Only Child??

I have an only child and love it! She is 4 and my husband and I are very happy as a family of 3. There are lots of one child families around. I felt so relieved to find some because it seemed like everyone around me was getting pregnant with their second. We feel like having one child helps keep us all happy and in balance.
G.

I too only have one child and my husband and I had a late start as well. My husband and I haven't fully decided if we will have any more children, but I think of how we would afford to put 2 kids through college. I don't even know how I'm going to put my daughter through college. I'm also enjoying being able to provide for my daughter while still being okay finacially.

I think the fact that you're asking is proof enough that you'll be aware of possible issues and will take care of them. (We're a lot alike--I'm S., 36, teacher, just had my 2nd child but thought my 5 yo daughter might have had to be an only!) I think especially if you can help her have longstanding friendships, she'll get some of the same experiences as siblings.

I grew up the oldest of six but my best friend, David, was an only child. He was 12 and I was 10 when we met and, although he was popular in school, he was always lonely at home. He got off the bus every afternoon at my house and my mom always made snacks for David, too. He sat at the kitchen table with us and did homework and his mother would call when she came home from work. He never seemed ready to leave but I always wanted to go with him. I envied his great room with no messy siblings, his parents full attention, the peace and quiet at his house and I wanted so badly to be an only child.

But we didn't play at his house much. His mom didn't want neighbor children around after a day at work. She wanted David to come home alone and to be the well-behaved boy that he was. The few times I was invited in, we were to be quiet, neat and orderly... shoes off at the door, one toy out at a time, no food or drinks beyond the kitchen, no sitting on the bed, etc.

As we became young adults, I realized that David was truly alone and that I was so blessed by that mob of whiners I was forced to grow up with. At 10, I thought he must be crazy to prefer the asylum I lived in to his quiet house. His parents were both well-employed while my mom cleaned and washed laundry from daylight until dark but occasionally found time to play football in the backyard with us. My dad worked A LOT but money was always short at our house. David had the newest toys and clothes growing up but my youngest sister wore snow boots that three of us had worn before her. David's games were stacked neatly in boxes on a shelf in his room... my games that still HAD boxes were taped at the corners and I frequently had to search a toy box for a missing card or egg timer.

I lost touch with David but he stayed in touch with my parents until he died. My mom never spoke badly of David's mother but I always knew that she didn't like her very much. Maybe my mother envied her a little like I envied David. Maybe she felt like David's mother disapproved of her... regardless of the reason, David and I were aware at a tender age that our parents had very different priorities in life. My parents are elderly now and all eight of us get together every chance we can. When we know that the ones who live far away will be in town, we make a point of planning a huge dinner together. That has filtered down to the second generation and now, one phone call will put a plan in motion if a niece is home for spring break or a nephew has leave from the Air Force.

What a blessing that brood has turned out to be!!! I can't imagine NOT having them. As my parents' needs become greater, I'm so thankful I was not that long-envied only child. My brothers and sisters are so important to me and they will be what supports me as I meet the challenges we all must face in life. God, in His wisdom, knew the best place for me.

Money is important and I certainly don't suggest you have five more children but you will find the money to educate a second child and a third if that's what you truly want. Don't let money be the reason you deny yourself a baby that you want. We always find the time and money for the things that are important to us.

This is such an important issue. Please, let's also consider the long-term implications of adding to the already enormous pressure of population on humanity's future. It might be one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.

We are bequeathing them global climate change, a dirty environment (I have been severely sick with multiple chemical sensitivities for the past 18 years), a record national debt that they will pay for, and a world where even essential needs like water become a commodity for corporations to sell and people to fight over. Everywhere we look, overwhelming problems are growing as a result of fast-rising human population.

The more children we add to this planet, the less space there will be for the rest of life to simply survive. The less space there will be for people, too. We can not afford to look only at our own immediate desires and expect our children's lives to be healthy and prosperous.

I'm a mom of one daughter, who has one son and will probably stop there. She turned out super, and my grandboy, at 2, is a happy and well-adjusted kid. There are plenty of ways to socialize a child besides siblings if we stay conscious of it.

And I am the only one of four siblings who is likely to be available or financially able to help with the majority of my aging mother's needs. One sister is mentally ill and so needy that she adds considerably to the overall burden when she "gets involved." Siblings are no guarantee that the burden will be shared.

I'm 61 with a wonderful 29 year old only daughter. We worried about having an only lonely and talked to our daughter about this. She usually told us how happy she was to have us to herself. There were times when she felt alone and as she got into her teens talked about wishing she had siblings. She got more extras as a result of being an only child, like dance lessons, riding lessons and a horse, and most important, she had the direct attention of both parents most of her life. We noticed when things were off and we were attentive at those times. She also made an extra effort to cultivate deep friendships as she was growing up knowing that she needed to choose her close network of friends, not having siblings to rely on. As she matured to have far-reaching relationships, she cultivated connections with cousins and friends who moved away. I think it's ok to have only one child, but I think you need to talk about it and not have it be a stigma. If you know what it means to need friends, you make an effort to fill that need, with kindred spirits and like-minded people.

Hi S., I would tell you to have one more. The reason? I was an only child and believe it or not, did not like it at all. Even now that I am in my 40's and still have my Parent's and four (4) children, I am lonely. I wish I had had a Brother or Sister. But of course it is up to you and your spouse. I am just giving you my opinion, because I am an only child and I am sure you will get other responses from only children who were very happy with being the only child. I know it is very expensive to raise a child, but I believe that all families should have at least two. But that is me S.. As long as you and your Husband agree with eachother either way, that is good enough. Good Luck and I wish you both well either way. Have A Very Happy Holiday...:)

The pro's and con's are with all situations. You need to do what is best for your family. Whether you have only one or choose to have another is your choice. It is easier with older parents to have someone to call and share the burden but my sister is a pain in the ---. She is mean and emotionally poison to me. My brother is wonderful and I am blessed to have him and his family. I have six wonderful kids and it has been tough to provide but Christmas is great and they are all happy to see each other. What works for you is best. We don't have to live with your choice. You do!
C. B

Hi S.! I don't want to tell you what to do, but I thought I would let you know how I feel about my siblings. I am the youngest of 5 children and although there might have been tough times growing up, I love love love our time together now. I don't think I could have 5 children, but I wish I had it in me because it had been so rewarding for my parent. I plan of having 3 or 4 myself and have always known I wanted more than 1 child, no question. I think siblings are so important because it teaches you hwo to socialize on a smaller scale. I think it also teaches you how to care for another person. As we grow up and go on with our lives, we loose friends along the way, it just happens. But I know I can call my sister anytime and she will care about what's going on with me. I think siblings are the greatest gift you can give to a child. Nothing compares to family! Good luck deciding!

