Older Moms and Younger Moms

Hi L.- I'm one of the "older" moms. I'm 42 and have a 3 year old son. And actually, my son plays with some of my friends grandkids!!! I don't know if simply age makes me better or worse as Mom, but I do know that at this age I know myself better, and trust my instincts more. When I was younger, I may have done, or not done something because I was intimidated, or awed, by what someone else might think or say. I also would have been more impatient. Now I realize time is SO important and there aren't any guarantees as to how long I'll be here (my Mom died at age 59). I'll never get the chance to redo some things (pregnancy, infant milestones (1st smile, 1st word, etc) so I choose to try and slow down and really live & enjoy the everyday things my son is learning and experiencing even though I have 1,000 things I think I need to do, like everyone else. I do wish I had the energy I had when I was in my 20's, but I like having the "life expereiences" of being in my 40's. Hope that helps!
J.

I'm an older mom - 39 with a 4 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. I think that younger or older, the type of mom you are depends on the type of person you are. For me, being an older mom is what worked for me. Sometimes I do feel old, but I am also able to offer my children more and struggle less.

I think a lot of age of mother depends on socio-ecomonic factors.

Even though you've already gotten a lot of responses I decided I'd chime in too. I had my 10 year old when I was 17 years old. I was often scrutenized (sp) for being so young with a baby, and often people would say "oh what a good big sister you are" etc. I would get evil stares like I was the worst person in the world for having a full set of braces and pushing a newborn in a stroller. People would shake their heads when I corrected them telling them Destiney was my daughter not my sister. It was even worse when I would breastfeed, because then they would defintely know I was her mom. I have no regrets about my daughter, and wouldn't trade in the last 10+ years for anything. Older moms would often look down on me because of my age. I also had some "prejudice" recently because I am not married. Yes, I had 2 children without being married but that does not make me a bad person. My fiance and I love each other as much as any married couple loves one another, and we are getting married, we just have to save up for the "perfect" wedding we want. I was actually "advised" to go to the town hall and get married, then plan the wedding for later. The nerve of some people!

I had my son at 29 so I'm really in the middle. But one thing I think DOES make a better parent is having a healthy relationship with the kid's dad. I married my husband when I was 26 and I really think having a few years together when we were married BEFORE having kids was great. We really understand each other, work together as a team, etc etc. Having kids really stresses your relationship on multiple levels as you know (less sex, less sleep, less time for each other, less money), and having the security of a healthy happy one before you add another person to the mix makes a big difference. I think that the relationship between the parents, more than mom's age, probably influences parenting. This is not to say that single moms aren't great parents (I know lots who are) - it's just my own personal experience that being married for a while first is great.

I don't think 'age' makes a mom a good mom. I think having unconditional love and setting boundaries for your child makes you a good mom and women of various ages are capable of such.

I would like to share with you why I waited til my mid-30s to be a mother. I think the decision to have a child is VERY personal and dependent on a number of factors. I set a lot of personal, academic, and professional goals that I wanted to accomplish (selfishly, I might add) before throwing other people into the mix (including the husband!). I knew I wanted to go to college, graduate from college, go to graduate school and finish my masters, plus do all the social things that are present with living on campus and being in college. When I reflect upon my days in college, I do so with happiness and find fond memories - I do not feel like I missed out on anything and I have absolutely no regrets.

With my career, I have been able to take the time and rise through the ranks because I was able to put the proper amount of focus on my job. Unfair as it might seem, there are so many instances where moms have to decide between advancing their careers or advancing their families. I wanted to make sure I did all my advancement before I had kids, and I'm glad I did because now it is sooooo much easier. I can't imagine 'climbing' the career ladder like a did a few years ago while tending to the needs of an infant.

Finally, my husband and I got to spend 5 married years together before bringing a child into the mix. We got to do a lot of traveling and activities that we might not have gotten to do had we introduced a child earlier. Additionally, we were able to create a very stable financial foundation for our family. I never wanted to be in a position where we have to strain to make ends meet.

I did not feel 'ready' to have a child until I was able to accomplish all of this. Because I waited, I feel like I am able to be a much better mother for my child, under the circumstances of my situation. And, just because I'm in my mid-30s does not mean that I lack the energy to keep up with my child - that should be good news to the young moms out there who think that once you 'get old' you're too decrepit to keep up with the little ones!

Just because I am an 'older' mom doesn't make me a better mom'; I'm a better mom to my son (not better than other mothers) because I thought everything through and was totally prepared (mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially) before bringing a child into this world. When people say things like "if we all waited til we were financially stable to have kids, then no one would have kids" is certainly not true. Of course, it takes way more than money to raise a child, but I find that statement particularly flagrant.

Not sure what is considered "older", but I'm 34 with a 2 year old and a 3 month old. Anyway, I am SOOO glad we waited. We spent the first 6 years of our relationship/marriage being selfish and doing whatever we wanted when we wanted. We traveled. We had a boat and then wave-runners. We bought a third car (Jeep) for fun. We ate out all the time. We slept in on the weekends when we wanted, etc.

By the time we decided to start a family, we were ready to be Mom and Dad and not just T. and Rich. We were financially stable with no debt (except a mortgage/car payments) and the financial freedom to have a child and not be stressed about money. Our idea of "fun" went from being on the go all the time with our "toys" to being on the go all the time with our "boys".

I'm pretty high-energy (although having a newborn has tapped into that a bit, lol). But, I've never found myself to be less able to keep up with our kids. I love watching and chasing after our 2.5 year old. His great amount of energy, although challenging, is so exciting to me.

There are benefits to both and I welcome friendships with any mom - young or old - as long as we shared similar parenting styles and ideas. There are differences, but I feel if you are a dedicated Mom it all boils down to the fact that we have the same intentions in mind - raising our children and loving them with all we have.

T.

I am one of the younger moms being only 24. There are some older moms that do intimidate me or make me feel that I am too young to know what I am doing. But for those of the older moms that do not do that I look up to them with great respect and go to them in times of need. There are some things that older moms seem to know like things about silly little ways to cure sleepless nights or anything of the sort. However, there are some things that some younger mothers have the information on that the older moms may not. Such as when it comes to vaccienes there being a mercury derivitive called thimerisol in it that has been linked in some cases to cause autism. Personally, I think each side may have some advantage over the other.

My career as a TV producer drove my late marriage and pregnancies, as I knew it would - no regrets. While I know a few moms having kids in their early 40's, having both mine in my mid 30's was still very different than if I had had them in my 20's.
Here's the breakdown I give to people who ask me: it's energy vs maturity.
I'm certain I would have had much more personal energy for my kids if I'd had them when I was ten years younger. However, I think maturity makes me a much better decision maker and family organizer and in dealing with their vibrant personalities, I wouldn't trade that for anything. Maturity also makes me appreciate them more, whereas I might have been resentful over what I'd lost to them if I'd had them in my 20's - not so now. The upshot is, I'm just a better, more loving mom now than I would have been any time in my first five years out of college.
When people ask me about them not being out of the house until I'm near 60, I don't worry about that. If I keep up my good health, my age will continue not to matter. My kids give me the best incentive!

