Peaceful Mom and Army Curious 2 Year Old

Boys will be boys! I think the gun curiosity is in their DNA. I never wanted my boys to play with toy guns...the same as you. But they started making them out of legos and using pencils. My husband had no issue against toy guns. In fact he played with them and grew up fine. After alot of thought I gave in. My boys have little army men and they have toy guns. I have some rules they can not look like a real gun, we dont point them at each other and they are OUTSIDE toys only. They are no longer obsessed with guns. In fact they have completely moved on.

My boys grew up in the 60's. Our neighborhood had many boys. They played baseball,went swimming in the nearby river and yes played army and cowboy. Not one of those boys grew up wanting to carry guns. It is a boy thing just like dolls and playing house is a girl thing. Military isn't just about fighting but sometimes it is necessary. I grew up in the 40's and fighting was necessary then. Not any of us, especially us mothers, ever want war to be a part of our life. I truly do not believe playing with toy guns leads to wanting to use guns as an adult or wanting to go to a real war. In fact, ironically, one of my daughters-in-law felt like you and would never let my grandson have a GI Joe or play with guns and he is the only grandchild that went into the military. Granted he joined for other reasons than wanting to carry a gun,I'm just saying that playing with guns did not cause my other grandchildren to enlist or want to go to war.

I strongly agree with Ranay L,Jackie T and Momma B. I have had family in the military and presently my nephew is returning to Iraq for his 7th tour of duty. I am very proud of him and all who serve our great country. I too do not believe in war and wish for peace but this is the real world.

I have two sons 14 and 20. With both I never wanted guns as toys but my oldest, as the others said, made guns out of toys. My youngest showed interested in toys guns but not to the same degree as my oldest. Today my youngest has no interest in guns and is into his studies and computers. My oldest is hardworking and honest. He has never been in trouble. He is in college and has many interests, including hunting. I do not like hunting nor does my husband. My husband and I are the furthest thing from gun owners or hunters and here my oldest grew up with this interest on his own. He knows our strong dislike for guns and hunting but we respect his hobbies as an adult now.
What I have learned in raising my two opposite sons is, sometimes no matter what we do as parents our kids are going to be wired for certain personalities. You can only try your best.
God Bless Our Troops!

I really have to agree with Momma B. I strongly encourage fules of gun safety. I do warn that if you don't let him play with toy guns at all that you can't teach him to be safe if he ever came across a real gun. If he isn't playing with toy guns, how do you teach him the don't aim it at people, etc.. that one of the other mom's discussed. I am glad you are willing to put your own feeling aside to allow your son to figure out who he is. Please do some inner soul searching on your beliefs as well. I am hoping what you wrote just came across wrong, and not that you truly disrepect our sons and daughters risking (and giving) their lives to protect your safety and allow you and your son to live your lives the way you want. It turns my stomach to think you may instill that in a future member of our society.

We have given our son books on airplanes and military machinary (he loves machines so you don't have to limit to military) I too am not a big fan of guns as toys but boys ARE boys. Seems to me, no matter what the experts say, boys are boys and girls are girls from the get go. Good luck!

I read many responses and was filled with pride that so many Mothers wrote positively. We raised 3 sons who are instinctly protective. Now I can see that also was shown in the way they played as children. Girls play house, play Mommy, play teacher, run things, use words more easily; boys are more physical, drive things, take apart and put back together, debate and fight battles, win over the bad guys. If you neuter the male instinct to be a protector, you will raise someone who doesnot know how to adapt and channel that natural trait, rather risk raising a coward who needs someone else to handle the tough situations. I thank God for my strong loving sons. Talk about get it done - they each will, in different ways, but they won't stand off to the side afraid to do something. So encourage and help channel your sons and daughters natural instincts.

I learned a lot by reading a book by James Dobson. It was titled On Raising Boys or something like that. It has a strong Christian bent; if you're not into that, it's still worth trying to get through. It explained to me why almost every toy became a weapon in the hands of my boys!