A.

I couldn't agree with you more. How a child is raised makes the difference, not how many siblings one has. I have two and wouldn't trade either for anything, but my observation is that one would in some sense be easier because you'd have more time to devote. However, the real issue is how many children you and you husband want. If you both feel your family is complete right now, that's your answer. When your daughter is two or three you may or may not feel differently. You have time to decide. Just don't let anyone else make you question what's right for you and yours.

E.

Give yourself some more time to bounce back and do not do anything permanent yet. You might just not be ready for any more kids, but then change your mind in the future. Also, think about your reason for not wanting anymore children...is it financial, does your family seem just right, do you not feel like you could give equal attention etc. Lastly don't worry about the outcome of behavior for your daughter. As a teacher and good parent you will help mold a well rounded child and adult. Having a brother or sister is all about the relationship, company, and love. I have only heard single children say that they were lonely, so that is something that you will need to think of. When you and your husband are no longer living you may want to have given her a sibling to leave behind as family. Good luck in your decision making.

S.,

I commend your bravery in reaching out to strangers to ask such a personal choice question. Who can ever really know what is good for you? So often we give away our personal power to others with regards to what we know deeply and truly in our own heart. It may be inspiring and enlightening to see how others live and the choices they make, however, children do not complete or improve our lives. They add to the joy and quality of our life if we have already found inner peace and sense of ourselves. To expect children to complete us or fulfill our loneliness, then the answer seems a little obvious. Children look to their parents for guidance, wisdom, morals, strength and continuity. Whether you choose to have one or fifty children, there is no perfect answer about "what may be". Enjoy the gift you have already been given. Give your entire heart to your baby NOW and give yourself permission to make a choice that feels entirely right for your family.

I have one child. I try to remember NOW is TODAY.

I would do what you feel like doing. You will have to field questions about when you are having your next one. Some people will be really suprised to hear you are only having one and some will comment about it so just be prepared for that.

In reponse to the suggestion midway through the replies: "If you want another baby or multiple babies, GO FOR IT!!!

I have to say that the way most of the pro-sibling replies read, it's alot about procreating another genetic child, eh?

If we truly want larger families, what about cultivating the heart of a true parent - the heart of adoption?

Everybody's heard about that guy who wrote the Horse Whisperer... Monty and his wife Pat had 3 children, and once grown, they went on to foster/adopt another 47 orphaned children over a 20 year period, 40 of whom went on to live successful lives. Wow! If you have parenting energy to give, there are many children who would benefit!

Peg M pointed out the fact that going about reproducing more humans, particularly "larger families" at this point on the planet, with a population of 6 billion and the ice caps melting, is perhaps a bit materialistic and short-sighted.

If we are blessed with a genetic child to gestate and birth, why not keep up the family feeling by teaching that child that family is a state of the heart rather than mere genetics?

Hi S.-

When I was younger, I always thought I would have a minimum of two kids but then I ended up not meeting the right person and getting married until I was about to turn 38. Luckily, I got pregnant pretty fast and gave birth at 39. I went into pre-term labor at 21 weeks and was on bed rest for the duration of the pregnancy. My husband travels a lot and I've kind of had to go solo with a lot of things. Deciding on just having one was difficult. I had to take into consideration the age of my eggs by the time I ready to have another (probably 41+ old and eggs do get old and have more problems) and the real possibility of pre-term labor again and maybe this time the baby could be born really early (and there can be lifelong problems with real early premmies). Finances can come into play as well. Many people go and have more children but they don't really look at the entire financial picture...the real costs of having another, cost of raising them and cost of sending them to college.

I talked to a lot of different adults who were an only child and asked them how they felt growing up and whether they were sad or bitter about not having a sibling. The people I knew said they had great friends so this wasn't an issue. And then I realized that I also knew people who do have siblings and some of them are not close to them (don't even like their sibling) and some barely even speak to their siblings. I realized that you can have other kids but that doesn't guarantee that your children will get along as adults or even want to spend time with each other. Whereas friends are something chosen and developed and sometimes (not always, these bonds are closer than with family members.

What we've done with our only child son is we've worked really hard to ensure he's not spoiled and doesn't grow up being entitled because he's an only child. He doesn't get everything, we budget things he receives as if we had other children, we've taught him to donate (and he just gave me $6 of his own money to sponsor me in a walk-a-thon) and give to others. Basically, we've been teaching him that it's not all about him because in the real world as adults, this is the reality. (Although yes, there are adults out there who do believe the world is all about them but I don't want my child being like this!)To counteract him being an only child, we're really trying to teach him about the rest of the world, social issues, global issues and being a responsible & accountable citizen. (We started trying to teach him certain things when he was 3. He's 6 now.)

In some ways, I feel I've been able to be more present with my one child than I would have been able to do with more children. The quality of time is better - this is a plus to me. Many of my friends who have two and three kids always seem stressed out and are constantly running around from one thing after the other and sometimes don't get to enjoy and really soak in the here and now with their kids. Personally, for me, truly being able to enjoy the moment and live it with my child is really important since they do grow up so fast.

Good luck with your decision! I'm sure you'll make a good choice that's right for your family.

I'm an only child, and I will admit that as a child, I always wanted a sibling. BUT - my parents were divorced and moving from home to home with issues like multiple stepparents really complicates the issue and I think those issues had more to do with my wanting a sibling. Had I been raised in a solid, loving home with my mother and father, who knows?

I always wanted to have more than one child, but my husband and I got a late start to parenting and now I'm not sure we will have more than one. I think I'm okay with that. I also think in this day and age we really need to consider the effect on the planet when we consider having more children.

my husband and i only have one girl and she'll be five this month. so far she has been really great with other kids, has no issues with sharing and doesn't seem to have a lot of the sterotypical only child things you tend to hear about.

Hi S.,
I am an only child and I also have only one. We decided on one for a number of reasons. Money, we want to be able to give our daughter any lessons she has an interest in, be able to go to any school she is interested in. With the price of college going up and how competitive scholarships can be, I don't want her to be limited by money. Also, growing up I never felt lacking because I didn't have any siblings. My husband never got along with his brothers and sister. We like to travel and it is easier to travel with one child. But finally, we are set on one because our family feels complete. That really should be the bottom line.
Hope that helps,
S.

Hey S.,

It is just as acceptable to have only one kid as it is to have many. Whatever you want is the best way to proceed. I'm wondering, since you shared with us your age, if that was a way to signify you thought future pregnancies had the potential of being more difficult, which I hear can be the case for women older than 35 (I'm rapidly approaching that age myself).