I am a younger mother.I had gotten pregnant at 19. my daughter is 4years old. Having a child has not stopped me from accomplishing my goals, although they are harder to accomplish with a child, I have still done what I needed to do. I have graduated from lpn school, have just gotten into the RN program. I spent 1 year in iraq serving our country. I do believe it is harder sometimes, for "younger moms" espcially if they are in high school because they do not always get to do the things that others their age are able to do. I have friends with and without children. the ones without children do not have to find a babysitter or feel guilty for leaving their children when they want to be with them. I work overnights at a local hospital and am not able to spend a lot of time with my daughter after i get off of work. I get home about 8am, I am not tired so I usually stay up until about 11 or 12. by the time I am ready to go to sleep, my daughter is home wanting to play and I have only had about 3 hours of broken sleep. my daughter stays with my mother the nights that I work. To each its own. I wish i could have waited to have children, but I wouldn't take her back for anything in the world. It just depends on the person. Good luck!

I agree with the moms that said being an older or younger mom doesn't make a difference. There was one other response that made a few of the points I will make. Being a good parent to me is giving your child unconditional love, a safe environment, setting boundaries for them, acknowledging their feelings and emotions, listening to them, spending quality time with them, being consistent, not spanking or being verbally abusive, and ultimately providing a place that the child can bloom into a responsible self aware adult. Teaching your child compassion for others, that everyone is unique and special in their own way (so they learn not to judge others), the rewards of community service and volunteering to people less fortunate, and the good that comes to others and the child when the child learns not to be selfish. Also I think it is very important to teach our children to learn to work for things, that todays society of "instant gratification" is not good for our future generations. I had my first child at 29 and my second at 37. I have just as much energy as I did when I was "young" because I eat right, exercise daily, and take care of myself!

Dear L.,

I am sure your paper has plenty of material but I thought I would send you my thoughts. I am an considered an "older" mom but I don't feel it as our boys are keeping us young. We were both 35 when we married (I met a lot of frogs.). I had a miscarriage after we had been married 8 months, then got pregnant with our son and had him when I was 37. I had a second miscarriage when Josh was 2½ years and finally had our youngest son when I was 42. I was told by my OBGYN not to let anyone give me grief by having a child in my 40's. The only issue was that our first son was born with Down syndrome. I had grief from people thinking I should abort the pregnancy and grief that we had a second son! As an advocate for our son, our motto is, "Ignorance breeds intolerance and intolerance breeds fear," but that is another story. Jared is proud and "announces" that his mom is 52! I still ride horses and try to find time for me, which is important but my boys have a lot of interests and activities that we all enjoy. My husband's health has not been easy the last couple of years, but we are praying for that to get better soon. That would be the biggest "down" side. My kids and my horse and all the things we do will keep us young - especially at heart! Jared is now 10 and is in lot of sporting activities, which we enjoy and Josh is his biggest fan. Josh is doing things as a teen, he will be 15 in January and is learning independence. God has blessed us with two wonderful sons, and they came at the time in my life that I never thought I would be a mom, which had always been a dream. I think that having children later in life is a personal desire and decision that only can be made by the person involved. I would say that becoming a mother at any age you must have patience, unconditional love, grace and faith in the deicisons you make. My grandmother used to say, Patience is a learned virtue - which is true at any age! I hope that your repsonses gave you insight and knowledge. I would love to read your paper! You should post it! Take care and God Bless. S. R.

Hi,

I had always wanted to get married young and have children in my early twenties but in the '80's' I was just having too darned much fun being a single working gal living in Boston! : ) My first husband and I married the month I turned thirty but unfortunately he died of lung cancer 6 yrs later. We had tried our whole marriage to get pregnant but found out later that because of the undetected, at the time, cancer it affected his productive abilities. I met my current husband, my great love!, 5 yrs later and very unexpectedly and with great joy found myself pregnant at 40 yrs old, giving birth to our older son at 41. We started trying for another 6 months later unsuccessfully for another six months and by then IVF wasn't an option because of my age. We tried one cycle of fertility drugs then I tried acupuncture. I stopped the acupuncture and we decided to close the door on another baby. Don't you know it that fall we got pregnant all on our own! : ) My 17 month old was born when I was 45!!!! So I have a 15 yr old stepdaughter, a 5 yr old son and the 17 month old. I'm 46 and I think in some ways I'm a much better parent for the wait but other times I'm just sooooooo tired and a little set in my ways. It's also difficult because my 79 yr old mother lives with us and so I'm taking care of the generation behind me and the one ahead. My plate is full but I wouldn't trade my kids for anything!

I think 'older' and 'younger' are very relative and depend on where you live. I was married and had our first child when we lived in the San Francisco area. I was 30 when married and when our son was born. I was considered "young". None of our friends had gotten married before 33-35, let alone start having kids. When I went to gymboree or playgroups or whatever, all the other first-time moms were older than I was. Most people spent their 20's going to college and then working on their career. Many don't even date seriously until they hit 30.

Then we moved back to the midwest. All of a sudden, I was "old"! I was 33 when my 2nd child was born and 35 when #3 came along a couple months ago. I feel young, and compared to all my old friends in CA, I am a 'young mom'. But around here, most the moms in my mother's group and other preschool moms are still in their 20's.

I don't thing age makes you a better or worse parent. I do see some differences, though. Most of the moms I know who are in their 30s were able to stay home (if they wanted) while the children were young. Most of the moms I knew who had kids in their 20s needed to work (whether they wanted to or not).... either because their husbands were making more money (age = experience = higher salary) or because they had years to save and invest and pay off things like student loans.

Though my husband and I have been married since 1995 (together since 1988), we didn't try to get pregnant until I was 34. We lost our baby on her birthday, 8 hrs. after she arrived. Then, after a miscarriage and three years after losing the first baby, we had our little girl. She just turned 1 and I am now just 40 (which I can't believe!). I live in an area where a lot of people don't get higher education or have professional level jobs and also tend to have children when they are very young. There are loads of women around me who are grannies at 40ish.

I would say the down side is: keeping healthy and strong to keep up with baby is more challenging now, and my physical recovery is not what I was hoping for (droopy and saggy!). But the up side is: I'm more mature now, happier, and I got to enjoy my 20s and 30s with no responsibility to caring for anyone but myself and my husband. We had a lot of freedom to travel and play when we wanted it most.

I am an older mom. I am 43 with a 3 year old. I think I am a better mom now than I would have been 10 or 20 years ago. I have a lot more patience, I am calmer and less selfish. I work full-time and I have been with my company for over 20 years so I have extra vacation time and there is not a problem with leaving early if I need to take care of my son. I have learned a lot from watching my siblings and in-laws with their kids. The biggest drawback of being an older mom is energy. I do not have the same energy level I would have had if I was younger.

