Over Protective - Maybe? Maybe Not?

When my daughter was 4 she was a peer-model student in a preschool for developmentally delayed children. Part of being a peer was she had to ride the same bus as the other children. The only kids 'strapped' in were the children in wheelchairs. And her preschool was much farther away than 2 minutes.

And I agree with Karen M to AMEN Nikki G!

you're victim of the first child syndrome as my mom would call it=) I am too. She always says all parents are like that with their first and then wehn they have a 2nd they realize that they went overboard and they can relax a bit. I never had a 2nd and as I can see you haven;t either so apparently we'll live on with the syndrome=) After divorce and everything being crazy and realizing you cant control life and to live in the moment, I feel I lost a good part of this disease=)

I've never really understood why there arent seat belts on a bus but it must be for some reason or another, Like if the bus did crash and caught on fire, it would be really hard to get all the kids out of the restraints. I believe that is why they dont belt people on mass transit.

On the car seat issue, do *I* think you are being over-protective? Yes. I wouldn't leave work, pick him up, drop him off, and return to work. That seems a bit much when he's going somewhere two minutes down the road.

You say you wouldn't entrust him in a car with anybody, but you are trusting your own life (and your son's) in the hands of perfect strangers EVERY time you get behind the wheel of a car. You are trusting the person behind you not to fall asleep at the wheel. You are trusting the person next to you not to be hammered drunk. You are trusting the eighteen wheeler in front of you not to be texting while driving.

You can't control everything.

And I really want to add- it irks me to no end when women refer to their husbands as babysitters. Your husband is not 'watching' his son, he is raising him, and I find it incredibly disrespectful for you to 'chew him out' for decisions he makes about HIS son, just because they are different from what you would have done. Might as well hand him his balls on a plate while you're at it.

Need to loosen the apron strings just a bit.

I feel sorry for your husband. I'm sure he does nothing right when he "watches" (otherwise known as raising) his child...at least, in your eyes.

If you have any more children, you will probably laugh at all the things you worried about with your first. Your child will do what thousands and thousands of children do every day. How often do you hear of deadly school bus accidents? Not often. How often do you hear of deadly car accidents. Statistically, your child is in more danger when YOU drive him...then when he's on a bus. Do you still drive a car? Because, the likely hood of you driving down the road, then a bus driver driving down the road. Yes, of course you are being really over-protective.

Yes, you are being way over protective.

Your child is safer on the bus than she is in your car. One of the other responders has a web site to go to to read about a bus crash. When you finally get to the bottom, you'll find there are far more injuries per mile for children transported in cars than on busses.

Good luck to you and yours.

In my opinion you are being WAY over the top. I'm sure you love your son dearly but for you to admit that you "chew people out rather severely for not watching him properly" including your husband, that is wrong! If you're going to do that then don't entrust him into anyone elses care.

You know, accidents happen everywhere and anywhere in life. They can happen in a car or just playing on the playground. Buses are less likely to be in accidents than the average driver because they are professionally trained drivers driving around a big yellow vehicle!

I've been in 2 car accidents in my life. Both times I was hit by the other driver. Once I was rear ended sitting at a red light in a minivan and the other time I was driving a sedan and a teenager turned left at a red light right into me as I was going through the intersection. I've never been in an accident on a school bus! School bus accidents are rare is my point. If I had been in a school bus during either of those accidents I probably wouldn't have even felt it as a passenger because the buses are so heavy.

If there were belts in the buses they would be used as weapons and then over protective parents such as yourself would be suing the bus driver because your kid got a fat lip from another kid who was swinging his belt buckle around in the back of the bus where the bus driver couldn't even see. I hope you are never in an accident because I wouldn't want you to deal with the guilt that you are obviously setting yourself up for. Some things are just out of your control and you need to let go!

Best wishes to you and your family!

Seems like you got LOTS of solid info on why buses are safer without seatbelts and carseats. Of course that doesn't agree with you so you're going to call all those moms crazy and disregard it. FWIW, my 8 yo just got out of her booster, so I'm all about car seat safety, but the studies are abundant that buses are safe.

Regarding your SWH: in my experience moms who begin parenting by limiting dad's ability to make decisions are the same ones who later complain about dad not pitching in to help. That is his son, and he has every right to make decisions regarding his son, some with which you may not agree. You are robbing both your husband and your son by relegating dad to the role of babysitter. Maybe, just maybe, if you backed off dad would step up. It's hard to step up when someone has their foot on your back.

Yeah, it's funny that with all the safety measures nowadays (pardon my granny accent) that buses do not use safety seats. But they don't. Everyone knows it's dangerous to be "not strapped in" and no one wants their kids in wreck. But it is what it is. People often don't have a choice for their kid's transport to school. You do. Be glad for that.

