Paying Grandma to Sit

I prefer to pay someone that can be fired. Can't fire G.. Also, I can write off childcare expenses if the person is licensed. In my case, my mom did not ask for anything but we got her many nice gifts and at the end gave her a large American Express gift card.

honestly i would NEVER ASK MY KIDS TO PAY ME to watch my grandkids (that will be a LONG LONG time from now as my daughter is 3) and honestly i wouldnt feel right about being paid to watch my grandkids. thats just me.

My sister has watched each of her grandchildren as the time came up. She only charged a portion of what it would cost for child care. She is special and loves her grand kids but mom could put the kids in a child care center or child care home for less.

I think the choice must be equitable for both parties.

You are really setting yourself up with some kind of dream, huh? :) Son's not even married, and you've already applied to be their paid nanny?

Not trying to be harsh...but my parents and in-laws babysit for free. Now, granted, it's rare because I am a stay-at-home mom...it's usually because they WANT to babysit...but I just can't imagine my mother charging me to watch my children.

You may be setting yourself up for a huge disappointment if you keep thinking this way. What if he doesn't get married? Or she can't have children? Or it takes them ten years to conceive? Or they don't want you to be the nanny? This is a situation you have NO control over!! :) I honestly hope you don't retire early and hang your hopes on this.

However, I wish you the best and hope you have lots of grandbabies to love.

Honestly, this sounds a little *weird* to me. You are kind of counting on this when your son isn't even married yet, let alone has kids. And depending on who he marries, SHE may want to stay home with their kids. So I think you should maybe figure out something else to help with extra income before you retire. Good luck.

I am afraid that if I fell in love with your son, you would scare me away. I don't want to upset you, but you are being really presumptuous here. What if he never gets married? What if his future wife wants to be a SAHM. What if she doesn't like you and decides you only get to see the kids once a month?

I actually feel sorry for your son. I think this is expecting a lot of him (and his future) family.

if you want to be around babies, maybe you should just retire early and become a nanny.

no matter what your agreed-upon plans are....."life" happens. You have no way to predict the outcome of your son's life. & this plan of yours is striking me a little weird. :)

Please do not put your family in a position where they are responsible for your livelihood &/or income.

Find an income source for yourself & be a grand! grandparent! ....who occasionally babysits for her son's family.

If my mom or MIL was watching my child 5 days a week all day, I would insist on paying her something!! That is a full time job, and I would never allow her to do that for free. BUT, I would NOT have a family member watch my child full time. Babysitting here or there, sure. NOT being a caregiver. You can't let go family, if they aren't working out. Not easily, anyway. There are no state procedures they have to follow. You can't cut ties with G., if baby gets hurt at their place. If I worked and needed someone to watch my child, it would never ever be family. If I DID choose family...I love my MIL dearly...but it would be MY mom.

With that said, you are basing your future, on someone else's future. What if you don't get grandchildren for a long time? What if, the mother is a stay at home mom? What if, they'd rather use a daycare, or someone else? What if, they use HER parents? What if, what if, what if.

You are setting yourself up for quite the letdown, I'm afraid. You are planning out your future life as a stay at home grandmother, before there is even a wife in the picture. YOU can't decide this NOW, or ever. THEY have to want you to want their child/children...if there are any. Finally, your children and grandchildren should NOT be your retirement plan. That is a BAD idea.

I think you're basing some huge decisions on a hypothetical.

Hee hee hee. You're kind of putting the cart before the horse. What if the new wife wants to be a SAHM? What if they don't want to have kids? What if they want to put baby in a fancy schmancy montessori school? It's really not a good idea to have such expectations before your kid even finds a wife.

Honestly, I don't know of any situation where the parents paid the grandparents and it wasn't an awkward situation. If you're getting paid, expect to be treated like an employee and comply with everything the mom (parents) want for the kid. Your G. privileges go out the window. Expect there to be uncomfortable transitions between G. time and caregiver time. When are you "on the clock" when are you not?

