Ped Suggests Its Time We Start Using "NO" Any Suggestions?

My 8 month old knows the word "No"... and when I tell her no she then shakes her head back and forth really fast and goes "no no no no no no no" and laughs and giggles at me. But - she does stop doing what she is not supposed to be in.

I would follow the peds advice.

Good luck!

my daughter used to think her name was no-no baby!
It's for thier own safety! We've all met kids that have never hear the word no. You don't want him to be that kid! And certainly not that adult!

Hi Lori-

I can't say I am a huge fan of 'NO'...

I have tried to always re phrase statements into positive guiding...it actually became kind of a game...to re phase and guide rather than shout "NO!!"

For example...

"Inside voice"
"Walk inside"
"Touch nicely/gently"
"Hands away"

You get the idea.

I found if I saved my 'no's' (and sharp voice) for HUGE things, my kiddos would stop and listen immediately...

They will hear and learn 'sharp stern no's' soon enough...now is the time to lovingly guide in my opinion...

Best Luck!
Michele/cat

I think it's excellent advice & wish that more parents/doctors followed this method.

When I was taking Early Childhood classes at our local college, one of the rules of thumb was: have no more than 3 "no's" in any room. That was a manageable/acceptable ratio for most toddlers.

With my kids & my daycare, I have always followed the principle of basing my choice of redirection vs. reprimand.....based on the danger of the moment. If the child could be injured, then it's a redirect. If the child has injured someone, then it's a reprimand. Then we have the cases where redirect has been implemented again/again, then I switch to reprimand.

With 25 years of kids under my belt, I have noticed the parenting trend of indulging....trying to figure out what's wrong & then alleviating the child's angst.....one of the worst ideas out there. In my world, "no" means "no"....& that's life. With my babysitting families, I have 1 family who's learned the hard way to be the parents.....& another family who are just now getting the picture. Both have addressed these changes due to an extreme frustration over children who simply don't listen to their parents. Kudos to your dr for trying to prevent this with your child!

No.

No.

See - it is just a word.

I think people *think* too much about it.

If every time your child does something he shouldn't and you say "no" and remove the child from the situation (or do whatever your normally would), the child gets it. Even if they hear it 20 times in one day, they still get that "no" goes with "touching that hot stove" and "mommy takes me away every time, dangit".

Try not to think so much about it or plan what you will do. Just try to muffle your curse words. KIDDING!!

it's okay to say NO to a 9 month old...

I didn't baby proof my house...I know (GASP!) but I knew I would be taking my kids places that weren't going to be "baby proofed" so I had to teach them to look with their eyes, touch with one finger or just not touch....

Yes, we put the slip locks on the cabinets...we TRIED the outlet covers and my kids are engineers and pulled them off....it was easier to teach NO NO than to freak out...every time we went to someone else's house.

If you don't want to use "NO" - you can tell your son -
"We don't TOUCH THAT"
"We don't PLAY WITH THAT"
"We don't use that"

Please don't touch that
please don't go that.

it's okay...

WHAT?! You don't say no?! How.... I'm flabbergasted! I can't go 7 minutes without saying 'no' 7 times ;)

I WOULD start saying no, because once your kiddo gets older and hits preK age, the teacher isn't going to know that you simply 'redirect'; they're going to say 'NO son, don't cut your friends hair'. You can keep doing exactly what you're doing, the redirecting, which is great, just add a 'no, we don't play by the window, let's play with our blocks'.

I can't believe you don't say no, not in a bad way, I'm impressed!!

I used NO in dangerous situations. Like at 9 months when she would reach for the electrical outlet. Even though they were baby proofed I still wanted her to learn you don't touch them. It was a strong loud NO. It was enough to shock her a bit and then I would redirect her atttention. Same thing if she was bothering the dog. Our dog never once reacted, but I didn't want her to think that touching a dog's face is always safe. When it came to pulling hair or hitting, I try to tell her we don't do that, or that it can hurt, etc. I agree NO needs to be used sparingly, but your pediatrician is right. He needs to be able to respond to NO for those situations you can't get there in time.

.