Your coworker was out of line for being condescending (if he was) but us older folks (I'm 42) never had car seats, bike helmets,blah blah. I use all of that with my kids, but I get where he's coming from. Sometimes I see tiny kids looking like padded Michelin men wobbling along a mellow little curb at the speed of a snail with training wheels and a frantic parent two inches away and it cracks me up.

My dad took us to get hay from a neighboring farm and had us sit on top of the wobbling bails (WITH rusty barbed wire wrapping them) in the back of the truck on a main road so we could "hold the bails steady". My mom was not pleased. :) I also biffed plenty of times on my dirt bike-no PADS. Not saying a terrible tragedy couldn't have happened with my brother and I bouncing around the car without so much as a seat belt...(I GUESS the child safety gear industry acts upon past statistics and not just MEGA PROFITS -though I wonder) but life is risky no matter what. Your son will eventually go seat belt-less on a bus unless he never rides a bus. It's equally deadly for all ages....just sayin...

I think about half way through the year, you'll change your mind and he'll be on the bus. You just have to get used to the idea.

I agree with your husband. I think you are being overprotective. Kids don't like to be singled out for "special" treatment, either. Your son will not thank you for not allowing him to ride the bus like the other kids. Also, I think once you realize that you will need to be away from your work for almost 1/2 hour every afternoon, you'll reconsider.

I am a pediatric Physical Therapist, so part of my job is bus safety. I've been educated on how school buses are designed and I was amazed by what I learned. I won't go into all the physics (yawn) but putting seat belts (they didn't speak to carseats, but I imagine they would fall into the same category) on buses would actually make them less safe and more likely to injure a child in a crash. You might be able to google it and find the same info on the web. I, personally, would be far more worried about them leaving my child on the bus than riding in a schoolbus without a restraint.

I can relate to your point regarding the bus safety. The daycare buses I see that come to the elementary school do have seatbelts. Regular school buses do not.

However, when I got to the part where you don't like for your child to ride with anyone but you... be supervised by anyone but you, Yes, that's overboard.

You are just as likely as anyone else to have an accident with your child in the car. You hope it never happens but just because he is with you does not make him safer.

You have to let go in baby steps because before you know it, he will be driving himself, going to college and you can't be there for every move. If he is sheltered to the point of embarrassment when he gets older, rest assured you will have some rebellion on your hands.

I don't mean that to be insulting, it is just that you can't stand over children 24/7. What makes you believe that he is not prone to any accident or injury under your care? Children can and do get hurt sometimes...it's a part of life. As a parent we hope they don't get hurt and we hope they stay safe but you can't hover around all the time worrying about what if's. What kind of life would that be? Pretty crappy is you ask me.

Good luck.

I see what you mean, 4 years old is a bit young for public transportation style seating IMO. But I think he's pretty safe on a bus that is going only a few miles down the road. It doesn't have to get on the freeway does it?
Just regular street/stoplight driving?

I wouldn't interrupt my work day to do the driving. You'll get comfortable with the idea I think.

That's a LOOOONG day at school for Pre-k!

In general, from the whole tone of your post.. you do sound like an over protective mom (just to answer your original question!) :) YOu have to accept that no one will watch your kid as good as you do... even dad. I think moms just have a special intuition with our kids, that other family members caretakers may not have. Like, I know what my kids are doing before they do it a lot of the time. But you have to entrust them over to others for care, it's a part of raising them.

I will admit it makes me nervous and all worried when the kids ride in cars/buses with other people driving. However, they do it all the time. I've had to let my worries be my worries not theirs.

Yes you are being a bit over protective, and yes it is slightly irrational for us to think that we should be the only ones driving our children around. But eventually they are going to have to do it. And eventually you'll think less and less about it (never stopping the thinking about it just less)...

Try it a few days a week and see how it works. Then gradually increase it.

it's a difficult time for you, especially since this is your baby. But he'll do just fine! :) he probably will enjoy taking the bus with his fellow classmates!

Hello, are you really me writing this post??

I agree with you 100 percent.

The theory is that a larger vehicle, such as a bus, actually protects the child better than a smaller vehicle like a car, thus providing some protection and making a car seat unnecessary.

But, I work in the health care field and I have seen children die from all sorts of car crashes. I do admit I have not seen bus fatalities, but I have seen serious injury from bus crashes.

And, it should be mentioned, if it hasn't already, that cars eats are designed for cars and (sometimes) planes. Not for buses. They will not carry the same protective effect on a bus.

But, all that said, I would drive my kid to school myself. That way I can feel comfortable with his safety. He has a whole life ahead of him, many many times when you will be plopping him on the bus for school. So, this is only pre K. If it makes you uncomfortable, don't do it.