R.,
My son is 3 years old and for the past few months has had an increasing interest in guns as well. While we don't own a gun in the house, neighbors of ours do and I'm sure that's where my son has heard about such things. When he eats a cracker or cookie, sometimes he purposely tries to make it into the shape of a gun. Sticks outside that resemble guns, he likes to keep around and play with. While I would never let him handle a gun while he's under my roof, I can't very well deny they exist in the world and don't want him to be ignorant of them.
How I've handled the situation is to just pretty much try to keep it on the low down. Basically just not put too much attention on the subject. Im' figuring this is a phase and he is just learning about this (destructive) tool. Eventually, he'll move on to learn about another tool and not care about guns so much/anymore. I feel like the more attention I give to this, the more likely he'll seem to think it's a big deal and want to spend more time/attention on it.

Hope this helps,
Jen

I know you've already responded,but I hope you don't mind me adding a note.

When I was 25 and a first time mom, I was hoping to keep toy guns out of my house, after all guns are dangerous. When my oldest boy was about the age of your boy he picked up a spoon at the breakfast table and created his first gun. Now I have 4 boys and yes,an arsenal of toy guns, from wooden to water, toy swords and shields, even light sabers. Instead of banning them, we have learned about being protectors and knights that would defend their family's honor. We talk about how never to engage an unarmed person and never to point a weapon at self or another person...we do target practice mainly, at nonliving targets ( although marshmallow shooters are fun if everyone is joining in.) We are constantly learning good ways to handle difficult situations through negotiation/words/kindness and peaceful conflict resolution...

toy guns are just something to play with, and pretend bravery with, not to perpetuate evil with (that's for bad guys and my guys don't like bad guys)

My six year old likes little army guys and makes up strategic battles with sound effects.

You have to know they are the gentlest boys around, and other boys like to play with them. They know that if someone is not having fun then the game is over...usually everyone involved is rolling on the ground laughing silly when they finish. To be honest they didn't do a lot of this this summer, the war games with pretend swords peaked at about the age seven.

My oldest does desire to serve in the military one day (he's eight) and I praise him for his desire to do something noble, to protect his country. I pray that our country will never need his bravery...my mother hen instinct desires nothing more than to keep him safe...but it also means that I can't deny him part of his innate masculinity. Being a hero is part of this. As a woman (and civilizing force on society :) I can encourage him to learn the correct way of handling these issues through play. Oh, I almost forgot to add...my boys are musical too...they played the violin for a couple of years and are now doing piano lessons...they prefer sports...but do the music for mom :)

Good luck as you decide how you want to handle this...What does Dad think?

I thought I could keep my sons from playing with guns, they were not exposed to them, but they would eat a sandwich into the shape of a gun, use a stick, it was amazing what they could make a gun out of. I agree with other mom's, teach gun safety, appropriate behavior, it does seem to be in them.

My 4 year old son has yet to pretend play with guns. Like you, we do not have them in our house. Well, he has used the occassional water gun but we call them water squirters. We don't use the word gun either. Now, I am realistic here. It's going to happen and I believe it will happen very soon. At that point, I will teach him about guns and how dangerous they are. He'll be a little older and hopefully understand our concerns. We don't do swords either but I'm starting to lighten up on that now that he's a little older. I'll never forget the day he went to another boys house and discovered a sword. He knew exactly what to do with it!!!!!! Boys will be boys, I guess. I just don't want to shelter him so much that he becomes obsessed with them as he gets older.

I was shocked after having two little girls, when my son began using a plastic banana as a gun. He did not learn it from television, playgroup or from his sisters. I tried very hard not to gender stereotype his toys, but he simply migrated towards trains, trucks and cars. I really believe that there is something genetically different about boys (based on testosterone). I would let him play. He is really too young to grasp complex concepts like war and peace. I would share your views with him in really simple terms that he can understand if you want to plant the seed for later. IE guns hurt people and we don't want to hurt people. Just as a heads-up for later when he is a rebellious teen, don't push too hard against any one thing or he may just go directly for it. Good luck.