Wow a lot of responses...must be a good topic and I hope you are getting what you need for your paper. I don't know what you consider older, but I waited until I was 31 to marry and 32 before I had my 1st (and right now, only) child. I always tell girls in their 20's to really LIVE out their 20's, like I think I did. I don't think I ever will look back and feel resentful that I missed out on the fun of being young and reckless, even irresponsible. You can't do that after having a child. I am glad that I waited; I was able to really find out who I was and GROW UP ALOT (!) before I took on the responsibility of having a little one. The only downside I can even think of to waiting until you are older to have children is that you may not physically be in as good of shape as you were in your 20's. But we all know how a toddler can help us stay fit! Good luck with your paper--I personally wouldn't change a thing about my situation!

I bet you have gotten alot of responses to this question. I consider myself a young mom. I turned 26 in Aug. and I have a son who will be 2 in Jan and will be expecting our second in about 3 weeks. I am a stay at home mom and I do everything with my son. I am very protective and what not. I don't go or doing anything without him. I enjoy being around him and wouldn't have it any other way. This could be a problem in a few weeks since I will be in the hospital giving birth to the other. He has never been away from me. So, I don't know if that is a age thing or not because alot of older moms tell me that I should find a babysitter or leave him with my husband every once and awhile. I don't agree. He's my child and I would do anything for him. I recently joined a playgroup and I believe that I am the youngest and yes I think I have to be perfect when I am around some of them. I just let my child run around and let him fall without getting up. I think he needs to learn but sometimes I feel like I get the look when he falls and gets hurt and I don't go rushing to his ad. Not to mention the other week I was at walgreens and an older lady in her 50's I would say came up to me and rubbed my belly while I was holding my son and said do we now know how these are made. I was insulted but not as much as my husband. I personally think that some people when they see a young mom think she isn't married and having kids for the fun of it. I have been married for almost 4 years and we decided to have kids after our 1 yrs annviersary since we have been a couple since 2000 it seemed right for us. We may not be out at the bars with our friends and may not have as much money as we could have if we would have waited to we were alittle older but thats life and our choice. We do just fine, we're not struggling or anything. Plus, I think it will be great to be young when our children grow up I believe as long as we live a healthy life we could still be here to see our great, great and maybe great grandkids. How cool is that. I could go on and on about this subject, becasue I think it affects the mothers how are younger than older. We all judge this I know and thats okay with me. We are going through something like this with my husbands best friend. All of his friends are married and about 1/2 have kids now but him and he is 25 and dating a 21 yr old and wants to settle down and get married have kids and she is still in college and I am having a hard time dealing with it because I think she is too young. Not to mention I don't see her getting married next year and having kids the next and giving up her job to be a sahm (because that is what he wants) 2 yrs after graduating college. Altough that is what I did. Good luck on your paper.

I am not older or younger but one difference I do see is in terms of finances. I think woman who wait longer seem to have a choice to be a SAHM vs a working mom. I sometimes I wish I would have waited a bit longer so that I could have stayed at home without the financial worries. I currently stay home but worked part time for awhile, now I watch another boy, and I will finally be a full time SAHM without an income when my son is almost 2. So it took us 2 years to get to that point.

I am a younger and in between Mom. I am 32 and have an 11 year old son. I also have a 2 1/2 year old girl. I was married at 19 and 6 months later became pregnant. The first was a great surprise and the second was actually planned. I am glad I had my children when I did. I wish there was less of a gap between the two but after the first I didn't think I wanted anymore. Little did I know. Moms old or young are great as long as they spend time and enjoy their children.

I don't think it makes a difference one way or the other. I am a younger mom, not too young but started my family when I was 26. Personally, I would never do it any different. I don't get intimidated by older parents either. In fact, I feel like I am more in tune with them then people my own age because of so many people wanting to wait to start having children. The one and only thing that I have witnessed is that I do believe the older parents are more nervous at first because they have waited so long and want everything to be perfect. Whereas the younger parents are kind of more relaxed and haven't read every book there is on how to mess up as a parent.

I'm 32 years old and a SAH first time mom, so I'm thinking that puts me in your older mom category. Here are my thoughts about being a mom now:

Pros: I've had a career for a while and appreciate the temporary break; I have the benefit of friends who have had children before me, so I can always go to them for advice; my husband and I have been married for a while, and I felt that our firm foundation better prepared us for this next great yet challenging step; we made the grandparents wait for a grandchild, so now they are more than willing to babysit!

Cons: I definitely do not have the same amount of energy that I did 10 years ago, although I still feel pretty energetic most days....

Good luck, and hopefully this one perspective helps.

I got married at 23 , we got pregnant 4 months later and now I am 29 yr old mother of a 5 yr old son. I wanted to personally be a young mom and I have no regrets at all. Most of my friends have children or are pregnant now and feel the same way. I do not think being a young mom is better then an older mom - but it is a personal choice. I do find that some older moms can be pretty mean to me just b/c I am younger. But not all. I recenlty have joined a neighborhood group of moms . Their ages are 37 - 40's and treat me the same as eachother. It is an interesting topic - would love to read your report . It is kind of like the stay at home mom vs the working mom topic. Good luck and let me know how it goes.

L.,
I was almost 44 when we adopted our daughter. I tried to have children, but was unsuccessful. I have a PhD and an MBA, have always worked. I am now a single mom and have changed my whole career to make sure I can support my beautiflul daughter both financillay and emotianllly. I stay younger than my 51 years (she is 7). There is not doubt that the younger moms have a different life than we do. But this is what my daughter knows. She has been my greatst gift, my greatest belssing and the best "job" I have ever had. Good luck with you paper. L.

I'm a younger mom. I'm 20 with a almost one year old. I have a few friends around my age with children, but i really don't associate with older moms, at least with older moms who have children close in age to my son. I'm in class with several women who have children but most of their children are MUCH older than mine.
Part of me does feel intimidated. I know they have much more life experience than me and I feel like they're judging my situation. A big part of me feels intimidated financially, because usually they have a more stable financial situation than me.
And I don't know if we'd have anything, besides our children, to be able to relate to.

How are you defining "older" and "younger"?

Hello L.,

I'm 24 years old with two sons. My oldest is 5 1/2 years old (I had him when I was 18 years old) and my youngest is 4 months old. I am a young mom.

I do not think age matters when it comes to being a good parent. Anyone at any age can be a bad parent or a good parent. I think it's your heart, your love, your intentions that make you a good parent, not your age.

I definately am never intimidated by older mothers. I know I'm a great mom, and nothing or no one will ever change that.

Hope this helps you!