Not a good idea to mix family and $$ especially in this type of a scenario.

If you are a certified teacher, why don't you run a small in home daycare for now?

Wow you are really looking ahead. No, I would not agree to this arrangement. What happens if the wife goes back to work and then after a couple of months misses the baby and decides SHE wants to stay home with her child? What then?

It is not your son's responsibility to ensure that you can retire early. Sorry. Dreams are wonderful but I think you are really setting yourself up for disappointment.

Definitely putting the cart before the horse. It's ok to dream about what the future may hold, but remember it's a dream! What if your future daughter-in-law wants to be a SAHM? Don't get too attached to the dream, and definitely don't mention it until your son is actually married AND his wife is pregnant AND they express interest in discussing potential childcare options. Who knows what their situation will be once they get to that point? There are just too many ifs involved to think beyond "It would be nice if I could babysit my grandchild one day." Talking early retirement and what you would charge to watch the baby is taking it waaaay too far!

Well, this is not really up to you!

As for whether or not I would be comfortable with something like this... no. I'm not a supporter of mixing family and finances for any reason. Relying on your son for your income puts him (and his non-existent wife) in a really bad situation. What if they aren't happy with your services? Seriously. Can you imagine your son having to fire you, thus being the person responsible for removing your financial security? That's an awful lot to ask of your child. He would then be financially responsible for his family and for you... not fair. I would never agree to this.

It sounds like a great arrangement to you (win-win), but what happens if she wants to be a SAHM or your son wants to be a SAHD? Then what do you do? What if their income/work arrangements change and they need "odd hours" or weekends...

If you are a certified teacher who wants to retire early and supplement your income... take a part time job in a preschool as an aide. My son's preschool classroom aide is a retired Kindergarten teacher... she loves it! She gets to use her skills, make extra money and leave right after lunch with very little of the responsibility!

I have never in my life heard of charging your children to watch your grandkids. My dad doesn't watch my kids regularly but if he asked me for money I would be all over his finances because I would assume he was losing the house or something. I guess I am saying that would freak me out to no end.

My ex even asks my dad to watch the kids sometimes and he doesn't even charge him, he likes seeing his grandkids that is how grandparents are supposed to be. Charging just makes it sound like they are a burden or knowing my dad that he is broke.

Really you need to talk this over with your son, not us.

I am almost 44 and my oldest is almost 24, the next one 22 is talking about getting married. Even working full time if I took a day off to watch a grandchild I would never dream of charging.

I don't know they whole idea seems off.

Why don't you watch kids and just take your grandkids in when they are born. Seems like more of a guaranteed income anyway.

Wow. You are way ahead of yourself. If I started dating someone whose mom already had this planned out, I would RUN AS FAST AS I COULD in the other direction - no matter how great the guy was. A woman wants to feel like she has a little say-so in the direction of the family. No one wants to compete with their MIL.

That said, to answer your question:

Nope. I'd never pay my parents to be my nanny. Of course, I wouldn't ask them to babysit without offering pay, but they wouldn't want that. In fact, most of the time, they are calling to ask ME if they can babysit. But I wouldn't hire my mom to be my baby's nanny - not in a million years.

Why?

1) Because I can't fire my mom. But I could fire someone else if I didn't feel the "fit" was right, if they did something with my child that I wasn't to my liking, or if their parenting/childcare philosophies turned out to be different than mine.

2) NEVER mix money and family. The minute you do, you are asking for trouble. What happens if they can no longer afford you and have to stop? Then you're left in the lurch and you resent them for the fallout.

All in all, I think you should leave well enough alone for now. When your son does get serious about someone, let them approach you with this kind of scenario - if that's what THEY want. Otherwise, leave it alone and just see what happens when the time comes.

Okay, he's not even married yet and you've got these big plans. Take a step back...don't rush things.

Honestly, if my mom or MIL were so eager to watch my kids, but then demanded payment, I'd put them with a sitter. I think full-time care warrants payment, but if they can't claim taxes on you, you're asking a lot of them, and what MAY be.

