Parties Without Presents

If you show up with a gift, the people who did respect their wishes will feel awkward. If you are the only one who gets a gift, you will feel awkward. Don't get a gift, they wouldn't bother to put it on there, if they didn't mean it.

Really? You have to ask on here about a birthday invitation that clearly states 'no gifts' and you want to know if you should bring one..... 0_0

We have done several no gift parties and I really mean it when I say no gifts :-) We have a very large family and we are required to invite the whole classroom to parties which means my kids could in theory get 40+ gifts and that's just insane for a birthday.

We usually choose a charity instead of gifts, one year we collected stuff for the animal shelter and then spent a day there playing with the dogs.

I agree it feels awkward, but when the parents request no gifts they really wouldn't expect a gift. Maybe your child could make a special card for the birthday child.

I think no gifts birthday parties are a great idea. I would just go with the wishes of the parents.

But Bug what if everyone brings a gift anyway and she ends up being the only one without a gift? :p

We got married last year, almost a year, yikes!! We made it very clear, no gifts! Everyone brought gifts. I assure you I didn't kick them out. They knew my wishes, they made their choice, all good.

Bring a card made by your child. A donation is a nice idea but frankly -- that's a gift too. If others turn up with gifts, the birthday child will not notice one less gift from your child, and the parents will be peeved with others (but glad that one parent at least remembered, no gifts).

My daughter asked kids to bring canned food etc. for a local food shelter at her last party, in place of gifts. I've heard of kids asking also for items for local pet shelters in lieu of gifts. I'm all for it. Kids don't need more stuff, but do need to learn to think of others in need.

You may feel awkward but you will encounter more of this as your child gets older. The trend seems to be growing and that's fine with me!

I definitely think a homemade card would be nice.

If you don't want to go empty handed (I would feel the same way) maybe you could bring a snack or treat of some kind?

I do love your idea of donating a toy in her name!

She stated "no presents". So, simply, don't bring one. I think a card is okay tho, but skip putting anything in it except for the best wishes.
The "gift" is your child showing up to the "party" which is the parent's gift to the child.

I always bring a card and in this case I would write what I donated where in their honor. Food pantry, homeless shelter, womans shelter all are in need if you must spend. As they said no gifts honor it.

I wouldn't bring a gift since they asked you not to. You could do the donation and then just send the family a card in the mail notifying them of the donation.

If you don't want to show up empty-handed, maybe you could bring a snack for all the kids to enjoy.

Respect their wishes. they will not think badly of you at all if you show up empty handed. It may be awkward for you since you're not used to it, but it's not awkward for them.

Why don't you have your son make a nice card for his friend? Then he's giving him something that shows he put thought and time into it, but it doesn't cost anyone a dime.

Based on the question and all the answers so far, it doesn't appear that anyone has considered the possibility that the reason a parent might say "no gifts, please" is 100% motivated by unselfishness and thoughtfulness. That is the only reason I have ever put that on a birthday invitation. It is surprising to read these responses and learn that people find it selfish or offensive. Does anyone feel differently?

Our 3 kids have sometimes had small birthday parties with just a few of their closest friends, and sometimes had parties where they invited all of their classmates plus other friends. When they have had a large party, I have always put on the invitation, "Your presents are not required, but your presence is desired!" The reason is because many of the invitees are from low-income families, and because kids are invited to so many parties (e.g., my middle child's b-day is 1 of 4 within a 2-week period among just the boys in his class, all of whom are friends). I don't want the financial hardship of buying a gift to have any deterrent effect on a parent allowing their child to attend the party. While this might not be a factor for many or most families, if it's a factor for even one family, then it matters to me. Plus, writing it that way lets people feel free to bring a gift or not to bring a gift. Even if I had written "no gifts," I wouldn't think anyone would take that to mean that they couldn't bring a card. In fact, I would think that would still be the polite thing to do - just bring a card to show thoughtfulness.

Because our kids like to get presents as much as any other kid, their initial reaction the first one or two times that I told people that gifts were not necessary was along the lines of "Aww, really? WHY?!!" However, once they understood the reasoning behind it (and they have come to see that some people bring presents anyway, plus they still get presents from our family/relatives), they have never complained again - I just let them know that I'm putting it on the invitation, and that's that.

What I don't get though is when I haven't said anything about "no gifts" on the invitation, and guests show up empty-handed anyway. That's a topic for another post though ...

