A little background info...
Roughly 2 months after I gave birth to my twin girls I found out I had Mono. For months I tried to get more sleep and take care of myself, not an easy thing to do with newborn twins. We eventually ended up hiring a part time nanny to help me out so I could try and rest during the day. Still after several months I continued to feel extreme fatigue and muscle/joint aches. In January I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia with possible Chronic Fatigue. Since then I've had a multitude of tests, tried various medications and supplements without a lot of luck. My vitamin D was very low at 15 so I have been on 10,000ui for 2 months, still no improvement. The fatigue and brain fog, get so bad some days, I don't even feel comfortable driving. I am in relentless constant body pain, so you can imagine taking care of 16 month old toddler girls is a challenge both physically and emotionally.
I feel like I am almost at the end of my rope. This morning after another night of unrefreshing sleep ( insomnia and lack deep restorative sleep are part of this problem) and another morning of tantrums and tears, I broke down and started crying too. I have made it through every transition the girls have gone through pretty seemlessly, but weaning them off bottles has got to be the toughest I've faced yet. I am down to the last morning bottle after successfully getting them off the bedtime and afternoon bottle. But it has proved to be the absolute worst. For almost that last 2 weeks the girls have sobbed uncontrollably or thrown huge tantrums every morning, sometimes lasting over a half hour after taking that bottle away. I have tried everything. They refuse to take milk in any form of sippy or straw cup. My pediatrician said to just go cold turkey and not to worry if they don't get any milk all day because they get enough calcium from the he cheese and yogurt etc they eat. I would like them to drink it though so I don't have 5 year olds that will not drink milk some day. Also they do drink juice/water fine from any sippy cup so they know how to use one fine. I've tried even chocolate milk, they won't drink it. I've tried feeding them breakfast first thing, they sob through it and sometimes throw it on the floor. I'm really starting to lose it. Mornings are very tough for me physically. Now I dread them even more now. For the last two weeks I wake up to crying, screaming and tantrums that do not stop for what seems like hours. I am out of ideas, patience and energy and this close to just giving them a bottle again. I'm so sick of hearing from every other mother in my playgroup or my sisters how easy it was to switch to sippy cups and how their children love milk. I am getting so much pressure from my pediatrician to wean them what on earth am I doing wrong?
I am really starting to feel like a total failure as a mother. I know they won't go to college with a bottle but I also need to get past this. Has anyone gone through this? My last ditch effort has been to make yogurt smoothies and put them in their sippy cups which semi appeases them, they'll drink it but they go back to sobbing when it's done. Help.
Thank you everyone. Some really good advice and encouragement and boy did I need it this morning. This was day 9 of the cold turkey no bottles and I had thought they would have lightened up by now but was wrong. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the support and thoughtfulness of your responses. Its given me a lot of food for thought. :)
Unless they are three years old, why are you rushing to get them off a
bottle. IMO it is not worth it if they are so miserable. Good gracious let them have it. They will not go to Kindergarden with it.
Just want to resppnd to your fear that they won't drink milk later on if they are refusing it in a sippy now ... My twin daughters also refused milk in a cup when we were weaning, though they drank water no problem. We ended up going cold turkey because it was right when all the news about BPA in bottles was coming out, and our bottles had it. They went through a time when they didn't really drink milk, but we kept offering it. It didn't take long before they were taking it and now, at 4, they drink and ask for milk all the time.
Good luck and hang in there. It really does get easier as your twins get older, I promise!
In my honest opinion bottles or no bottles make NO DIFFERENCE at all. A drink is a drink is a drink.
Good LORD! Why put yourself through this? They will be ready when they are ready. I let each of my grand-kids let me know when it was time. They never had crying jags and tantrums. J took a bottle at bedtime until he was 2 1/2. His pediatric dentist knew and was okay with it. As long as we brushed his teeth regularly.
A drink is going in the mouth regardless of what it comes out of. How may people chug a drink on their way to work each morning, they don't brush their teeth upon arriving at work, then they eat all day, and drink stuff too, then go home and don't brush until late at night. Saliva works. It rinses the mouth out. Don't give them a bottle while they are asleep, such as letting them hold it in their mouths. That does not allow the saliva to rinse the teeth and mouth, the milk is constantly dripping and getting everywhere. That is what causes tooth rot from milk. Not the actual bottle.
A bottle is not near as bad as when they start sucking on their thumb or fingers. If they still need to suck then they will find something to suck.
You say they are 16 months old. I know the "suggested" age to get rid of bottles is 12 months, but honestly, many many babies aren't ready at that point. Give them the bottles.
Your pediatrician doesn't have chronic pain and insomnia and then have to chase two cranky toddlers around day after day, you do! Are the bottles causing a medical problem (chronic ear infections, tooth decay...)? If no, then it is of no concern to your doctor. A pediatrician is a medical professional, not a child development psychologist, and not a member of your family.
You can let your girls have the bottles until they are two, then they are at a much better place cognitively and emotionally to give them up. They will also be busier with playing and interacting with each other and you'll be better able to distract them. Maybe by then, you too will have a better handle on what is going on health-wise with yourself.
I know that at 16 months they seem so much more grown up and capable than they did a year ago, but in two more years when you look at pictures of them at this stage you will realize that they are still just babies.
I'm sorry for all you are going through. You are great to hang in there and you are certainly NOT a failure of a mother! I admire so much all mothers of twins.