I don't know if I apply as an older mom. I'm 41, I have two boys (6 and 4) and a baby girl (6 months). I definitely feel old, especially around my childrens play-mates moms - who are usually much younger than me. I don't know that I make a better mom than a younger woman. I think I'm a diffrent mom, than I would have been at a younger age. Each has it's good and bad sides. But every woman is diffrent...for me personally, I will list some of the benefits of each.
if I had been younger

Well I have kind of been both. I was 19 when I had my son and 32 when I had my daughter. I am definately not the same mom I was with my son. I think being that young I was still more focused on what I wanted, but I was definately the coolest. My son and I had a lot of fun together and he has grown up to be a great kid. He didn't have a father around, and I made sure to tell him at a young age I would not let him become or behave like the typical I have no dad boy.
With my daughter, I am more focused on her, but is that a good thing? I am trying not to be too overbearing. I do think older parents make their kids the center of the universe and that is not good. When those kids get to the real world and find out not everything goes their way all the time it will be quite a shock. My sister had both her kids older(late 30's) and everything those kids do, we have to stop and watch and then clap. After the 2nd time it is not cute anymore. I have a friend who was 40's when she had her boys and the pressure to do good in school is enough to make anyone snap. She quit her job to be a sahm and her boys are her total focus.
I really think whatever age, there just needs to be a balance, that is hard to find.

I am a 38 yr. old mom of a 6 yr. old girl. Having had her at 32 puts me in the middle. I was one of the youngest at my lamaze class, and it seems the trend now is to have kids in your early to mid thirties. I don't think that makes me an older mom. It certainly doesn't make me a young one either. After college I hoped to have my children before I was thirty, but that did not happen. In my mid twenties I discovered I was married to the wrong guy. I was 30 when I met my now husband and father of my daughter. I think better parents are the ones who are mature, responsible, ready to be good caregivers and comfortable with their place in their life as well as their finances at any age. It doesn't take tons of money to raise a child properly, but I know people who struggle so much that it can't be easy to handle emotionally without your kids picking up on the problems. Good luck with your paper.

A friend of mine and myself are mid 20's. She has baby #4 cooking and is due in April, I have 2 children of my own. We are best friends and do everything together with our children. We consider ourselves to be very good mommies and try to keep our kids happy and busy. We have been intimidated by older moms, especially when we are in park classes with our children. The older moms tend to shy away from us and to me it seems that they give the cold shoulder, maybe because I am a younger mom....I don't know. But we definitely pride ourselves in being all that we can be to give our children a great head start in life, we are very close to them.

I hope this helps!

L.,
It seems you have gotten some good answers. I agree age is not always a big factor, its really the individual person that plays the biggest role of being a good parent. I was married at 20 when I was 3 months pregnant and had a baby at 21 my second child at 24 and my third at 25. I'm 31 now and really can't imagine having the energy to keep up with them if I was older, we are always playing soccer and going on bike rides. On the other hand financially I think it would of been easier to work and save up money. I would love for my children to wait and go to college, travel, and enjoy adulthood before becoming parents. My mother had me at 24 and then 2 more in her 20's, and her youngest was born when she was 35. Seeing my Mom raise my little brother made me want to have all my kids by the time I was 30. She is 54 with a 19 year old and she says having a baby at that age made everything so much harder like loosing weight and keeping up with him. I see my friends parents enjoying their lives more instead of dealing with a teenager. It's a personal decision with pros and cons on both sides but an interesting topic, good luck on your paper!

I have been and am both. When I was a young mom I worked 50 hours a week; went to college 12 hours at night and managed to NEVER miss an event in my childs school life. I was room mom, went to the parties, plays and spelling bees, etc. It was not easy but we managed. I was also a single mom. After marrying and having 4 kids, it was the same, lots of work. We coached all their sports, scouts and all. It was very busy. No one went to day care - we always had nanny.

I am now a mom of 7 (4 grown), grandma of 6. I retired at age 44 - 5 years ago and started fostering. I now have an 8 month old, a 2 yr old and a 14 yr old at home.

I no longer have to worry if the nanny will show up or care if I am late for work or how to "creatively" tell my boss that I am taking off AGAIN for one of my (then) 4 kids activities.

With all that said I will say that being a young or old mom has nothing to do with age but with dedication and priorities. The kids have to come first ALWAYS without exception. My grown kids tell me that they hope they are as good a parent as I was. That is the best gift any of them coul ever give me. As for my new babies, I now know that the bad times will go away, money is no longer as large as issue as it used to be so there is no financial stress.

I think that the financial stresses and work stresses can make a huge difference in parenting skills as can patience. I am not sure whether this gives you any info to work with but I hope so. Good luck with your studies.

I was 23 when I had my first, and now I will be 26 having a second one. I feel kind of self-conscious around other moms, but that may be just me. While I love my life, it's hard when you don't have friends your age having kids-they all just go party. I feel like there are very few young moms around! I feel like they are all older! But I've heard that once you're a mom, it really doesn't matter what age you are.

I know that there are some older moms that have a hard time keeping up with their children. My mom was 39 when she had me, and because she has had health problems all through my life, it's hard for me because I see other moms with their moms and I feel like I'm missing out, and I didn't get to do the things that my sibs did.

Hope that helps! Good luck!

I don't think age has much to do with it, but maturity. If it's your first child, no matter what age you are, you're new at it. A 30 year old doesn't know any more than a 20 year old with their first child. My husband and I were 20 when we had our first child and I think we are great parents. An obvious difference is younger parents may be around for longer and be able to be more active with their children.

I was a mom at 20. I am now 34 and my baby is a year old. I certainly appreciate the milestones more as an older mom.

I am a 59 years old and even though my childem are all grown I am still learning to be a parent through my grandchildren I made a lot of mistakes as a parent, but now I see through the eyes of a grandparent and I am a lot more at ease with my grands. But even thought now with my grand I still believe that children still have to be diciplene and if you spare the rod you still spoil the child. I love my grands will all my heat and I do admit I do spoil them but, at the same time I want them to come up as obdiant children of God. ____@____.com

I read your question, is it important what you ask yes
the one thing I Realize now is the importantance of raising the kids and family in church , I raised for the most my youngest ones in church until my divorce , things happen in this world sometimes we cannot control but I do know it’s very important to instill into your young ones and grandkids, god it’s never too late to feed them god's word , get story books send letters about god but you have to start somewhere , our object of life is to accept Jesus Christ as our personal savoir than witness to others , to do this you have to visit them become friends with them , and accept them , but most of all look beyond what they do and who they are and just love them , for there is not enough compassion in this world to get us beyond being able to go up to a perfect stranger and ask is everything ok? Teach your kids Christ and stick to it, no matter how mad they get at you love them be firm but god like, and if you let them down or they think you have, go right up to them and say I am sorry, I love you no matter how you feel, it is our jobs as parents to keep our kids checked, even if to mention to them once in a while hey seen god lately? AND YOU NEVER STOP BEING A PARENT EVEN WHEN THEY GROW UP, THEY MAY NOT SEEM LIKE IT, BUT THEY DO LOOK UP TO YOU

I'm an younger mom. No older moms do not intimidate me. I like to ask questions of them. They can be very helpful. I don't know if an older mom does a better job or not.

