Out of State Funeral

http://www.bankrate.com/finance/personal-finance/airlines...

The above is the most recent article I've found on bereavement / compassion fares.

Other options:

- One person can fly out, and the rest drive out and pick them up.
- One person can fly out, and the rest stay at home
- Parents fly out, and kids stay with friends/relatives for a couple days
- Some companies will buy bereavement tickets for employees on the company card, and the employee pays off the costs over 6mo (or some other time frame, or occasionally, not at all). Others have a "bonus" in varying amounts. Some do this by "cashing in" x number of sick/vacation days. Others just have a flat 'compassion bonus' for loss of parent or child. I've seen these range from $100 to $5000.

Modern option:

- The last 3 funerals I've gone to have all had families Skype'd in. Some funeral homes are offering this now as part of their services (some not only have a video point for all skype video calls to "watch", but a projector and screen to individually project one person to the front, to be able to speak).

Since your family is local, could someone watch the kids while you and your husband go?

Can just you and your husband fly out and let the kids stay with your relatives here at home?
Or perhaps you and husband could drive (again, just the 2 of you... it might go a little faster without kids in tow)?

I think the family would understand not bringing the kids along. And I even think they would understand if you couldn't afford the trip and cannot get there in time with driving (have they arranged the funeral already--perhaps they could schedule it so that you have time to drive). But I am assuming this is your husband's mother.... what does HE say?

Also, when you checked flights, did you ask about bereavement/funeral rates? I think sometimes they have a discounted fare when it is for a funeral, but I also have heard they can be difficult about providing documentation...

I would leave the kids with family and go with your husband. I understand that you might want your kids there but y'all will be very busy and I don't know the ages of your children. It might be better for them to stay home.

If you husband could fly and you drive with the kids that might be an option but that is a lot of driving for one person.

Regardless of anything, your husband must go.

You should get a copy of the death cert faxed to you and contact the airlines - they have special rates for these moments in life. As well contact the funeral home or the life insurance policy many of them have access to the special rates as well.

My MIL had a stroke in October and my husband wanted to fly to see her. We can't afford that right now, and we kept in touch with everyone daily. Had her stroke been damaging, we would have found a way for him to be there, but it wouldn't have been an option for us all to go.

Her health is not the best, but she is trying to make it better. When the time comes that she passes, I assume we will have to drive. It's a 24 hour drive (we did it straight when our oldest was 5 months old), but I know we couldn't do it now. The option would be there to fly my hubby out to be there early and the kids and I could drive...even though it's a long drive.

Obviously your husband needs to go at any cost. So the question is you and the kids...if you can get someone to watch your children, then I think you should go as well. If you can't get someone to watch your children, is it possible for him to fly out and for you to drive with the kids, stay a day or two and all drive home together?

I know that my family who are out of state and would have to fly in for an emergency have the financial means to travel on short notice. If your FIL is still alive, perhaps a long-term savings goal would be to save enough money in an account you don't touch to be able to do this more easily when he passes away and it won't be a worry then. But for now, I would leave the kids with your family and try to arrange things to that you and your husband can go.

My parents just flew from Massachusetts to Ohio when my mom's aunt died. The planning was a complete nightmare - they booked the flights while she was still alive, planning on seeing her before she died and she got worse very suddenly so they tried to change their flights to something earlier and it would have cost hundreds more per ticket to do so. The bereavement fare is a cruel joke - some airlines will look up the obit but others want to see the death certificate (who would ask a relative for that?) and it's a pittance anyway.

I'm sorry for your loss and hope you find a solution that works.

Call the airlines. The bereavement rates are different - but can still be very pricey. Most require proof, but doesn't require much. Make sure you know the funeral arrangements (time place) if they are already set. As for travel, I've done a variety of things - gone just by myself, done the drive instead of flying and occasionally just paid the huge bill. Do you have family that could watch the kids for a few days? Maybe then just the 2 of you could go. Maybe you only go for a day or two, but it would be helpful.

I am so sorry for your loss. A year ago my FIL was very ill (out of state), and my husband and I flew out to be with him. After being with him for several days, it looked like he might survive for a few months, so I flew home to be with our children. While I was on the plane flying home, my FIL died. It was awful. I felt horrible for my husband having to through the death of his father without me being there. We couldn't afford for me to fly back for the funeral, but I was in contact with my husband the whole time. It was a very difficult time for him (obviously), and I was so glad when he got home. I spent a lot of time talking to MIL, too.

Again, I'm so sorry for you and your husband (and family, too).

ETA: I'm so glad you found a way for all of you to be there. I'm sure it will be huge comfort to your husband, and will be good for all of you, as well.

I'm sorry for your loss. :(
I would consider leaving the kids there and flying with hubby for the funeral.
Or, IF final plans can allow for a few days before the viewing/funeral, you could drive, with or without the kids.
Many people plan services considering g that it will take a few days for our if town family to get there.

If you tell the airlines it is funeral for immediate family they do adjust cost. 21 years ago, my BIL passed away very suddenly inCa. I called and got a price of $1450.00 per tic x 6.! I explained funeral gave all info. $850. I thought that was still a ridiculous amount but we got the money together and went. So sorry for your loss. Call the airlines.

I am so sorry for your loss. Glad to hear that you found plane tickets for all of you to go. May this be a comfort to your family to have all of you there.

My step-dad of 33 years passed away last week. Because our family is so spread out, we will wait until all of us can affordably get together for a weekend in Jan or Feb to gather and share stories. He donated his body to a university so that alleviates a lot for my mom.

We wanted people to be able to pay their respects to my mom so we just let family know that she would love to have visitors. As an elderly woman on oxygen 24/7, what she really needs is company. Now she gets some visitors, spread out over several days, instead of everyone all at once.

I think we have to bite the bullet sometimes and pay the money, but other times we can look at what the real needs are and make a plan accordingly. I am blessed that JetBlue put flights on sale starting on the 11th so I can fly out then and spend some time with my mom.

You can try getting the airlines to help, but their help is just a small discount. It took a week to get the death certificate when my dad died - I don't think that you can wait for a death certificate. Maybe they would accept the obituary that has appeared in the newspaper (public record).

I think perhaps you might need to get your family in the car and drive.

I'm very sorry about your MIL. It's still so very hard, even when it's expected.

Dawn

Did you ask the airline about a grievance discount? since a death is an event that cannot be known ahead of time, they will give discounts for last minute bookings. Don't know the requirements, such as copy of the obituary in the paper or an actual copy of death certificate.

How old are your children? Is it possible for just you and your hubby to go and leave your children with family who live locally?

Whatever happens, your husband needs to go.

We are a plane ticket away from all family. We fly anywhere that is over a 2 hr drive. Our advantage is that we do fly a LOT with pleasure and business so all 3 of us racked up a lot of freebies. In your situation................ we have once paid full fare to fly in because most airlines no longer have the bereavement fare, once flew with the bereavement fare AFTER providing the name of the deceased, place and time of funeral, and we've cashed in some miles and flown for free.

Check all the airline sites for any discounts. I never ever deal with discounters. If you are not familiar with planning flights, it might be in your best interest to check with an agent.

If you will go into deep debt with airfare costs, try to figure out what other alternative you can do... train, etc. If you do not have the $$, don't spend the $$.

We would pay to go on the trip, no questions asked BUT we have $$$ set aside especially for any emergency travel, etc which does come up from time to time.