What if his wife desires to be a SAHM? The baby will be theirs, not yours. Just don't get your hopes up too high.

Do they even want kids? Are they engaged? Trying to get pregnant? It sounds like you're putting a lot of eggs into a very shaky basket. Sure, $150 per week childcare that I trusted would be good, but I'm afraid using G. could also cause a bunch of problems. Plus, as much fun as G. can be, I know my sons have both gotten a lot more out of their preschools than they would with a grandparent full-time (and my MIL and mother are/were both very active and into the kids). It's just different though.

IF (and there are a lot of "ifs" here) -they get married and want to have kids soon, and IF they are able to and do -then you could offer. What will you do if they have twins or two babies very close together? I would not make this my "retire early" plan.

is your son engaged? have you mentioned this to him/them? idk, honestly, if you were that forward, it would almost kinda creep me out if i was the son's gf/fiancee and we hadn't brought this up to you already... how do you know that she wants kids? that she plans to return to work? that they wouldn't want/prefer an environment with other children and an academic cirriculum? that they want to mix business/family relationships?

but no, this is not something i, personally, would agree to. mixing money and family, especially when there's childcare involved, and too many "hens in the henhouse" in regards to ideas on child rearing, almost never ends well.

again, if they don't bring this up to you - DON'T bring it up to them - it will come across as VERY overbearing and controlling and may cause some poor girl to run the other way!

it's clear that you are coming from a very kind place with this, it's just not something that YOU should bring up in my opinion :)

Honestly, No I would never pay my MIL to watch my son. I think it is kind of presumptuous of you to be making these plans based on something that hasn't even happened, or in the works even. Does your son even have a serious girlfriend? This could be wayyyy in the future for all you know. Make plans based on what YOU can control, and not based on what you would like or hope your son MIGHT agree to years from now.

You control your future, dont rely on something that hasn't even presented itself yet.

Could your son afford to pay that amount? If not, I suggest this could cause hard feelings. So much depends on your son's personality. You should be asking him this question.

I babysat and still do for free. I do not want to be paid. My daughter's mil sits for their baby and they pay her what they can because she doesn't have much of an income. She didn't ask to be paid.

If he's not engaged or planning to be married and talking about kids, I suggest that you're being presumptuous planning your retirement around his life. I would resent it if I were him.

I would never agree to that. Now, I have talked to my mother about becoming a certified respite care provider for my special needs son, but the pay would really just be enough to cover the cost of gas for her coming to my home to watch him so I could go to a doctor's appointment or something like that. If a family member offers money for your time or expenses, that is one thing.... but I would not feel comfortable, especially if my husband's mother wanted to charge us for watching our kids. I don't think it's a good idea for a retirement plan.

Rhonda, I just read a question that you answered by saying that you had all your plans made for your future grandchildren and that you were going to "get" them one weekend a month from Friday after school to Sunday.
I mean no disrespect, but if you want to be involved in your grandkids lives, you need to scrap all of your plans and go with the flow. All of these things that you are planning are not up to you, they are up to the parents.

Make a new plan! :) Plan to love on your grandbabies and be there to help in any way that your son and future DIL need. Don't try to control them or you may find yourself in a very lonely position.

My parents and my inlaws watch our kids for free. We have tried paying them countless times, but they consider it their joy. We buy gifts to show our appreciation, but they never expect anything.
If I needed long term daycare, my husband and I would consider both sets of parents and definitely pay them, but that would be OUR choice to ask them and their choice to accept or not.
Please be considerate!

Hi Rhonda, I, too, think you're jumping the gun a little bit. There's a lot of 'ifs'.

However, perhaps babysitting in GENERAL might work out for you when you retire. Lots of young working moms looking for a reliable, affordable woman with experience, you know?

:)

I pay both my mother and MIL to sit with my daughter. They have been with her since I returned to work and she's now 18 mos. I would never expect either of them to do it for free.