Hi L., I think a lot of times maybe an older mother as opposed to a teenager or someone in their early twenties would make a better mother. It just seems that maybe they are more responsible, and have their lives better organized to care for a child/children.
However, that is not always the case. I married my high school sweetheart at 20 and we had our first child right away. I am now 25 and my husband and I have a 4 year old, a 21 month old, and a 5 month old (all girls). In my opinion, we are wonderful, caring, and responsible parents. Just because we married and started a family young does not mean we are not as fit parents as those who choose to start families at a later age.
I actually feel very fortunate we are so young. By the time our children are teenagers, adults, and so on, my husband and I will still be very young. I still feel like we had those young and fun care free high school and college days as well. Some people may say we missed out on being young and having fun, but I disagree. My husband finished college right as we married and I had two years done. We still had tons fun in college before we married. Once we were married and had a child we were still able to have fun, just in a more responsible way. We would send our daughter to her grandparents for the night and have some time to do whatever.
When my youngest is 18 I will only be 43 years old. By then, my husand and I will be able to plan weekend trips together, and just spend more time together in general. We will only be 43 and 45! I love my children being young, but it's fun to day dream about what lies ahead for my husband and I knowing our kids will be grown, and we will still be so young.
As for being young parents, another major advantage is that our own parents are still so young. My parents and my husbands parents were only in their late 40's when our first daughter was born. They are such a great support system for us. It's nice to have them around to help, and for all their wonderful advice and knowledge on raising children since they did it themselves not too long ago.
I haven't necessarily ever been put down for being a young mother. At my daughters preschool the older mothers tend to look at me and talk to me like I'm not good enough for them. It's almost like they can't be friends with me or have play dates with my child because I'm too much younger than them. There are only a few of those women who give me that kind of attitude so I just ignore it. Other than that, I've never had a problem with being a young mom.
I hope this information about my life as a young mother helps. I think no matter what age you are, becoming a mother or father is a blessing. I personally love being a young mother with a lot of energy, and I still have my whole life ahead of me with my wonderful husband and kids.

I'm a younger mom. I became pregnant at 18 and delivered my son three weeks after my 19th birthday. There are things that I feel older moms have an easier time at. One is that they don't get criticized by a good chunk of people simply because they are younger.

Even though, I am young doesn't mean I don't know a thing about children. I have a rough time with certain doctors, teachers, and other older mothers who feel they need to talk down to me because of my age. I stop them often by correcting their assumptions. Motherhood isn't something that only a certain age group can do right.

There are things that I don't think any amount of planning or added years can make up for and that is day to day experience. You can't plan your child's personality and the unexpected things that slip out of your mouth thanks to parenthood.

I feel in a way that being young has it's advantages. I know that while it might be statistically rougher starting out, that I can reap more benefits. I can keep pace with my son better than I would if I had waited. I will have my nest empty by the time I'm in my forties. I will be still be young by the time I get grandkids (even if my son waits until his forties) and will be able to be much more involved. I have less health risks to myself and my children by having them before my early thirties.

There isn't as much of a gap between myself and my son. We understand one another better and I get to be a "cool" mom because of it.

I wanted to be a young mom, not as young as I did start out but I still wanted to be on the young side. The only thing that I don't get is why many older moms don't want to befriend us younger moms. I always thought motherhood is one of the level playing fields because it doesn't matter your age to understand the trails of parenthood.

I have to admit that it is sometimes a bit lonely being a younger mom because most of your friends are still absorbed in getting their careers started and aren't at the the same stage you are in your life. You make new friends with other moms and drift from your previous ones.

Hi L.,

I had my first baby when I was 18 and my second when I was 19. I was immature (in hindsight).

I had my third when I was 23 and the difference was huge. I was more tolerant and loving. I was more giving of my time and attention. When I had my first 2, I did what I had to do for their well-being, but I was resentful that all my friends were going to college or traveling. I am not saying that I was taking my anger out on the kids, but I wasn't as emotionally present to them as I was to Jenny, the third. Just those few short years helped greatly in maturing.

I realize that 23 is considered young too compared to having your children in your 30's or 40's. But I did want to chime in on the differences in just those short years.

My sisters' had their kids later, late 20's and early 30's. They had more resources to give, emotionally and financially. The only con that I can see is physically. My sisters' tired faster than I did.

Being 44 now, and babysitting my Godson for this entire week, the only con that I can see for waiting to have kids is physically. All the constant care is hard on my body. I feel like I have been lifting weights all week. I have been going to bed early totally exhausted! But I do have to say, I have not enjoyed myself more. I now know how precious this time is because it passes too quickly. I have been having memories of my kids when they were little and wishing that I could be back there. But not to worry, my oldest daughter is engaged and saying that within five years I should plan on being a grandmother!

A YOUNG grandmother ! I found another pro for having kids young. My grandchildren will have a very active grandmother. WE will be playing in the pool, at the park, having sleepovers and anything else that I can think of. This week with Wesley has created anticipation for my grandchildren. In the meantime, I am enjoying my godson, Wesley, and everyone who passes through my day. I have learned that this is what it is all about, enjoying the people in my life.

I hope your research goes well.

Hi L.,
I think I would be considered an older mom, I'm 37 and I have a 3 year old. For me personally I'm glad I waited, I'm much more patient than I would have been if I was younger. I wouldn't say that it makes me a wiser mom, because being a mom has a learning curve with it, but I have had a career and I bring more life experiences to parenting than what I would have had as a younger mom. But being a younger mom would be nice on those days that you are so exhausted from chasing and playing with the kids that you are counting down the seconds to nap time. haha

C.

I think I qualify as an "older mom", in that I am a grandmother raising my granddaughter who just turned 8. I do represent a third group of parents, and I think I have a different perspective, as an older mom, again. I find myself intimidated by some of the younger Moms who seem much more confident with their children, than I feel sometimes with her. Things have changed a lot in the 20 years since I raised my own twins, and I find myself second guessing my initial responses to normal childrearing issues, mainly because I feel like I have forgotten a lot of stuff. Plus, I want to be the gramma, not always the hard guy who has to make her obey all rules and do hard things, so I have to walk a thin line. Younger mothers, (of at least two kids) seem to have a lot of information at their disposal, and a different relationship with their pediatricians than I did.

Wow! You do have a lot of responses. I read a handful, and each is unique. Perhaps that's because I think parenting is unique to the child. If your life is at the place where you are ready for a child, I don't think your age matters. I'm definately an older mom, having had my only child at 40. I Do Not have the energy of a 25 year old, but I have more patience.

I'm not going to offer more feedback except to say-who are all these people who think you're "old" in your 30's? Considering how many people are living into their 70's, 80's and beyond I think these folks need to rethink their idea of "old". I am 48 and don't feel even close to being old. Nor do I consider myself to be an "older mom" because I had a child at 33. Again, kinda normal these days-look around you. Just my 2 cents....

I am an older mom. I had my first at 34 and my last(twins) at 38. Sometimes I wish I had started earlier, but I wanted to finish college first. I worked f/t and went to school p/t. Then when we were ready I had a bout of depression which caused a delay, and then we had a hard time getting pregnant, so we were probably 2 years behind.