They've asked for no gifts, so don't bring one. If you want to donate a gift to the hospital, bring a card with a note saying you have done so.

One of my daughter's friends does this type of party every year. What they do is list the charity that they would appreciate a donation to each year.

Bring a card, and have a back up present in the car just in case ;)

This is such a nice way to teach children that happiness doesn't come from getting more stuff they don't need, but from spending time with people whose company they enjoy. A donation is a nice idea if you really want to have "the gift of giving". Most of the birthday gifts my boys have received end up donated to Christmas hampers or re-gifted anyway.

A hand-made (or store-bought) card or a donation to charity (like you mentioned) I'm sure would be appreciated. If they've asked for no gifts, that means they don't want gifts. You could also consider writing a thank you note (or e-mail) afterward.

You answered your own question-- "I probably just need to get over it and respect the parents' wishes, right?" Feeling awkward without a gift is YOUR issue. Don't make it anyone else's.

If they requested no gifts, I would stick to it. There is a reason and if you go against their wishes it makes it difficult to teach whatever lesson they are trying to teach.

we were told no gift after an informal invite to a b-day party. I apologized and said I had already bought one (which I had). I brought it anyway. No harm done.

I like your idea of the toy donation.

thanks, F. B.

We've made this request for all 3 birthday parties and more than half of the attendees do NOT respect our request! Of course, we say "thank you" and all that, because the thought of a gift is nice. But, we have toys from birthday #2 & #3 that are still in the box at the top of a closet because honestly, my girl already has TOO MANY toys. Books are nice, but same thing, she has TONS! Then, when I pack them up to donate (toys for tots or such) I feel guilty, like so-and-so gave this to her, shouldn't she at least play with it once? I am the mom who shops for toys/games/books at thrift stores, yard sales, and happily accept hand-me-downs, so I do feel guilty when somebody buys her a new toy.
If it says "please, no gifts" I would NOT bring one. A nice card (let your kid decorate by coloring or adding stickers) will be sufficient if you really feel that you must bring something. :)

A handmade card is good and I love your idea of donating a gift in her honor. I would really appreciate that if I were the parents.

I'm with Lynn. I've tried the no gifts thing and found that a large percentage of people simply refuse to comply with this request. You don't want to be the only one who didn't bring something.

Just went through this last weekend. A 9 you boy birthday pool party in the backyard of their huge fancy smanchy house. I asked my son about tthe no gifts thing and he says, frankie doesn't like to play with toys he only likes sports so he doesn't want anything.
ok honest yes i guess, but it also felt very rude to me, like i couldn't get him something he might possibly enjoy ---so screw his mom having to deal with a pile of stuff you are "too good" to play with like a normal child.

I bought a card which i don't usually do and put a $5 dairy queen gift card in it. If the kid doesn't like icecream then to heck with him and i just "donated" five bucks to an establishment i enjoy patronizing my own self.

my son said frankie didn't open or acknowledge the card. I doubt i'll get a thank you note considering schools out for summer and they probably don't have our address anyway, at least i'll tell myself that.

oh and just for the record, this mom bucked all trends and didn't do goodie bags/favors either. apparently spending time with her son is the favor, lol opps that sounded snotty, i meant it to be funny, I personally don't care about goodie bags or not but i know it is a hot button on mamapedia.

I feel weird about not bringing a gift, too. Is this the parent's idea or the child's?
In a similar situation I gave a gift card to the movie theater. There are no added toys in the house, and they can go on a family outing. (Or at least pay for some of the movie!!)

A nice card will do. If your son is old enough he can make it himself :)

I don't accept invitations like that. That's just sad. What in the world is the reason to have a birthday party if there are no gifts?

That is the saddest thing I have read all day. That's the joy of having a party. Giving someone something wonderful is the best feeling in the world. It's not just about the person getting the gifts, it's also about the gift of giving.

In the past when we have been invited to parties like that, I usually just get a card and put a pack of stickers in it. That way, it's not some big present and it's easy to hide and make other people not feel akward for not bringing anything.

I know some people that request no gifts for parties. Sometimes it is because they feel that if someone can not afford a gift, they will not come. Sometimes it is because they just don't want anymore things. A few people I knew at a wedding who asked for no gifts donated all of them to charity. I wouldn't get a gift if they didn't, want me to. I might donated something to charity for the child's honor though like you said.