Philosophical Question of the Day

Most often the kindest people are the stongest people. It is so much easier to be ill-tempered and mean.

As far as moving in the theater, I would have stood up and had them go past me to an open seat. This is not a matter of kindness. I am 5' 6" tall but very short waisted. When I sit I am a shorty, so I like an aisle seat so I can see the movie I paid to see.

I always get an isle seat. So no, I wouldn't move. I like to be on the isle in case I have to go to the bathroom and to stretch my legs out.
It wouldn't be be not moving because I am mean, it would be that I wanted to be comfortable.
If you were sitting in the middle of the theater then I don't see what the big deal is.
L.

If there really were a lot of other seats, I don't see any reason to move. (Like a guy who's super tall sits down, and a short person then later comes and sits behind him, then asks him to move so they can see. That's just rudeness on the askers part.)

If the theater was packed, I'd say move. If not, it's ok to say no. Unless the "plenty of other seats" was just one here and one there, and they wouldnt be able to sit together. Personally, I like to get there early, so I can sit in just the right seat. Even moving one over can change the view for me. (but I'm a theater snob, I worked at a movie theater for 7 years)

Was it a major inconvenience to you to move over 1 spot? If not, then your mom was being quite rude. She should have moved over because that is what decent people do. They comply with reasonabe requests. It is one of the ways to have a peaceful society.

6 years ago I was at the grocery store with my husband, picking up newborn diapers and formula. I didn't have my keys with me, so my loyalty card wasn't there. Without the card it cost an extra $15 for the formula. The cashier asked the customer behind us in line if she could swipe her card so we could get the discount. The customer grimaced, and said, "No, if they want to get a deal, they need to bring their own damn card." Little did she know the reason I had no card with me was that I had just gotten out of the hospital after an emergency c-section, 1 month before my son's due date, and we had no supplies for him. Wonder if that would have made a difference to her. I tend to assume the best about others, and really wish others did as well.

ETA: I am REALLY shocked at how many people are saying that they'd refuse to move over ONE seat. It is about 18 inches! Is that REALLY where we are as a society today? So sad and selfish.

"Don't ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance or my kindness for weakness". I don't know where I picked this up but I save it on my phone.

I would move. You didnt specify if now this would impair your mother's view...it sounds like she just didn't want to be friendly. It's not as if you were asked to move from your first class Trans-Atlantic flight to a middle seat in coach.

Well, as a height-impaired person myself, I would only NOT move if the seat I was moving to had a taller person in front of me and my view was obscured. Otherwise, life's short, the world is a small place, and really, what's the big deal? Is this an incident I want to hold onto for any longer than necessary?

Does it make me nice, a pushover, or mean and unreasonable? None of those-- it does make me a sane person not to make a mountain out of a molehill. If there's no negative consequence, why create a problem where there doesn't need to be one?

In short, unless there was someone blocking my view, I'm very capable of moving over graciously and moving on with my life. (I try to save 'standing my ground' for moments of a bit more consequence than a movie.)

The idea that kindness is a sign of weakness is sad to me. We raise our kids with the principal that empathy and kindness are signs of maturity and strength.

If it really matters to you that you sit in your original seat but you move when you really don't want, you're being a pushover. If you refuse to move just because you got there first and are judging the other people for coming in late you're being arrogant or superior.

To me kindness is a lot bigger then a seat in a theatre. In this case I'd likely not care enough to not move, I wouldn't even call that kindness just common courtesy. To me kindness is giving of yourself. Striking up a conversation with the person who looks uncomfortable or lonely, welcoming the neighbor kids into your home whose Mom is at work all the time or looking out for an elderly neighbor, to me those are acts of kindness.

I think sometimes we get caught up in so much pettiness about who gets what that we forget other people are human. They have the same basic wants and needs as we do. If you look at strangers as if they were your own friends or family you see them in a more positive way, it's much easier to be kind.

As long as moving over didn't mean that my view would be obstructed in some way, then yes, I would have moved as long as they asked nicely. Being considerate and courteous are not signs of weakness. Being unkind or rude are not qualities that I admire, and are not how I want others to think of me, whether friends or strangers. As long as I was not inconvenienced by moving, I would have done it, even if there were other seats that they could have chosen.

I would have moved for sure, but I would have thought it was weird with other seats in the theatre. But you never know a persons reasons for anything in life. Maybe sitting closer would have been difficult due to an injury making it difficult to move their neck back or something.... I mean who knows. Maybe they were late bc their loved one serving in our military called for Mother's Day right before they were going to leave. Maybe not, just saying there are so many reasons they wanted those seats and so many reasons they could have for being late. My philosophy is do good to people whenever you can, in that case if all it took was a seat to help someone out, I would have done it.

