One Twin Is Holding the Other One Back in Everything

I dont have twins but on the potty training thing my son went to school at 4 and a half and was still having wee accidents most days, he is now 6 and a half and is still not that reliable in the day and has to be reminded a lot, and is still in pullups at night and showing no signs of being dry. My daughter was dry in the day at 3 and a half. At age 3 I wouldnt say its late to not be potty trained. Dont push it, just wait til he is more open to the idea. He will want to be a big boy eventually.
xo

Go to your library or Amazon and get a book called, "Raising Emotionally Healthy Twins." It is written by a psychotherapist, who is also a twin AND a twin mom. It really emphasizes the importance of not comparing them and making sure that they have separate experience and
are thought of as separate people and not a "set." It goes through parenting twins through
each stage of developement and really challenges you about the ways you (and I think all
non-twins really) buy into the "twin mystique."

I am not sure and I am not a Dr or an expert but YES by 3 they should be able to do a little more. Take them to see experts on the matter and if there is any issues it would be easier to help them now and not later

Hi S.,
3 year olds (or not quite 3) don't need to identify letters. They need to do this going into kindergarten. That's 2 years away. Twins are not required to do things at the same time, they are separate individual people and aren't likely to be any more alike in their development than non-twin siblings. It is a mistake to assume that they will be the same developmentally as an older child. I think that often moms assume their kids do these things because of something mom is doing with them, but mom doesn't get the credit for their developmental achievements (I know, it's hard to embrace the idea that the kids are in control). I would put a lot less stress on yourself, and your kids - 2 year olds doing homework? I think that's a bit much. They don't need to write or trace letters at 3 years old - again, a kindergarten skill (I work in an elementary school in addition to having kids already pass thru that stage of schooling). Kids learn from exposure - read them books, point out signs and the letters on them, get games that involve some counting skills but learning should be about play at this stage. Good luck!

Don't worry! The doctors told me that one of my triplets would always be behind. He sat up late, crawled late, walked late, talked late... The doctors said he'd need special ed and that he may not ever communicate... Boy were they wrong! He's still not exactly the athlete the other two boys are, but he sings, plucks at the guitar and piano, and he reads! He started reading in preschool and is in the highest reading group in his class. As for his language skills, he speaks more clearly that either of his brothers. And he does the best in school. Oh, and for the record--he barely got potty trained in time for kindergarten.

Just give your twins each the time they need. Don't compare them, just let them do what they can in their own time.

good luck!

www.thosecrazybeans.blogspot.com

I have twin boys who just turned 4. One of my twins was always more advanced developmentally. Rolled over earlier, crawled earlier, walked earlier etc... That twin (Twin A) also was potty trained in a day when he was 3 (I waited until they turned 3 b/c I wanted to train them in the time between camp and school). Twin B, however, didn't potty train at that time. It took him another 6 months.
On the other hand, Twin B knows ALL his letters, can spell words and is starting to sound out very basic words (cat, bat, mom, dad). Twin A (the one who developed faster) basically did not know his letters at all (until probably about a month ago). When I'd show in the letter "A" and ask what it was, he'd say "it's a triangle!!"
I asked his pre-k teacher whether it was a problem that he didn't know the letters (after all, he's in school full day sitting with the alphabet all around him!) and she said absolutely not. He was on track and that, he just has to recognize his name. Indeed, they just want them to be able to write their names when they go to kindergarten. I, too, was nervous b/c Twin B is doing all these things with letters (as did my older daughter). They reassured me that Twin B and my older daughter were somewhat exceptional in this regard, and that Twin A is just normal and right on track...

But I see a huge difference in his ability in the last few months. Now Twin A can write his name, he knows letter sounds etc... So don't worry (yet) about your 3 year olds. Twin B may go from not saying the alphabet at all (which is what my Twin A was like) to knowing to spell his name really soon.
If you have any concerns, though, ask his teacher or pediatrician....

S.,
The less you emphasize, the more they'll do the natural thing.

You can compare them to your 7 year old, but you can't expect them to comply with that baby's schedule.

You are not behind, they are not behind. They are where they are.

Good luck,
M.

PS: www.enjoyparenting.com (I think or .net) Scott Noelle has a daily newsletter called the Daily Groove. I have found it eye opening and inspiring.

I've got 4 children, the last being twins. Children develop at different rates. They have different interests and different skill sets. When you had your older daughter you had plenty of time to spend focusing all your time and attention on her. Then when you add twins to the mix you're lucky to just have everyone in clean clothes every day.

Don't beat yourself up over what you should be doing that you aren't. One twin is not holding the other back from developing. You just have to figure how twin b learns things? Active and on the go? Visual learner vs audio learner?

If twin b is an active child then how about making things a game that involve learning with motion? Teaching shapes could become a game where you put some different shapes on the floor and say "hop like a frog to the circle" or "fly like an airplane to the square". Something that makes it fun and educational.

Learning the alphabet could become tracing the shape in the air and asking him/her to make that shape with his/her body (that could be hysterical). Once you hit on the type of learner your child is they pick up on things sooooo fast.

My grandsons loved thomas the tank engine and those silly toys helped to teach them colors and numbers.

There's a great article in Parents Magazine this month about pushing kids too early... definitely take a look.

You may want to get them involved in separate activities so that they start to distance (a little) and recognize that they are individuals, not just "the twins". Children develop at different rates and the range of "normal" is really broad. Talk with the pediatrician. If he/she isn't worried, then take a breath and relax!

BTW- lots of research on how first children advance more quickly, but it eventually evens out!

Dear S., Each of your children is a blessing and an individual, I have 5 and each one is different and learned or mastered things at a different time or age. When you had your 7 year old you had time for one child, now you have 3 and things are different. Love your children, enjoy them as they grow and please don't compare. Grandma Mary

S.-
do you have b/g twins? i do and they sound very similar to yours. my girl was potty trained at 2 and had language early, her twin brother i had to force into underwear at 3 and he "stayed back" at daycare, his sister moved to a new room. what i realized that i was doing was "babying" my twin boy and he was going along with the gag. i've moved slowly, but i am holding him to the same standards that i hold his sister to. he is a little defiant with time outs etc so i started taking things away when he doesn't listen. that got his attention. i make him dress himself-he needs help, but i make him start it by himself. he has to put his shoes away and put his dirty clothes away. hopefully some of this will help. maybe sign your daughter up for preeschool to help encourage her to keep going. good luck.