The one thing I have heard from friends who have gone on to have multiple kids is that it is more fun the second (and third and fourth...) time around as there isn't so much pressure and stress created by the unknown. The process itself isn't as scary because you've been through it before so you know what to expect and can relax and enjoy the ride.

I'm leaning towards only having one child myself. We just had our first baby a few months ago and the experience has been wonderful. Our little guy has been the best baby ever. I imagine a life of being able to shower him with every bit of my love and affection without having to worry about whether or not I'm being fair to his siblings. All I've got, goes to him.

One, two, five - it doesn't matter as long as you love 'em. :)

Hello, I have to respond to the person that said "best gift parents can give to their kids is a brother /sister.....period"

I do agree that children are gifts but come on, kids are a huge responsibility and people should not have them just to give their kids a playmate as a gift.

I have one child and I want her to have all the things that I never had, like paying for any college that she wants to go to.

Yes, it is hard sometimes when I don't want to play candyland for the 100th time that day but that is what I signed up for when I became a parent.

Regards,

A.
Parent of one and only one child

I don't think it matters whether you have one child or ten with regards to being super and well-rounded or egocentric and not-so-nice. It all depends on how you as parents raise them. My husband and I have four, and they are all a joy to be around - happy, intelligent, well mannered. We are not the only ones who think so either - everyone tells us how wonderful our kids are. What matters is what you and your husband feel is best for your family.

Oh the many disagreements over this!! I kinda think that this is a personal issue. But, I'll tell you what my thoughts are.

I have 2 daughters. My oldest was born when I was 30. About 8 weeks after my 35th birthday, I "discovered" I was pregnant - it was, to say the least, a surprise. (I miscarried between the girls).

When my husband and I got married, we talked about kids a lot. And I stated that I wanted 2 kids. I had a friend when I was a kid who was an only and she was a mini grown up. She experienced a lot of "new" things because of my siblings and family - but I experienced a lot of new stuff because of her and her mother. They took me to the ballet and the symphony with them.

My thoughts were that I wanted my kids to have childhoods - I didn't want them to grow up to fast. And my experiences showed that "onlies" tend to grow up pretty fast.

I did talk to someone who was an only and she told me that from her point of view, the hardest part was that all her parents hopes and dreams were pinned on her and she felt a lot of pressure due to that.

Those were my concerns, such as they were. I see pros and cons for each. If you have an only, you can give them more than with multiples. But on the other hand, multiples can entertain each other. My brother and I are huge friends. And my oldest begged for a sibling.

So, for what it's worth, that's my input. That won't help you make a decision, but may give you some things that you've not thought of before. But, in the end, it's going to have to be a decision between you and your husband - sorry.

I am an only child and due to circumstances regarding my fertility after I had her, my daughter will be an only child, too.

Just because you decide to have one child does not mean said child is going to grow into the stereotypical "only child". I have had to deal with people all my life who automatically made the assumption that because I was an only child, I was a spoiled brat. Not true. But my mom made sure that I wasn't raised that way.

The only issue I currently have with my daughter being an only is that she is lonely much of the time as we don't live near other kids, and she spends a lot of time with adults. However, because of this she has an advanced verbal ability and she knows how to entertain herself.

Being an only child myself did teach me independence, gave me the ability to talk to people and make friends, and how to entertain myself at a pretty early age - so it's not all bad.

I would never comment to anyone else on their parenting decisions, but I did want to just leave you with a slight perspective on what being an only child is like.

Good luck with your decision.

Hi S.,
Funny as this is my first time on this digest and I read your post first.
I am 37 and taught elem. school for 11 years all around the world, settled in CT and now have a 5 year old daughter. I have been through two miscarriages as it was never in my mind to have one child, especially seeing some "beauties" that entered into the classroom that were only children however, I have learned, count your blessings and we certainly do feel blessed with Emma.
My husband and I have mixed feelings as two would be just right for what we think, we know we are not in charge of our path in life, however, the last miscarriage ended in a D and C which I found very difficult however, we are giving ourselves another year and if it is meant to be, it will be meant to be and if not, I am blessed to have just been a mom in my life.
We are very content with one however, when we think about the fact that we will not be here forever, we would love her to have a sibling. That is the only party we are not settled with however, very content right now.

Dear Stacy, We too, have one child. It is just sometimes when we want alone time it gets hard because she wants to be right with us. Although, we want another child, we come to terms with the financial burden that could erupt from this through expenses. What we do is we go to friends and relatives house so that she can mingle with other children. When we want to do some alone time with each other that we dont want to include her she is comfortable with staying with firends and family. When she was small as your child it was hard to leave her with some one but as she got older it sometimes get irritating when she wants to go and do everything adults want to do. However, it seems as though when she does get out and mingle or spend the night with other, now that she is 5 years old, we begin to miss her and her bold personality. It is give and take of how you and you mate feels aobut you only child. Although our daughter is our second but only child (son passed 6 yrs ago) now. We cherish every moment with her as much as we can because when hearing from older wiser people, our young ones will begin to migrate when they get older and venture out and we may see them less often and tend to miss them.

Hi S.,
I have two children...one is 24 and one is 2, therefore, I have two "only child's". My oldest daughter has always been a loner even when the cousins and baby (her age) were around. I'd say about age 7 when they would all gather in grandma's livingroom to watch TV and she would go into the kitchen and watch the same chanel on a 12" screen in a kitchen chair. We would watch this happen every time. She always had perfect manners, which I was always complimented on. She is very caring for others who have a valid concern. In school she read to the hearing impaired students and would come home and proudly tell me of her day. In any event she is an only child. She moved in with her boyfriend for a little over a year and then she moved back home because they weren't getting a long for normal reasons (nothing I contribute to being an only child). They are still together and he has asked her to move back in...she has no desire to move back in with him because 'she needs her own space'. She said herself, "I think my only child synrome is kicking in".

As for the little one, we are trying to raise her the same way, however, between the three of us, I think she is a little more spoiled than the older one.

If you decide to have just one, I would say be sure to put her in a school where she is around other children and is forced to share. If you have the time available, join play date groups so she is around others. Your children will grow up just fine no matter what your choice is. You are consciences already, so I don't think you would let things get out of hand.

C.

Hmmm, to one-and-only or not!

We always thought we'd have two. Got married at 32/38, had our first at 36/43. We waited two years, thinking that would be good spacing and then...a second never came. Our son is now 11 and another sibling is highly unlikely at this point.

We came to the decision for just one in a funny sort of way. It happened. It wasn't our choice. Actually, if we had been convinced we wanted more, we could have done more than the ~6 months fertility work we did or we could have adopted. But one just felt right to us, maybe like it was meant to be.