When we decide to do as someone asks us we are not being a push over. We're being a push over when we don't want to move but move anyway. The difference is how we feel about the move. It's our decision or we feel put upon and do it anyway.

If one feels mean when they refuse to do it then they are mean. Again, it's how we feel about it. If we, for any reason other than the idea to not be mean, refuse to move then it's a neutral event.

I'm trying to say that we can either move or not move and it's neutral. Whether or not it's being a push over or being unreasonable and mean depends on how we feel about what we're doing. And the person who did the asking can feel either way, too, about the person they've asked or about themselves. How the other person feels is related only to the other person. How someone else feels about us is their business and their business only. What is important is how we feel about what we do.

Kindness is not a weakness as long as we don't think of it in ourselves as a weakness. Same with being mean. The act its self is neutral. Each of us has the ability to assign any feeling to the action that we want.

I suggest that what the other person feels about our choices is unimportant unless they are a part of our lives. Then it's important to work together on the issue so that we have a good relationship with each other.

When my older two learned to drive I told them there will be times when you have the right of way, give it to the person demanding it. It is better to not have an accident than to be right.

In other words being right is not always the right thing to do.

Your mother is right, she got there early so she got the seats she wanted and she doesn't have to move but moving one seat makes the other person happy.

It may seem like both stories have nothing to do with the other because movie seats will not cause damage but that is looking at the 'right'. Looking at the outcome, a minor inconvenience causes the greater good. Sure the other person receives all the benefit but to ignore that makes you selfish and I think most can agree that is a negative personality trait.

Hmmmmmmmm. If there are lots of other seats in the theater, and they're asking you to move because they like those seats best and you've been sitting there already for 20 minutes.....seeems pretty rude of them to ask you to move. Most people look first for empty seats, and then start breaking up or asking people to scoot. I may move anyway though if it's not going to impede my view, because I would want them to enjoy movie too...

If the theater is packed and it's the only place they can sit, then of course I'd move.

I've also voluntarily moved when I've seen people struggling to find seats.

Nice people would move. I'd rather have them sit beside me than plop down right in front of me in an almost empty theater....I HATE when that happens...

But as to your conversation: Kindness is not a weakness. In most caes, by doing nice for someone, you're being a bigger person not a smaller one.

It's interesting that you point out that they arrived late... because even if they arrived before the movie started, you & your mom might already be in your seats, & then there would have been even more other seats available.

Here's my take on it, for what it's worth:

At a movie theater, many people like to sit the same distance from the screen. What is too close for some is just right for others. My favorite spot is front row of the elevated section, center screen.

So maybe there were other seats, but they were further back/forward from this couple's ideal. But really, is it a weakness that you would move over for them? It sounds like you both sat in seats that only allowed 1 person to sit next to you... what was the purpose of that? Were you trying to bully other movie-goers by claiming space beyond your actual seats?

I'm not actually razzing on you, just posting philosophically... I think it's interesting that there are so many aspects of this situation. Certainly the view from you/your mom... but also from the other couple, & then from the other people in the theater.

I think that if the couple is not one you know, they did not intentionally run late just to make you move, & they asked kindly, the kind thing to do would be to move over for them. I personally do not see that as a sign that you are weak & a push-over. Instead, it's a living example of being part of a polite society.

Circumstances where I would not move over - they are selected seats @ the theater (some allow you to "pick" your seats assigned ahead of time), these are people you know to be mean & badger you to accommodate them all the time, the couple could have sat in two seats to the side of you but wanted to be closer to the middle & thus asked, the couple wanted an empty seat between them & you (for coats?), etc.

I think an overall great mindset is "do unto others as you would have done unto you", & many times the reason we "stick" & do no do so is because others have not done for us... so we take it out on the next available situation.

T.

In this case I would have gotten up and let them scoot in. I like to sit on the isle so I would not have moved over. I don't know what I would have done if they didn't like that idea.

I would have been getting up and down through the movie and it would not have been fun for them. I can't sit very long at a time and have to get up and move. So if they insisted I would have had to say no I suppose. Then explain to them in a loud voice that I needed to sit where I was sitting and that's why I got there early, so I could choose the seats that fit with my needs.

In your case it didn't really matter where you sat and I think you did the right thing by being nice. Moving over a seat wasn't a big deal and by being nice you avoided disrupting the whole theater with a loud dialogue.