Even though I've got 2 kids, maybe I'm not educated enough to answer this question because I definitely was not aware that there is a 'right age to introduce no' to a child...? I mean, even when they were 6 months old swinging their tiny little arms around & pulling my hair I would as gently as possible remove my hair & say no. I certainly wouldn't yell at them, or even necessarily use a stern voice, but both of my kids knew the word no long before 9 months old because sometimes it's just the right word to use. I've noticed no ill-effects on either of my kids & they're 10 & going on 12 years old now.

Like I said though, I had never heard or thought of holding off on using the word no before so maybe we just have very different parenting styles.

No is very normal and necessary. Have you ever seen the Sesame Street song about No?! I love that song.

Honey, if your son is heading for the street you want him to respond to no or STOP.

I've had two girls so maybe I'm not an expert, but your Ped is and I agree with her. I don't believe in the "if you say no too much they won't listen anymore" I've always said no while stopping my child from doing something and it hasn't worn itself out yet and they are almost 6 and 4. (Also I don't have to say it too often, I can honestly say I have good listening kids most the time)

"No" is important and useful to express that you want a child to stop doing something, but it quickly becomes overused, and then kids tend to tune it out. Some toddlers love the emotional energy their parents invest in a vigorous "NO!" and will just giggle and run off as if it's a game.

Many parents find that "STOP!" is more useful when safety is an issue, and it's useful to play Stop and Go games with your kids at home so they know and enjoy responding to the command by freezing in place. ("Freeze" is an alternative word in some families.)

But at 9 months, it is appropriate to introduce yes and no to signal your affirmatives and negatives around all sorts of issues, including answering your child's many questions or helping him complete a project or learn a new skill. Sternness of voice and "The Look" are additional signals to a child that you mean business. But you must be very, very consistent with follow-through, and that means continue what you already do – remove him and redirect him. Just add a verbal component so he learns what those words mean.

I personally made a point of always being polite to my child. ALWAYS added please and thank you, talked in a calm voice, and verbally appreciated what my daughter did that was cooperative and agreeable. That, by itself, was often the only "discipline" she needed. Most children love to please when their efforts are noticed.

I know what you're worried about... but I actually agree with the pedi that using 'no' is a good idea. You're not always going to be right there with your child, or he'll be in someone else's care, and learning the conventional 'no' is a help. Also, he's fully capable of understanding that there are things he can touch and things he can't... redirecting is the first step, but now that he can understand, saying 'no' will cement the concept for him. This doesn't mean you have to yell at him, or say no all the time, but when redirecting or stopping him, 'no' is appropriate and a good developmental step.

Holy cow, with 3 under 5 that I take everywhere with me, I say 'no' 10,000 times on a grocery store trip alone! No does not mean "I hate you, you're a bad person". I think that theory is from the shrinks with their own baggage.

So with the assumption that you need to use the positive phrase rather than the negative for stuff...like instead of saying "No" when my 3 yo wants to dash down an aisle pushing the cart with my 2 year old in it, I would say, "Let's leave the cart right where it is instead" to spare him the "no". Fine. Multiply that by a million things per day, and I ain't got that kind of time. Plus its too wordy for toddlers who have tiny attention spans. My kids stop on a dime when they hear "no" and they are happy exuberant confident kids.

Sure, you don't want to say "no" to your older child's dreams and aspirations, but when your toddler is across a large restaurant and about to dump their piece of birthday cake on a friend's head, I say, yell "NOOOOOO!" and don't feel bad.

The catch is, for "no" to matter, it needs a consequence to go with it at first for it to become an effective warning, otherwise you're just pointlessly saying it all the time, but lots of people don't like disciplining at this age. I did though and it saved me a world of trouble later. But regardless, you should at least teach "no". It just means "stop that immediately" which comes in haaaandy.

We have friends who protected their daughter from "no" and never said "no" to her...and she acted accordingly-still does at age 8, no one can tell her no, that's for sure. She can't handle it. It's not pretty.

.