There will always be some sadness with not having a sibling for our son. Sometimes he is lonely, sometimes he has a hard time getting along with friends, sometimes he gets all of our attention (for better or worse), sometimes we have arguments with God over it, sometimes we wonder what it will be like when we are older, infirmed or gone. On the flip side, sometimes it is a true delight to spend quality time with just him, to ponder fascinating questions with him, to share challenging dilemmas with him, to try to cultivate a child with a world view beyond himself.

We try to help our only son cultivate friendships and play dates to provide the siblings he will never have, to help him develop his social skills. But I think that is the goal for any parent, whether they have one or more than one.

This is not necessarily your issue, but when deciding whether to stop the fertility work or not, we talked to several people who were onlies. Most of them were adults and most were fine with their onliness. One interesting fact, though, was that most of the women felt very fine with being onlies, while most of the men felt quite lonely as kids. (Is it because of the different ways that men and women communicate? Who knows.) It was an interesting result of our small sampling, although, we know a larger sampling might have had different results.

Families are all different. I am the youngest of six, my husband is the youngest of four and a twin. Although I feel we are all close to our siblings, most of us are scattered throughout the U.S. With aging parents, distance in miles can be a challenge. So, just because you have siblings, doesn't necessarily make it easier.

Prior to marriage, I probably felt least alone when I was surrounded by a family of friends. So, "family" can come in many different forms. Learning to connect and develop a "family" is the key, whether they are blood relatives or not.

So, I've gone off on several tangents, but they actually relate to having an only versus not.

You and your husband are the only ones who can determine for yourselves if that is the route you take. If you choose to have only one, make the most of it! There are many delightful aspects of having just one. As someone else mentioned, though, be prepared for the surprise and sometimes judgment of others who think you are nuts for stopping at one.

If you choose to have two, make the most of that as well. And I wish you the best of luck! Just be prepared that secondary infertility is common--it might not be your story but you never know. It is something many of us never thought of as we delayed marriage and family in exchange for fascinating life experiences and work.

Aren't I the bearer if good news?! But seriously, these are things you and your husband should consider as you discern your path. Whatever the case, enjoy the path you choose!

You do what your heart is telling you to do. I would have been happy with only one child but my first pregnancy resulted in twins (girls, now 21 yrs. old.) Almost three years later surprise I was pregnant again only one this time, my son who is 18 yrs old now. My girls had each other to play with as babies and then a brother to fight with. So if one child is all you and your husband want then stay with one child. I'm sure whatever you decide will be right for you.

I am also a teacher and, like you, I've seen it all. It really depends on the parents.

I'm an only child and I turned out fine. (wink)

I'm 32 and the single mother of a 3 year old girl with NO PLANS OF MORE!!! EVER IN LIFE!!

If you want another one and you can do it- I say go for it! thaat is really a personal choice.

Hi- I'm 37 with a little boy that will be 4 in February and I'm about to have a little girl any day. I went back and forth on whether or not to have another many times. I am one of 2 kids and I just thought of all the fun that my brother and I had together. Yes, we did fight and I often wished that I was an only. Not now that we are adults and certainly not when we were little. That was more of a teenager thing. Selfishly I wanted a second because I couldn't imagine what life would be like if something happened to my only child, how would I cope? There is also something about the truth that you get from a sibling that is really important, no one will tell you the cold hard truth like a brother or sister!!

Another thought that influenced my choice was that an only child is left to take on the burden of aging parents all alone. With my husband being a little older to start with this is a bit of a concern to us. I guess that I have comfort in knowing that my son won't have to do it alone.

With that said, there are plenty of people that I know with only one who are super happy. There have been many days recently when I have asked myself if I am sure that I know what I'm doing having another. Do I really want to go back to all that baby stuff now that my little guy is getting so independent? It comes down to what works for your family and it is a personal choice. I think that last thing that you should do is have another because you feel pressured to do so by friends and family.

Does your daugther have any other family? Cousins, perhaps that are close in age to her? My thought is, when my husband and I are gone, I wanted my son to have someone to lean on, not feel alone. That is why we had 2 kiddos. At least they will have each other when we leave this planet.

I'm only writing you because I'm 36 years old and have a 15 month old daughter and currently work as a teacher at a college...which I love. I have had this thought of only one child but I think it is because this stage is a bit physical an d tough sometimes...however great.

The thought of having another child and starting over is hard. My view is do you see your family complete? Also I think if I were an only child I would wish I had a sibling! It's tough now but how cool would it be to have a bigger family later? I think what works for me is to change my attitude when it's really hard.

I think you should also work part time and share an assignment because that is what you have always done. I enjoy being a mom a lot more because I love my work too. Everyone is different! Also I believe if you keep your lifestyle as close to what it used to be...still see friends...go out with your husband etc your happier.

Lastly,

I 'm going to get preg...when my daughter is between 2 and 3 so you enjoy the stages and are not stressed about them being to close. Every kid is different with a different personality so you cannot really judge by other people.

K.

Its a personel decision but I think every child loves a play mate! I had planned to have 2 or even 3 when I got pregnant when my son was just a baby so my two kids are just 16mos part. I never would of planned it that way but my son never remebers being alone. I think one is great as well cause you can devote everything to them but I never wanted just one for myself.

I just read this post and after reading some of the respones, I had to reply. To those of you who said "Never have an only-child, that's not a good thing," shame on you for passing judgment on someone else! There are many reason parents would choose to have only one child, not the least of which is for medical reasons (or age). I currently have 1 child and, after losing our first due to medical complications, my husband and I are seriously considering having just one. We feel GREATFUL to have the one child that we do and we enjoy our time with him everyday, which is more than I can say for the majority of parents.

Also, it is completely unselfish, and the mature thing to do, for parents to choose 1 child if that's all they can afford to support. I know several people who said, "I want X number of children, and that's the final word" even though they are struggling to support those kids. The number of children you have is NOT what's important, it's the love and support you give the one's you have.

My bottom-line is this: Do whatever is best for you and your family. Don't even listen to the garbage that others have to say about "onlies" - they don't know you or your situation. The one child you have will feel lucky to have you.

My husband and I always dreamed to have 2 kids. When we found out we had a miscarriage the 1st time around, we vowed to try again. Luc was a miracle baby, because as a 9 week old fetus, the NP almost aborted him because she thought the fetus wasn't there. And yet we persisted we get to see a REAL Doctor and the real doctor found him in less than 5 seconds on the u/s screen. We felt lucky at that point, and named him Luc (french spelling name on my husband's side of the family) But then when our son was 2, he was dx with autism. We were so heartbroken at that time, I had another miscarriage. We vowed to try again and now we have a 4 month old. They're our two precious cargos. Luc who's almost 4 has mild autism -mainly speech delay and sensory processing disorder and food/environmental allergies (he's never going to be a bubble boy), and our 4 month old son, Jake.