ETA: Sorry - I missed your first line. Kindness is NOT a weakness. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

K.:

If there are other seats in the theater, most likely not. Lack of planning on your part does NOT constitute an emergency on MY part. They were late. There were other seats. NO. I am sorry - I won't move.

If the theater was full and the seats were separated? Yes. I will move.

Kindness is "the act or the state of being kind, being marked by good and charitable behavior, pleasant disposition, and concern for others" (according to that erudite and reliable resource, Wikipedia [irony alert there]).

If I move over to be charitable to the other people, I am being kind.

If I move over because I'm afraid to say no to the people or think they'll pass judgment on me for keeping my seat, am I being kind? No. I am being chicken. Chicken-ness is a weakness.

Kindness (or niceness, if you will) is a positive, strong virtue, not just the absence of self-centeredness.

If I purchased reserved-seat tickets and liked where I was sitting, I would have said, "I'm afraid not, but there are two seats down this row if you'd like to squeeze by."

Being a pushover does not make you "nice.". But if you decide to be "nice" and move over for the other people's sake, that doesn't necessarily make you a pushover. It's what's in your heart and your head.

i don't think kindness is a weakness at all, but i don't think that giving way is always necessarily 'kind.' if there ARE plenty of other seats i can see your mom's pov, but i'd probably roll my eyes and move if it was just one seat. if it meant having an obstructed view i'd probably say 'sorry, but i specifically got here early because this is the seat i prefer' and let them deal.
i got to my deliberately-chosen assigned airline seat one day and found a young mother who spoke little english, with a wrapped newborn, sitting in it. she pouted and eyelash fluttered, and i let her keep it, only to find myself squashed in a center seat between two very large individuals, with the stereotypical small boy behind me, kicking my seat non-stop throughout the flight. and the noisy, obnoxious people behind me were actually traveling with the young mama. in retrospect i sure wish i'd told her no, but i suppose it was the 'right' thing to do.
sometimes it's courteous and correct to accede, but there are times it's perfectly within the bounds of courtesy to say 'sorry, no'.
khairete
S.

Seems rude to not move. What's the big deal

Okay you don't own the theater and don't pay for a specific seat. Why not move over? I see this as being rude, not a kindness as weakness scenario.

I prefer to sit on the end so this usually doesn't happen to me, but if shifting down one sit allows for people to sit together I do it. I don't care if they came in late or early.

ETA: I see others posted about height and not being able to see, if that was the case I would just say so and not move.

It also becomes what you consider late vs.what someone else considers late. I like to see previews, but I know a lot of people who don't. Also if it was opening weekend to a big movie that may have spent a lot of time in the concessions line. I usually go get seats then one of us goes in line to get the food, only for big movies, opening night. Other times I get food first.

Honestly I've never cared when someone else came in. Like I said I like to sit on the end and often have to make room for people to come through and it never bothers me. I did have to get up several times this past wknd for a kid who must have a small bladder, but that's the nature of going to a public place.

I see it as part of the "do unto others principle". If you do unto others like the Bible says, then you smile and move over. If you do like "New Yorkers" do, you give them the finger and stay put.

Who is your guiding light?

Good luck to you and yours.

Honestly what I did on any given day would be determined by my mood.

You said it K-Bell!

I see you got a lot of good posts

To answer your ? - no kindness is not weakness, as long as it is real kindness. It is usually much harder to be kind.

If they are just rude and persnickety and want THISE seats, if you live or not, it doesn't make them any less rude or persnickety, does it?

If they're clueless to the other available seats, moving doesn't make them less clueless either.

When someone asks someone to do something, whether the askers comply or not, it might say more about the asker.

There's a different set of rules that apply in a public place than in a rica the space. O. ticket/ O. seat in a theater is all your money gets you.

So yeah, if asked, I'd move over. Or move to allow them to get past me to other available seats. You have to consider the possibility of accommodating other paid patrons when choosing seats.

This isn't a philosophical question, this is a question for miss manners.

There's a difference between kindness, weakness and politeness. You'd be both kind and polite to move over, in my opinion. And like others have said, no kindness is not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of being brought up in a good way.

I'm going to be thinking about this all day.

In college I had jury duty and was leaning towards the defendant when they settled and agreed to pay the plantiff. As we filed out the plantiff was crying and hugging everyone and so even though I. Did NOT want to hug her I did. I talked about it later w an older colleuge who told me. I Never have to do things I don't want to. I still struggle with that because refusing the hug or refusing to move seats in the theater could escalate to a situation worse than just agreeing. But...... can't wait to read other resonses.

edited: I guess if they had trouble seeing the open seats maybe i could forgive them, but over all i think they were entitled jerks and i bet if you moved for them, they would expect the same treatment from other people the next time. I'm still not completely sure since i'm generally a people pleaser but i do think they were out of line tomake the request.