Anyway, I do not feel age makes you a better or worse mother. I can keep up with my kids, and try to be involved as much as possible. Sometimes being an older mom can be lonely, as most of my friends had older kids at the time I had mine.

L.

Ok, I know you have lots of responses for both sides, but I'll give you another for the young mothers.

I had my son when I was 19. I'm now 23. I was initially intimidated by older moms, but I was easily intimidated anyway when I was younger, before my son. Recently, I am far less intimidated. I have no problem talking to others moms/dads I may see in the park or elsewhere. I'm a little shy, but I think that's how other people are too, if they are hard to talk to.
Most of the other moms I know are older, and we both provide suggestions to eachother about our children.

I am a young mom. I had my first at 24, my second at 25, and my third at 27. My personality is what determines my parenting style more than my age, 29. I think it is your maturity more than you age. Maturity does come with age, but there are plenty of parents out there that are not and will not be mature no matter how old they are.
I think it also has to do with how many children you have. I know I am a little bit less over protective of my children than my friend, who is only 1 year older that I. She only has one child though. I have three. It is all you can do to keep up with them some days, let along protect them from themselves.
I am happy that I had my children at a young age. If I had gotten more into my career, I don't know when or if I would have had children.

Hi L.! I'm a young mom-I had my daughter at 24, after being married over a year. I read over 35 parenting books before I even gave birth & I'm constantly reading up on her stages to this day & researching health concerns, sleeping patterns, nutrition, etc. so I did my homework! I consider myself a very loving and good mother. But I feel "stuck" in between the two worlds of parents & non-parents. My friends are all in the party stages of their lives, or going to college, working on their careers. And other moms I know are all older, financially stable, and are comfortable with their places in life. I feel like I got married and had kids young, so we've lost a lot of friends. But older moms seem to look down on me, because I don't have that kind of money or nice clothes, or all the nice things that come with having money, like Mommy & Me classes, e.g. So, I agree with the other moms that being a young mother is lonely. But I still love being a mom. And I like knowing that we have time--we'll still be young when they go to college. And the energy is nice & very much necessary with a toddler! Hope that helps--good luck!

I am an older mom and I had my daughter at 37. I agree with the idea that it is the individual and not their age which determines what type of mom a woman is. In my case, being older means more patience, being more settled and being more financially stable to better handle a family. I also feel that I am so much more conscience of all the milestones and just love and appreciate every minute of seeing the world from my beautiful daughter's eyes, everything is new and exciting and it keeps me young. I have seen good and bad moms of all ages and again, good and bad are terms that can mean different things to different people. I think a good mom has their child's best interest at heart and will go the extra mile to make sure their child is growing up to be a caring and loving human being without prejudice or malice. I feel a good mom will to the best of her ability "walk the walk" of a good moral person. Kids are like sponges and are so aware at an early age, a child can have a great mom no matter what their age. At the end of the day, don't all mom's sacrifice for their children and want the best for them? I would think so. Good luck!

I had my son when I was 31 so I guess that makes me an older mom. I know as an older mom I take time out for my child. The days of going out to the club and hanging out with friends are over. Older moms are settled down and pay more attention to their children besides work. I have a friend who is 26 with a three year old. When her baby was only 2 months old she couldn't wait to get out the house. If her mom didn't babysit for her it was me or one of her cousins. I on the other hand did not have the luxury of leaving my son with anyone nor did I want to. In my opinion older moms show a little more responsibility.

I am an older mom, 41, with a 22 month old and a 4 1/2 month old. This was not by choice. I had many problems conceiving and maintaining pregnancies throughout my 30's. I don't really notice a difference by age in the other mothers I know, who vary in age. I think it is all in how we each were raised and what we want to do the same as our mothers and what we don't. I don't feel I have any less energy or any less/more patience than the younger mothers I know. What concerns me about being older is how long I will be around to enjoy my children and that they won't have to take care of me when they are working on their own families and careers.

well i am a mom that had my first at 20, but i just turn 20 when i had her, Now i am a mom to 5 little ones and i am almost 26 this coming dec. Just saying that i feel like if i would of planned them out a few more year apart it would of been better. i thought 2 years is good. wrong. i had the first two, 22 months apart that was ok if i was only going to have just two and then maybe wait you know sometime. i was wanting to plan on having my third 2 years later after the second while it didn't work for me that way it was going to be 20 months apart. but i had twins so it turns out to be 19 months apart. that is hard and i had no help but the hubbys help b/c we are miltary and not around family. well from knowing all that i knew i didn't want to have one so close again but well the last was not planned at all. i wanted another maybe 4 years after i had twins b/c it was tough with just with 4 little one under 4. that was crazy but the last one is 16 months apart from the twins. so pretty much i would just say if you are older or younger space them out a little and it don't matter. but i am happy i am younger b/c man do i stay on the go all day. there is no stop in my days till i lay my head on the pillow at night. like right now my hubby is away for school and it has been a rough 3 months with little help from friends. no family to call on for help. so you know i feel for single moms who don't have anyone. but i don't know if i would want to be a mom of my new baby at 40 b/c that is when most woman are having grandbabies. i want to enjoy my kids than have my time. at the age of 40 when they get out of the house and then help them with there kids. that is what i want to do. the pros are you are going to be albe to enjoy your children and then grandchildren. so pretty much you get to each joy two lifes and live how you enjoy. plus i didn't want to be over 28 having my last child anyway. i got it out of the way by i was 24. yes people look at me like i am a child b/c i look very young and i get every coment in the book to the welfare coments. we are miltary and we take care of our children i have to say some times and just tell them only thing i get is WIC and that is only for Women,Infants,Children it is not walfare but i am so sorry to make this so long but i would love to let you know a young moms point and who has had alot of kids younger. i will ask my friend also b/c she had 4 younger at 19 to 26, than she just had two back to back at 30 so she could help in this. if anything just ask any thing b/c i know moms that have alot of kids and they had them between younger and older. like i know a mom that had her first at 19 and have her last at 35 and she is prego right now. so just ask. than i know one that had her first as a teen 17 and she understands that rough side of not being married and needing support. email me at ____@____.com

I've been both a young mom (had my oldest 2 when I was 19 & 22) & am now an older mom (started again at 32 and just had my youngest at 44). I feel that I had much more energy at a younger age so that was an advantage but being older has given me much more wisdom about motherhood and more common sense too. Also I watch eacg moment of my kids lives & cherish them because I know how quickly the time goes by with them. Good luck on your paper.