But it's a personal choice and you have to do what you think is right, financially and emotionally.
Good Luck!

My husband grew up as an only child and wanted siblings. He felt a little lonely and really bored. As the only child, his single mom depends on him too heavily and it's exhausting, but that doesn't have to be the case in your situation. He's very independent (a little too much sometimes), which I partially attribute to spending a lot of time alone. But he's a very well adjusted person.

I grew up with siblings and my sister and I were best friends growing up and still are. We live in the same neighborhood together. I am so happy to have had siblings. I feel like my childhood was totally enriched through the experiences siblings offer (even though we fought a lot too), and as an adult those relationships still add much to my life. We offer support and love to each other. So I'm a little biased, but there are many ways to have a happy childhood and happy family. It depends on the parents more than on whether or not they have siblings. It's really about what you want and can handle. It's not right or wrong, but I do feel that what a sibling offers is much more valuable than anything money can buy.

I am 37 years old and the mother of a 2 1/2 year old boy. It has always been my intention to have just one. Being an only child myself, I find that I am very independent and I don't need to rely on anyone to be "entertained" and am just as comfortable being alone as I am being around others. I don't consider myself spoiled, but I will say that I like things in certain ways and I can be quite picky about that.

Lately though, as my parents are aging, and I think back to my "only" childhood, I am having second thoughts about having just one. Family trips, for example, were SOOOOO boring with just me and my parents. We couldn't afford to bring a friend and so I spent a lot of time alone in the backseat, reading or sleeping. Having to deal with the issues of aging parents by myself is very daunting, especially since my parents aren't in the best financial condition.

The idea of a second child scares me to death - much more so than the decision to have my first. I think it's because I know what to expect - the lack of sleep, being stuck at home during the multiple naps, trying to deal with two children traveling versus one, etc... BUT, I have asked all of my friends with two children what has been great and what's been hard. They all agree that the first 3-4 months are really tough, but it gets easier and it's VERY worth it.

So...I'm stil on the fence. But, I can suggest to remember that you and your husband are the ones who have to live with your decision to have one or more than one. People can tell you that you're crazy to stick with one, but they also don't have to help you raise that second child either. Good luck!

i htink it soesnt matter how many children you have it is al about how you raise them. my boys are 13 yrs apart. not because i wanted only one child but because i had five miscarriages in between. i think that both my kids and i benefited from them beign so far apart. they were both only children. my they both began reading at age 3 because we had so much time to dedicate to them. they walked early and are both bright and intelligent students. tehy are both involved in sports and my youngest just got a 75% scholarship for wrestling. on my behalf, we never did have sibling rivalry. and the oldest loved babysiting for his baby brother so that was aanother good thing. they both love each other and the oldest is my young ones hero. just had his first child and the youngest was there with them throughout the pregnancy and the birth which i think is very good birth control for young son. 0 they are both polite and socialble and i wouldnt have had it any other way. on the contrast my sister has one child he is 14 now. he is the most spoiled rotten child i have ever seen. he never shares and he always has everything he wants and gloats. when the family gets together no one wants to hang with him and since he is the youngest of all the cousins and the only one that doesnt drive they usually all go away and leave him home. but my sister na dher husband promote this , for years they a have been trying us to force our kids to play with him. cant do that anymore. they try to buy our kids they try to give them money to take cousin out to the movies etc but no one wants to. so it is all about the parents and how they raise them and im sure youll do a good job because you have seen the pros and cons

I am a 40 year old only and have a 5 year old only son. As an "only", I didn't realized how rare I was or the "stigma" and generalizations that went with being an only child until I took a child psychology course in college. The professor asked us to respond with a raising of hands regarding our "birth order". I was surprised to see that I was the only "only". Now that I have an only child of my own, I again feel the judgements of others all the timer and I'm not sure where this comes from. I was an incredibly loved, happy, well rounded, only child. My family made sure I had many opportunities to play with friends and be involved in church, school and social organizations. I am outgoing, college educated, happily married and have a beautiful, wonderfully outgoing well balanced son. We wanted to give him a sibling, but due to miscarriage, age, and other factors have decided that he will remain an "only" at this point. My husband has three siblings - some of them are well adjusted and some are selfish and irresponsible. Every family I meet seems to have their fair share of both. Is it birth order or other factors that contribute? We may never know. Love what you have. If God gives you more, love them too. But don't let other people's judgements bully you into a decision. Make the decision based on you and your current childs needs. No one can predict future problems, blessings, needs, character traits, etc. And no one can say that siblings make the best of friends. Some do and some don't. Whatever made you ask the question in the first place will lead you to your final decision. Then embrace your family and make the most of the time you have together. The generalizations will still be there, but I don't think we're as rare as we once were...so maybe "judgements" will start to change. I hope so.

I say have another one. We have 3 kids, and I can't imagine what life would be like for them not to have each other. I want them to have someone to lean on even when we are gone. Siblings are great!!!

My husband and I decided to have only one child for various reasons: my pregnancy and labor was difficult and miserable and I don't think I could do it again. I am 35 and he is 41 and age/energy is definitely a factor. As is money; we both have good, professional jobs and still can barely make ends meet in this economy. I would not want to bring another child into the world just to give my son a playmate. There are many other ways to do that...
I've also witnessed FAR too many people having a wonderful experience with their first child and then the second one drives them nuts. I've got my hands full as it is.

Remember that there will always be reasons for either choice. For everything on the list below as reasons TO have more kids, I could counter with reasons not to. It has to be a personal choice for you both. I have received more than my share of chiding for my choice, but people can't make your decisions for you.

I respect women who found their husbands early and had their families. That just didn't happen for me. I'm about 10 years behind my peers and thankful that I have one happy, healthy baby.

L.

I have friends that are the only kid and they LOVE it and plan to only have one kid themselves. I believe that as long as both parents are involved and care the kid will be fine. My one concern when it comes to this topic is, what happens when both parents have died? At least that kid will have a special bond with their sibling. Plus, it would be an even number to have another kid for amusement parks and all. ;)

v.

The dumbing down of human kind
more educated people are only having the amount of kids they can realisticlly (sp) afford (1 to 2 kids) and people with less education continue to have more and more kids. That's the jest of an article I read recently.

