormones are piling up. So be careful. D.

i see the no calls after 8 to be very reasonable. i dont think that just because this girl calls 3 times a day doesnt mean she doesnt have any restrictions though...kids even as early as 6th grade start to get insecurities and such and their for of relief for anything is by talking to a close friend. i remember very clearly that i was in 6th grade when i was having troubles at school with other kids and having issues at home. the thing that would make me feel better was talking to my friends (in 6th grade friends were friends whether they be boys or girls) i dunno...looking back to when i was young, helps me remember what its like to be their age and helps me understand better on what i should or shouldnt do with my own kids. anyways..just my thought.

First of all, don't you remember being a pre-teen/teenage girl? They talk just because they can! I would let him talk the one time for his allowed 20 min, then if she calls again tell HER "he's only allowed to talk on the phone for 20 min, can I take a message?" If you do this a few times she should get the message. If it becomes a problem talk to the father! You already have a relationship, so that shouldn't be too hard. And I think your limits are totally reasonable! They are really similar to the limits my parents had on me, and even then I didn't think they were unfair (I didn't really like to talk on the phone, though).