We had a hard time weaning my daughter off bottles (at about 17 months) even though she took other drinks in cups just fine. We tried for a long time to do it gradually but we just got lots of crying. So we ended up going cold turkey. She saw us throw the bottles away so she knew there were no more bottles and she actually stopped crying for them once she knew they were completely gone. She was emotionally fragile for a week or so (more apt to get upset about other things). And she didn't drink milk for a month which worried me (b/c she didn't eat much cheese or yogurt) but finally she started drinking milk in a sippy cup. Now she is 2.5 and drinks lots of milk and loves her "milk cups" (as we still call them). So hang in there and my guess is they will eventually start milk again but it might take awhile.
Start massively diluting the bottles. Twice as much water as normal for formula, and change it to more and more water. Offer them whole milk other times of the day. Try teaching them to drink from a regular cup (no sippy or straw) with something they already drink well, and then you can give them milk in a cup.
For most things, I say wait it out, kids grow out of things, but (as I'm sure you've heard) bottles past 12 months are associated with dental problems. Switching them to water will help ease some of that.
Do you still have the part time nanny? Or is there someone else who can come in the mornings and help you? It sounds like you are really overwhelmed because of your own health issues, and I would suggest you could really use the additional support and assistance.
It's not the end of the world if they have the the bottle a little longer. Now I say this as I am trying to get the bedtime bottle away from my 2.5 year old. But my 5 year old eventually gave it up on his own with very little pressure, also after age 2. Both mine finally got the straw cup concept around age 2 and now like the soft fold down straw style cups (with their favorite cartoon characters).
You sound like it has been a real struggle just getting this far. Have they tested you for Lyme disease or is it definitly the Mono virus? Symptoms can be similar. I feel for you because I had horrible insomnia when pregnant and it made things so much harder dealing with a toddler. Good luck with everything.
I agree too, cold Turkey. Unfortunately you have established a pattern. They cry and you give in. So this battle will be the toughest. Just remember for the next time. What message are you sending them. ( if I cry and throw stuff, I get my way).
For future arguments teach calm talking will (most likely depending on what "it" is)get their way.
Walk away, don't stay in the same room while the tantrums are occurring. Only speak when everyone is calm and quite.
my refuge is the bathroom :)
Stay strong.
D.
I agree with the doctor to go cold turkey, because you haqve been attempting to wean them off and they continue to throw the trantrums. Tell them this is the last day you will have milk in the bottle, the bottle is going away. In the morning when you do not have bottles for them and they throw a fit make sure they are in a safe place, then simply lay down in the floor and start throuwing a trantrum with them. They will not know what to think, they will stop in place and look at you like you are crazy, simply say this is fun lets do it some more,,, they will stop then take one day and one moment at a time. if they mention the bottle - well the bottle went away, throw them out where they can not see them. if you continue to keep them on the bottle it will ruin their teeth and that will be added expenses at young ages.
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Wow congrats on managing to get rid of the night time bottles. Dont feel like a failure at all I think you have done awesome considering your situation AND you are doing it with two screaming toddlers. This may sound silly but I know my DD, who is 18 months and still gets a few bottles in the day (usually 2) loves to drink our drinks out of a straw and when I make smoothies and such I call it pink juice LOL and she drinks that right up. Maybe you could buy some of that strawberry mix stuff and a bit to some milk and try to serve it up with a straw and in a Mommy cup that you hold for them for now.
Good Luck and dont fret too much about it
we weaned our two from bottles after a family vacation-in all the changes and excitement, they never noticed. Cold turkey; we came home and never did another bottle.
You might not be up for a vacation, but maybe dad or grandma can take them on an outing (zoo or something?). Hopefully they will be too excited in the am to worry about the bottle, tell them we aren't taking bottles to the zoo, and never get them out again. Good luck!
I agree with Gamma G and Linda P.
My second daughter is so attached to her "baba" that we still give it to her... and she's 2 and a half. What's the big deal? (OK, now I feel like a bad mother!)
You probably shouldn't back down now that you've come this far. But don't stress yourself so much! If they are healthy and happy, who cares what other people are doing? Especially when you don't need any extra stress.
I feel for you, and I send you my best, best wishes. You are not a failure!! Motherhood is incredibly difficult.
to switch my son was very easy i threw out all the bottles on his first birthday and the next day he forgot all about them....when he was 1.5 he only wanted regular cups or sports drink bottles....
the girl....hmmph lol....she was a little tougher we switched her to sippy cups around the same time but it was trial and error, much like finding what her fav bottle was we had to find her fav sippy cup....
we did the ones that had the same material sippy part as a bottle nipple....they make them ages and stages or something like that.....that was my savior lol
your not a bad mom at all....i know how nerve wracking it is
I completely agree with Gamma G.
I know you want to do what's best for your baby, we all do, but considering what you are going through, just give them that 1 morning bottle. Sometimes life circumstances require a little flexibility- giving the bottle up now is just too much for you, so why torture yourself? It won't harm them, and I believe having a happy mommy is better for their well-being than being bottle-free. Plus, I guarantee you they won't be going off to Kindergarten with a bottle in their lunchbox- lol
Hang in there momma!! =o)
Um, let them have a morning bottle.
Just make it a small one with like 2 ounces of milk, with their breakfast.
Stress from this is going to make you feel worse.
The dread of waking up to another morning of tantrums is going to interfere with your ability to get any sleep also.
You are not a failure as a mother!!!
Your children are still babies.
They will not go to college drinking milk from a bottle.
Give yourself, and your babies, a peaceful morning.
Good Luck
God Bless
