Opinions Please! Issues with the Ex

Hmm...I guess it depends on how you feel about her. My ex-husband's wife is not allowed even on my front porch let alone in my house. Now my ex-fiance's girlfriend is welcome here any time she wants with or without him.

Have her knock then walk in...compromise.

Technically, anyone should knock.

BUT it always best to have ALL adults in a child's life open, honest, loving and on very friendly terms, don't you agree?

Good luck!

Extremely rude.

Common, though, with friendly exes.

Here's why:

It's also his daughter's house.

So she (kiddo) bounds up to the door and walks right in, and invites mom in, or mom just naturally follows, and it becomes so much of a habit that mom just starts coming and going as naturally as her daughter does. Sometimes with a "Hellooooo! We're here:)!" kind of announcement, sometimes a brief knock on the sill.

There are fixes, of course, but it's reeeeeeally common.

It is rude - that is your house, not hers. Yes, her daughter is there but that doesn't mean she can come in as she pleases. Start locking the door so she must knock.

E.:

Welcome to mamapedia!!

Lock your door. Plain and simple. Lock your door. It is YOUR home. NOT hers.

If your boyfriend wants her to have free reign in the house - then he needs to get back together with her and leave you alone. Seriously. They are BROKEN UP. Yes, they will always be connected because of the child they share - however - that does NOT give her permission to walk into YOUR home. Try doing that to her and see how fast it stops.

If your boyfriend supports this behavior? Buy his half of the house and kick him out. You deserve better than a "man" who allows his ex to blatantly walk into your home.

Stand up for yourself. And make sure your boyfriend does too. If not. Not kidding. No exaggeration - broom him to the curb. You DESERVE respect. By allowing his ex to walk into your home - he is NOT giving you respect.

YES IT IS RUDE.
How, presumptuous of her.
It is NOT her home.

I REALLY HOPE... she does NOT have a key to your home, and that NO ONE gave her a key!

Start, LOCKING your door!
That is the easy solution... to STOP her from walking into your home whenever she wants to.

She can walk into the door, because it is unlocked.
You should be LOCKING your door.... and it is for general safety too.
If SHE can walk into your house anytime... then that means, strangers and criminals, can too.

Just lock, your door.
It is YOUR house.
It is, safety.

And if the woman grumbles about it, well too bad.

You or your boyfriend, just have to LOCK your door.
Or tell her, it is rude.
No brainer.

lock the door.....& it won't be an issue. :)

my ex did this at first and my boyfriend let M. know it bothered him and I completely saw his point and even though my ex and I are friendly (even though I dont agree witha ll of his parenting ideas) I felt a bit uncomfortable too. I would J. ask your boyfriend to politely tell his ex that you feel awkward when she J. walks in and your worried one day she'll catching you coming out of the shower or something.

If she's reasonable she will undertand this and knock

Absolutely, it's rude! I'm a bit of a safety freak, though, and so you'll very, very rarely find my front door unlocked. And I live in what has been voted one of the safest cities in the U.S.! Hey, no one is going to catch me unawares ;) So ... simple solution ... lock your door.

Our neighbors have an alarm on their doors so when a door opens (front or back) a loud noise is heard so everyone knows it.
Additional:
I had a friend years ago who was working late on refurbishing a house.
He got home at 2am, took a shower, and did his rounds around the house before going to bed.
He checked his wife and kids and then he thought he heard a sound down stairs.
So as he's going from the kitchen to the living room the door to the garage opens and his neighbor, in his pajamas, walks into the house.
My friend is a gun owner, and he knew where his family was and he's like
"FREEZE!" with the gun pointing at the guy - the neighbor is about wetting his pants.
And then my friend is like "Phil! What are you doing in MY house? In your PAJAMAS?".
What happened was - the neighbors were moving and he was finishing up with moving his stuff, but he needed a place to stay the night and my friends wife let him use the guest room - and forgot to tell my friend.
When my friend came home and took a shower, the neighbor got up, had a snack in the kitchen and , being a good guy, decided to take out the trash - and that was what he was coming back from when my friend apprehended him.
So it was all smoothed over.
But the neighbor was lucky he didn't get shot.

You really want to know and be sure who is coming and going through your house.

Of course it's rude! Lock the door, talk to your boyfriend and let him know how you feel.

I would not allow that. In fact, not for anyone at all!! I grew up in a family where everyone just walked in to everyone's house, no knocking or anything. As I grew into an adult, I was appalled when my sister did it at my house!! So was my husband, so i just started locking the doors all the time so no one has the opportunity to do that. It would be very weird for my boyfriends ex to be doing that. I would not like that at all. But be nice about it, you will be around her for the rest of your life so you have to get along.

It is only rude if you've asked her not to do so. Set your boundaries and tell her what they are.

Your boyfriend set the precedent. She's just doing what he's said is OK to do. How is that rude? I"d ask him to change his thinking so that he can tell her it's no longer acceptable. He can be diplomatic.

Do you expect your partner's daughter to knock when she walks into her father's house? Because essentially that's what you're going to be asking your partner's daughter to do.

If you prefer that they knock as a warning before coming in or that they knock and wait for permission to enter, I don't see why you have to go through your partner. You want to keep a good relationship with this woman since you seem to plan to be with this guy for a while and as long as he has a daughter, the daughter's mother will be around. There are far worse things to be dramatic about. If you make a huge deal about this and haven't had issues so far, this could be the start of real drama.

But if you HAVE to say something, then the next time she walks in without knocking I would probably feign being seriously startled and needing to catch your breath. "Oh my gosh! Caitlyn! You nearly gave me a heart attack! (laugh a bit and try to catch your breath) I thought I had a few minutes before you and Kady showed up. You nearly made me wet myself! (laugh again) Do you think next time you could give a warning knock at the door?"

It's his daughter's house too. She should NOT have to knock when she comes HOME. If mom follows, which of course she will, it's natural. These two have a good relationship. Don't ruin it by getting all territorial on your home. Plus, don't you know when the daughter is being picked up and dropped off? You could be polite and meet them at the door. Again, don't ruin their good relationship over this.

And just so you know, when my ex comes to pick up our daughter, he walks right in. He does say hello if we are not in the kitchen (room door opens into) but he does walk right in. I know when he's coming so it's an expected person. No big deal.

If this is the what you call drama I think you have some maturing to do. Sorry.

I like Riley's take on it. It's the daughter's house. It would be only natural for her to walk right in when being dropped off, with the mama right behind her.

Picking up the daughter is a different issue.

next time, take her by the elbow and shut the door in her face !
K. h.

Hi, E.:

If her behavior bothers you, then you need to address it to her.
Is her behavior making you think that you are not being respected?

Why aren't y'all married? We have a duty to support personal and public standards of common decency. The other duty is to honnorably perform contracts and covenants both with God and man.

The ex-wife needs to be held accountable for her behavior that is offending you.
Tell your BF or Common Law husband about what you will be doing.

Tell her this by answering these questions:
1. What you thought when you relized what had happened?
( When you walked into my house without knocking, I thought..............)
2. What impact has this incdent had on you and others?
(The impact has made me.................... and it has impacted my........ by creating................)
3. What has been the hardest thiing for you?
(The hardest thing for me has been..........................)
4. What do you think needs to happen to make things right?
(Tell her what you need.)

Good luck.
D.

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