We only use NO for the dangerous things. The things we need them to stop that very second before someone gets hurt type things. It's usually NO! followed by STOP! We don't use NO for every little tiny thing. It looses it's meaning if you use it for every stupid thing and it becomes a game very fast to your child. I hate that so many kids' first word and most used word is NO. It took ages before my kids "used it against me" like the typical toddler.
I have 3 kids. It hasn't set them up for any problems. If my 2 year old daughter starts wandering too far off I just have to say "K, stop, too far, come back" in a normal voice and she stops and comes back. If it's something we don't want them into we tell them "Not for you". We always begin the statement with their name to get their attention followed by simple direction.
I don't think it's the greatest advice from your doctor honestly.
I wanted to add, we also have 1 finger touch. For those things that you don't want them to grab a handful of but a finger won't hurt. It allows them to safely satisfy their curiousity while keeping things safe and not broken. Long before kids we were at a friends Xmas party and there was a little girl and her mom did this. She daintly touched the ornaments on the tree with one finger a couple times and moved on. Allowing some yeses in the mix help lessen the nos

I LOVE the word No! No, you cannot have a tatoo. No, you cannot move in with your boyfriend. No, I will not buy you a new car for graduation. Actually, most of those were Hell NO!

Kids need to hear that word. They need to learn early on that they can't have everything. This is a fun stage that you are starting. They are discovering new things every minute of every day. Its exhausting! Enjoy your wonderful daredevil little boy!

it's time to say "no"... seriously not understanding what the hang up is about it, you're about to have a cruising toddler, they MUST be taught boundaries, for their safety if nothing else :)

My daughter is 9 months and when she gets into something she's not supposed to I tell her no and shake my head no at the same time and at first I would redirect her while saying no, but honestly lately all I have to do is say no and she crawls away. I did the same with my son when he was this age I see absolutely no reason why you shouldn't start now, they do understand after you do it for a while.

If you don't want to say 'No', then try grunting.

When he has the channel changer, as you take it away, grunt.
when he puts car keys in his mouth, stop him and grunt.

Same premise without saying no.

It's never too early, it's one of the most important words he needs to know!

I agree with your ped. Redirection is nice & gentle, but it really doesn't teach kids anything. Better to start now than have problems down the line.

no and stop are good words for your baby to know and understand. However, I urge you to use those words ONLY when needed. Most parents "No" and "Stop" their children to death and then the kids become "immune" to those words. So, maybe when you redirect him say 'No, no, no.. Dangerous.." and send him on his way.

The problem with negative statements and children under 5 is that they don't tend to process the NO or NOT part.. When you say "DON'T touch that" their little brains process "DO TOUCH THAT"... Bit of a problem, eh? It's funny the things we learn from neuro-psychology.

Oddly our culture is steeped in endless negative statements so much so that most people can deftly tell you what they don't like or want, but can tell you very little about what they actually do desire.

Anyhow, use the word judiciously- and with full disapproving inflection in your tone. Much like pups, they may not get the word- but the tone should sink in as a warning.

best wishes-

If you haven't needed it I don't see a reason to start saying it. Redirecting him is much more effective and the stern voice is just what accompanies the silly face grown ups make when they use that voice. Most of us say no all the time because it's a habit. Good for you for not having fallen into it.

We started telling our kids "no" from about that age. As for little ones, I tended to tell them "no" and then redirect. Eventually, they do get the idea.

The MOST IMPORTANT thing is that if you tell them "no" - FOLLOW THRU! If you say "No, you cannot have a soda and ice cream for breakfast" and then give it to them, it doesn't do any good. Tell them "no" and mean it. (We have several kids in my son's daycare whose parents tell them no, but then give in. They are the most unruly children on the planet!)

I grew up in Japan (but am no longer fluent). From the time my son was a few months old the following sound would come out of my mouth all the time

E-yeh-yeh!!

Sounds kind of like a buzzer. I always think of ieh (Eeeeee-yay!) as being "no!" (interjection/command) in Japanese. Come to find ieie (e-yeh-yeh), which was the 'buzzer' sound I was making from a few months old is another way to say no (probably the way I was told 'no' by my nanny.)

I don't remember how old he was. 3 months? 4? Very young.

I still use the word around toddlers and infants. Even if it's the first time I've met them, the sound of the word itself freezes them.

Infants won't STAY stopped for very long, but that freeze & wait is long enough to get to them. Older infants (9months/10months) can not only understand the word and stop, but will also stop and wait, or stop and do something else, or (for babies who sign) ask "Why?". They don't have the teeth and fine motor ability to SPEAK yet, but infants under a year can readily understand a LOT of what we are saying.

NO, regardless of the language = super useful & helpful

Your child knowing what "No" means can save you and your son from a lot of grief and maybe from danger.