And, for those who make you feel like you are being a helicopter mother -- you have every right to be whatever you feel you need to be to keep the kid safe. The next time someone feels the needs to make a snarky comment about you needing to let him grow up one day, just hit him back with, "oh, don't worry, he won't go to Harvard in diapers! And if he does -- well, at least he's in Harvard!"

Your husband and co-worker were right you do have to let them grow up sometime (I think 4 is a little early) but not if it means risking their safety. Most men are more lax when it comes to our children than women are...they are not as observant and tend to tune things out thus.....accidents. I'm right with you - why take a chance with your childs safety when you don't have too. I do foster care and I wish all children could have mommies like you because ALL children deserve it!

Since his retirement my DH has been a school bus driver, the only busses that have seat belts are the handicap. I, my children & my grans have been riding school busses for years, the busses have never had seat belts. The insurance industry started the whole law thing on seat belts so they didn't have to pay out for ppl who weren't wearing them in an accident, not saying they are not a good thing & that they have saved lives.

As far as the, overprotectiveness perhaps, yes you are about your son having more accidents when he is with his father, if you don't allow your DH to spend time with your son w/o your, 'hovering' you may be keeping them both from the special time that they need to just, 'be boyz' & THAT is time they BOTH need.

I'm confused, the issue it that she wants her son in a car seat on the school bus and a lot of people responded about seat belts on a bus.
I would not want my son on a bus without a seat belt! but not sure how I feel about car seats for four yr olds on a bus, I would research that.
Are you over protective?? Do you let him climb to the top of anything he wants to at the playground?? Swing as high as he wants? do you let him play with bigger kids if he wants to? Does he ride a actual bike?

Eh...you've gotta do what you've gotta do to feel right at the end of the day, I suppose.
We don't have seat belts in our school buses either....

Um....Sandy....you can't have car seats without seat belts...
and I assume this is a school bus or a daycare van-type bus that will be transporting them--not a transit authority bus. The point is--in our state from K-12 there are NO SEAT belts on the buses. Bottom line? Not "important enough" to spend the money on, I'm guessing. We are fed the line that there are 'high, padded seats in front of the child' so they won't be hurt which we all know is malarkey. My point was/is that even if she leaves work to transport her child....what about Grade 1? Grade 2? Etc.

Haven't read your responses but from your SWH I gather some folks were less than nice. I for one totally agree with you and REFUSE to allow my child on a bus...period. The oldest is 5 and weighs 35-40 lbs...soaking wet...holding her dolls..lol. I'll never understand why buses do not have seat belts. I agree that perhaps once she's older she will be able to ride a bus at some point but not yet. I too do not allow just anyone to drive my children around. It's always me or hubby and twice my sister has taken her to the movies for an "Auntie and M" day. So what if people think I'm overprotective. You raise your kids as you see fit and so will I. Live and Let live :)

Peace and Blessings,
T. B

He's your first or oldest, right? I do feel bad for all of them in all families. I think we all are way more careful with them, and the babies run wild. At least in my house.

When my oldest went to kindergarten, I followed her bus to school. I felt bad for her, but I did. I also did it when my youngest got on the bus this year for pre-k.

There are no car seats on our busses either, I don't expect there to be. The kids sit safe and my kids bus drivers are mostly fabulous (minus one this year and she's barely on my "ok" list). I'd let him ride it. It's SO cool at that age.

We are letting then grow up, just in our own time.

You're his mama - do right by him by being you :).

Yes you are being very over pertective but that is your baby and your perogative. I too agree that its crazy that buses don't have seat belts but that's the way the law is. Shoot here the kids have to be in a booster seat till 8 or a certain hight. I dont' think my almost 10 year old is that hight. But if your boss will work with you can you feel you need to pick him up go for it.

Just do as you see fit or you are comfortable doing.
It is your child.

But yes, not all school buses have safety belts, like in cars.
And yes, accidents do happen.
But yes, it is not mandatory that buses have seat belts.

Here is further info on buses and seat belts:
http://www.ncsbs.org/testimonies/seat_belt_background.htm
http://www.bostonpublicschools.org/transportation

This topic really upsets me. I have to squeeze 2 car seats and a booster seat in my Altima as I babysit twin grandsons and pick up their brother from 1st grade. All have to be in these seats according to the law. I won't go into that I know it's safer but yes I road my whole life without car seats and kids stood in cars and layed in the back up by the window, etc., etc. etc. I KNOW they are safer. BUT if that is the case then why in the world is it legal to put a bus load of rowdy kids in a bus with nothing to keep them safe where if a wreck they fly around and fall way worse than in a car? I think if the law is safe for kids in a car then kids on a bus should be safe or not use the bus. I don't think this is about being protective or over protective if it's a law as I would most likely not use the car seats and I am protective. And these are my grandchildren I am taking care of and I raised 8 kids so it's not like this is because someone is doing it with their first child. I just think if it has to be in cars it should be in a bus too. Sorry if I got carried away but it's so hard getting 2 car seats and a booster in a small car while we pass kids un belted in buses on the way to school.

