Parenting a Nonverbal Child.

My son has 3 children and the middle one is a boy who was saying a few words when his sister was born. He stopped speaking and did not speak until he was 4 years old. However It was obvious he understood everything we said to him. The doctors said nothing was wrong with him. they were right. As soon as his sister was old enough to talk and began speaking in sentences he did too! Overnight he talked like he had been speaking all along. As long as the doctors think he is fine then don't worry about it as one day he will just begin to talk up a storm!

Put the pacifier away and when he wants it tell him that you don't know where it is and pretend to look for it but not find it. Let him look for it and when it is not found he will forget about it. Worked for me!

Hope this is of some help to you.

Granny D.

One of my girlfriend's used this with her kids and it worked for the pacifier problem. She cut off the ends of them and when they picked them up to use them, it wouldn't work. So she'd tell them it was broken and it had to be thrown away. Apparently it worked without any issues or tantrums on the kids part. HTH

Hi,
My son is also non-verbal. He's 5. We have a wonderful speech therapist and he's made a lot of progress in a short time, now saying some words. So, that's one recommendation. The other thing that helps is that we use a system of picture cards (PECS) so that he can make requests. They seem to pick up on using it quickly and it helps cut down on their frustration.
Hope that helps.

T. F.

Hi M.,
I have twin boys, 8yrs old who have speech verbal apraxia. PLease believe me when I say it is not common or normal for a 2 yr old child to not be speaking. Has your son been evaluated by a speech pathologist ? If not I urge you to do so. My guys continue to recieve speech therapy at school and privately.No one knows better than I what you are going through and how frustrating it is for both you and your little one trying to communicate. When my boys were two there was alot of screaming(them!)most of it due to frustration when trying to get attention. I am happy yo say thier speech has come a very long way and they do well in school. One of the things we started with was some simple sign laungage, please, more, juice. and gestures to get attention instead of screaming or yelling. Speak to your little boy like you would any other child, explaining what is not exceptable, I am sure he understands, but probably reacts like any other two year old!! As far as the potty training, I say go for it, just remember it is sssooo much easier with girls, get Daddy involved and make sure he gets rewarded when he does go in the potty!! Good Luck Mommy!! And let me know, I can recommend a few speech pathologist if you like. God Bless!

Your son may understand more than he can say. So it is totally appropriate to speak to him as though he had a full vocabulary. You can use more gestures and demonstrations also.

Just as you wouldn't tolerate your son using 'four letter' words to get attention, you should not tolerate hitting and hair pulling. He needs to learn that even without words there are appropriate ways to get attention. Talk to his sister about how she'd like him to do that, and think about it, because when he tries for attention by your method you need to give it to him pretty immediately. OTherwise he'll revert to the painful methods because they work so well. Maybe have him stand in front of the person he needs, but at a small distance? Maybe he can clap his hands, tap the floor near them? Maybe he can be coaxed to come up with the name for his sister, since he can say "mommy" and "daddy"? But he can't hit - remove him immediately and cut off all attention (time out) if he does.

Just because he can't talk about it doesn't mean he can't do it! Let him show you just how much of a 'prince' he can be, and insist on it.
E.

My son who is now 3 and a half didn't speak at 2. Not mom not dad nothing. I brought him to a speak therapist who suggested sign language. She told me once he started talking he would drop the sign which is definately true. I taught him simple things like more, please , thank you, eat drink. This way he was able to communicate without getting frustrated.introuduce one sign at a time, once he gets that sign use another one. They are simple to use and he will get them. I think my son knew 20 or so. There are books on signs or you could just google it to see how the sign is actually done. Then I sent him to preschool 3 half days but that didn't seem to make him speak either. It was just recently when he started to go full time that he is now talking ...in sentences! I still have to remind him to use his words instead of saying uh uh but he is much better.
He had the same problem with the pacifier and one day I cut the tops off and he looked at me and I told him they were broken and he was mad and cried but eventually got used to it. Instead of putting the pacifier in his mouth he just held it in his hands and now he doesn't even bother with that. Be prepared for a few nights with no sleep or I had a friend suggest he give the pacifiers to the garbage man. Good luck
Y.
Cape coral, FL

A little buddy of my daughter's had a similar speech delay. It improved markedly when he was enrolled in preschool.