I think it is a personal decision and you shouldn't worry about people's conceptions of having only one child. I have read studies about only children that say because they have more specialized attention they thrive in school and are very intelligent. I think it depends on your family's wants and needs. If you really don't want another child, don't have one. Don't look for "the perfect family" as percieved by everyone else. Everyone's personal "best family" is obviously different. And who knows, maybe down the road you'll decide you want another child. Your daughter is still young, there's no rush. Just do what you feel is natural, your child will fit into the world just like all children do and she will give her personal touch with her own personal experiences. I only have one child, although I want more, if I only have her both she and I will still be wonderfully happy.

I have to respond real quick, even though I know you got a ton of responses. We've had four beautiful children in 3 1/2 years and I am the youngest of six kids. It's not just about how they will be as a child, but what you can give them for the rest of their lives. The best gift my parents every gave me were my five loving brothers and sisters. I know that I could never give my children anything more amazing then their siblings. Seeing how much they grow is the most awesome thing ever. I will say that it takes work to foster the amount of love and care that I desire my kids to have, but it's the best work I've ever done. I was a also a teacher and I think this makes you even stronger. Don't be scared of what they might become, think about how awesome it could be. It will take more effort then you thought you could possibly give, but you will never regret it. I've never heard someone say, I wish we had never had that kid, but I have heard so many people say they wish they had more kids. This is your chance. Good luck.

S.,

You have to go with what works best for you. My personal opinion is have as many kids as you can. It is always good for your kids to have family around when you and your husband are gone. Best of luck to you and your family!

There was only my brother who is 6yrs older than me so it was almost like growing up alone, dont get me wrong I love my brother we never have gotten in an arguement ever. but I sometimes wished for someone closer to my age to do things with.when I had my first child I knew I wanted one more no more than 2yrs apart so they could grow, play and learn together.Being a single parent I think it was the best decission I have ever made.My daughter is now 20 and my son 18yrs and they have the best relationship a brother and sister can have.They have eachother to confide in and do things with. And when mom needs a break they are there for eachother. I always tell someone who says they only want one child, "you got to have two" S. go ahead you will NEVER be sorry.

Hi S.,
We are also having only one child. My husband was more sure than I was, and certainly there are pros and cons with both decisions. I was also an only child and I believe that as long a child gets lots of opportunities to socialize and learn with other kids and friends that there is no problem raising just one. Being an only child who didn't get much opportunity to be with others, I am very sensitive to giving my son a lot more socialization and time with family and friends. I don't want him to feel alone like I did. (But, I also had two very introverted parents who didn't socialize either, and I'm not like that) We are also feeling like we can give more to our son because we don't have other children to spend time and money on too. I guess it just depends on if you feel satisfied with your family of three. If you both feel good about your decision, then it's the right one for your family. Best of luck, M.

Hi S.-
My husband and I aslo decided on only having one.
I am
37 my son is 13 months old and the greatest gift ever. we waited along time to have a baby- been together 18 years, married for 5 of them. for us it is the right decision.
alot of people gave me flack for it, you just have to go with what feels right. The only thing I can say is that if you do have another don't wait to long. I was an only child for 10 years.
With lots of friends and cousins. Then my mom had another baby
my sister and I are not very close. The age difference is part of it, but there is much more. good luck to you!!
N.

Hi S.. We have a 15+ month-old son and one on the way; they will be only 18 months apart. I think either decision can work. I think if you only have one, you can avoid some of the problems you mentioned just by having your daughter around other kids regularly so that she is socialized and stimulated. My sister and I were 7 years apart, but I was an only child for all intents and purposes because of our age difference and circumstance, so you just never know. When we decided to have another child, many people who had children about that close together said that initially it was rough (first year or so) but they became buddies and entertained each other very well, which sounds very nice to me. We also figured we're in the "groove", so let's do this now while we're ready. It's a big question! Good luck!

Hello S.,

I saw your question and read through most of the responses and had to add mine lol. I come from a family of 7 children, with a set of twin brothers. I am next to the baby of the family and the youngest daughter. I have 4 children of my own (3 girls and 1 boy). I have often thought what my life would have been like with only 1 child. Then I remember back to being a kid. My best friend was a only child and she always hated it! She even went as far as hiding her mothers birth control pills when she was 12 lol.
Thats when she found out those were old pills and her mother could no longer have children, it really upset her. I was always at her house or she was at mine. She loved the noise in our house and wished hers was more like it. She was lonely most of the time. I on the other hand, wished my house was like hers lol, because she got pretty much whatever she wanted. And I coming from a large family couldn't have that.

Now that I am older, I appreciate my larger family. It wasn't about getting whatever I wanted. There was so much love around my house. When I pass from this world, my children will still have eachother. Where as a only child will have who? It does boil down to your personal choice and no one elses. Do what is right in your heart.

Good Luck!
T.

i was going to be a only child and my mom became pregn. with my sister when i was six and she is my best friend if i need anything she is right there holding my hand she was there when i had my daughter and i love every minute with in it.

I would never recommend to anyone to only have one child. There are many many reasons.

No sibling to...
play with
share with
learn with
grow with
divide your estate
cry with

you would have only one child to...
teach
laugh with
learn with
share with
enjoy
help you when you are old and not able
pick your nursing home? take care of you in their home
cry with
pray for you

I could go on and on and even get into details on each one above... if you would like me to, just reply and ask.

We struggle with the same issue. I have to believe that our son being an "only child" will adjust due to the fact that is all that they know. I do have a sense of guilt and the thought of another child on one hand I feel like would be too overwhelming for us and then I feel selfish by not doing so. I am a working mom of a health well ajusted 3 1/2 year old son. I own a salon and work full time, husband works full time. We have no family to help us so right now I believe it is in our best intrest by not having another. I know that I would not be able to handle twins, birth defect or any other abnormality issues that could come about with having another child. Society puts too much pressure on having the "Perfect Balanced Family". We need to be happy with what we have and count our blessings. H.

S.,
Just a note as I saw that no one else commented on this - if you plan on having just one child make sure you have pets! You may or may not be an animal lover, but I have noticed that our 15 mo. girl has a blast socializing with our two dogs and learns so much about being kind (we often remind her to gently pet them, etc.). She also loves to help give the dogs "treats" as many times as we will let her. She is very tolerant and a bit tough also (and not scared like she is of Santa - hah!). When she is older I think that we would like her to help feed the dogs, brush them and take care of them. I think the biggest benefit acc. to a book I read for an older child with siblings is that they are responsible for and take care of their younger siblings (an IQ benefit of approx. 10 points believe it or not). An only child does not necessarily have this benefit so make sure they have something or someone to take care of (something that is dear to my heart with a young child). We are hoping to have a second child, but you never know what will happen.