Ya well, after your explanation, I am with your mom! And I am a Sunday school teacher!

There were other seats. I think it was rude of them to be late then barge into the quality seats like the people who planned enough to sit there.
Sorry, but if they really wanted to sit there, there were two seats. Just not together. So not only do they want to sit in the best seats, they want you two to accominadate their preferences. Fat chance. Life does not work like that.

. If there were no other seats, maybe, probably. . Your difinition of kindess is called in question. If they were hungry, I'd feed them. If they were naked, I'd clothe them. But I don't think it makes you unkind to not be a patsy for other people's convience. You didn't stop them from seeing the movie.

If they are just pushy, BACK of the LINE, baby!

If it's not a big imposition, then I would move. I mean, it's one seat, for crying ot loud!
There are any number of reasons they might have come in late - babysitter didn't arrive on time, heavy traffic, a flat tire.
I would assume that they arrived late due to circumstances beyond their control and move over. For all I know, one of them might be deploying the next day and this could be their last evening to spend together for a while.

If there werent any other seats or no other seats together i would have moved. if my mom were being a twirp i would have just climbed across her and made my seat avalible. If there were lots of other seats avalible in our section then i would become worried they were going to try to do something weird like steal something out of our purse or just up to no good. that is really weird if there were other seats. i would make me unconfortable and wonder what they were really up to. could be they just wanted those seats but its odd enough to say no for saftey reasons.

GIven all the other seats, I think it was rather rude of them. What would have annoyed me as your mom would not so much have been having to move (maybe it's not so easy for your mom to just hop up like it is for a young person...) but the idea that you had "scored" by having open seats next to you and now you'd lose that. I like having no one next to me other than my husband. Just nice to have that personal space. Of course if it's really crowded, that goes out the window, no problem. But in this case, sounds like there were lots of other seats. So I'd have been annoyed at them unncessarily crowding you. I'm sure they could see most of the open seats. And maybe you wanted to watch the previews or what was on screen and they unneccesarily disturbed you. So to me it's a double or triple imposition and this time I agree with your mom. Unfair when a selfish request becomes someone else's burden to either be a nice person or not. How about the person asking isn't so nice?.. Now - I realize it's not really a huge deal. LIkely they were rushed, trying not to make a scene and just sit down vs they're always rude, not nice people. So no easy answer really but I can definitely see your mom's point.

I don't think that they were taking advantage, actually. I think that they probably didn't think it would bother you to move only one seat over, and they knew that others behind them couldn't see while they were standing, and hoped that they could sit quickly.

Kindness CAN be a weakness. But it isn't ALWAYS a weakness. I'd so much rather be kind, especially to a person who is nice. If they are rude to me, I have a tendency to dig in and not be... If they were rude to you about it, then move? No...

With all of the other seating options... then NO. I would not have moved my seat. You got there early, and you got the seats that you wanted. I am with Mom on this one. If there were no other seats available, and you moving over ONE seat would have allowed them to sit together, then I would have been nice and would have just moved, BUT I would probably have offered in the first place. (If I had noticed them looking and if I knew there were no other seating options for them together) Nothing against you though. This is why people go to a movie early and wait...... to get good seats. :)

All this over a seat? Moving over ONE seat? I could understand if they ask you to move from the center and flush all the way to the right, or to the left, taking away your center view of the movie, but this was not the case. No wonder good Samaritans and other people of the sort are becoming a thing of the past. How sad.

No one knows the circumstances of these people, maybe they could not find parking, had an emergency come up last minute, maybe a diarrhea attack, rain, traffic, whatever. This would have been a no-brainer for me, I would have happily given up my seat without giving it a thought, and if I were with my child, I would hope someone would have the courtesy and goodwill to scoot over one measly seat so I could sit with my child. The same would apply if I had a partner I wanted to sit by, I mean, the point of going to a movie with someone is so you can sit together, although exceptions can be made if the other person is just a friend.

Put yourself in their situation. Would your mother have enjoyed someone telling her to sit all the way at the back since there were no 2 seats together and they were not willing to move? To me, not moving over one seat (unless the person who will be in front of you is so tall they cover your view), is just plain rude. Karma's watching, and if you want the world to change, you must initiate that change yourself. Performing random acts of kindness should never be considered a weakness. If anything, stubbornness and being unsympathetic would be considered a weakness.