Even if he isn't speaking to you in words, he can still understand YOUR words. Reinforce "gentle hands" with verbal or tangible rewards. Redirect him away from hitting. Use time out as needed. He understands. By you asking for him to express his understanding, you're inadvertantly giving attention (reinforcement) to the undesired behavior.

Maybe hold off on the potty training for now.

Don't be fooled into thinking that lack of speech means lack of comprehension. Children can understand far more than they can usually express, which is pretty apparent even with infants and young toddlers. Keep everything you say to him simple for now(3 or 4 word sentences), and use one command directions. "Put your toy away." Consistency is the key to everything with any kind of child. If he's not really hitting, then remind him to use "nice hands" instead of saying "no hit". Show him as you say things for him to make a connection. If you want to see if he understands something, encourage him to "show you" through pictures. I would especially recommend visible charts for behaviors you want to work on. I use charts for everything for my son (also needed speech therapy) from potty when he was that age, to chores, to acceptable behaviors, even rewards/consequences now that he's older.

Have you had him seen by a neurologist or evaulated by a speech therapist? I see you say he sees a developmental therapist, but has this person diagnosed him with anything (PDD, Autistic spectrum, Asperger's, etc)? If you want his speech to develop, I would strongly recommend taking him for an evaluation some place like All Children's Hospital, and getting him socialized in a 1/2 day or 2 or 3 day a week preschool. If that's not possible, playdates or playground trips. Kids learn social behavior and speech by being around other kids their age or slightly older. I'd also start encouraging him to tell you what he wants, by giving him the words. He can learn to nod or shake his head at minimum. "Do you want a drink?" And wait for a response instead of just giving him what he's pointing at. Last, just keep talking! The more you talk about even the smallest things, the more words he's picking up, even if he isn't saying them.

I third the baby signs! LOL Used it for both my kids and still use it sparingly. I can us the sign "stop" or "sit down" from across the room on my 5 year old and he obeys. It's great you don't have to holler at them from across a room. The potty sign is great too. No loud announcements of 'Mommy, I have to go potty" LOL

There are great signing videos at the library called "Signing Times" My kids loved them. Get a sign language dictionary. I use to look up words and make the signs. They are like $5-$10. When singing songs with him use signs (this is where the dictionary helps too). They have baby sign class at local libraries for free. They do fill up quickly though.

Good luck!! Signing is really easy so don't stress about it. Add a few words at a time.

I have a son that was diagnosed with Apraxia at the age of 2. IT IS NOT normal for a child not to be talking about that age, they are not LATE TALKERS, they just might have a speech delay. I would highly suggest you get a complete speech evaluation from a certified Speech Language Pathologist. Unfortunately, I don't know anything about the center that you mentioned, my son has received private speech therapy from an SLP at All Children's Hospital Specialty Center.

Disiplining him, just because your son can not communicate with you does not mean that he can not hear you or understand you. With hitting, when my son hit one of his brothers, I immediately put him in time out and explained to him that I understand that he is upset or mad, but hitting is not allowed and because of his behavior, he must sit in time out for 2 minutes (one minute for every age). When his time out is up, say to him again, you understand that he is upset or mad, but he needs to come to you and TRY to tell you what is wrong. Even if it is "jargon", it is showing him that he can talk to you.

Communicating with him, sign language is wonderful way of communicating, however, your therapist is right. If you rely too much on signing and not speaking, your son will not try to speak to you but use signs instead and that is not what you want. I would also suggest using pictures. Put pictures on your refrige, like juice, milk, whatever... and when he wants something, you talk him to the board and have him point out what he wants and then repeat the word with him three times (our therapist had use do this!). Something else, I know this sounds funny, but when making the pictures, try to use realistics type pictures, not cartoons, we don't live in a cartoon world, it would be easier for him to put things together when they look like the real thing.

Potty training, having three boys now under the age of 4, I didn't start potty training them until they were three years old. But when that time comes, use the picture board.

Pacifier, I would hold off on getting rid of that right now, especially since he only uses it during bedtime. He is going to be going through a lot of big changes in his life in the next few months and he needs that security.

If you have any questions about Apraxia, please let me know!
Good luck!
Remember, one day at a time, one word at a time!