If your son knows "No' means stop and you are doing something wrong. I can't tell you how many bad and/or dangerous things my kids were saved from because they knew what "No" meant.

Its similar to teaching your kid "hot". I let them find out "No Hot" meant on a birthday candle, light bulb or something similar. But not on something really hot like a campfire or the flames on my gas stove.

Good luck to you and yours.

Funny...I'm in your same boat. They asked us the same question at our 9 mo appt and I didn't have an answer because I've never said no to her. It's not that I don't believe in limit-setting or being stern-I definitely do- but I don't want to wear out the word, and also, how much "trouble" can a 9 month old get in anyway (mine doesn't walk or crawl though! :))? My plan is to use a stern"no" for very serious safety/behavior issues (i.e. hitting friends, biting, kicking, touching unsafe things, etc.). For everything else I'm trying to use other language, like "oop, not for babies," or "let's use gentle hands," or "that hurts mama," etc. I know parents who say no constantly, and it is like a broken record and thier kids don't listen anymore. I don't want that! Good luck....

I am going to join the others and say I don't get what the hang up about using no is.
You will need a word that makes him stop right away. At 2 what ever you use he will. I hope at some point you do want your child to be able to communicate no. Either no thanks i am full or no don't do that to me.
It can be useful

Ummm ... use it as you normally would. I also like to say, NO!! You can not do xyz but you CAN do abc.

our oldest, now almost 2 1/2 started hearing NO as soon as he was able to start doing things he shouldnt. our twins, 7 months old, have started hearing NO as soon as they started in, trying to get into cabinets/drawers etc. the sooner they understand the easier it will be. plus once they understand what no means and you tell them no about something a couple times then they learn what is and isnt okay.

I didn't use no that often. Only for a couple things such as "NO bite" (breastfeeding), or "No moving" (for diaper changes when LO was on a changing table) But it was really the stern tone of my voice that my kids were responding to before they were a year old.

I would suggest that you use "no" very sparingly though. My oldest didn't go through the stage where she said no to everything. My second one did although he was constantly hearing his great grandmother tell him (and me!) no all day long since at the time we had been living with family and I was helping to care for her (she was frail and a major "fall hazard" at 85+y). And then my youngest again didn't say no nearly as often as #2 did at the same age.

I'll ditto what another mom said and not to let the pedi dictate to you about your parenting habits. If what you are doing works for you, then nothing is broken. If nothing is broken, there's nothing to "fix". reminds me of my first LO's pedi who attempted to convince me that I would be producing water if i continued to breastfed her past a year old - that and a clingy, insecure, tempermental brat.... none of that happened, LOL!

It sounds like you are doing everything right so far by removing and re-directing him, but you do need to introduce the word no. The word itself isn't a bad word. It is when it is used inappropriately that it gets a bad reputation. You cannot be with him every single second. For instance, if you are on the opposite side of the kitchen and he is about to touch a hot stove or he chases a ball into the street and a car is coming. No is very appropriate at those moments, but if he never hears the word he may not know to stop. You are correct that it shouldn't be overused because then it will hold no value to him, but keep doing what you are doing with the redirection and add in no where appropriate. He will begin to learn its importance in time. Hope this helps!
A.

I think that there is a difference. My 7 children hear no, but I try and reserve that for things that would seriously hurt them. For everything else I try and use uh-ohs. For example: when the baby is playing in the cabinet and you don't want them to....uh-ohs and a redirection is great. When the baby is trying to walk down the stairs by himself a NO is warranted. I have liked this bit of advice that someone gave me because then when they do hear NO they know that they need to stop and look at me because they might be in danger.

You can also use the word "stop."

Yes, babies/kids can be VERY fast and scurry across a room in no time.
They can also disappear, in just seconds.
Touch something dangerous in just seconds.

Verbal 'cues'... is what "no" and "Stop" means. For safety.
At this stage and age.
Later when he is much older, the word "no" and "stop" will have different meanings.

I suggest that your pediatrician is telling your her way of parenting. It's not necessarily the "right" way to parent. it's just one of many ways. Some experts would say to never or rarely use the word no. They say to use another word, such as stop. I do agree that your child is old enough to learn that he cannot do certain things. I agree with the way you're doing it. To use redirection. He is learning that there are some things he cannot do as well as learning that he can then do other things. This is good strategy in my opinion.