I really enjoyed reading your response. I can't believe people were mean about this question. I totally agree with your decision. I would do the same even if it meant driving out of the way to/from work!! I think there is plenty of time for children to grow up. Nowadays they are growing up too quickly anyways. And believe me, I work in a field where I am all too familiar with bad things that can happen to children and if someone wants to call me over protective, so be it - at least I know my child is safe.

Not only do they not use car seats, they don't even use seat belts. My kids rode on buses when they were in preschool, but it was only twice a year for field trips. They say the reason they're not required to have seat belts is because the high back of the seat in front of them supposedly stops them from going too far. I still don't feel entirely comfortable with it and am always glad when those field trips are done!

I wrote out a long response, but basically, here's why buses don't use seat belts:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40820669/ns/us_news-life/t/wh...

That said, the smaller buses that HeadStart uses for their preschoolers DO have seat belts, because of the weight requirement (of the buses, not the kids).

Are you being overprotective? I'm a much more permissive than you are (judging from your examples in your post) and I'm not sure I would let a 4yo ride on a large school bus. But then, I wouldn't have been comfortable sending any of my kids to a full day program at that age. I would be way more uncomfortable with that than the bus.

I don't think your over protective, I think your a GREAT, CARING, Momma!! :) With that said, I completely agree on the bus situation. My 4.5 y/o will be going to Pre-K for her second year next year, and I will be driving her both ways. I say if it's possible for you to do, then why take chances with your child's safety? It is insane to me that the buses don't have a seat belt system in place. It sounds to me from the rest of your post that you are an 'active' parent, and more parents should take a lesson. Yes we need to teach our children to be independent and take care of themselves, and as long as we do that at our's & our child's comfort levels, then people should keep their opinions to themselves as far as your parenting decisions. Kudo's to you for standing your ground & doing the best for your child. He will turn out just great!! :-)

Do what makes you feel comfortable. When my daughter was in kindergarten her bus driver was out for a week or so. When she came back I asked her if she was on vacation. She proceeded to tell me she was having heart issues and had to have further testing. My daughter never got on the bus with that driver again because I did not feel comfortable and I knew I would never forgive myself if she blacked out or had a heart attack at the wheel with my child on the bus.

I do think you are being a little overprotective, but he is your first so I don't blame you. I wouldn't do what you plan to do however, it's a bit much. Sometimes as moms we have to let go, its hard but needed. Your child can get hurt at anytime and any place: walking down the street with you, playing, in cars, planes etc. When ds was in daycare they had a mini bus that they used to take the kids to the library in, they did not use car seats and honestly it never bothered me. Not sure what I would suggest you to do, sorry, are they willing to let you bring one? It wouldn't hurt to ask. It may be that b/c its not required by law and they don't want the added expense ( not everyone may have the means to provide an extra one to leave with them) I don't know. They may let you do it even though its not required. Good Luck!

This is why there is a big push to have it legislated that school buses have seatbelts. I work in the transport industry. There is no way I would allow a child on one of our buses without the correct child seat fitted properly.

I agree with what you're doing.

Idk if it's jus my sons school district or what but the buses he rides do have seat belts and the kindergarteners do have to wear them. Not sure about the older kids because I've only been told about the small ones.
Added I've been on the buses for field trips so yes I've seen the elusive seat belts on the bus. And no my son does not attend a special need school.

busses are way way safer than cars.. your child would be safer in the bus without a car seat than in your car. busses are big heavy metal framed vehicles. they do not flip over often. in a horrible accident the bus will be dented and the car will be smashed to pieces.

our daycare busses kids to school.. they have booster seats to use on the bus for kids less than 40 pounds.

do what you feel comfortable with.. but the bus is safe..

bu

I'm not sure what type of bus your child will ride on but I can completely relate to your point. My child does ride in a car seat on his school bus however he is special needs and does ride the smaller bus to school. If your child is transported on a traditional larger size school bus there is safety in place. I do not feel you're being over protective. Would it be possible for you to do a ride along to see how things go that would then perhaps help either eliminate or confirm your fears?

My son only takes a school bus for field trips - but they have all had seatbelts AND they have each had several car seats for kids who were smaller. It looked to me that the seat belts did hit at the correct level without a booster, so I assume they were designed for kids, not adults.

I am AMAZED that seat belts are not mandatory in SCHOOL BUSES. Um, they have been mandatory in cars in 1968. Usage became mandatory in 48 states in 1984.

you are not being over proteced, but a little extreme, but then again my day care requires for me to have an extra booster seat, so...