My son was the same! He pointed and managed to get his point across with very few words until he was two, then they finally started coming. He's 4 now and has a great vocabulary and we just started working on refining some specific sounds and he's been very responsive to that. He just had a big sister who interpreted his thoughts to everyone before he had a chance to express them himself. ;-)

Perhaps he might like the idea that the pacifier fairy will come by and leave a treat when he's ready to leave his pacifiers for the fairy so she can bring them to other babies who need them? I never tried that one myself, but heard it worked for others.

As for the discipline part, you may be interested in the Holistic Moms Network meeting coming up on Tuesday September 2 at 7 pm:

*Positive Discipline for the Heart & Soul of the Family*

Come learn gentle, effective ways to teach discipline without hurting the soul of your family. Karen will host an open forum discussion about how to handle specific real-life challenges you face. Bring your discipline questions to discuss as a group in a safe, nurturing environment

Presented by Karen Leonetti, CDA, CDS, Child Development Specialist and Owner, Earth Angel Holistic Preschool

The Sarasota-Bradenton chapter of the Holistic Moms Network meets at 7pm on the first Tuesday of each month in the Lifestyle Center at Whole Foods in Sarasota corner of 1st and Lemon.

C.

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C. Wilford
Childbirth Educator & Doula
____@____.com
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We used "baby signs", it helped tremendously. Why the hurry on the potty training--and the pacifier dropage? He's really and truly still so little and boys tend to be later on things than girls.

Take care
D.

M., I am a teacher by profession, was involved in the local chaper of Mothers of PreSchoolers (MOPS) for 7 years, and have lead some parenting classes. Since your son isn't two yet, I would not pannick for a couple reasons. First, he is a boy and boys tend to talk later than girls. Secondly though is that he has a 4 year old sister, who probably speaks for him, if your family is typical. Consider how much she tells you what he wants. Many 2nd children, whether boys or girls, don't talk as early because of the sibling. Watch them interact, and you might consider working with her a little. Regarding discipline, whether they can verbalize it or not, children are often smarter and understand more than we think. Hitting and pulling hair is wrong, and unless he has a diagnosed learning disability, there is no reason you can't be teaching him right from wrong. Don't feel guiltly about discipline. If he doesn't start talking by 2 1/2, then it would be time to have him evaluated for speech delays.

It certainly does get frustrating when they have a hard time communicating with you! The biggest thing is that you want them not to become frustrated with communicating and be empowered by it; so giving him an alternate means of communicating while he's not speaking is key. Sign language (as many of the other moms suggested) is a great tool; also pictures works too (have them representing some of his favorite items, he can point to the pictures to show you what he wants, etc). As a speech-language pathologist myself, I am wondering what the reason he's not talking is . . .there may be many causes . . .great that he's working with a developmental therapist, but has he ever had a full speech-language evaluation? That would be a great place to start . . .you want to make sure you figure out why he's not talking, not just that he's not talking. Increasing his communication in any way can cut down on the frustration . . .let me know if you're in need of more info and I'd be happy to talk further with you! Good luck with your little 'monkey boy' :-) That's the same nickname I have for my little one :-)

Since he is not even 2 years old, I would not be too worried unless you are seeing other symptoms that are concerning you. I think he should be able to recognize or understand right from wrong regarding hitting (unless you think he can't comprehend) - although most kids under 2 will still continue to do LOTS of things even though you ask/tell them not to do it!!! That is totally normall and I wouldn't expect him to be any different!

How about signing? We signed with my 3 yr old since she was about 6 months. She had to see the sign for a while before actually doing it herself in the right context, but when she did she could communicate with us wonderfully and I really think it encouraged her to speak. We went to basic sign classes at Gymboree and local libraries and hospitals for us to learn how to teach her. Basic things like please, thank you, hungry, more, all done, gentle, drink, hurt and milk were all very helpful. I don't see how it could hurt and would encourage communication and break some frustrating barriers...

I would second teaching him sign language. I taught both of my boys when they were babies and we still continue to do it. It cuts down on all the frustrations when he can sign to you what he needs/wants. Good luck.

I would defintely look into Autism. My son was diagnosed at 2 1/2 and with speech therapy and ABA and a great school, Pinnacle Academy out in Lakewwod Ranch is doing great now. He can spell his name and recognize all letters and numbers. I would contact Early Steps Of Sarasota and they they will pay for any therapy until age 3. You can also get an evaluation for free too. I hope this helps! You need to act now!