So many variables here that this isn't even a plan.
You need to get a life for yourself. Not try to take over some future imagined DIL and grandkids.
Sorry. I'd be scared if I were a future DIL.

Get a plan for your life that you have control over. Your son has his own life and should not be expected to provide you with a part time job. You can, however, be a nanny or do in home day care for another child. I promise, you will love and take good care of a baby other than a grandchild. So basically, same plan, just leaving the "waiting for grandchild" out of it.

I would not have either my mom or my MIL watch my son on a regular basis. Way too difficult to deal with differences in our approaches to nutrition, discipline, etc in a way that avoids damaging our relationships. For families where this works - I do feel the parent should be paying for the childcare. After all if a grand parent were not available - they would have to pay someone else to watch the child.

Awe you sound so sweet waiting for grand babies. Please don't set yourself up this way, it sounds like a catastrophe waiting to happen. Have you not read the dreadful posts on this board about MIL problems?

Can you get a puppy to help with your maternal feelings?

With all due respect, I do think it is a lot to expect.

Personally, I love my MIL but I would not like that she had a plan like yours. I would think it is intrusive and what else does she expect.

I would think the same thing if it was my mom.

Ok... you already know you're way ahead of yourself. And you probably know that your future DIL (if your son even gets married... not everyone does) may not want her MIL watching their children. So... a lot of this is just a dream now.

But... if your son does get married... and you do get along with your DIL... and they do have kids... and DIL wants to go back to work... and you still want to watch the child/ren, it never hurts to offer your services. I don't think it's unreasonable for parents to pay grandparents to watch their kids. I would certainly pay my mom if she lived near by. She was a teacher too and is awesome with my kids. $150 a week is a decent salary. It's not as much as they'd pay to send the child to a daycare center. But it's not free, so it might still be more than they can afford.

Good luck with your family's future plans!

I don't think I could ask my child to pay me to babysit unless my child had asked me to quit work to babysit. If I had just decided that this is what I wanted to do, I would not ask for payment. I understand that you're giving up a paying job to babysit and if that is what mom and dad really want, then great. But don't assume that they will want you to babysit and be happy to pay you.

Also, keep in mind that when they are having financial problems, you will be the first person/bill that they let slide - after all, you're G. so whether they pay you or not you will continue to take the baby. Make sure that you have money in reserves in case this happens.

Also, please be sure that you discuss with them that they need to provide all of the supplies for the baby - diapers, butt cream, formula, etc. If you're only making $150 per week and trying to replace your employment income, you probably cannot afford to provide all of the daily supplies for the baby.

I agree with those who say you are jumping the gun...but if you fast forward and have a grandchild...if you asked me about this plan, I would really only agree to 2 years of this, after that I would want my child in a daycare/nursery school environment. So I don't know that this would carry you until you were 62.
I disagree with those that say you should not be paid...If they agree to have you watch the child full time, there is nothing wrong with it. I would agree that babysitting here and there should be free.

I think it's up to them to ask you first. Maybe your DIL wants to stay home?! But I think it's totally reasonable to ask to be compensated if they approach you to help out with daycare. Why not?

Make sure your son and future DIL want you to be the caretaker first then let them offer you money they are comfortable with. They could be prepared for Gma to be the daycare for free or what if she decides to be SAHM? Really make sure though first that this is what "They" want, regardless of how you think it should go. My DH and I were thrown for a loop when his Mom mentioned her intentions of us moving in with her, she quitting her job and taking care of our little one if something was to happen to her husband. Both our jaws hit the ground because this was "Her plan" not ours. Thankfully, my FIL is doing well!

my advice, make sure you are all on the same page with you providing the service and payment options. And for now, just wait. Your son could be later in life before he marries and maybe won't have kids at all.

You're putting the cart way before the horse. I wouldn't definitely NOT retire early just for the sake of planning to babysit your son's future child/ren. Whatever he and his future partner decide to do for childcare should be entirely their decision. There are just too many variables that would affect whether or not they'd even think to ask you, let alone whether or not you should be paid for babysitting. He and his future spouse may end up choosing to work a schedule where one of them is always home with their child. They may decide to choose his spouse's parents. They could choose a friend or neighbor that they trust.