We grew up in a house with gun respect. Never allowed to point a gun at a person even if it was just our fingers made into a gun. I know it sounds extream but there must be a seriousness when it comes to guns. Always teach gun saftey. Dad hunted and we all had bb guns, water guns, and ruberband guns. We all played cowboys and indians. I am a huge fan of gun saftey. Its never too eairly to teach a child about this. Also as he gets older teach him other things like no drugs, no smoking, instill your values in him. Always be thankful to the troops...even if you dont agree with war and what ever cause the war is over. The troops are risking there lives to keep us safe and that deserves respect. Boys like boy things, monster trucks, monsters, bugs, reptiles, all things that would make my skin crawl but they enjoy it. Guns are a bit different but sometimes were just being ladies. What does your husband think on this matter?

My son is doing the same. I was worried about it until I watched this PBS special DVD called Raising Cain. I think every mother should watch this to give her a perspective on what it is to be a boy in our society. You can find this video at the Family Connections library and check it out for free. Hope this helps!

I remember my brother and parents going through this. For a while they did try to suppress him, and didn't buy him toy guns, and wouldn't allow him to play with our friends ones. But boys will be boys, and if he couldn't have a toy gun, by golly he would use a stick - his imagination worked just as well, if not better! My parents decided to allow him to play with guns, as long as he wasn't pointing it at people. He was allowed to shoot trees or trains or toys, but not people. That worked really well, so maybe that would work for you? GL!

I don't know if there are any books at there, but I'm assuming you've done a computer search.

You could always call an elementary school librarian. They have a lot of tools at their disposal to find such things.

If anything, you can always "make" your own book with cutouts or stick drawings.

You might want to monitor what he has access to (TV, video games, certain kids, etc.) that deals with these types of things.
Good luck and continue to pray about it.

i think it is fantastic that you have the ability to put your own opinions aside and reach out to find resources for helping your kiddo explore this curiosity! I do understand that you also want to instill your own values into your children, as we all do. first, i would say that this is just another phase in his growing and being curious. put a positive spin on it! i did not understand you to say "i am anti-military" but to say "i am anti-needless war". war have and will go on as long as time! possibly teach him about the military in all of it's glory! soldiers do waaay more than fight. they are doctors, nurses, MP, teachers, chaplains etc...possibly find a neighbor/soldier and have him see that person. show him that they are people like you and me and they are daddies and mommies too!
i guess i would say stick to the basics! and as he gets older, see where his curiosity takes him! i am DEATHLY afraid of the ocean, and have found myself swimming in it so not to let my kids "inherit" my fear! and i have found the more i jump in, the less afraid i am! but, girlfriend, it was HARD!!!! in exploring this with him you are doing the right thing! you go mom!

It' a natural thing for little boys to be interested in guns and war things, just as it is natural for little girls to be interested in dolls. By the way, how would you feel if all he wanted to play with was dolls????? When he's a little older he'll probably be interested in Star Wars and outter space and all those space ships that shoot at each other. Relax, it's normal.
And as for your "peacefulness", isn't it wonderful that we have persons who are willing to take up a weapon to insure that you can raise your child in a peaceful enviornment.
I'm a great-grandmother who has been thru all the guns, swords,warships and battles, and all those little boys grew up to be norman, productive citizens.

Hi R.,

I have a 12 year old son. I had a daughter (only child) until she was nine and then when I was 38 had a boy. PLEASE read Raising Cain by Michael Thompson, PhD. It is a wonderful book. They also did a special on it on PBS. I taped it, but you can get it on DVD.
I hear what you're saying. I HATE guns and don't understand the military, being a peaceful person I would rather focus my efforts on education, etc. I am a social worker who works with lots of boys. This book and documentary focuses on boys, their emotionality, how we, as women don't understand them and how the education system doesn't understand them. It is very enlightening.
Good Luck!

D.

Hi R.
Kids used to play cowboys and indians because that is what they saw on TV and perhaps saw their father's reading about.
During the terrorist bush war in Rhodesia, my sons played "terrs" and had wooden FN rifles.
When we moved to South Africa, the other boys thought them a little odd - but they had been exposed to that life on a daily basis with fathers doing service 6 weeks in and 6 weeks out.
I think that kids quickly pick up situations around them through the media and what we chat about and with the ongoing wars all around the war and especially Afghanistan and Iraq, it would seem only natural that your little one will want to act things out with his toys.
Perhaps it's cathartic, I don't know. As long as he has other interests and is not obsessed with his army toys.
My sons grew into adults who are okay.
Hope this is some consolation.