Your update made me laugh so hard :) I did have twins -and they don't run in the family!!!

S. I am an only child. I had the best parents in the world! I was lucky, I was disciplined very well, now that I am much older I can recognize it, not spoiled, which was even more important, but lonely. I am in my fifties now, my parents are both deceased and even though I have 6 grandchildren with my husband deceased for 8 years now I am still lonely. I have always wanted a brother or sister and no matter how close you are to cousins or friends or even your children, it is not the same. My thoughts for you is to please consider for not only yourself but more for your daughter that one is not enough.

An only child can be great as long as you are careful to find other children for them to form a close relationship to an don't be too up tight about it. I raised a wonderful son. His father wasn't into parenthood so I had all the parenting duties until we divorced and when my son was about 18 I married a wonderful man with two daughters, 17 and 12 years old. Fortunately they have a good mother and now I have three wonderful grown children. Both our daughter are probably going to have only one child and my son has none. I was one of eleven children. My mother had two sets of twins.
Milli

I say, if you want more then have more. I am now 53 and have one child, a daughter. I have been through the change of life and I wish now that I had at least one more maybe two but it is too late for me to have any more. So if you want more than one, have all you want when you can. I love my daughter with all my heart but I wish I had at least one more. I could adopt but my husband does not want to adopt so I will never have another child. So I say have as many as you want to while you can. I have a large family (7 brothers and 3 sisters). 11 of us. I now wish I had had more children.

I'm 36 have a 17 year old son. I married when my son was 10. I was not sure I wanted another child. I gave up my youth to raise him and loved every minute. However we are very close and I wondered if I would love a second child as much as him; would this second child ever feel that he/she was missing something or second best. For 10 years it was just he and I. The answer is NO!! 12 years is nothing they still argue and play and love one another. The love I feel for her is the same I feel for him. I am now wanting a third child. I know that in 1 1/2 years when he goes off to college she will be so lonely and heartbroken. I knew I did the right thing the first time I looked at her, but it was confirmed the first time her brother saw her and he had this big smile on his face. He reached over for her little hand, and said, "Mom just look at her" he was in love. It is with out a doubt one of the best moments I have in my life.

S., I really believe some children are meant to be only children. My daughter is not one of them. Maybe it is just her age at the moment (she is 5) but she very rarely spends time alone. She is constantly grabbing attention from anyone who will watch. I am pregnant now and she is so totally excited. I will be 36 by the time the baby is due and i am thinking of having another baby soon after.

best gift ,parents can give to their kids is a brother /sister.....period

When you and your husband pass on, she will have no siblings to be her family, she will be alone in the world, except for the family she herself may or may not create with someone. I know when my mom passes on I will still have family with my sister and my three brothers, and that is a comforting thought to not be alone in the world with others who have similar memories of my past.

I was an only child and very lonely, I would have had a brother younger than me, but he died in infancy and after that, my parents never tried again. I'm now 35 and wish I still had a sibling, one I could turn to, to vent about my parents to!, to be an aunt or uncle to my kids. Someday when my parents are gone, I'll be the only one there, that scares me and makes me sad too. I suggest giving your child someone they can grow up with and have a relationship with.
Just a thought.....

My Husband is an only child and He never realized what he missed being an only, until we had our three kids and now He sees how great siblings are. My baby brother (now 30) we are 12 years apart but still He is my Brother and we will always be there for each other. My Husband has alot of respobibility caring for his elderly, widowed Mother, He is the only one.
Have more!

Me too, I am 42 and my husband and I have 1 4 year old daughter, I didn't think I wanted another one, but now my mind is leaning towards a sibling for her. She is a wonderful child, but definately has some of that "ONLY CHILD" attitude. We would have to act quick at my age, I just don't know what is the best for our daughter.
--S., California

S.,

i'm 35 and currently have one deceased child, one living child (3.5 yrs), and one child due in may.

our first was supposed to be an only child. we said if we wanted another we would adopt. he died 1week after his due date, 3 days before he was born. that changed our whole outlook on family plans. it was actually my husband who suggested more than one child--he wanted none when we got married.

what we finally decided was to let nate (the 3 year old) decide. it wasn't a matter of "do you want a sibling?" but more based upon his manner and his demeanor. i've always been told that if my brother had the choice he would have been an only child. that was based upon his demeanor and personality, because he was only 9 mos old when i was conceived. so we waited.

we wanted nate to be a baby for as long as he needed to be a baby so we had plenty of time to figure it out. he loves being with other kids. he even said he wanted a baby. he is such an energetic, outgoing child, i really think he needs and wants a sibling. if he had been the kind of child that was perfectly content to play by himself, we might not have decided to have another.

we looked at other things, too. we want him to have someone to grow up with and be there for each other when we are gone. unfortunately, we are nowhere near family, and it is all too common for families to come and go in los alamos. it is too hard to rely on friends.

as it is, he is very excited about having a baby sister. he even told us when we were going to get pregnant and that she is a girl. we've just reached the point where he might be able to feel her moving in my tummy, and i'm excited to share that with him. of course, he keeps asking when she can come out and play, too. we are working on his expectations.

i will say that this final pregnancy took quite a while to accomplish and with some medical assistance, which was not expected. as each month went by, i had to face the idea that there may not, despite our decision to have another, be another child in our house. that was hard in some ways but a relief in others. i could very easily picture just the 3 of us doing all kinds of things quite happily. i could picture my house without all the stuff i'm storing for another baby. i was definitely ready to move beyond what felt like a holding pattern that our lives were in. but it was hard to let go of the idea of a sibling for nate and possibly a little girl. but i could have done it if i'd had to. as it is we got pg right about the time we were ready to call it done. i didn't have much more in me for month after month of failure.

ultimately, it is a decision you and your partner have to make together, with maybe a little bit of input from your daughter. if you don't have baby fever, it will probably be much easier to stick to one, fabulous child. good luck.

Responding as an adult only child... Being an only child is no fun as adult. When your parents have problems, health, mental, financial, emotional and otherwise. I'm 43 and have been married for 20 years and have three kids. I have several friends that are only children. Not one of us has only children. I think that speaks volumes.

I would also agree that having siblings teaches you to negotiate, collaborate, and forgive. Not that only children can't learn these things. As a child with siblings you realize that when you disagree - your siblings are still there. As an only child - when you disagree with your friends they leave. They may or not continue to be your friend.

I've had a good life. I'm not saying I didn't have a good childhood. As an adult, I would give anything for a sibling.