My MIL "informed" us she would babysit for us too. It didn't go over well with me at all. It had to be a decision that my husband and I came to ourselves and we had to work out where it was the best situation for US to handle.

I think $150 is fair and reasonable for full time babysitting by G.. Most daycares around my area charge anywhere from $150-$200 per week for one child. I know a few women who left their teaching jobs to become full time nannies, so I'm thinking they are paid a good chunk of change to be a nanny if they left a teaching job. If it were me, I would rather pay my MIL or mom $150 as opposed to paying a stranger to sit my kids.

My mother actually didn't care to be paid, I insisted because I would have had to pay someone else. The real problem came when my Dad found out I was paying her, he said that she should do it for free since it was her grandchild. So I just paid her on the sly after that ; ) It all became a moot point when my daughter turned three, there was a daycare on campus and it was easier for me to take her there.

I have no problems about paying G. to sit, and $150 a week sounds fine to me, just keep in mind that when your son marries and they have a child or children they may have different child care plans : )

If you are able to work (physically, mentally, etc.), then I do not agree with your idea to retire early AND charge your son to babysit. If you cannot work (for health reasons), then I can understand you charging your son to babysit; however, your weekly rate is what a non-related babysitter would charge for a child SO if I were you, I would give my son a discount (perhaps reduce it to $125/week) so that it's a win/win for all involved.
We had my husband's mom come and stay with us for a summer and we paid her to watch our son while we were at work and we paid her to do this. She didn't seem to need the money as she was buying frivolous things with it (flat screen t.v., DVD player, etc.) but we were okay with it because she wasn't getting paid as much as a non-related childcare provider would plus we would prefer our son be babysat by a relative than a stranger.
Regardless of what we think, you should approach your son and his wife with your idea and give them the opportunity to consider it before deciding to retire early. Their response will most likely dictate if/when you retire (I would imagine).
Hope everyone gets what they want! :)

My mom watched my son for the 1st year. We paid her $100 a week. I have a pre-tax Childcare Flexible Spending Account (FSA). In order for me to get the pre-tax break, I have to claim in on my taxes. So we claimed it on our taxes, she claimed it as income. She was in her early 50's.

While he was young and non-mobile, things were fine. As he became mobile, things changed.
- She became more tired following him around (not the best health),
- as he went through the seperation anxiety she got hurt feelings. he would cry when we were there and i just left the room because he thought i was leaving.
- if she had a dr. appt. I had to leave work.
- if she went out of town, I had to take vacation leave.

Hubby and I were feeling that we needed to change, but didn't know how to bring it up. Finally one day she mentioned that she was sad that my son didn't want to visit with her. So I used that to open the topic. Turns out she was feeling overwhelmed but didn't want to hurt MY feelings. Hubby and I started looking at other daycares. Found an amazing one, and G. became the backup provider for when he couldn't attend the public one because he was sick or the weather. It worked out well.

Just some thoughts.

They may go for it. My sister was a SAHM to her son when I had my daughter. I paid her the same $$ I would have paid a daycare to keep my infant. When my daughter reached 18 months I then put her in a daycare as I wanted her to have that type social interaction.

Oh Rhonda, like everyone said...you are way ahead of yourself!!

It doesn't even sound like your son is close to being married and you are setting a fee for his daycare.

I'm not against the paying part. I paid my dad's second wife who was much younger than him and left her teaching position to marry him. I paid much more than that 14-18 years ago but that's just me. I made much more than my dad and this was her job.

Yep, you can absolutely stop using a parent's (step-parent's) services...I did eventually even before she started school.

That is a lot to ask for. If you were gonna charge that they are better off putting their child in daycare. This is why I am glad my MIL would do it for free and she doesn't have a penny to her name. She is currently trying to get a divorce and has taken a job to save some money on her own but I know for a fact she'd never ask for a dime from her son or me.