L.,
i don't think age always has an affect on being a good mom or a better or the best mom. there is no perfect parent, mom or dad, but what makes the best mom, is simply the love one has for their little one(s) and turning that love into time spent with them, sacrifice, putting the little one first, emotional support and just plain fun. no mom regardless of age knows everything. as cliche as it may be, kids don't come with a manual, and because each child is different, each parent must be.
some may assume that older moms are wiser, however, others would guess that their ideas are old fashioned. so who's to say, really?
what i will say is that in this day, it seems as both parents are working, rushing, running, with kids in sports, classes and other activities, sometimes parents forget to just be parents and have unstructured/unplanned time with their kids, or shall i say, quality time and i do believe that has a significant affect on the behavior (in schools for example) and emotional stability (withdrawn/angry) of children.
good luck with your paper!
cj

OK....just thought I would add my response..since I had my one and only son at 40...he is now 6 :) I relate with alot of the "older" moms comments about having kids while their friends are having grandkids and also having a kid the same time as my nieces and nephews (ironically ...2 of my nieces had a child the same month/yr..I did) I have done exactly what I have wanted for 40 yrs..so I don't think I feel like I am missing out on as much as I would have if I had my child in my 20's. But I see the "plus" side of that would be..now having a grown child and looking forward to Grandchildren. I never thought I would have a child...so I feel VERY blessed to have my son in my life..and he definitely put a new focus on my life. I am also a single Mom. Fortunately since I do have a fairly flexible work scedule..I can attend most events at school and so forth...that is a plus. Thinking about the job I had when I was younger..it would have been much harder. I LOVE to talk to any mom..especially one with a child around my sons age...and I forget about the age gap..unless something comes up to remind me of it. I know alot of younger moms that know alot more then I do about raising kids...I'm definitely an amateur ...and noone should be intimidated by me ;) I do research alot...and ask alot of questions of anyone with kids...and observe alot to still try to figure out this "mom thing". Willingness to sacrifice more of my time and energy is what I think I have more of then I had in my 20s...unfortunately I have less energy to sacrifice ..lol But that keeps me trying to take care of myself so I can do things with my son. And the best thing is...I don't "think" he even realizes he has an "older" mom...or at least he's not telling :)

I had my daughter when I was 18 (she will be 1 year this month!!)..well I can't give any advice on being an older mom but I know no matter what you can be a great mom. Raising a child is always going to be challenging and rewarding at any age..my mom had me and my brother at 26 & 28 and just had a baby in January at 47..she says she had a lot more energy when she had children younger but she loves her just the same as she did us and encourages her and plays with her..she does everything a mom should do even if it is 19 years later!! I know from being a young mom that even at 18 I had to grow up quick..everything comes into perspective when you have kids and your world rearranges but its for the better..I feel like I'm 19 going on 40..but I wouldn't change it for the world!!

I am a 31 year old mom of a almost 5 year old boy, and a 20 month old boy. My husband and I got married young, and we spent the first 5 years of our marriage working and travelling and doing things we wanted to do. We planned to have kids when we did, so we worked and saved money and made sure we were financially ready to have kids, and I could stay at home. I am glad we planned appropriately and wouldn't do it any other way. I don't consider myself an older mom, I think I am average. I think it is nice to have young kids at this stage in my life because I am more energetic and patient. I am able to do a lot of active things that young boys desire, and I can keep up with my active young boys. I think all parents are good as long as they pay attention and care for their child in a way they feel is best. Having said that, I have seen a lot of really young (teens) and 40+ year old newer moms through various groups and classes and I do feel that they both offer their own unique advantages and disadvantages. Since you asked specifically about older moms, I tend to notice that older moms are a little more impatient at times and are a little more "proper". I am not saying this is a bad thing, I think it is just different. I am also not saying a younger mom can't be this way, but I tend to see that trend in older moms.

Hello L.,
I had my children young, 19 when my first was born, and that was 18 years ago. I had two more now all 3 are ages 18, 15 & 13. When I first became a Mom, everyone told me what to do, and I was grateful, to a point. I wound up reading every parenting book available. Ultimately it came down to my values and my views that shaped my children, not advice from books or other people. I can assuredly say that I have raised 3 wonderful children, and am happy to say wonderful teens. They each have their own personality, likes and dislikes, they amaze me still every day with the knowledge they possess. All three are in honors classes.
My Husband and I could not have done a better job.
I have friends my age that are having kids now, and they turn to me for advice, but again, it will be their values and views that will sculpt their children.
So, old or young to me is not an issue, it to me is the generation you grew up in.
Hope this is a help too.

Hi L.,

I am a mother younger mom (30), I think that older mothers make a difference in one child's life as a parent. I do not say one or the other is better, I say that a mother is more mature than a younger mother therefore an older mother can guide the younger mother.

Older mother's do not intimidate me, in fact that inspire me by letting me know that you can have a child no matter how old you are and be a good parent.

My mom is still a parent to me on an everyday basis and she is great because she can give me advice, that can aide with my parenting or we figure it out together.

I hope I helped a little.

Good Luck!

S. Lauren C.

Hi L.:
I'm an older mom. I had my son at 34, and my daughter at 37. I think any person has the potential of being a great parent, regardless of age. I do not think I would have been a good mom at a younger age, but that is based on my life circumstances and commitments. As an older mom I do feel a bit out of place sometimes when most of the other parents with kids my age are around ten years younger, but they are kind and inclusive most of the time : )
Best wishes on your research!
D.

I was pretty young when I had my kids (20 and 23). I think I would have been a better mom (more patient) had I waited. I don't necessariy think they make "better" parents though. I think any parent who take time to spend with their children and encourage them in their own choice for activities as they get older is a good parent. I just was not as educated as I could have been.

Hi, L.!
Age doesn't make one mom better than another. With anything, with age comes more wisdom which usually comes from more experience. I had my first child at 27 and my second at 36. I was more relaxed and felt more like a grandmother the second time around. I wasn't as "uptight" about things the second time around.
Your paper is probably done and you did well. But just in case...

L.,

Sounds like an interesting paper! I am not sure what you want, but I'd be happy to answer any quesitons you have. I just turned 40 and my daughters are ages 16 and 11. I do think that I'm a little better mom now than I was when I was younger. Though I don't have all the energy I did then, I am a little more patient and I have a little more experience now to impart to the girls.

As I said, I'd be happy to answer questions...that might be easier to tell you what you need to know. Feel free to email me directly. ____@____.com

Good luck with your paper!
K.

I had my son in the middle at 28(saying 18 is on the younger side and 38 is on the older side based on science). I don't think age determines the quality of the parent. I have seen younger Mothers that are not ready(Britney Spears) and others that are. I have also seen older Mothers that are too selfish to give into Motherhood and others that give of themselves fully. Does age have anything to do with it? No. I think we are all overwhelmed at the arrival of our first child- either from the responsibility that it brings or by experiencing what it is to see your heart outside of your own body. I am not intimidated by older Moms or younger Moms because we are all going through life together. We all can learn from one another and help each other grow. I do wish I would have started having children earlier due to the challenges I have faced getting pregnant BUT we dediced when it was best for both of us and we can't have it both ways.

Whew! You surely got a great response. I just wanted to say... I had my older two DD's YOUNG! I was 21 and got married and had number one. Boy I thought I knew everything!! Well, we got divorced after 2nd kid. I remarried years later to a wonderful man that had no kids. Hence, I had two more. Now being mid 30's... I REALLY wished I had waited! I enjoy them more and can't believe the things I did with the other two! Guess I was a "bad" mom to them in their younger years! Everyone is different and some are ready for kids in their 20's. I wasn't one of 'em! I have tons more patience for them to. But the down side is rebounding after the baby has a bad night when your older sucks!! ha! ha!!!