Hi, I am 37 and mother to one daughter who is 5. My husband and I are both the oldest of 3. However, while we both had similar upbringings, our relationships with our siblings are VERY different. My sister, 3 years younger, is my best friend, which was NOT the case when we were growing up. My brother and I are not super close, but still communicate fairly regularly. My husband does not really speak to his sister and can not STAND her, and only occasionally communicates with his brother. Interestingly, HE is the one who things our daughter should have siblings, while I am fine with her being an "only". I had a terrible pregnancy, birth and PPD, and truly feel I would crack if I had do go through it again. I am open to adoption, while he does not want to even consider it, saying that I could have another if I "really wanted to". So in our case, our relationships with our own siblings are in contrast to our feelings about our daughter having siblings. This is just to give you some further perspective. Good luck! :)

I am 34 and an only child. I am proud of how I turned out although I always wanted a sibling. I have a lot of wonderful friends and the greatest husband who is my best friend. I still can't shake an underlying feeling of loneliness. My current thought, even if the siblings do not get along they will always have a connection with someone, like a safety net. It's a bonus if they do get along. Either way you do what's best for you and your husband and the child will be better off for that! Good luck!

Hi S. -

You have to go with your feelings on this one. I have two children - 2 yrs 5 months apart and I wouldn't trade either one for anything. When they were younger they played together for hours. As they became teenagers they more or less went their separate ways, but keep in touch. I disagree with one of the responses as to reasons for having children. Don't make your decision on how many children you should have by how many will take care of you when you get old. That's absurd reasoning. A person should never depend on family members to take care of them as they age. Base your decision on what you and your husband want together, what you can afford and what you can handle. Don't go with the reasoning of "it takes a whole village to raise a child" (so I can depend on everyone else to do my job for me). When you make the decision to have a child (whether it is a first child, second child, etc.), it your sole responsibility as parents to raise those children and provide for them. There is no right decision or wrong decision, just as there is no way to predict what will happen as a result of your decision. Just look at your circumstances as they are right now and make your decision together. Whatever you and your husband decide will be the correct path to follow.

I am a 54 year old mother of one son 16 years old. I was 37 when I had him and it was the greatest day of my life. I wasn't sure I would marry in time to be blessed with a child. I count my blessings every day and every minute that I was given the gift of motherhood.

I thought about having a second child but with my age and work I felt that my energy was not what it would have been had I been younger starting a family. I would not want to go through putting a child through school again. The school part is grueling. I retired from my work when he started school and taught lessons from my home. I wanted to be home after school when he came home. That was the best decision I ever made. Everyone is different. We all have different time and energy demands and needs. My son is turning out just fine as an only. Unconditional love and your time, not things or day care is the key.

Follow your heart not your head. There is no right decision. All that is needed is lots of love.
Kathy

I hope it's not too late to respond. I feel that there are so many great reasons to have more than one child. Many people mentioned how great it is as you get older to have siblings especially when their parents are gone. I would also like to say how important it is for children to have siblings as they grow up. I am from a family of four children. Sure we've had our difficulties as siblings, but there's no way I would trade the things I have learned and am learning because of having siblings. We are always there to support and love each other through good times and bad times. My younger brother and his wife just had there first baby, and I can't tell you how great it was as his sister to see that wonderful event and to see first hand the love that they felt for a baby. There's something so special about the sibling relationship. If you want another baby or multiple babies, GO FOR IT!!! You will NEVER regret having more children! There is nothing better you can do in all the world than be a Mother!!!!!!!!!!! Your children will forever love you for it, and nothing can bring greater joy and satisfaction in life! I have one son right now (3 years old) and am pregnant now with my second. I plan to have 4-6 if I can. My mom comes from a family of 6 kids. My dad from a family of 3. My husband is the second of 7 children. My sister in law is third of 5 girls. My grandmother is the oldest of 6 children. Needless to say I have a lot of experience with big families. Everyone single one of us are so very grateful for the blessing of having siblings. Please don't let anyone tell you that one child is where you should stop. If that is right for you, okay, but follow what you truly feel. Babies, siblings, families are the greatest and most wonderful thing we have in life! It is worth all the challenges that may come, because blessings far outweigh it all! I hope this is helpful!

stacy j. thats a choice you and husband will make, but for the child it can be a lonely journey growing up. my son is an only child. it was hard for him not having a brother or sister to play with.i also made that choice having 1 kid. now that he's grown he tells me why i did'nt have more kids.he missed out on that.i was his playmate, mother, & sometimes his dad.

I am 32 and I have three kids they are fun at times and hard at times. But I would NEVER change a thing. This past weekend my daughter 7 went away for the weekend the last thing she said to me is tell my brothers I LOVE THEM. When she called that night she talked to me for 4 or 5 min than said wheres my brothers. Point to story no matter how much they fight they love each other more amd more.
I know that 2 kids are hard and 3 is harder but 3x the love I get is better than all the sleepless nights and fights.
Kids are gifts and I always did like getting gifts.
HOPE THIS HELPS

Okay, are you ready for another response to your question? I'm sure you have heard it all by now. I feel that you would probably be very happy with one, less guilt about working, but you truly won't regret having a second or more either. It sounds like you are a great mom with a supportive husband. I have three, ages 6, 3 and 1. Two girls and a boy. My husband and I had no idea what we were missing until we had children. We are much better people and have had to learn to trust and rely on each other in so many ways. Although, we would have been happy showering one with all our love and attention, I am so glad we took the opportunity to bring into this world and have the privilege of raising these unique and beautiful individuals. It's worth the journey if your are willing to walk the path.

Hi Stacy:

I had one child and also was a Stay at Home mom. When she turned 3, we starting trying for a second child and it just wasn't happening. I finally gave up and tried to accept she would be my one and only. I was sad, angry and then just became content with the whole situation. A month before my 40th birthday and right after my daughter turned 7..I found out I was pregnant. It was the greatest joy, I was so happy being pregnant and now I have a second daughter. I have to say the second time around was such a charm as I enjoyed it every step of the way since the first one was a new learning experience and took a period of adjusting to having a new child in the house. So you may plan on one and end up having a second. You never know but whatever happens you will enjoy the experience..so best of luck.

I am also a stay-at-home-mom with a 4 year old. I am 33 and worked as a teacher for 5 years. I am really wanting to get back to work soon but we are also thinking about another child. I am very happy with the size of my family but I am concerned that my daughter will be alone. She does not have any close cousins living in the area. She will not have any family to turn to once my husband and I are gone (morbid I know but has to be thought about). My best friend lost her mother to cancer and her father lives in Dallas now so she does not see him often. She does not have any other family and told me that it is a very lonely feeling. We have been friends for 15 years but I cannot share childhood memories with her. I think you have to consider how your child will adjust to adult life without a sibling. Good luck.