Wow, I wish I saw this sooner since I recently joined Mamasource. This is a topic that is near to my heart since I had my first child one month shy of my 39th birthday. I did not start trying to have children until I was around 32 since I didn't marry until 30. However, when I was ready to start, the stars were not aligned and I couldn't. Since then I had a little girl so here I am at age 46 with a 7 and 4-year old. What I find that is hardest to deal with is that all of my sister's children are so much older than my children. Their cousins are old enough to be their Aunts and Uncles. Their Grandparents are also well up there in age so the life I knew as a child with cousins all around and Grandparents much younger, they will never know. My Mom used to take my nieces and nephews on lavish trips and into NY to Radio City, to the museum and all over the place. At 81 now she visits (still gets on the train from NY and comes out to visit me and the kids) but cannot do half of what she used to nor would I want her to.

My husband I (he is one year younger than me) can't always keep up with the kids' high energy. These are factors that the celebrities with nannies, housekeepers and personal chefs fail to mention when they glamorize having children when you are older. It's not easy but I love them just the same and they have a beautiful stable home to grow up in. Being older we have seen more in our lives so we are probably a little more cautious than someone much younger.

Good luck with your paper if you haven't written it already!

Hi L.,

When you post an update, can you let us know how you are defining "older" and "younger" for your paper? I'm curious.

I had my first son at 32. I didn't feel like it was old, maybe a little young compared to the people around me (all of my before-kids friends who are my age waited a little longer to have their firsts.)

But when I had my second son at 36 I felt more like an older mom. It would have been nice to have had them both a little younger, I imagine pregnancy would be easier on a younger body, but we would have had more of a financial struggle if it had been too much younger, and I probably wouldn't have been able to have the flexibility/pay I have in my job now. But who knows?

I wasn't anywhere near ready to be a parent at 22, or interested at that time, and hadn't met my husband, so it's very hard to imagine what kind of parent I would have been then. (my friends all waited many years after that, so I guess it would have been lonely at first!) On the other hand, I don't feel like I have any special wisdom that I'm imparting to my kids because of my advanced maternal age, either, heh.

And I also hate it that our retirement saving is in competition with our college saving. So, short answer to your question - I think the biggest differences are financial. You need your 20s to work on building your career (even if you take time off to raise kids, it's nice to have something to return to) but you need your 40s to build up your retirement, so either way you give up something. And parenting is always easier when you aren't also struggling for money, at any age.

Hello L.,

I am 22 and have a 1 yr old boy, I think it is great when you start early, you have much more fun, energy, and patience for them. Admit when your older things kids want to do,you are just not up for them. Kids like to have young and cool parents, that like to take them and there little friends bowling or to see a movie.

Dont get me wrong not all older parents are boring but for the most part they are. As far as experience thats something you learn day by day basis.

I had my first and only child when I was 43 (I am now 52). I belong to the generation that was told we could do it all - career and family. Now they are finding out that not only is that extremely difficult on you physically and emotionally but also, if you wait too long, it may not be possible to conceive without fertility treatments, etc. - if at all. I always wanted children but kept thinking I had plenty of time. I hope that younger women today don't put it off as long as I did - not from being a good parent standpoint - but from the fertility aspect.

Having said that, having my daughter in our lives helps to keep my husband (who is 10 years older that I am) and me young. The first 9 years have been such a pleasure. It is like seeing things in a new light every day. We had forgotten what it was like to be a kid when everything is so new. I can't tell you how much she has opened our eyes. I don't know if older parents make better parents or not because I truly believe most of it lies within the individual - no matter what age. I have friends who had children in their 20s and were wonderful parents. But being a parent does mean sacrifice which might be more difficult for a very young mother who is still discovering the world for herself. I had a masters and a career. I was in a solid relationship and was content to be at home with a child - or go to places she would enjoy. I was content with myself.
Also, being older, my husband and I are more flexible with our days because we are set in our careers (we actually own our own business) so we can work our schedule more around her's.

There are negatives - the energy level is not as high as a younger mom's and, especially when my daugher was younger, I found I didn't have a lot in common with the other moms at her school (I have made some really good friends, too, however). My husband and I also tend to have different ideas about how to raise her - in some ways we might be considered
"old-fashioned" by the younger parents but we're OK with that.

This just touches on what I have experienced as an older mom but hope it helps. Good luck with your paper!

I have been on both ends of the spectrum. I have four kids, 3 girls and 1 boy. I was 18 when I had my first baby and 37 when I had my last. I'm 42 now, my oldest is 23 and my youngest is 5, and I also have two grandchildren, ages 2 1/2 and 7 months.

Being a younger mom, I had much more energy. There were always a lot of other young mothers to hang out with. We were all in the same boat, learning together.

As an older mom, I am much more patient, knowing that some things just aren't that important. I'm am more relaxed and I really take time to stop and savor and enjoy my time with her. As a younger mom, I didn't realize how quickly they are grown and gone. I know now how quickly it all passes. You blink your eyes and they are grown. Also, I am much more assertive when it comes to people who have care over my children. When you spend your life thinking, "I should have done this" or "I should have said that," I now have the chance to stand up and do what I should have with the others.

The some of the drawbacks are, less energy, tendency to spoil, and also, no other mothers to hang out with. Most younger mothers just assume that you can't have anything in common with them, which is the opposite, because I have been where they are now. I can totally relate. Also, you don't fit with your older friends and sometimes aren't even welcome to get-togethers because of the little one. So you get rejected on both ends.

My daughter has become my best friend, which is okay for a while. Then she'll become a teen and think I'm stupid. Now one good thing, is because I've been through that with the other girls, I know that one day she will thank me and tell me, "You were right, mom.

Also, being an older mother doesn't necessarily mean you will be better off financially. My husband was laid off his job 8 months after our last one was born. So now he makes less money than he ever has in his life and things are tighter than they've ever been. This could happen to anyone, so finances don't have anything to do with good parenting. Because we have been parents for so long, we have learned that things don't matter near as much as quality time. We spend a lot of time with our kids playing board games, outings to the parks and such. We have found when all is said and done, we only have each other, so we have made family first priority.

I don't know if this helps but thanks for letting me share.

I have been both, I had my first 3 when I was 20,21,22. And I just had Ali 6 months ago and I am 38. I think older is better cause I myself find myself with alot more patience. Also I'm better on the money end of things also.

Hi! I was 40 when I had my daughter. I think I don't tell her no as much as younger Moms might. I am very watchful & nervous about the things she does. I know younger Moms love their kids too, but, I think older Moms, mainly me, treasure the gift they have been given more because possibly they thought they wouldn't have a child now & that the time had passed for them.

I had my little guy at 33 and my mom had me at 20 (she had my sister at 17). I think I'm in a much better space than she was. You can survey / interview us both if you'd like. email me at lcc234 at yahoo dot com.